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\title{Between Darkness and Dawning}
\author{\copyright1991 Angelia Sparrow}
\date{asparrow@cs.umr.edu \\ University of Missouri --- Rolla}
\maketitle

{\it \noindent
{\Large S}ometimes getting laid just isn't worth the trouble,
but then again, sometimes it is.\\}

{\noindent T}he young man listened to the chanted Prayer Before Evening Meal
as the rest of the students marched past his door.  On the fourth
stanza he sighed and got up from the edge of the bed to kneel in
the center of the room.  As the fifth stanza finished, Immaculate
Androzius looked in on him.  ``Still praying, lad?" he asked.

``Yes, Immaculate.  I only hope to be worthy of our Blessed
Goddess and be cleansed tonight."  The words stuck in his throat
but apparently convinced the superior.  As he left, the youth's
stomach reminded him noisily that he had not eaten since dinner
the night before.  A fast was always required for purification,
and he consoled himself with the thought that five priests had
been fasting too.

All for you, my sister, he thought, wondering if he should curse
her for the ordeal he was facing.  Then remembering that both of
them were being punished, he sighed and remembered their last day
together.

The only sound was the wind in the trees and the faint
whicker of their horses.  Somewhere a bird called.  The forest
glade was awash with sunlight that turned Zara's black hair a
rich cinnamon color.  She was pale under the green robes, despite
their many meetings here.  At fourteen, she had lost the coltish
look of a child but did not yet have the rich curves of a woman.
Her breasts were but half-formed, and her moon-blood had not yet
begun to flow.  At fourteen, he was lean and bronzed from much
exercise in the sun and strong from his training.

They had spread their cloaks and neither had risen a virgin.  It
was awkward, but sweet, until the invaders came.  Mikel, Vand and
Jeran, out hunting, had stumbled onto the twins' glade.  She had
been lying beneath him with a look of bliss on her face when he
had looked up at the three shadows.  ``So this is how you act when
no one watches twin born."

Vand made the word into a curse.  ``Mikel found you and brought us
here.  We will take you back to face Father.  The midwife should
have strangled the slut at birth.  Now you have no more decency
than to rut with your own sister, like an animal.  Don't dress,
just your cloaks."  The point was moot since Mikel had gathered
all of their clothing into a bundle.  Then it was a blur.
Standing unrepentant before their father, the king, and his
brother-in-law, the advisor.  Hearing a death sentence, which was
mitigated by their mother's intervention.  It had been changed to
banishment and life-imprisonment in this Destroyer-forsaken
monastery.

The memory of Zara and the still burning coals of his anger
would sustain him through the night.  Using his Power, he
prepared to awaken two hours before midnight and went to sleep.

Upon awakening, he resumed the kneeling position, noticing that
the knees of his robe were getting dusty, although he had swept
his cell that morning.  He pondered what he would be saying that
night.

An hour and a half before midnight, two priests came for him.
They escorted him to the bathhouse and assisted him in the ritual
bath.  He donned the robe of pure white linen which he had made
himself, according to custom, under the direction of Purified
Liniosh, who had charge of the looms.  He had not once complained
about the three months of woman's work involved in weaving and
sewing the garment.  He knew all skills were useful and could see
potential for learning to sew.

As they escorted him to the Chapel of Purification, three others
joined them.  Five priests, the holiest number of Vanada, and one
unrepentant student, soon to embark on a new life.  The Eldest
stepped before the altar and genuflected.  The other priests and
the prince did likewise.  The blue star with the gold sword on it
seemed to glow in the torchlight.  The others knelt.

``Everpure Vanada, Innocent and Holy, we, Your servants, beg Your
Mercy for our transgressions.  But we know that by Your Laws
there is no forgiveness without the shedding of blood.  With us
stands one who has erred most grievously and yet is desirous of
Your Mercy.  Everpure One, the crimes he has committed have
turned him red as blood.  We ask, that with the shedding of his
blood, they would be shed away.  For the sake of Law and Goodness."

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The prince rose and went to kneel before the altar.  He kissed
the symbol of Vanada that hung around his neck before removing it
to lay it on the altar.  He held out his arms and two of the
priests slit the seams it had taken him hours of labor and many
pricked fingers to sew.  It fell to the knotted cord at his
waist.  He knew the entire garment must be soaked through with
his blood before they would pronounce him shriven.

