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Subject: Journal Entry 205 / 0866  [ Changing Bodies, Changing Lives ]  (special)
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From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Date: 19 Apr 93 16:32:24 GMT
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   Note:

   I did not write this Journal Entry.  It was written by someone who I
count as a friend, and unlike the Journal Entry parody that appeared
two years ago, I actually enjoyed reading this.  So much so that, after
talking to the author, I decided to include it in the series; it
capture a lot of aspects of some of my favorite characters.  It's
written from a different perspective than my own, and for that reason
alone I like it.  I like it for other reasons, but that's a major one.

   This is NOT, however, an open invitation for other people to try
their hand at writing Journal Entries of their own.  This is a one-
shot deal; I'm not interested in sharing my universe.  I fought pretty
hard to make it _mine_.

      Elf !!!

  -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -
 

Pat's Journal 205 / 0866
 
     "Patricia?  Wake up.  It's ten."

     I blinked my eyes, and opened them.  AIs are wonderful as timers,
but sometimes don't realize that people need more sleep than they say.
We - I suddenly remembered something, and sat bolt upright in bed, too
excited to be tired.  "Today is the day!"

     "Pardon me, Patricia?"  the AI said, a tone of confusion evident in
his voice.  "Today's the day I go through the Great Hall, Dave!" I
shouted, bouncing up and down happily on the large bed.  Why these
things are so big, I guess I'll never know.

     "Oh yes, it is!" Dave - that was the AI's name - said, picking up
on my excitement.  Strange that he was acting like he heard nothing
about it, since I had told everyone, including him, at _least_ a few
thousand times.  Dave continued, "Well, hurry up and get ready, then!"

     "It's not until mid-day - I just wanted to walk around, and see
everyone for the last time in this form."  Dave emitted an "mm-hmm" and
left me alone, verbally anyway.  But, 'until mid-day' meant a while to
wait.

     One thing I liked about Pendor - the days were long.  While there
are 292 days in a Pendor year, the Ring orbited Pin, the local sun, in
almost the same time Earth did around Sol.  But that's 292 days in the
space of 365, so - longer days.  And if you think that's confusing, just
think about how seasonal changes work on a torus.

     Also, Dave isn't as bad as I make him out to be, he's worse.
Seriously, he helped me learn the Pendorian languages.  Yup, every
single one, even though Quen would have served me - I just like learning
different languages.  The Uncia vocabulary was my particular favourite -
I was spitting everywhere when I first started.

     So, I got dressed on this clothing-optional world called Pendor,
and I - I suppose I should tell all about myself, even though this is
going to be erased.  My name is Pat, short for Patricia, Chalnick, I'm a
femHuman of ten Terran years, have long red hair on my head (and short
red hair somewhere else, hee-hee) and freckles on my nose.  That'll
probably all change, of course, when I go through the Hall.

     I came to this world a few months ago, during a vacation that took
slightly longer than I expected.  When I first came to Pendor, I was
envisioning a place where everyone gave tourists a wide berth, like they
did in the Terran places I've visited.  Actually, it was quite the
opposite.  Pendorians are friendly - too friendly, sometimes - and
visitors gave the locals a large leeway.  Suffice it to say, I like the
place - Yup, I'm the victim of the "Well, it kinda grew on me."  clique.

     So, after I told my parents that I was staying, (They weren't
exactly pleased, but did send their love.) I sent my emigration
documents to Ge (my home world, which is kinda slow in developing - some
old beliefs remain - like having genuine parents.), and wandered around,
looking for a home.  It was on that trek that I met Ken Shardik.  Don't
pay any attention to those rumours that he's a heinous lech.

     He isn't heinous.  He's a nice guy, if you treat him the right way.
The right way is somewhere between reverence and arrogance.  It came up
as we idly talked that I was looking for a home, and he mentioned that
he just happened to have a free room in his Castle.

     He's a smart guy, but a sucker for a dulcet voice.  So I got the
room.  And access to other stuff.  The hardest part was convincing him
to give me some place to write my thoughts down.  After reassuring him
that I'd only use it for one day (today, the day I go through the Hall)
he consented.    I asked him if my entry would be kept; he told me to
give him a copy when I was done, and then he'd decide.  That usually
means, "No, I won't, but I'll let you do it anyway so you can enjoy
yourself."  Ah well, a girl can always hope.

     And that's why I got it, why I'm recording my thoughts for my own
edification.  Putting on a bland blue terry-cloth robe, the one with my
Tarot cards in the pocket, (One of my souvenirs from the satellite world
Visconti - and they're pretty fun to play with, too - just something
else to do when I'm alone, I suppose.) I walked over to the SDisk,
deciding to leave for the Hall early, when someone knocked at the door.

     "Pat, Dave just told me you're awake.  Come with me."  Ken, of
course.  So, I turned towards the door, yawning gently, and opened it to
the smiling visage of Ken Shardik.  Ken was my only real friend - in a
world like this, I can talk to anyone - I can 'get friendly' with anyone
I want - but I know nobody as a friend.  But I'd get more friends when I
went through the Great Hall.  I hoped.

     Loneliness is strange - I mean, you can take a walk unaccompanied
along a beach, and not feel lonely, or stay in your room watching
holocasts by yourself, and not feel lonely, but sometimes - it just hits
you.  Rather, it just bludgeons you repeatedly in the face.  I'm glad
I'm not completely alone, and have a friend like Ken.

