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\begin{center}
{\huge \bf A Word from the Editors \\}
\end{center}
\vspace{.1in}

Well, here we are with the first edition
of the UCR Guildsman. Please forgive our incoherent banter, but it has
been four score and thirteen pages, and we're all pretty brain-fucked
at the moment. This publication, being our first, isn't as {\em slick}
as most of the others, and within it you will be shocked by many
slang terms ({\em i.e. shit, fuck, piss, damn...}) and many other
unwholesome words which you would not encounter in a ``family oriented''
publication such as \underline{Dragon} magazine. What you will encouter,
rather, is the heart of gaming, a thing which is rough around the edges
and a tad unshaven. You will not find one big name among our
contributors, because the words herein have been written about gaming,
for gamers, by gamers. The bottom line is, we're here, we ate egg burritos,
and we urinated off the second story bridge into the yawning mouth of apathetic
conformity. \\

\hspace{4in} {\em jimv, Ray, MAD, \& cyborg} \\

\vspace{.2in}
\begin{center}
{\Huge \bf UCR Gamers' Guild \vs Constitution \vs}

{\Large \bf Preamble \vs}
\end{center}

We, the Gamers' Guild of UCR, under contempt of the Regents with
purple mushrooms majesty and looney-toons and fornication for
all... blah blah blah... do hereby unite for the purpose of
promoting gaming and consequentially having lots of fun. yea! \\

{\cn ...and there was much rejoicing... \\} 

{\ca The Honorable Offices \vs }

We hereby create five (i.e. one less than six but not less than four)
honorable, pompously-ignoramous and highly-noble
offices, invincible before all save the dreaded rust-monster, most
lordly and enviously powerful of powers, known and revered throughout
the land of UCR. The means of management are therein bestowed. \\

The first and foremost of these offices is to be known as the {\em One
to Rule them All...} the chief executive deputy marshall directorship
of ``FlakeSpanking." yea! \\

The FlakeSpanker's duties {\em art as followeth:} \\

\begin{itemize}

\item{to {\bf spank} flakes (i.e. to institute
progressive disciplinary measures by which the other four officers
and their administrative cohorts can be encouraged 
to perform at a greater capacity through the use of whips,
chains, barbed wire, and left-over tofu), \\}

\item{to form overall policy on club direction (hopefully with the
consent of the top management team) and to be suspended by toe nails
over a bottomless pit of warm marshmellow cream when suspected of
leading the club in circles, \\}

\item{to interpret this constitution and {\em bend} it where appropriate
with the consent of the other officers for the purpose of expediting
Guild projects, \\}

\item{to call for the ousting and replacement of officers should that
need ever arise, \\}

\item{to pompously \& jismatically preside over club meetings, and \\}

\item{to keep a paranoid eye on the reciept and expendature of club funds
over which the Miser is
responsible for accounting. \\}

\end{itemize}

The second office is that of the Gamesmaster who's responsibility
it is to coordinate games and to keep up-to-date records on existing
campaigns and gaming groups within the club membership. The membership
is herein accorded the right to split this office into numerous
genre as is deemed appropriate and is further accorded priviledge to
review and modify this functional division on a quarterly basis. \\ 

The third office is that of the Miser (known also as the office of
``Missing" which is likely to happen to club funds). The Miser's
duties are the following: \\
\begin{itemize}
\item{to keep all club financial records up to date, \\}
\item{to modify the club's system of accounting as is believed warranted
with the consent of the FlakeSpanker, \\}
\item{to personally hold club funds and signature authority for all club
expendatures except in cases where individual is illiterate in Common, \\}
\item{to hold all reciepts pertinent to club expenditures, \\}
\item{to propose club dues when deemed appropriate, \\}
\item{to present a financial report to the general membership at the end-of-quarter meeting, \\}
\item{to keep membership records particularly with regard to dues collected
and receivable, and \\}
\item{   to approve all asset outflows keeping careful watch for outbreaks of the hershey-squirts. \\}
\end{itemize}

The fourth office is that of Crying. The Cryer is responsible for
the promotion of club activities including flyer's design and
approval, news advertisments (including but not limited to Highlander
notices), mass-mailings, and t-shirt design. \\

The fifth and last of the honorable offices is that of the Bard who's
responsibilities include the following: \\
\begin{itemize}
{\item to design and produce club--sponsored publications, \\}
{\item to appoint a selection committee (with the confirmation
of the Flake Spanker) which will aid this office in the selection and
editing of publication submissions, \\}
{\item to record the outcome of all votes at club meetings, \\}
{\item to record all {\em bends} \& amendments to this constitution, and \\}
{\item to hold the FlakeSpanker's statement of objectives throughout the
the quarter and evaluate this officer's performance at the end-of-quarter
elections. \\}
{\item to call for the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should that need arise. \\}
\end{itemize}

\begin{center}
...and so endth the fifth, last, and final \\
 of the glorious, malodourous, most-high offices... \vs
\end{center}
{\ca Quorum \vs}

Ten (i.e. eleven less one, being the tenth number or that cardinal number following
the ninth) guild members constitute a quorum given that the meeting time and
place was made adaquately public in the judgement of the majority
(three-fifths) of the management team. \\
 

{\ca Elections \vs}

Elections for each of the five offices are to be held at the final
general meeting of each quarter. The chosen representatives of those
elections may not assume office until the beginning of the following
quarter. If they should try to assume office before that universally defined
date, they shall be dunked repeatedly in rancid orc-drool until they cease and
desist from all leaderly activities. Individuals may only serve a maximum of four-quarters in a
given office. If they should attempt to serve more, the membership may make up a sufficiently
silly punishment to expel such ideas in the future. \\

{\cb Order of Offices \vs}

The offices will be elected in the following order: \\

Flake Spanker, Gamesmaster, Miser, Cryer, \& Bard (i.e. this, of course, being the preferred
and holy order... amen).

