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\title{The Infinite Ways in Which {\Huge\bf IT} is Done}
\author{Compiled by Charles K. Hughes}
\date{ordania-dm@cup.portal.com}
\maketitle

{\it
{\noindent \Large L}ots of very strange people decided to contribute to my list of ways 
in which IT is done, so rather than list them by author I am simply listing how.  IT is 
done, and at the end is a list of credits (why anyone would want to be ON this list is 
beyond me.

	Since my compiled list of ``The Umpteen Million Types of Players and GMs"
did not prevent the foolishness of creating yet another `list' having to do
with frp, I now inflict upon you:\\ }

{\bf \center The Infinite Ways in Which {\Large IT}
is done.\\}


\begin{itemize}{\itemsep -1in}
\item{     Dm's have better encounters.}
\item{     Monks do it out of habit.}
\item{      Dwarves do it with short strokes.}
\item{     Medusas do it stoned.}
\item{      Werewolves do it doggie-style.}
\item{      Shriekers do it louder.}
\item{      Djinn just wish they could do it.}
\item{      When minotaurs do it, they're a-mazing.}
\item{      Psionic creatures don't do it, it's the thought that counts.}
\item{      Demons do it wherever they *\&@\#\$ well please!}
\item{      Thieves do it from behind.}
\item{      Earth Elementals do it dirty.}
\item{      Fire Elementals do it with spark.}
\item{      Air Elementals blow a lot.}
\item{      Water Elementals know they're ready when they're wet...\\}
\end{itemize}


{\em Frp'ers do it:}
\begin{itemize}
\item{      all night}
\item{      all weekend }
\item{      in a dungeon}
\item{      in a group\\}
\end{itemize} 

{\em DM's do it:}
\begin{itemize}
\item{      with dice,}
\item{      any way they feel like it,}
\item{     whether you like it or not,}
\item{     to YOU real good,}
\item{     anywhere they damn well please!}
\item{     with worlds  (or alternately, with entire populations)}
\item{     with land masses, universes... you get the idea... and contrary
to the laws of nature (or physics, or any other laws, for that matter!)\\}
\end{itemize}

\begin{itemize}
\item{     Druids do it with animals.}
\item{     Rangers do it in the woods.}
\item{     Thieves do it with tools.}
\item{     Assassins do it from behind.}
\item{     Clerics do it with their gods.}
\item{     Swashbucklers do it with three feet of steel.}
\item{     Paladins do it good or not at all.}
\item{     Druids leave no trace.}
\item{     Illusionists fake it.}
\item{     Magic Users have crystal balls.}
\item{     Cavaliers do it mounted.}
\item{     Monks do it by hand.}
\item{     Ninjas do it under cover of darkness.}
\item{     Drow do it with the lights out.}
\item{     Centaurs do it on all fours.}
\item{     Clerics do it in church.}
\item{     Kings do it in the throne room.}
\item{     Court jesters do it in front of a crowd (for laughs).}
\item{     Merchants do it all over the country.}
\item{     Slaves do it with whips and chains.}
\item{     Flumphs do it upside down.}
\item{     Druids do it in the bushes.}
\item{     Thieves do it in leather.}
\item{     Gnomes are too short to do it.}
\item{     Illusionists only LOOK like they're doing it.}
\item{     Magic-users do it with their hands.}
\item{     D.M.s do it behind a screen.}
\item{     Hobbits do it only if it isn't dangerous.  (Well, MOST hobbits, anyway.)}
\item{     Elves do it in fairy rings.}
\item{     Spellcasters do it with their rods/staves/wands.}
\item{     Thieves do it when you're not looking.}
\item{     Mages do it with their familiars.}
\item{     Barbarians do it with anything.  (As do orcs.)}
\item{     Paladins don't do it.}
\item{     Mermaids CAN'T do it.}
\item{     Neutrals do it both ways!}
\item{     Silversmith does it on a VAX.\\}
\end{itemize}

{\em How the Gods do it...}
\begin{itemize}
\item{     Jupiter does it with mortals.}
\item{     Hermes does it quickly.}
\item{     Atlas doesn't do it (back problems you know..)}
\item{     Hera doesn't do it, and is jealous of anyone who does.}
\item{     Poseidon does it underwater.}
\item{     Nike says Just {\bf Do} It!\\}
\end{itemize} 

{\em The way games do it:}
\begin{itemize}
\item{{\bf AD\&D} does it badly.}
\item{{\bf Champions} can do it, but there are always Disadvantages.}
\item{{\bf GURPS} does it generically.}
\item{{\bf Rolemaster} does it with skill!\\}
\end{itemize} 

{\em ...and unix don't do it at all! :-) \\}

{\em List of Contributors:}
\begin{itemize}
\item{     Defender {\em (who started it)}}
\item{     Silversmith {\em (who seems to know too many ways to do it :)}}
\item{     Kev @ UNC}
\item{     Paul Fritschle}
\item{     Mike Shepherd}
\item{     Cybersaur {\em (mitzel@uiucvmd.bitnet)}}
\item{     Michael J. {\em ``Landshark"} Wheeler}
\item{     The Raven {\em (who thinks (s)he's punderful :)}}
\item{     Philip Brown {\em (pbrown@ocf.berkeley.edu)}}
\item{     Peter C. Lind {\em (lind@maccs.ca)}}
\item{     Luna {\em (aka: Helen Todd\\ htodd@gmuvax2.gmu.edu)}}
\item{     Peter Crowther\\ {\em (Internet: pcrowther@r1.cs.man.ac.uk)}}
\item{     Yngvi Diamondeye Hammerfoot\\ {\em (yngvi@ariel.unm.edu)}}
\item{     Ordania-DM {\em (Ordania-DM@cup.portal.com, who is listing it all. My
excuse is that it came from a button bought at Mass Confusion, what's 
yours? Naysayers ignored :)\\}}
\end{itemize} 

\begin{center}
{\em No flames please...\\ If you can't take a joke, don't read my lists!}\\

Additions \& other silliness can be sent to me at:\\

Ordania-DM@cup.portal.com\\
  or\\
Charles\_K\_Hughes@cup.portal.com\\

{\em This list brought to you as a public service so that those people who
persist in doing IT can be brought to justice, and stop telling us right
thinking people what right thinks we should be thinking!}
\end{center}
\end{document}