     Ken smiled gently down at me.  "I want to have a talk with you,
cutie."  I walked out of the room with him, his arm draped gently around
my shoulder.  "The SDisks aren't working, so we might as well walk..."

     I smiled, remembering a sign I saw a few days ago in the Castle:
"SDisk temporarily in order."  Ken continued, "...and talk.  Do you know
what going through the Great Hall means?"  I did, but I knew he's more
charitable when he thinks he's informing someone.  So I shook my head.

     "First off, you're going to be a new person.  Effectively, the old
you dies, and you'll be born again, legally as well as physically.  At
least as far as Terra is concerned.  So that means any ID you brought
with you will be mere souvenirs in your future life.

     "Also, going to the Hall may take more than a day - it involves a
long walk - at least it did when I brought someone else there."  I
looked up at him, feigning curiosity.  "I'll tell you about Greta
someday - but don't get any ideas - You're going alone."  I nodded.
Being alone was a familiar sensation.  "But, I will show you through the
Castle."  he said, continuing down the hall.

     We saw P'nyssa, his lover.  She's a femTindal, mostly blue furred,
whose hands look similar to a hand-puppet - an open pad, with a thumb
facing it, finely muscled.  They're called mittens.  Whatever.

     "Hello, Pat," she said, smiling gently, batting off an amorous Ken.
She whispered something to him, and he nodded, giving her a final kiss. 
I didn't need to hear what she said.  Not now, there's a youngster in
the room.

     Just because I'm ten, doesn't mean I don't get urges! But, it was
one of the few things I hadn't convinced Ken to do for me.  I didn't
have the courage to ask.  I don't have the courage for anything.
P'nyssa said, smiling down at me, "Good luck, Pat."

     I nodded, smiling back.  Ken dragged me out of the room, and we
were intercepted a few metres down the hall by Aaden, Ken's - lover.
He's a melMephit, kind of a skunk type, but not smelly, almost
exaggerated in his maleness.  He said, "Why so subdued, Ken?  You're
usually all over me."  Ken whispered something to Aaden, who nodded.
Geez.  Aaden winked down at me.  "Good luck, Pat."  I was attracted to
Aaden a bit as well, pity he was gay.  Ah well, nothing I can do about
it - nor he.

     Ken and I met a few others, like his granddaughter Ember, who added
the now-trite "good luck" plea.  After meeting everyone, which took
quite a while, it was mid-day.  "Okay, Pat, like everyone else said,
good luck.  Now, take an SDisk to the start of the walk."  I looked up
at him, a slight snarl on my face.  "You said they were broken.  You
lied!"

     He said with a serene mien, "I did.  Just like you do when you talk
with me.  I don't need that act.  I like you because - you're you."  So
he wasn't the ignoramus I had made him out to be.  I was about to
apologize when he added, "Now, go.  You can apologize when you get back.
Dave'll know who you are the moment you get back, but just to confirm
it's you, tell him the word 'Tentiginous.'"

     "Tentiginous?"

     He smiled gently.  "Yes, it's an Anglic word meaning 'lust-
provoking.' Now go."  he said, patting me gently on the bottom, then
left me alone.

     Lust-provoking?  Could he mean - me?  Naah, it must have been just
some random word.  Ah well, up on the SDisk, and here I....

     ....go.

     I looked around, hoping to see the Hall up close - it was, some
sort of black wall.  But there was a jungle circling it.  I suppose it -
the Hall - was testing me.  Okay, I thought, I'll take the test.  There
was no way around the green moat, of course, only through.  Animal
screeches came from within, and I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I
began to have second thoughts.

     Am I really sure I want to go in there?

     Do I really want to become a Pendorian?

     Do I - yes, I do! So, I stepped into the jungle, feeling the warm
dampness permeate my skin.  Hey, this isn't so -

     "HAAIIII!"

     What - the - hell - was - that?  I stood still amidst the trees,
and as I listened, the noise came again above the usual cacophony of the
jungle.

     "HAAAAIIII!" It sounded sentient, like a voice!

     Should I go towards the voice?  Or steer away from it?  I decided
to go towards it - Ken wouldn't direct me into a deathtrap.  I hoped.
Stumbling over roots, and strolling past creatures that scampered,
terrorized, away from me, I finally came upon the place where I heard
the noise, a sort of clearing.  I looked around, but saw nothing.  Weird

     "HAAAAAAAAAAAAI!" I heard, from directly above me.  I looked up -
he's coming straight at me, aw shiii....

     I shut my eyes tight, shielding my face with my arms, waiting for
him to land atop me, and do whatever he was going to do with my body.
An afterimage of his body stayed, and I examined it - he was a
melFelinzi, furred all in white except for some black tiger-like
stripes.  Pretty good-looking - and he looked to be about my age.  Hey -
what's taking him so long?  I opened my eyes.

     "Hello, Human."  he said, in subdued Felinzi, from somewhere behind
me.  I glanced around for him, and finally saw him leaning against a
tree, his leg bent behind him propping him up, his tail swishing slowly.

     "Geez, you scared me shitless! Who the hell are you?"  I said,
venting both my anger and fear.  Even in my anxiety, I remembered to
speak in Felinzi - I'm not as stupid as I look.

     Laughing a bit, he said, "My name's Keersha.  Pronounced Kir -
shah.  What's yours, cute Human?"

     Smiling politely I said, "Pat.  Pronounced Pat."  He laughed at
that.  "Funny as you are beautiful."  Hey, I could learn to like this
guy.

