From Roger Ebert's Movie Home Companion (1992 Edition): GLOSSARY OF MOVIE TERMS This year's Glossary of Movie Terms has been much expanded and improved by the helpful contributions of many readers. Once again, it attempts to clarify and label those clich‚s and inevitable developments that become wearying with familiarity to the faithful movie lover. Your suggestions for improvements will be welcomed for the next edition, and may be sent in c/o the publishers. ALI MCGRAW'S DISEASE. Movie illness in which only sympton is that the sufferer grows more beautiful as death approaches. ARK MOVIE. Dependable genre in which a mixed bag of characters are trapped on a colorful mode of transportation. Examples: AIRPORT (airplane), THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (ocean liner), MAROONED (space satelite), THE CASSANDRA CROSSING (train), ALIENS (outer space), THE HINDENBERG (dirigible), THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE (subway train), THE ABYSS (undersea station), and of course the best of them all, STAGECOACH. BAKED POTATO PEOPLE. The nice, good, sweet little people who form a chorus in the hero's backgroyund, especially during any movie set in a mental home. Cf. THE DREAM TEAM, CRAZY PEOPLE. The lesson is always the same: it's the real world that's crazy, and the crazy people who speak real truth. (Inspired by a sign seen on a baked potato in a steak house: "I've been tubbed, I've been rubbed, I've been scrubbed. I'm lovable, huggable, and eatable!") BALLOON RULE. Good movies rarely contain a hot-air balloon. Most egre- gious recent use of a hot-air balloon: MEN DON'T LEAVE, where the heroine is cured of clinical depression by a ride in one. (Readers keep writing in with exceptions to this rule, including WITNESS, but the general principle still applies.) BARSOOM BUM SLIDE. Most bar fights in the movies end with the loser being pushed so hard he slides halfway down the bar. In real life, this is impossible. (Douglas W. Topham, Woodland Hills, CA) BEGINNING, THE. Word used in the titles of sequels to movies in which everyone was killed at the end of the original movie, making an ordinary sequel impossible. Explains to knowledgeable filmgoers that the movie will ocncern, for example, what happened in the Amityville house before the Lutzes moved in. Other examples: The First Chapter, The Early Days, etc. BODY SWITCH MOVIE. The brain of one character somehow finds itself in the body of another. Requires actors to confront an actor's nightmare, i.e., acting as if they were another actor. BOX RULE. Beware movies advertised with a row of little boxed across the bottom, each one showing the face of a different international star and the name of a character (i.e., "Curt Jurgens as the Commandant"). Example: Most films made from Agatha Christie novels. BROTMAN'S LAW. "If nothing has happened by the end of the first reel, nothing is going to happen." (Named for Chicago movie exhibitor Oscar Brotman.) CAMEL, SLOW-MOVING. All camels in Middle Eastern thrillers are crossing the road for the sole purpose of slowing down a pursuit vehicle. CARING BLANKET TUCK-IN. Effective in conveying the soft heart of an otherwise unappealing character. Cf. James Woods in COP. Also used in scenes involving the hero, usually as a setup for the scene in which tucked-in child suddenly finds itself in great danger. Cf. Glenn Forde in THE BIG HEAT. (Tony Whitehouse, Verbier, Switzerland) CHASE-AND-CRASH SCENES. Replaces the third act or any other form of plot resolution in the modern thriller. After the hero has left dozens of burning cars and trucks behind him, we never see emergency vehicles responding to the carnage. Despite working under a Wrong-Headed Commanding Officer, (q.v.) the hero cop is never called on the carpet because yesterday he drove his squad car through the walls of several warehouses. CLASSIC CAR RULE. Whenever a beautiful classic car - usually the prized possession of an unsympathetic father - is introduced at the beginning of the film, that car will be wrecked by the end of it. (See RISKY BUSINESS, FERRIS BEULLER'S DAY OFF, COUPE DE VILLE, etc.) CLIDVIC (CLIMBING FROM DESPAIR TO VICTORY). Formula for ROCKY and all the ROCKY