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\title{A Word from the Bard}
\author{Jim Vassilakos}
\date{}
\maketitle

{\noindent \large \it
{\huge $\Re$}ambunctious tidings gentle reader\ldots and welcome to our latest
expedition into the enigmatic heart of gaming aloft that chaotic
and daring creature whose melodramatic meanderings find an audience
despite all the rational dictates of our sensibility:
\underline{The Guildsman}; `tis a consumation deviously to a be pondered with
conscience askew and battered bearings a-blasted, because the
third time's the charm! Now, there's the rub, baby! Okay, okay\ldots so I just
saw Hamlet; bear with me.

Thanx for this issue goes to all the contributors for making it happen, to
Jason Bishop, our resident techie, for helping out with bitmaps \&
postscript, to Wayne Wallace for his usual rounds of spell-checking, to
Tim Prestero whose barrage of email kept the project
more or less on schedule, and to you, the reader, for putting up with
our cooperative insanity\ldots

\underline{The Guildsman} was formatted using the \LaTeX\ document preparation
system. Subscription, back-issue and contributor information is available by
writing:

\begin{center}
\parbox{2in}{
The Gamers' Guild

Commons, Main Desk

University of California

Riverside, CA 92521}
\end{center}

Now on with the show before I bore you into an apathetic stupor.\\

\begin{tabbing}
\hspace{.5in}--- \={\em jimv@ucrmath.ucr.edu} \\
\>{\em ucsd!ucrmath!jimv}\\
\end{tabbing}}

\newpage
\parindent=15pt
\vspace{.2in}
\begin{center}
{\huge Gamers' Guild

Constitution\\}
\vspace{.1in}
{\Large Preamble}
\end{center}

{\small
{\noindent \Huge W}e, the Gamers' Guild of UCR, under contempt of the Regents with
purple mushrooms majesty and looney-toons and fornication for
all\ldots blah blah blah\ldots do hereby unite for the purpose of
promoting gaming and consequentially having lots of fun. yea! \\

\begin{center}
{\ldots and there was much rejoicing\ldots}
\end{center}

\begin{center}
{\Large The Honorable Offices}
\end{center}

{\noindent W}e hereby create five (i.e. one less than six but not less than four)
honorable, pompously-ignoramus and highly-noble
offices, invincible before all save the dreaded rust-monster, most
lordly and enviously powerful of powers, known and revered throughout
the land of UCR. The means of management are therein bestowed.

The first and foremost of these offices is to be known as the {\em One
to Rule them All\ldots} the chief executive deputy marshal directorship
of ``FlakeSpanking." yea! \\

The FlakeSpanker's duties {\em art as followeth:}

\begin{itemize}

\item{to {\bf spank} flakes (i.e. to institute
progressive disciplinary measures by which the other four officers
and their administrative cohorts can be encouraged 
to perform at a greater capacity through the use of whips,
chains, barbed wire, and left-over tofu),}

\item{to form overall policy on club direction (hopefully with the
consent of the top management team) and to be suspended by toe nails
over a bottomless pit of warm marshmellow cream when suspected of
leading the club in circles,}

\item{to interpret this constitution and {\em bend} it where appropriate
with the consent of the other officers for the purpose of expediting
Guild projects,}

\item{to call for the ousting and replacement of officers should that
need ever arise,}

\item{to pompously \& jismatically preside over club meetings, and}

\item{to keep a paranoid eye on the receipt and expenditure of club funds
over which the Miser is
responsible for accounting.}
\end{itemize}

The second office is that of the Gamesmaster who's responsibility
it is to coordinate games and to keep up-to-date records on existing
campaigns and gaming groups within the club membership. The membership
is herein accorded the right to split this office into numerous
genre as is deemed appropriate and is further accorded privilege to
review and modify this functional division on a quarterly basis.

The third office is that of the Miser (known also as the office of
``Missing" which is likely to happen to club funds). The Miser's
duties are the following:
\begin{itemize}
\item{to keep all club financial records up to date,}
\item{to modify the club's system of accounting as is believed warranted
with the consent of the FlakeSpanker,}
\item{to personally hold club funds and signature authority for all club
expenditures except in cases where individual is illiterate in Common,}
\item{to hold all receipts pertinent to club expenditures,}
\item{to propose club dues when deemed appropriate,}
\item{to present a financial report to the general membership at
the end-of-quarter meeting,}
\item{to keep membership records particularly with regard to dues collected
and receivable, and}
\item{to approve all asset outflows keeping careful watch for outbreaks
of the hershey-squirts.}
\end{itemize}

The fourth office is that of Crying. The Cryer is responsible for
the promotion of club activities including flyer's design and
approval, news advertisements (including but not limited to Highlander
notices), mass-mailings, and t-shirt design.

The fifth and last of the honorable offices is that of the Bard who's
responsibilities include the following:
\begin{itemize}
{\item to design and produce club--sponsored publications,}
{\item to appoint a selection committee (with the confirmation
of the Flake Spanker) which will aid this office in the selection and
editing of publication submissions,}
{\item to record the outcome of all votes at club meetings,}
{\item to record all {\em bends} \& amendments to this constitution, and}
{\item to hold the FlakeSpanker's statement of objectives throughout the
the quarter and evaluate this officer's performance at the end-of-quarter
elections.}
{\item to call for the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should that need arise.}
\end{itemize}

\begin{center}
\ldots and so endth the fifth, last, and final
 of the glorious, malodorous, most-high offices\ldots
\end{center}

\newpage

\begin{center}
{\large Quorum}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}en (i.e. eleven less one,
being the tenth number or that cardinal number following
the ninth) guild members constitute a quorum given that the meeting time and
place was made adequately public in the judgement of the majority
(three-fifths) of the management team. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Elections}
\end{center}