     I asked him, "What were you doing up in the trees, making that
noise?"  He looked pensive, then shrugged and said, "I dunno.  Getting
back to my feline heritage, or something.  Why are you here?"  I told
him that I was going to the Hall, how I was to change myself.  He
pouted, and said, "Aww, you're going to replace that wonderful visage of
yours?  Pity."

     I smiled.  "Thank you, Keersha."  He smiled back.  "Lovely Pat -
what things interest your flawless life?"  I thought.  "Nothing much.
While I'm alone, which is often, I don't do much."

     "What?  You, alone?  I would have thought people would be falling
over each other to meet you."  I shook my head, sighing, then to stop
the thought from continuing, I said, "Well I sometimes do something
interesting."

     "And what is that, comely Pat?"

     "A Tarot reading.  Do you know what that is?"

     He shook his head.  I told him, "It's something mystical, that was
brought about on Terra a long time ago..."  I trailed off, and took out
the deck of cards.

     These were not the painted cards of old - these were holograms; the
scene inside would move in three dimensions if a corner of the card was
pressed.  I picked out a sample card to show Keersha - it was the Four
of Cups, upside down (The correct term for that is 'reversed.').  The
card showed a man under a willow tree, four cups below him.  When the
corner was pressed, a cloud appeared, picked up one of the cups, and
tried to hand it to the man - but he didn't want it, his arms crossed.
Perfect - that card, reversed, signified the fear of being alone.  Even
the inanimate was against me.  I quickly replaced the card.

     Looking up at him, and smiling gently, I said, "I do what's called
a 'spread.' My favourite is the Horoscope Spread.  Twelve cards -
actually thirteen if I count the significator."

     "Significator?"

     "Yes - the card that represents the person."

     "Could you do a spread for me?"  At that, I smiled widely.

     "Yes.  your significator would be..."  I said, as I riffled through
the deck and picked out his card, "...The Knight of Swords.  It
represents a confident young man, with a subtle wit."  I then placed the
card down on the ground; fortunately, there was no wind.  I then gave
him the deck to shuffle.

     He shuffled the deck, and as he handed it back to me, I drew off
the top card.  I spoke, "Okay, this is the first card."  Then flipped it
over, and placed it to the left of the significator.  "This is the First
House, which rules the Self."  It was the Eight of Pentacles, reversed. 
"Hmm.  problems with work - meaningless toil."

     He nodded.  "I don't like my job - I'm a farm hand for my father -
but I simply just don't like the work.  So I took an extended vacation,
came here - and met you."  He smiled again.

     I smiled back, starting to like Keersha - a bit.  I then flipped
over the second card.  and placed it counterclockwise from the first -
the plan was to make a clock-like shape - a zodiac.  "This is the Second
House, which rules Material goods - the Five of Wands."

     This spread was not coming easy - that card signified a power
struggle; a play fight, though it meant that better results or ideas are
to come.  I told Keersha what the card meant, and added, "Something
special is to come - something that you want, that you can't get - for a
while.  You will, eventually."

     The next card, ruled by Communications, was The Chariot, reversed. 
"This card means that quick talking will work for you - you will receive
'overnight success,' so to speak."  A secluded thought floated in the
back of my mind: Keersha was talking with me.

     I then drew off the next card off the deck.  "Next card, which
represents Home.  The King of Wands, reversed.  This card, as a person,
represents an energetic man, strong of character, with a good sense of
humour, and is excellent company.  As an abstract card, however, it
denotes negotiations and agreements.  So you may be getting a new home,
soon."  He smiled again - a very nice smile - and said, "Perhaps with
you?"

     "Um, perhaps - fifth card - rules pleasure, romance, and
creativity."  The card was the Two of Wands, again reversed.  Uh-oh.
"This card, when reversed, means partnership problems.  You want to get
into a relationship, but something - or someone - is holding you back." 
He shook his head.  "I am in no relationship - yet..."  he trailed off,
beaming yet again.  "I suppose you'd be the one holding me back."  I
looked up at him.  "You'd want to get into a relationship with me?"

     "If you want to, enchanting Pat - may I see the next card?"

     "Er - Uh - sure.  The sixth House signifies health and work.  The
Hierophant.  This again, signifies a relationship - when you find work,
your employer will be amicable, someone who will be able to give you
sound advice."  He nodded softly, and I continued with the next card.

     "Seventh house - partnerships.  Six of Cups.  Hmm - a relationship
will slow down for a bit, but will get back together, stronger than
before.  It also signifies the past.  What type of lover have you found
as an ideal?"

     "I always hoped for a Felinzi lover - but being with you is
starting to change my mind."  Wow - from friend to lover in less than
two cards - and the best thing was that I saw nothing wrong - I was
starting to love Keersha too.  I smiled at him, and gently nodded, then
dealt out the eighth card.

     "The eighth House rules sex, death, and money - which all used to
be taboo subjects on Terra.  And the card is the Ten of Cups.  Lasting
happiness, dreams coming true, abundant joy.  this is the hardest House
to read, but I think it means you enjoy your sexuality."  He nodded
vigorously, and I erupted in giggles.  I finally quieted myself, and got
ready to read the next card.

     "The ninth house.  Far horizons.  That's travel, and the sort -
your card is the Five of Swords.  Yipes.  A complex card.  In this
context, it signifies limitations.  So you're not going too far away."