rip-offs. Breaks plot into three parts: (1) Defeat and despair; (2) Rigorous training, usually shown in the form of would-be MTV videos; Victory, preferably ending in freeze-frame of triumphant hero. CLIMBING VILLAIN. Villains being chased at the end of a movie inevitably disregard all common sense and begin climbing up something - a staircase, a church tower, a mountain - thereby trapping themselves at the top. (Whitehouse) COLE RULE, THE. No movie made since 1977 containing a character with the first name "Cole" has been any good. DEAD TEEN-AGER MOVIE. Generic term for any move primarily concerned with killing teen-agers, without regard for logic, plot, preformance, humor, etc. Often imitated, never worse than in the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels. Requires complete loss of common sense on the part of the characters. Sample dialogue: "All of our friends have been found horribly mutilated. It is midnight and we are miles from help. Hey, let's take off our clothes, walk through the dark woods, and go skinny-dipping!" DEADLY CHANGE OF HEART. When the cold heart of a villain softens and he turns into a good guy, the plot will quickly require him to be killed, usually after maudlin final words. DETOUR RULE. In any thriller, it is an absolute certainty that every road detour sign is a subterfuge to kidnap the occupants of a car. Cf. Camel, Slow-Moving, "Hay Wagon!", etc. DOCUDRAMA. TV term for extended-length program which stars a disease or social problem and costars performers willing to give interviews on how they experienced personal growth through their dramatic contact with same. DOOMED CROP-DUSTER. Every crop-dusting plane in the history of the movies has crashed. FALLACY OF THE PREDICTABLE TREE. The logical error commited every time the good guy is able to predict exactly what the bad guy is going to do. For example, in FIRST BLOOD, law enforcement officers are searching the woods for John Rambo. A cop pauses under a tree. Rambo drops on him. Question: Out of all the trees in the forest, how did Rambo know which one the guy would pause under. FALLACY OF THE TALKING KILLER. The villain wants to kill the hero. He has him cornered at gunpoint. All he has to do is pull the trigger. But he always talks first. He explains the hero's mistakes to him. Jeers. Laughs. And gives the herop time to think his way out of the situation, or be rescued by his buddy. Cf. most James Bond movies. (Gene Siskel) FALLING VILLAIN. Suggested by reader Steve Dargitz of Ann Arbor, Mich., perhaps in response to the Glossary entry on the Climbing Villain (q.v.). The rule states that the villain must fall from a great height, and crash if possible through a glass canopy before landing on an automobile. FAR-OFF RATTLE MOVIES. Movies in which the climactic scene is shot in a deserted warehouse, where far-off rattles punctuate the silence. FEEDBACK RULE. Every time anyone uses a microphone in a movie, it feeds back. (Arden J. Cooper, Warren, MI) FIRST LAW OF FUNNY NAMES. No names are funny unless used by W.C. Fields or Groucho Marx. Funny names, in general, are a sign of desperation at the screenplay level. See "Dr. Hfuhruhurr" in THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS. FIRST RULE OF REPETITION OF NAMES. When the sane names are repeated in a movie more than three minutes in a row, the audience breaks out into sarcastic laughter, and some of the ruder members are likely to start shouting "Kirsty!" and "Tiffany!" at the screen. Sf. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II. FLOATING LUGGAGE. In every scene where actors carry luggage, the luggage is obviously empty. They attempt, with pained expressions on their faces, to pretend that the bags are heavy, yet they can flick them around like feathers. (Tom Kirkpatrick) "FOOD FIGHT!" Dialogue which replaced "Westward ho!" as American movies ended the long frontier trek and began to look inward for sources of inspiration. "FRUIT CART!" An expletive used by knowledgeable film buffs during any chase scene involving a foreign or ethnic locale, reflecting their certainty that a fruit cart will be overturned during the chase, and an angry peddler will run into the middle of the street