The Eldest took up the Rod of Scourging, and tossed Incense of
Purification into the brazier.  The smell was like flowers dipped
in blood.  The other four began to pray quietly.  The penitent
began the prayer of confession.  ``Blessed Vanada, Holy Everpure
One, I kneel before Your altar in atonement\ldots" the rod cracked
across his back, drawing blood.  It hurt but he did not falter,
``\ldots confessing my filth to Your Light.  I expose myself to You,
Holy One, trusting Your Mercy and Justice.  There can be no
forgiveness without the shedding of blood.  For such a crime as
mine, there is no sacrifice I can make, save my own blood.  I ask
that this would be sufficient to appease Your Wrath at my
transgression.  I confess to violating Your Laws of The Body, of
unlawful sensual experience, of defiling myself and my sister in
Your Sight."

He picked up the symbol and clutched it to him, its sharp points
digging into his chest and creating a secondary pain source.  A
few drops of blood fell on the front of the robe and he could
feel his back was awash.

From behind him a priest intoned, ``What is the First Law of The
Body?"

``Be pure in action and sickness shall depart from you," came the
response.

``How have you violated this Law?" asked the second.

``I have committed impure actions."

``What Law have you violated by your actions?" asked the third.

``I have violated the Fourth Law of The Body.  I have experienced
unlawful sensuality.  I lay with my sister, defiling us both.  I
beg the mercy of Vanada for this crime."

The Eldest had tired and, giving the rod to the next highest
rank, began the Litany of Sin.  The youth before the altar made
the correct responses to accompanying blows.

The ceremony continued through the night.  Torches were replaced
as they burned away, and the five priests alternated the beating
with questions about the Law and his sin.  The white robe that
had cost him so much labor was soaked through with his blood.  He
knew it was to be a symbol of how the best deeds are obscured by
sin.  Once or twice he had nearly fainted but called to mind
Zara's face and his anger.  The fact that this was all for show
made it no easier to bear.

He comforted himself with the images of those who had condemned
him to death.  He saw Mikel, the tale-bearer, the sneak, dead in a
hundred ways, sometimes by Zara's hand, sometimes by the combined
might of the twins, but most often by his own.
His father, the pompous patriarch, so self-righteous, as if he
had never done anything unlawful, he killed in a multitude of
fashions.  He would be avenged for every stripe laid on his back
this night and for every sickening platitude he was being forced
to mouth for the benefit of these pious simpletons who could not
see through his act.

Dawn came at last.  All six were bone-weary, and the prince knew
he would never rise from his knees without help.  ``Most Holy
Vanada," rasped the Eldest, in a voice harsh from long chanting,
``accept the sacrifice of the penitent and grant him Your Blessing
as he takes Your holy robes as his vocation."

``Blessed Vanada, make me worthy to serve You.  Let the sins flow
from my soul, even as the blood flows from my body before You.
Until the end of the span You grant me, let me serve Your Holy
Will.  For the sake of Goodness and Law."

Each of the priests laid a hand on his ravaged back and pressed
it to the altar, one at each corner and the Eldest in the center,
in token of his sacrifice.  Two priests helped him up onto legs
that would no longer support him.  They half-carried, half-dragged
him to the bathhouse and washed away the blood.  Ointments
were applied and his back was bandaged, although he would
carry the scars to his grave.  The blood-stained robe was folded
up and set aside, and he was helped into a soft grey acolyte's
robe.  One last walk to the Chapel of Purification completed the
ritual.  He carried the bloody robe to the altar and covered it
with coals from the brazier.

``With this, I burn my pride, my sin and myself.  I am Yours,
Everpure One, to do with as You will."  The robe burned slowly.
Outside he could hear the bell for morning services.  When the
last of the robe was burned, two priests accompanied him back to
his quarters.

``Sleep, little brother," one told him.  ``Tomorrow, you will leave
your secular studies and begin your journey.  The Goddess had
taken you back to Herself."

As the door closed and the footsteps faded, the young man lay on
his stomach and smiled despite the pain.  It had all worked
beautifully.

``All for you, my dearest Zara," he whispered.  ``For you and for
revenge!"  He reached out to his twin across the miles that
separated them.  He had suffered, and it seemed only right she
take some of that pain.  But her guards were up, and she was
asleep behind them.  His sister, the sorceress.  One day they
would rule the world.  Buoyed by this thought, he drifted off to
sleep.

In the city of Shargat, on the banks of Lake Vadnais, a young
woman had awakened in the middle of the night, calling her twin
brother's name.  Her back was afire, and her mind filled with
prayers to a goddess she had rejected two years before.

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\begin{quote}
``Those love truth best who to themselves are true, and what they
dream of dare to do."\\
\end{quote}


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