     "I shall never go anywhere without you."  he said.  Call it love at
first sight, but I was attracted to Keersha - as I'm sure he was to me. 
I knew I wouldn't want to be without him, either - except for a short
time to go through the Hall.

     "Three more cards, Keersha, then I'll have to go for the Hall -
tenth card, connoting Career.  The Moon, reversed."  I thought for a
while, trying to put the meaning of the card into context.  "Okay - your
career will be too good to be true, and if you're not careful, it WILL
be.  Be very wary, because you may lose your job if you don't do what
your boss tells you.  Don't goof off."  He nodded again, and I quickly
moved to the next card.

     "Eleventh house; friends.  The card is..."  I blinked.  "...the
Knight of Swords."  I looked down at the centre of the almost completed
circle, to check out Keersha's significator.  The Knight of Swords.
Apparently this deck of holographic cards had more benefits than
animation.  "Hmm.  you already know the meaning of the card when
referring to a person - it also has an abstract meaning - that of
change, and surprise.  Your friends change.  I suppose that means me,
huh?"  I said, smiling.  He nodded softly, and returned my smile.  I
then did something I thought I'd never do - I stood up, and gave him a
hug.  He hugged me back, quietly purring.  I then added a kiss, which he
returned quickly.  Gazing into my eyes, he spoke softly, in a voice that
I had come to love - "Isn't there a card remaining?"

     Giggling, I pulled from his embrace, and sat down by the spread.
"This signifies what is hidden - fears, wishes, limitations - and it is
the Page of Pentacles, reversed.  Okay - there will be changes happening
in your life, but they won't mean much in the long run."

     I took in a big breath, and let it out slowly.  "Those are all the
cards.  Now for the whole story, how they all fit together - Hm - you
work situation will change, but you must tread carefully.  And you won't
go far to find the job, but fortunately your new boss will be nice.

     "And, wow - most of these cards have to do with relationships.
You'll have a new friend, that'll be yours through quick talking.  But
this relationship will be put on hold for a short while.  Fortunately it
will be back, stronger than ever - and the delay won't mean much in the
long run.

     "Also, you may be moving, soon.  And - you like your sexuality."  I
finished, grinning.

     I picked up the cards, put them back on the pack, and tossed it
into my robe pocket.  "Well, Keersha - I'm off to the Hall.  See you -
friend."

     He nodded, but added as he gazed into my eyes, "Pat?  Since I'll
most likely never see you like this again, can we show our amicability
for each  other - by making love?"

     Moments ago, I would have thought he was mad, but through the
spread, I had come first to endure, to like, and then to....I was about
to nod - it was most likely he hadn't done it either, since he seemed to
be about ten or eleven, like me.  Finally, someone who understood my
urges! But my subconscious was saying no.  Annoying thing, my
subconscious.  Yes, I thought to myself, yes! But, I finally said,
"Well, I don't think I'm ready for that right now."

     "Can I lick your pussy?"  I shook my head, giggling inwardly.  A
pussy licking pussy.  I said, delaying, "Not until I go through the
Hall.  Then you can."  I saw him pout again, then added, "But you can
watch me masturbate."  Bye-bye pout.

     Undoing the robe that was totally out of place in my present
surroundings, I laid it out on the ground, then laid atop it, exposing
my slightly conical breasts - they had only been maturing for a few
months - and my sparsely-haired cunny.  He scurried down, moving his
face close to my vulva.  "Not so close, Keersha, unless you want your
nose wet."  He grinned, and was about to say something, but shut his
mouth, and moved his head back.

     As I moved my hand towards my thin labia, I thought about what I
was doing, splayed naked in front of an almost total stranger, soon to
be masturbating madly away.  But, what the heck, I was probably never
going to do this in this form again.  And I don't think I'd do it for
anyone else but Keersha.  And from the excitement on his eyes, I wasn't
the only one about to enjoy this.

     I pressed my hand against my almost-hairless pubic lips, brushing
against my tiny clit, and let out a small gasp.  For me, that first
touch is my second favourite part of masturbation.  As I rubbed up and
down my lips gently, loving the feelings I was getting, Keersha licked
his lips, and started to move his head down.  I lifted my head up, and
distractedly moaned, "No, Keersha - absolutely no licking my cunny! At
least not until I go through the Gate."  He pouted, his bottom lip
extending cutely, then moved his head back.

     Soon enough, I was wet, and was moaning wildly, my fingers slipping
all over my crotch.  I was in the middle of nowhere - I didn't care how
much noise I made.

     I felt that warmth that portended an orgasm expand inside me, and I
closed my eyes, my hand rubbing faster and faster.  I must come - I had
an audience.  Trying to hurry myself, I entered a few fingers into my
now moist cunny, moving them rapidly in and out of myself as I flicked
my clit with my thumb.  A slight tugging at a developing breast
surprised me, and I opened my eyes to see Keersha sucking and tonguing
away at a petite pink nipple.  I was about to tell him to stop, but
something more important happened.

     Shrieking shrilly, I came, (which is my first favourite part of
masturbation.) my feet thumping against the resilient ground of the
jungle floor.  And I knew what had put me over was Keersha.  I caressed
his head as he sucked, trying to envelop my whole tit with his mouth.  I
finally said, "Nothing's gonna come out of there.  Stop."  He gave my
stiff nipple one last lick, then sat straight.

     "Mmmm - you had a marvellous look on your face when you climaxed -
a REAL contented look."  He imitated it, and I giggled.  Still trying,
he added, "Can I lick you now?"  I sat up, still catching my breath,
then shook my head.  Looking into his marmalade-orange eyes, I said,
"No, Keersha! I told you, after I go through the Hall!"