to shake his fist at the hero's departing vehicle. (Of all the definitions in the glossary, this has become the most popular. It has been gratifying to be part of an audience where people unknown to me have cried out "Fruit Cart!" at appropriate moments. The movie SKI PATROL even contained a "Siskel and Ebert Fruit Cart.") GENERATION SQUEEZE. New Hollywood genre that tries to bridge the generation gap by creating movies which will appeal to teen-agers at the box office and to adults at the video rental counter. Typical plot device: An adult becmes a teen-ager, or vice versa. Cf. LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON; HIDING OUT; PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED; VICE VERSA; 18 AGAIN; BIG. Also sometimes masquerades as a movie apparently about adults, but with young actors in the "adult" roles. Cf. NO MAN'S LAND, THE BIG TOWN. HAND-IN-HAND RULE. In many Hollywood action pictures, the woman characters are incapable of fleeing from danger unless dragged by a strong man, who takes the woman's hand and pulls her along meekly behind him. This convention so strong it appears in even in films where it makes no sense, such as SHEENA, in which a jungle-woman who has ruled the savage beasts since infancy is pulled along by a TV anchorman fresh off the plane. "HAY WAGON!" Rural version of "Fruit Cart!" (q.v.). At the beginning of chase scenes through colorful ethnic locales, knowledgeable film buffs anticipate the inevitable scene in which the speeding sports car will get stuck on a narrow country lane behind a wagon overloaded with hay. HEY! CODY! RULE. Bad guy has drop on good guy. Can pull trigger and kill him. Inevitably shouts "Hey! Cody!" (fill in name of good guy), after which good guy swirls, sees him, and shoots him first. HOLLYWOOD CAR. Looks like a normal automobile, but backfires after being purchased from used car lot by movie heroine who is starting out in life and is on her own this time. HOLLYWOOD COP CAR. Driven by the slovenly member of the team in all police versions of the Opposites in Collision plot (q.v.). Always unspeakably filthy, dented, rusty, and containing all of the cop's possessions in the back seat, as well as several weeks' worth of fast-food wrappers. Usually, but not necessarily, some kind of distinctive make or model (Gremlin, old Ford woody wagon, beat-up Caddy convertible, 4x4 van, etc.) HOLLYWOOD HOSPITAL. Where people go to die. Victim checks in, doesn't check out, because screen time is too valuable for characters to go into the hospital only to recover a few scenes later. Dialogue clue: When any seemingly able-bodied character uses the word "doctor," especially in a telephone conversation not intended to be overheard, he/she will be dead before the end of the film. (Siskel) HORNY TEEN-AGER MOVIE. Any film primarily concerned with teen-age sexual hungers, usually male. Replaced, to a degree, by Dead Teen-ager Movies (q.v.), but always popular with middle-aged movie executives, who like to explain to their seventeen-year-old starlets why the logic of the dramatic situation and the teachings of Strasberg require them to remove their brassieres. Cf. BLAME IT ON RIO, SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL. IDIOT PLOT. Any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots. (Originally defined by Damon Knight.) IMPREGNABLE FORTRESS IMPREGNATED. Indispensable scene in all James Bond movies and many other action pictures, especially war films. The IFI sequence begins early in the picture, with long shots of a faraway fortress and Wagnerian music on te soundtrack. Eventually the hero gains entry to the fortress, which is inevitably manned by technological drones in designer uniforms. Sequence ends with destruction of fortress, as clones futilely attempt to save their marvelous machines. See THE GUNS OF NAVARONE, etc. INEVITABLE SISTER. In any movie where the heroine catches her boyfriend dancing in public with another woman, and makes a big scene, the other woman invariably turns out to be the boyfriend's sister. Cf. MYSTIC PIZZA, etc. (Stuart Clemand) INTELLIGENCE. In most movies, "all that separates us from the apes." In SHEENA, QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE, what