THE FIXER WAS HERE! December 1986

Some of my favorite ways to fuck people over:

KRAZY GLUE TRICKS:

- Krazy Glue someone's doors and windows shut. - Krazy Glue someone's school locker shut...only while ALL his books are in it. - Krazy Glue someone's gym or pool locker shut...only while his clothes are in it. - Krazy Glue that dick of a teacher or prof into his office or classroom. This is better done to a second floor or higher room. - Krazy Glue the clappers on all the fire bells in your school fixed. (thanx to a PIPELINE user for this one) - Krazy Glue the mike switch and power switch of your school's PA system on. Then you can hear what REALLY goes on in there...All day! - If you can get into his car, Krazy Glue your favorite dick's steering wheel so it can't turn. - Put a few drops of Krazy Glue in the keyhole of a door or the key ignition of a car, so the key either won't go in or won't turn if it does go in. - If your school's AudioVisual equipment is connected to cable, and if your cable system has it, Krazy Glue the Channel dial stuck... on the Porno Channel! - Krazy Glue that Barbell to the squat rack or press bench - Only Hercules will be able to lift that 20-pound Wimp-bell! - Krazy Glue the hands on all the clocks at school to 3PM or whenever school lets out. - Krazy Glue your favorite dick's walkman battery door SHUT. He won't know what happened 'til his batteries run down. - Envious of your buddy's expensive looking mechanical pencil? Well, don't steal it cuz he'll know it's you. Instead, Krazy Glue the clicker button at the top so it won't move when pushed. It will then run out of lead VERY QUICKLY and can never be used again. - Wanna REALLY fuck someone over? Krazy Glue his bike's brakes OPEN so when he wants to stop, he can't. This trick can get a guy killed, so only use it as MORTAL revenge. - In winter, Krazy Glue someone's window open. - Krazy Glue the bell clapper on a phone so it can't hit the bell when it rings. They will wonder why no one is calling them and their friends will wonder why no one answers. - Let a drop or two of Krazy Glue slide down the crack between the little post on the phone that goes down when you hang up (Not to your own fone). The Krazy Glue will solidify causing the phone to be stuck "off the hook". I bet if I thought hard enuf, I could come up with a fuckin' MILLION of'em! Anyways, here's some more pranks, revenge techniques and general mayhem. - Throw a couple of nice pretty colored smoke bombs into someones house during a prep party. - Perform a satanic ritual on the boulevard or sidewalk (public property) in front of the house of the most obnoxious fundamentalist christian you know. - Play Iron Maiden songs at full crank as you drive by a church on Sunday Morning. - Same drill, only at a christian "record burning" revival. - Your worst enemy has finally died, and you are not accused of his demise. Moon his funeral procession. - Shit on his gravestone. - Paint his gravestone Flourescent pink. - That god-damn baptist preacher has gone and convinced town council to ban dancing and rock'n'roll. Paint his church flourescent pink. Or use some of the above Krazy Glue tricks. - Or burn him in effigy. Where he can see. - If you work in a fast-food restaurant, piss in the fry vat. - If you read the July '81 National Lampoon, you have heard this one: Steal a heavy earth-mover, like a bulldozer or backhoe. Right around 4 AM, when the sprinklers have been going all night, drive all around a golf course in one of these. The ground is so soft from the sprinklers being on all night that you will really fuck it up good, especially the greens. And they cost a LOT of money to fix. - I read in Easyriders magazine this month about a prisoner who sent all the guards at his pen to hospital by taking a "big healthy shit" in the spaghetti. If you work in an Italian restaurant and are about to get fired anyway, this is a good way to say "Arrivederci". - Bake a whole fuckload of weed into some muffins or cupcakes, and donate them to your local church's next bake sale (YES I hate churches). - Crash your local christian BBS using a scarlet box - Or better yet use any technique for forcing your local christan BBS's line off the hook. The fag sysop will wonder why no one is calling. Ever. - Get 30 minutes of slo-burning blasting fuse, attach it to a smoke bomb. During a class, ask permission to go to the can. Once you are out of the class, find an empty locker. Put the bomb inside the locker, and lite the fuse. Half an hour later, while you are daydreaming in algebra class, the fuckin' thing will go off and as long as you weren't seen planting the thing you cannot be traced to the event. - Same drill as above only use a whole fuckin' string of M-60s or screechers. Oh, P.S., make sure to shut the locker but not lock it. If a teacher went by and saw an empty locker with a fuse burning attached to god-knows-what, he will put it out. And schools have been known to investigate by fingerprinting EVERYONE. (If it goes off then fingerprints are destroyed, you're home-free) - Buy a whole bunch of different magazines, and take out the "READER SERVICE" cards. Fill out the cards with your enemy's name and address on them, and circle ALL the numbers. If there is a line on the card for business name put in "John's Gay Apparels" or some other fag name like that that uses the goof's name. Put a stamp on each card and dump them all in the mailbox. In a few weeks the motherfucker will be on every mailing list in the WORLD, and Christ, will he know it! He will also be getting mail addressed to fag companies. If he confronts you with this, it will be all you can do to keep from cracking up laughing. Two TV shops in town waged war this way for months last summer! Well that's it for now. If you didn't get too many laughs out of reading this file, then you will when you try this stuff. Watch for PRANKS volume II, coming soon to an underground BBS near you. TTYL, T H E F I X E R