     He weaved his tail low, and whimpered a dejected, "Okay.  I can
wait.  Maybe."  His ears weren't laid back, so I knew he was just
acting.  Sliding on my soiled robe, and tying it up, I said, "You'll
have to.  But to last you until then..."  After I trailed off, I gave
him a close kiss.  Even though I hardly knew him, I felt like he was a
friend.  He returned the kiss, and anted up with a tight hug.  He broke
the kiss, and whispered closely into my ear, cleaning it out with his
tongue as he spoke.

     "You're incredible, my Human companion.  Well, the Hall's near.
Now, hurry up.  And hasten back."

     I nodded, and walked off towards the Hall, leaving my new friend
Keersha behind.  I had used "when I come back from the Hall" as a
postponement, thinking I'd not want him to lick me down there, but now
that I thought about it - it'd be nice for a friend to do it - but
bigger things faced me.  The Great Hall, primarily.  And there it was.
I started walking slowly towards it, still giddy from what I had just
done.

     Slight disappointment.  I had expected the Hall to be some giant
gate, with psychedelic colours, out of that Terran movie "2001."  Nope,
just a long hallway between two simple metal doors.  Two things I
suppose I should mention.

     I came out a Felinzi, black-furred, sable as night, with paws - or
whatever they're called.  Oh yeah, the other thing.

     I came out male.

     Slightly pisses you off to regain consciousness, and to see this
extra piece of flesh hanging off your body along with the expected fur. 
Ah well, I was stuck with this body for eternity, I had better get used
to it.  I put on my slightly tighter robe - I had a more muscular frame
now, but kept the same height - and I suddenly remembered someone.
Keersha.

     I found him eventually - he was by the SDisk I had come out of - a
massive, polished marble stone, on the shore of a pond; a circle was
precisely etched on one face.  Keersha was sitting beneath a weeping
willow near the pond, drumming his hands on the ground beside him.
Logically, this was the best place for him to wait, because I had to
come back through the SDisk to return to the Castle.

     As I neared, he looked up at me.  Standing up, he spoke, "Hello,
handsome melFelinzi.  I'm waiting for a femHuman, just a bit taller than
I am, with scarlet tresses - although she has most likely changed.  Have
you seen her around?"  He smiled, and added, "Sorry of me not to
introduce myself - I am Keersha, pronounced Kir - shah.  What is your
name, if I may be so forward?"  At this, I sighed inwardly.  He was
expecting me as a girl.  I told him my name - what else could I do?

     "Pat.  Pronounced Pat."  I reiterated, using my old name - it was
androgynous enough to keep.  "I am - was the femHuman you were looking
for."  I said, waiting for him to laugh derisively at me, and walk away.

     He didn't.  He just looked me over, then said, "How fascinating."
he continued his gaze mutely, then snapping his eyes back into mine,
added with a grin, "Guess I can't lick your cunny, huh?"  I laughed at
that - then stopped suddenly.  If he didn't mind me being male, then he
would want to...."Um - I'm going back home."  I said, looking for the
nearest SDisk.

     "Mind if I tag along, Pat?"  he purred.  Why not.  Maybe I could
think of something to get him off my tail and forget about me.  I didn't
mind his affection when I was female, but now that I was male, I felt
some sort of - I dunno.  But something nagged at me - he was a good
friend.  Should I just write him off forever?  No, but things'd be
different between us than they would have been, I was sure of that.
"Sure, come along.  I'll show you around."  I stepped on the SDisk....

      ....and was back at Shardik Castle.  Keersha appeared beside me
soon after, looking slightly amazed.  "You live at Sharrrrdik Castle?"
he said, exaggerating his caiss in his incredulity.  I nodded gently,
for I wasn't as awed as he was about where I was.  It was only lodging,
after all - even if they were the most prestigious quarters on the Ring.

     Looking up into the ceiling, I spoke the word that would let Dave
recognize me.  "Tentiginous."  I looked over at Keersha, who didn't
react.  Lucky for me he didn't know Anglic.

     "Welcome back, Pat.  I'm telling Ken that you're here.  Who's your 
friend?"

     Keersha answered for me, still in a slight state of shock.
"Keersha Sovaj.  Pronounced Kir-shah So-vahj."

     "Your DNA pattern isn't on any of the lockout lists, nor is that
name.  Welcome, Keersha.  Pat, here comes Ken."

     Ken entered, looking at us.  His jaw dropped, not seeing the fem he
anticipated.  "Both of you - mels?  Apparently the Hall trip didn't go
as you expected, hmm, Pat?  Which one of you is it, anyways?"

     "Vatare'! I can't believe I've met you!" Keersha shouted, running
over to Ken.

     Ken looked over at me, seeming uncomfortable as Keersha bowed
before him.  "You must be Pat.  She - er, he - wouldn't react like
that."  He walked over to me, but not after giving Keersha a short
speech on how he preferred communication to exaltation.

     "Pat, perhaps you only appear and smell male.  Take off your robe."
I smirked as Keersha looked up at me.  Why not get a holocam in here for
everyone to see?  I slid off my robe, and let it fall muffledly to the
ground, slightly embarrassed, but secure in the fact that Ken wouldn't
jump me.

     Bending down in front of me, he studied my penis.  "No doubt about
it - you're male - may I examine it closer?"  He moved his hands closer
to show he wanted to feel it, and I pulled away.  "No! Don't!"