we have in common with them. KOOKALOURIS. Name for a large sheet of cardboard or plywood with holes in it, which is moved back and forth in fromt of a light to illuminate a character's face with moving light characters. Popular in the 1930s; back in style again with the movies of Steven Spielberg, who uses a kookalouris with underlighting to show faces that seem to be illuminated by reflections from pots of gold, buckets of diamonds, pools of fire, pirate maps, and radioactive kidneys. LAND BOOM RULE. In any movie where there is a cocktail party featuring a chart, map, or model of a new real estate developmet, a wealthy property developer will be found dead inside an expensive automobile. LAW OF ECONOMY OF CHARACTERS. Movie budgets make it impossible for any film to contain unnecessary characters. Therefore, all characters in a movie are necessary to the story - even those who do not seem to be. Sophisticated viewers can use this Law to deduce the identity of a person being kept secret by the movie's plot: This "mystery" person is always the only character in the movie who seems otherwise extraneous. Cd. the friendly neighbor in THE LADY IN WHITE. (See also Unmotivated Close-up.) LAW OF INEVITABLE IMMERSION. Whenever characters are near a body of water, the chances are great that one of them will jump, fall, or be pushed into it. If this does occur, it is inevitable that the other character(s) will also jump, fall, or be pushed in. See SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS (swimming pool), LA DOLCE VITA (Roman fountain), TOM JONES (pond), A ROOM WITH A VIEW (rural stream), SUMMERTIME (Grand Canal), etc. (Cleland) LENNY RULE. Named for the gentle giant in Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men," this rule dictates that if a film character is of less than normal intelligence, he or she will inadvertently get into serious trouble during the film. (Cleland) LONG-HAIRED WOMAN SEEN FROM BEHIND. When approached by hero, inevitably turns out to be a man. MAD SLASHER MOVIES. Movies starring a mad-dog killer who runs amok, slashing all of the other characters. The killer is frequently masked (as in HALLOWEEN and FRIDAY THE 13TH), not because a serious actor would be ashamed to be seen in the role, but because then no actor at all is required; the only skilsl necessary are the ability to wear a mask and weild a machete. For additional reading, see "Splatter Movies," by John ("mutilation is the message") McCarty. MIRROR GIMMICK. Tired old cinemagraphic trick in which we think we are seeing a character, but then the camera pans and we realize we were only looking in a mirror. (Cooper) MURPHY'S LAW. In movies made before 1985, any character named "Murphy" was a cop, a priest, a drunk, a tough guy, or all of the above. MURPHY'S ROMANCE was the first to break with this rule. Prior to TV's "Murphy Brown," all Murphys were male. Any character named Murphy will sooner or later be shown in a saloon or drinking heavily. (Robert F. Murphy, Providence, RI) MYOPIA RULE. Little girls who wear glasses in the movies always tell the truth. Little boys who wear glasses in the movies always lie. (Siskel) MYTH OF THE SEEMINGLY ORDINARY DAY. The day begins like any other, with a man getting up, having breakfast, reading the paper, leaving the house, etc. His activities are so uneventful that they are boring. That is the tip-off. No genuine ordinary day can be allowed to be boring in a movie. Only seemingly ordinary days - which inevitably lead up to a shocking scene of violence, which punctuates the seeming ordinariness. NAH REFLEX. Character sees someone but can't believe his eyes, so he shakes his head and says "Nah." Inevitably it is the person it couldn't be. (John Weckmuller, Menomonee, Wis.) NEAR MISS KISS. The hero and heroine are about to kiss. Their lips are a quarter of an inch apart - but then they're interrupted. (Topham) NOBLE SAVAGE SYNDROME. Thrown into the company of a native tribe of any description, the protagonist discovers the true meaning of life and sees through the sham of modern civilization. Wisdon and sensitivity are inevitably possessed by any race, class, age group, or ethnic or