Free Postage

Free Postage by the Jolly Roger

The increasing cost of postage to mail letters and packages is bringing down our standard of living. To remedy this deplorable situation, some counter control measures can be applied.

For example, if the stamps on a letter are coated with Elmer's Glue by the sender, the cancellation mark will not destroy the stamp: the Elmer/s drives to form an almost invisible coating that protects the stamps from the cancellation ink. Later, the receiver of the letter can remove the cancellation mark with water and reuse the stamps. Furthermore, ecological saving will also result from recycling the stamps. Help save a tree.

The glue is most efficently applied with a brush with stiff, short bristles. Just dip the brush directly into the glue and spread it on evenly, covering the entire surface of the stamp. It will dry in about 15 minutes.

For mailing packages, just follow the same procedure as outlined above; however, the package should be weighed and checked to make sure that it has the correct amount of postage on it before it is taken to the Post Office.

Removing the cancellation and the glue from the stamps can be easily accomplished by soaking the stamps in warm water until they float free from the paper. The stamps can then be put onto a paper towel to dry. Processing stamps in large batches saves time too. Also, it may be helpful to write the word 'Elmer' at the top of the letter (not on the envelope) to cue the receiving party in that the stamps have been protected with the glue.

We all know that mailing packages can be expensive. And we also know that the handicapped are sometimes discriminated against in jobs. The Government, being the generous people they are, have given the blind free postal service.

Simply address you envelope as usual, and make one modification. In the corner where the stamp would go, write in (or stamp) the words 'FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND". Then drop you package or letter in one of the blue fedral mailboxes. DO NOT TAKE THE LETTER TO THE POST OFFICE, OR LEAVE IT IN YOUR MAILBOX.

Sounds very nice of the government to do this, right? Well, they aren't that nice. The parcel is sent library rate, that is below third class. It may take four to five days to send a letter to just the next town.

This too is quite simple, but less effective. Put the address that you are sending the letter to as the return address. If you were sending a $20 donation to the pirate's Chest, you would put our address (po box 644, lincoln ma. 01773) as the return address.

Then you would have to be carless and forget to put the stamp on the envelope. A nice touch is to put a bullshit address in the center of the envelope.

Again, you MUST drop the letter in a FEDRAL mailbox. If the post office doesn't send the letter to the return address for having no stamp, they will send it back for the reason of "No such address".
Example--

Pirates Chest  Dept. 40DD
P.O. Box 644865
Lincol, Ma. 41773

                 Tom Bullshit
                 20 Fake Road
                 What Ever, XX     99851

One last thing you might try doing is soaking a cancelled stamp off of an envelope, and gluing it onto one you are sending. Then burn the stamp, leaveing a little bit to show that there was one there.

--------------Jolly Roger

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