     "Don't want to be touched, Pat?"  Ken said.  My claws extending
fully, I burned my eyes into him and shouted, "NO, DAMMIT! I JUST..."  I
shuddered, and continued in a squeak, "...dunno."

     Ken gazed silently up at me, then nodded.  "I think I may see your
problem."  Looking over to my Felinzi companion, he advised, "Do me a
favour, Keersha.  I want to talk to this young mel alone.  Feel free to
wander around, find someone to give you a tour or something.  Just don't
go too far - You're invited to dinner."  Keersha nodded, and walked
slowly off, 'wow'ing quietly every so often as he beheld miraculous
sights.

     Ken held his arm around me, and I pulled away, whimpering.  He
sighed quietly, then whispered, "Okay then, Pat - follow me."

     "Where are we going?"  I said, hating my deep male voice.  It
didn't have the melodious quality of my old one.

     "Living room."  Ken said, as we arrived.  He then went silent.  I
looked up at him, and he smiled down at me.  "Finding out where Aaden
is, Pat."

     "Aaden?"  I said his name more in shock than confusion.  I knew who
- and what - he was.

     "Yes, my Mephit lover, and sometime pet, remember?  He's jogging
down the beach - I'm calling him now.  Okay, he's coming.  Now, while
we're waiting - do you want to talk to me?"

     I shrugged, not uttering a word.  Ken gazed at me solemnly, and
finally broke the uneasy silence by whispering, "Pat, how did you meet
Keersha?"

     "Well, as I left the SDisk, I..."  I started, and proceeded with
the whole story: The spooking, the Tarot reading, the masturbation - Ken
nodded through the entire dialogue, simply listening.

     "...and then I followed you in here, and you called Aaden."  Ken
nodded again, then spoke.  "Pat - do you love Keersha?"

     I stared Ken in the eyes, and nodded.  He tranquilly added, "Then
what's the problem, Pat?  Nowadays, the concept of two mels loving each
other isn't as diabolic as it was when I first came to Pendor."

     I sighed deeply, closing my eyes as I answered.  "It is where I
come from.  When my satellite world was first colonized, we were more
concerned about procreation than pleasure.  That meant, at least it did
way back then, that same-sex relationships were 'pointless.' And after a
while, people started thinking - It isn't done, therefore it is evil,
therefore must be hated.  And as much as I want not to, I can't help but
think that whever I see Keersha."

     Ken gently responded, "Just like Terra around the beginning of the
twenty-first century - a mindset I hate to admit I was a part of.  But I
got over it, and..."  Just then Aaden walked in.

     Ken introduced us, then left us alone.  Perfect.  In the same room
with a - with what I am now.  A mel who liked other mels.  Erolie'.

     Aaden sat down on a large sofa, then gently patted the spot next to
him.  I stood in the middle of the room, tail weaving nervously, a
stupid habit I had quickly picked up.  He waited for me to approach,
then finally said, "Don't worry, Pat.  I'm not going to bite."

     I completed the cliche with, "Unless I ask, huh?"  Aaden nodded
with a slight smile, then spoke, "Now, sit down.  What's troubling you?"

     Duh, isn't it obvious?  "That I'm male."  He looked at himself,
patting his sheath, which obscured the cock that I was once attracted to
- and still am - and grinned, "So am I, Pat."

     Still gazing at his sheath, I whispered, "You're used to it.  You
were always male.  I wasn't before.  I....I just dunno what to do!"
Finally breaking the gaze from his shaft that slowly emerged from his
sheath as it started hardening - hardening from me, dammit - I looked
into his eyes, and whispered, "Do you?"

     He aahed gently.  "So, that's why Ken called me all the way back to
the Castle.  He could have told you himself there's nothing wrong with
what you are."  He was silent for moment, thoughtful.  "Pat?"

     "Yes?"  I said, almost crying.  I fought back the tears and
shuddered out a, "What?"

     "Are you attracted to me?"

     Yes, shithead.  "I am."

     "Do you want to do anything with me?"  Yes, but....but I'm a....

     I screamed.  Hoo BOY, did I scream.  I also tore up the bed pretty
good with my claws.  Aaden held my flailing arms, then shouted over my
screams, "Stop!"

     At his commanding voice, I did.  He spoke in a stern voice, "The
body you're in is yours.  Nothing can change that.  The fact that you're
attracted to me may, but not soon."  He undid my robe for me, and forced
my left paw easily to my crotch, then said, "Touch."  I touched myself
lightly, scarcely feeling anything.  Aaden forced his and my paws down
into my crotch firmly, quietly asserting, "No, Pat, TOUCH yourself.
That thing is part of you, get used to it."

     I touched myself gingerly, shuddering with both pleasure and
apprehension as I handled the soft shaft under my paw.  Aaden was right.
I was stuck with me, I might as well get used to it.  I wrapped my hand
around my rod, and rubbed up and down on it, feeling it get harder as it
filled with my own warm blood.  God, that felt good.  So good in fact,
that I continued doing it.

     Aaden released his grip on me as I masturbated for the first time
in my new form, and he watched me gently.  Still not used to myself, I
closed my eyes, and just enjoyed the feelings I was getting as I pulled
my hand up and down that piece of stiff flesh that was now part of me,
my hips thrusting uncontrollably in my bliss.