{\cb   Order of Election \vs}

For any given office, the following order shall be maintained.
First, canidacies may be declared either in writing or in person.
Candidates must nominate themselves for office in order to be
considered elegible. Candidates which feel too shy to nominate themselves
must be stripped of all personal belongings and photographed repeatedly
until such feelings are properly extinguished. \\

Second, individuals running for office who are present may
be allowed a short period of time to summarize their intent in
holding office. For the office of Flake-Spankers, ``may" becomes ``must"
(i.e. Flake-Spanking candidates must not only present their position
in words but must also present a written statement outlining their
objectives of office, and these statement are to be held by the Bard for
end-of-term evaulation). At this stage, a short, moderated discussion
may ensue consisting of much fervor and bloodletting if anyone has anything to add
for or against the canidacy of
the individual in question. The Flake-Spanker is expected but not required
to evaluate the performance of candidates seeking re-election on the
basis of pre-established criteria. \\

Third, the election (by simple counting of hands) may commence with two
appointed individuals keeping separate tallies, after the candidates 
have left the room. If there is no room to leave, the candidates may simply
stick their heads in the sand in preparation for public office. In the case
where more than two candidates are running for an office and no single
candidate holds a clear majority of the quorum, two rounds of voting
are held for that office. The first elinimates all but the two most popular
candidates, and the second decides between those two. \\

{\cb   Voting \vs}

Candidates may not vote in the election governing their intended office unless, of course, they
are truly pompous, and even then they must be duly punished with a multitude of silliness until
they declare themselves reborn and promptly stick their heads in the sand.
Flake Spankers, whether running for re-election or not, may not vote
in the election governing the office of Flake-Spanking, lest their mighty and
wrathful opinions be considered either mighty or wrathful. Abstentions
and no-votes are not counted as part of the voting-bloc lest the guild be ruled by
indecision. \\

{\ca Ousting \& Succession of Officers \vs}

The FlakeSpanker may call for the ousting of other club officers or appointees at
any general meeting. A two--thirds majority of the quorum may strip an officer
of all invested titles and authority. The Bard is responsible for calling for
the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should such a need ever arise. Special meetings
may also be called specifically for ousting purposes, but if the meeting is
not general, then is must be advertised in the Highlander at least three-days
in advance of the event with the word ``Yuchy-Foo" contained within the ad to
signify the nature of the meeting to the membership. \\

If an officer voluntarily retires or is replaced before the term of service has been
fulfilled, the FlakeSpanker is responsible for finding a replacement and must conduct
the duties of that office until such time as a replacement has been found. Such replacements
may be appointed without the formalities of an election. If the FlakeSpanker should retire
or be removed mid--term, then the Gamemaster-elect is responsible for assuming this office.
If it is the case that the Gamemaster has previously been replaced, the appointed
Gamemaster may not assume the duties of FlakeSpanking, and so these responsibilities
pass to the Miser and so forth by the Order of Offices. \\

{\ca Expectations of the Member \vs}

Guild members, known henceforth as {\em gamesters}, are accorded a variety of implicit
rights and privledges, and concordant with these are the following responsiblities: \\

\begin{itemize}
\item{to attend general meetings, lest the gamester be accused of sloth. Members so accused
shall be merciliessly flatulated upon until such time as the lazy slug gets up off that
sedentary, posterior portion of precious anatomy, thus facilitating the retalitory
flutterblasts so rudely expected, \\}
\item{to attend all gaming sessions to which the gamester finds him or herself commited, lest
that individual be pummeled into unconsciousness by boiled leaks, and \\}
\item{to pay all club dues promptly and with zeal. \\}
\end{itemize}

{\ca Interpretation of the Constitution \vs}

The FlakeSpanker is charged with the overall interpretation of the
constitution for purposes of expediency, however, on points of contention,
these interpretations must be rendered to the Bard in writing and may
be contested at any meeting being overturned by a simple majority of the
quorum and reinterpreted as thought appropriate by the voting membership.
The FlakeSpanker may also take luxury in a varying degree of {\em
Constitutional Bending} whereby both substantive and proceedural points
of the constitution may be dispensed with for the greater efficacy of
Guild operations. Such {\em bending}, however, must be done with the
concurance of the entireity of the top management (i.e. the five officers),
and may be again shot down at any meeting by a simple majority of the
quorum. All such {\em bendings} must be made known to the general
membership, and all must be recorded in writing with the Bard. In this
way, constitutional amendments may be tried out before being permanently
enstated.\\

{\ca Amendment \vs}

This constitution may be ammended at any general meeting in which a
quorum is judged present. This constitution is amended on a two-thirds
majority. \\

{\ca Dissolution \vs}

The Gamers' Guild may be dissolved by a three-fourths majority of the
quorum at any publicly announced general meeting. In the case of
dissolution, creditors of the Guild are given {\em first dibs} on
the Guild coffers. Any remaining monies must then be refunded to
the general student body of the university through ASUCR. \\

\end{document}