{\noindent E}lections for each of the five offices are to be held at the final
general meeting of each quarter. The chosen representatives of those
elections may not assume office until the beginning of the following
quarter. If they should try to assume office before that universally defined
date, they shall be dunked repeatedly in rancid orc-drool until they cease and
desist from all leaderly activities. Individuals may only serve a maximum
of four-quarters in a
given office. If they should attempt to serve more, the membership may make up a
sufficiently silly punishment to expel such ideas in the future. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Order of Offices}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}he offices will be elected in the following order: Flake Spanker,
Gamesmaster, Miser, Cryer, \& Bard (i.e. this, of course,
being the preferred and holy order\ldots amen).\\

\begin{center}
{\large Order of Election}
\end{center}

{\noindent F}or any given office, the following order shall be maintained.
First, candidacies may be declared either in writing or in person.
Candidates must nominate themselves for office in order to be
considered eligible. Candidates which feel too shy to nominate themselves
must be stripped of all personal belongings and photographed repeatedly
until such feelings are properly extinguished.

Second, individuals running for office who are present may
be allowed a short period of time to summarize their intent in
holding office. For the office of Flake-Spankers, ``may" becomes ``must"
(i.e. Flake-Spanking candidates must not only present their position
in words but must also present a written statement outlining their
objectives of office, and these statement are to be held by the Bard for
end-of-term evaluation). At this stage, a short, moderated discussion
may ensue consisting of much fervor and bloodletting if anyone has anything to add
for or against the candidacy of
the individual in question. The Flake-Spanker is expected but not required
to evaluate the performance of candidates seeking re-election on the
basis of pre-established criteria.

Third, the election (by simple counting of hands) may commence with two
appointed individuals keeping separate tallies, after the candidates 
have left the room. If there is no room to leave, the candidates may simply
stick their heads in the sand in preparation for public office. In the case
where more than two candidates are running for an office and no single
candidate holds a clear majority of the quorum, two rounds of voting
are held for that office. The first eliminates all but the two most popular
candidates, and the second decides between those two. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Voting}
\end{center}

{\noindent C}andidates may not vote in the election
governing their intended office unless, of course, they
are truly pompous, and even then they must be duly punished with
a multitude of silliness until
they declare themselves reborn and promptly stick their heads in the sand.
Flake Spankers, whether running for re-election or not, may not vote
in the election governing the office of Flake-Spanking, lest their mighty and
wrathful opinions be considered either mighty or wrathful. Abstentions
and no-votes are not counted as part of the voting-bloc lest the guild be ruled by
indecision. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Ousting \& Succession of Officers}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}he FlakeSpanker
may call for the ousting of other club officers or appointees at
any general meeting. A two--thirds majority of the quorum may strip an officer
of all invested titles and authority. The Bard is responsible for calling for
the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should such a need ever arise. Special meetings
may also be called specifically for ousting purposes, but if the meeting is
not general, then is must be advertised in the Highlander at least three-days
in advance of the event with the word ``Yuchy-Foo" contained within the ad to
signify the nature of the meeting to the membership.

If an officer voluntarily retires or is replaced before the term of service has been
fulfilled, the FlakeSpanker is responsible for finding a replacement and must conduct
the duties of that office until such time as a replacement has been found.
Such replacements
may be appointed without the
formalities of an election. If the FlakeSpanker should retire
or be removed mid--term,
then the Gamemaster-elect is responsible for assuming this office.
If it is the case that the Gamemaster has previously been replaced, the appointed
Gamemaster may not assume the duties of FlakeSpanking, and so these responsibilities
pass to the Miser and so forth by the Order of Offices. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Expectations of the Member}
\end{center}

{\noindent G}uild members, known henceforth as {\em gamesters},
are accorded a variety of rights and privileges,
and concordant with these are the following responsibilities:

\begin{itemize}
\item{to attend general meetings, lest the gamester be accused of sloth.
Members so accused
shall be mercilessly flatulated upon until such time as the lazy slug gets up off that
sedentary, posterior portion of precious anatomy, thus facilitating the retaliatory
flutterblasts so rudely expected,}
\item{to attend all gaming sessions to which the gamester finds him or herself
committed, lest
that individual be pummeled into unconsciousness by boiled leaks, and}
\item{to pay all club dues promptly and with zeal.\\}
\end{itemize}

\begin{center}
{\large Interpretation of the Constitution}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}he FlakeSpanker is charged with the overall interpretation of the
constitution for purposes of expediency, however, on points of contention,
these interpretations must be rendered to the Bard in writing and may
be contested at any meeting being overturned by a simple majority of the
quorum and reinterpreted as thought appropriate by the voting membership.
The FlakeSpanker may also take luxury in a varying degree of {\em
Constitutional Bending} whereby both substantive and procedural points
of the constitution may be dispensed with for the greater efficacy of
Guild operations. Such {\em bending}, however, must be done with the
concurrence of the entirety of the top management (i.e. the five officers),
and may be again shot down at any meeting by a simple majority of the
quorum. All such {\em bendings} must be made known to the general
membership, and all must be recorded in writing with the Bard. In this
way, constitutional amendments may be tried out before being permanently
instated.\\

\begin{center}
{\large Amendment}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}his constitution may be amended at any general meeting in which a
quorum is judged present. This constitution is amended on a two-thirds
majority. \\

\begin{center}
{\large Dissolution}
\end{center}

{\noindent T}he Gamers' Guild may be dissolved by a three-fourths majority of the
quorum at any publicly announced general meeting. In the case of
dissolution, creditors of the Guild are given {\em first dibs} on
the Guild coffers. Any remaining monies must then be refunded to
the general student body of the university through ASUCR.

}
\end{document}