     It felt different.  There was still a warmth in my crotch that
suffused to the rest of my body like I used to feel, but the centralized
feeling was at the head of my cock instead of my clit, and it just got
better and better....and better....

     ...and I opened my eyes, to see something clear-white jet out of
the slit at the end of my shaft.  I was coming! I spurted several times
over my chest and stomach, and I kept stroking, savouring the sensation
that felt so good it hurt, but I noticed that my penis was suddenly
sensitive.  I released it, letting it lie there, allowing it to get
soft.  I then looked over at Aaden, my breath still rapid.

     He suddenly screamed, and then spurted his own seed over his black
and white pelt.  He had been masturbating too! He massaged himself a few
more times, gasping slightly, then grinned selfishly over to me.
"Sorry, Pat.  I don't care what Ken says about you being only a child -
you looked so nice I couldn't help myself."  I did?  Yes, I did.  I knew
subconsciously that I had a magnificent body, whatever sex, and it took
being closely aware of it, like I just had, for me to finally realize
that.  (And, I just noticed - Geez, Aaden is big.  How does the guy wear
shorts without ripping a hole in them whenever he gets excited?)

     Rubbing a slightly slicked paw that I didn't mind the feel of on my
head, he whispered, "Ah, well.  It's a fetish I'll learn to live with.
I might tell you about Sufi sometime.  Starting to feel better about
yourself, Pat?"

     Sticking my tongue out of my mouth, trying to catch my breath, I
nodded.

     "Still feel attracted to me?"  I nodded to that as well.

     "Are you attracted to girls?"  I had never told anyone before, but
I was, kinda.  I never told anyone before Aaden, that is.  "Well, I'm
not."  he shrugged.  "Now, we should get ourselves cleaned up."

     We did, and I experienced the fun of getting dried semen out of
fur.  Fur - that was something that was at the back of my mind until I
had time to think about it in the warmth of the shower, now that my
other concern had been attended to - I'd need a lot more shampoo than I
did before.  And then there was the joy of fleas.  And I now had a
prehensile tail, an extra hand to hold things with.  And - aw, shit, I
forgot!

     Keersha!

     I looked at Aaden, who was using the shower-stall for more
pleasurable purposes, then said, "I'm going now to find someone."  Aaden
nodded, 'mmhmm'ing distractedly, as he slid down the shower wall, to the
floor, masturbating anew.  I lingered for a while, watching with
curiosity, until he looked up at me and moaned, "Didn't you say you were
going somewhere?"

     I giggled with my deep voice, (which wasn't all that bad - it was
nice and resonant) then left the shower.  As I stood in front of the fur
drier whatchamacallit, combing myself dry, I reflected.  Ken knew what
he was doing when he installed water showers, instead of the sonic type
now prevalent on Terra.  Water felt good and warm - and good - and
wasn't a simple tingling leading to a puff of smoke, and a pile of dust
on the floor.  Perhaps it was a maternal memory, but warmth seems to
equal cleanliness.  I pulled the comb one last time through my now-dry
fur, then laughed as I heard a yell echo from the shower.  Geez, Aaden,
you'll never get your fur clean that way....

     I put on my robe, now clean - sonics were still used for clothes -
and left the room, looking for Keersha.

     Keersha was still walking around the Castle, awed.  His eyes fell
upon me.  "Hiya, handsome.  Where ya been?"

     Feeling totally unabashed, I walked over and hugged him.  "Talking
to Aaden, and taking a shower."  I said, grinning.

     He gave me his pout.  "Awww, and I couldn't watch?"

     I moved my mouth close to his ear, and whispered, "I have a better
idea."  Should I really say this?  Why not?  "Remember when we met in
the jungle by the Hall?  When I was a femHuman?  And you mentioned that
you wanted to lick my cunny?"  He nodded, and I stopped his protest by
adding, "Of course, you can't now, but you can....you can suck me."  Go
ahead, turn around and leave.

     He did turn around, and my heart plummeted - but he didn't leave.
"Got a more private room around here?"  he said, and turned around
again, a wide, albeit goofy, grin on his muzzle.  That smile erased all
my doubts about myself.  Hell, if he didn't care about what I was, why
should I?

     "Yes - my room."  I said, walking towards my chamber, opening the
door.  He tagged along behind, and I ran to the bed, flumphing down.  As
Keersha joined me excitedly, I understood why the thing was so big.  The
bed, that is.  In case I had friends over.  I undid my robe - why the
hell am I wearing the thing if I keep taking it off?  - dropped it to
the floor, and laid back on the bed, which was slightly more comfy than
the jungle where we last met, and revealed my new body to Keersha.

     Gazing at my body, particularly at my penis, Keersha licked his
lips again.  "You may not have breasts or a cunny any more, but you're
still adorable."  As he crawled to position his face between my legs, I
pondered that.  While he didn't directly say so, he said that he didn't
mind being with a boy or girl.  Good point.  Later, I might find myself
a willing femWhatever, and get friendly - but now -

     I looked down at Keersha, who was sniffing away at my still-soft
shaft.  He suddenly gave it a lick, and I moaned, pressing my head back
against the pillow, mewling gently.  He tongued it a few more times,
watching and feeling it stiffen.  Pausing, he looked up into my eyes.
"You taste nice."

     Shut up, and keep licking! "Thank you, Keersha."  I smiled.  He
tongued my rod a few more times, then encompassed it with his warm
mouth.  Oh, god, that felt good.  Apparently, he didn't have a gag
reflex, because he soon had my whole cock in his mouth.