religious minority that has been misunderstood. Such moves seem well intentoned at first glance, but replace one stereotype with another; the natives seem noble, but never real. They may be starving, but if they're noble and have a few good songs, why worry? (Murphy) ODD COUPLE FORMULA. Seemingly incompatible characters are linked to each other in a plot which depends on their differences for its comic and dramatic interest. Cf. TANGO AND CASH, HOMER AND EDDIE, LETHAL EAPON, LOOSE CANNONS. Essential that one member of each team be a slob, as revealed by presence of fast-food wrappers in back seat of his Hollywood Cop Car (q.v.). ODDS ON EDGE RULE. The odds that a car in real life will be able to travel any appreciable distance balanced on two wheels: 1 in 7 million. The odds that this will happen during a chase scene in a movie: 1 in 43. OOPS, SORRY! RULE. Character sees person from behind on street, thinks it is someone he knows, runs up and confronts person, inevitably to discover it is someone else. (Dan Saunders, Oakland, CA) PRINCIPLE OF EVIL MARKSMANSHIP. The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds that miss him, after which he picks them off witn a handgun. (Jim Murphy) PRINCIPLE OF PEDESTRIAN PATHOLOGY. Whenever a character on foot is being pursued by one in a car, the pedestrian inevitably makes the mistake of running down the middle of the street, instead of ducking down a narrow alley, into a building, behind a telephone pole, etc. All that saves such pedestrians s the fact that in such scenes the character on foot can always outrun the car. (Cleland) RISING SIDEWALK. No female character in an action film can flee more than fifty feet before falling flat on her face. Someone then has to go back and help her up, while the monster/villain/enemy gains ground. (James Portanova, Fresh Meadows, NY) SEEING-EYE MAN. Function performed by most men in Hollywood feature films. Involves a series of shots in which (1) the man sees something, (2) he points it out to the woman, (3) she then sees it too, often nodding in agreement, gratitude, amusement, or relief. (First identified by Linda Williams.) SEMI-OBLIGATORY LYRICAL INTERLUDE (SEMI-OLI). Scene in which soft focus and slow motion are used while a would-be hit song is performed on the sound track and the lovers run through a pastoral setting. Common from the mid-1960s to the mid-1970s; replaced in the 1980s with the Semi-Obligatory Music Video (q.v.). SEMI-OBLIGATORY MUSIC VIDEO (SEMI-OMV). Three-minute sequence within otherwise ordinary narrative structure, in which a song is played at top volume while movie characters experience spasms of hyperkinetic behavior and stick their faces into the camera lens. If a band is seen, the Semi-OMV is inevitably distinguished by the director's inability to find a fresh cinematic approach to the challenge of filming a slack-jawed drummer. SEQUEL. A filmed deal. SEVEN MINUTE RULE. In the age of the seven-minute attention span (inspired by the average length between TV commercials), action movies aimed at teen-agers are constructed out of several seven-minute segments. At the end of each segment, another teen-ager is dead. When all the teen-agers are dead (or, if you arrived in the middle of the movie, the same dead teen-ager turns up twice), the movie is over. SHORT TIME SYNDROME. Applies, to prison, war, or police movies, where the hero only has a few more days before he is free, his tour is over, or he can retire with a full pension. Whenever such a character makes the mistake of mentioning his remaining time ("Three days and I'm outta here!"), he will die before the end of that time. STANTON-WALSH RULE. No movie featuring either Harry Dean Stanton or M. Emmett Walsh in a supporting role can be altogether bad. An exception was CHATAHOOCHEE (1990), starring Walsh. Stanton's record is still intact. (Reader Matthew J. Carson of Wallingford, PA, writes in to argue that Michael J. Pollard should be included in this rule, but Carson's defense of Pollard in TANGO AND CASH is less than convincing.) STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. Obligatory phrase in Dead Teen-Ager and Mad Slasher movies, where it is triggered by the words, "The