     He let the thing almost completely out of his mouth, then drew it
back in, and - wow.  I just closed my eyes, and let him please me.  He
quickened his pace after a while, and I moaned, thrusting myself
uncontrollably into - the roof of his mouth.  The angle was all wrong.
I opened my eyes.  He had turned himself upside down, hovering just
above me.  After I promised myself not to close my eyes ever again -
every time I did, something unusual happened - I said, "Now just what do
you want me to do?"

     Abruptly noticing his shiny pink shaft aiming at me, I didn't have
to wait for an answer.  I neglected the licking, and simply put my mouth
around it, savouring its taste, how it had the bitter tang of urine at
its tip.  Not sure as Keersha what to do, I sucked, and was acknowledged
with a large moan which matched my own.  Evidently, he liked it, so I
kept sucking away.

     Meanwhile, I was about to come.  He sensed this, and sucked and
licked harder.  I came, gushing forth into his mouth, my claws
extending, forcing with a 'thpt-thpt-thpt' noise into the bed, then
retracting.  Wow.

     As Keersha looked back at me with a messy, dripping smile on his
face, I continued sucking away.  Under my rather inexpert guidance, he
came, his features contorting in ecstasy as he spurt into my mouth, his
tail sweeping gently back and forth against my face.  I knew I couldn't
swallow his semen like he had mine, so I spat it out onto the floor
beside the bed.  Let the cleaners take care of it.

     As I caught my breath, Keersha turned around again, and squirmed in
next to me, hugging me closely.  "That was exquisite, handsome Pat."  I
nodded, hugging him back - when a certain quasi-deity knocked at the
door.  Geez, Ken, ever hear of privacy?  I had Dave let him in.  Ken
entered, singing.

     "Why do birds....suddenly appear....oh, hiya, kiddies.  How are you
doing?"  he said, grinning widely.

     "We're doing fine, Ken."  I said smirking, then added, "Why the
Hell did you interrupt us like that?"  Did I just say the word I thought
I said?  Talk about a change in a person.  And I'm not just talking
about becoming a melFelinzi.

     "Because Dave said you had just - finished."  I began to seriously
doubt the 'I' half of AI.  Ken continued, "Keersha, if you're not too
cuddly with Pat, could you please leave?"  Keersha nodded, added his
famous pout, and left.  And I suddenly longed for him, a feeling I've
never had before.

     Ken sat down on the bed next to me, and I wondered what he had in
mind.  Would he....As if scanning my mind, he said, "No, I'm not going
to do anything like that, Pat.  Not now, anyway.  And even though you're
now male, your face still reminds me of....someone named Donna."  I
wonder if that's why he chose me as a friend?  He looked on the verge of
tears.  Apparently it wasn't a good memory that he recalled.  He finally
shook his head clear, and continued, "I came in here to talk."

     "Like about Keersha?  I think I'm starting to..."  Do I?  Yes, I
do.  "...love him."  There.  I said it.

     "That's good, Pat.  But you may have noticed something else.
You're not as lonely as you were before.  While that," he said, pointing
to my recently-used cock, "was an accident, Keersha wasn't.

     "You really needed a close friend, besides me - I'm simply not
around like a friend should be.  But I do care a lot about you.  Dave
scanned Pendor, and Keersha turned out to be perfect for you.  It didn't
take too much computing power, but it's not the type of thing I do
often....so we hope you won't need another friend for a while..."  He
winked, then added, "So, we fastidiously led him to the Hall without his
knowledge.  And that's how we introduced you two."

     Glancing at my crotch again, he smiled.  "Fortunately, Dave thought
about this a bit more than I did.  He thought of that possibility when I
didn't, so he added 'three Yolie' required' to the search argument.
Anyway, Pat....you've had a long day.  Get some sleep."  Patting my
tummy, and kissing my forehead, he whispered, "Good night."  and left
the room, singing, "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match....deedle
dee dee..."

     As Dave turned off the lights, I climbed under the rumpled covers. 
What a day, What a day....my head hit the pillow, and I closed my eyes. 
And I recalled what I had said about shutting my eyes when someone
squirmed in beside me, holding me gently, nibbling on my ear.  Keersha. 
"I love you, attractive Pat.  Ken said he'd let me stay for a while."

     "I love you too, Keersha."  I muttered, falling asleep, my last
thoughts being, pity this entry is going to be erased.....

 
 
     After I read the copy Pat gave me, my first impulse was to erase it
utterly and forget about it.  Because as young a kid as Pat is rarely
given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to making his or her own
decisions.

     But _she_ deserved it.  She proved to me that she wanted to walk
the Hall, that she was ready to move, and that there was no reason for
her to go home.  She _earned_ her place in my home, in the eyes of me
and my family.  So don't any of you reading this get any ideas, or I'll
have to make the lockout on my SDisks a little more permanent.

     Besides, when he finally reads this five centuries from now, I hope
he gets a very solid blush from it.

     I'm rambling, so I'll just date and sign this

     - Ken Shardik, 205 / 0866 -

--
"Changing Bodies, Changing Lives"  (c) 1992 David McGrath.
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., And Related Tales
are (c) 1989, 1992.  May be freely distributed by
cybernetic media; hardcopies are limited to single printings for
personal use.
--
elf@halcyon.com  (Elf Sternberg)

   "The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure
reasoning, and inhibit clarity.  With a little pratice, writing can be
an intimidating and impenetrable fog!"  - Bill Watterson's Calvin.