body was never found. They say he/she is..." STURGEON'S LAW. "Nintety percent of everything is crap." (First formulated in the 1950s by the science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon; quoted here because it so manifestly applies to motion pictures.) THIRD HAND. Invisible appendage used by Rambo in RAMBO, in the scene where he hides from the enemy by completely plastering himself inside a mud bank. Since it is impossible to cover yourself with mud without at least one hand free to do the job, Rambo just have had a third, invisble, hand. This explains a lot about the movie. TIJUANA. In modern Horny Teenager Movies, performs the same symbolic function as California did for the Beatniks, Marrakech did for the hippies, and Paris did for the Lost Generation. TURTLE EFFECT. Once knocked down, a character just lies there as if unable go get up. Cf. Sigourney Weaver in ALIEN. (Portanova) UNDEAD DEAD. In horror movies, whenever the killer is killed, he is never dead. This rule is as old as the movies, but was given its modern shape in HALLOWEEN (1978) when the killer arose from apparent destruction to jump up behind Jamie Lee Curtis. Since then, all of the Dead Teen-ager Movies, most of the Bond pictures, and many other thrillers have used a false climax, in which the villain is killed - only to spring up for a final threat. In an ordinary thriller the clich‚ of the Undead Dead is part of the game - but its use in FATAL ATTRACTION was unforgivable. UNMOTIVATED CLOSE-UP. A character is given a close-up in a scene where there seems to be no reason for it. This is an infallible tip-off that his character is more significant than at first appears, and is most likely the killer. See the lingering close-up of the undercover KGB agent near the beginning of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER. (Cleland) UNSILENCED REVOLVER. Despite dozens of movies which think otherwise, a revolver cannot be silenced, because the sound escapes, not from the barrell where they fit the silencer, but from the gap between the frame and the cylinder. Only closed-breech weapons, like pistons and magazines in the grip, can be silenced - unless you wrap them in a pillow. (Dawson E. Rambo, Las Vegas) "WAIT RIGHT HERE!" RULE. One character, usually male, tells another character, usually female, to "Wait right here. Do NOT follow me into the warehouse, cave, house, etc." The woman inevitably does so, is captures, and must be rescued. Often inspires the line "I thought I told you to wait outside." (Donna A. Higgins, Prairie du Chien, WI) WE'RE ALIVE! LET'S KISS! Inevitable conclusion to any scene in which hero and heroine take cover from gunfire by driving side-by-side into a ditch, and find themselves in each other's arms, usually for the first time. Cf. HIGH ROAD TO CHINA. WEDDING CAKE RULE. In any movie comedy involving a wedding, the cake will be destroyed. (Weckmueller) WET. In Hollywood story conferences, suggested alternative to nude, as in: "If she won't take off her clothes, can we wet her down?" Suggested by Harry Cohn's remark about swimming star Esther Williams: "Dry, she ain't much. Wet, she's a star." WRONG-HEADED COMMANDING OFFICER. In modern police movies, the commanding officer exists solely for the purpose of taking the hero off the case, calling him on the carpet, issuing dire warnings, asking him to hand over his badge and gun, etc. Cf. the Dirty Harry series, BLUE STEEL, etc. (Whitehouse) WUNZA MOVIE. Any film using a plot which can be summarized by saying "One's a..." For example, "One's a cop. One's an actor." Or "One's a saint. One's a sinner." (David King, Los Angeles) X-RAY DRIVER. In many thrillers, the hero crashes his car or truck through the window or wall of a building at the precise time and place to allow him to rescue a victim or kill the bad guys. How can he see through the walls to know exactly where his car will emerge? Why doesn't he evern drive into a load-bearing beam? YOUNGBLOOD RULE. No movie with a hero named "Youngblood" has ever been any good. Cf. YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE, YOUNGBLOOD, etc. Z. Pronounced "zed" in British movies, something most American audiences do not know.