Q.  What question should be posed to potential jurors for the OJ case?
A.  Do you prefer your women to be a head shorter than normal?

Q.  What did Lee Harvey Oswald say to Michael Jordan?
A.  Out the window... over the trees... outta the grove.. through the 
    governor... into Kennedy... nothing but NECK"

Q.  Why do they bury lawyers in graves 18 feet deep?
A.  Because deep down, they are really good people.

Jack & Jill both worked for this large multinational corporation.  The 
President of this company said to one of his managers that he needs to lay off 
one of his employees.  The manager replies that he hired both Jack and Jill at 
the same time and they were the last to be hired so doesn't know who to lay 
off.  the president says go make an executive decision.  The Manager approaches
Jill and says I'm going to have to lay you or jack off.  Jill replies you 
better jack off because I'm not in the mood.

Q.  Mommy, mommy, what is a delinquent child?
A1. Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
A2. Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

Q.  Mommy, mommy what is incest?
A.  Shut up and lick.

Q.  Daddy, daddy what is incest?
A.  Shut up and suck.

Those that can, do.
Those that can't do, teach.
And those that can't teach, administrate.

Q.  What's the difference between death and sex?
A.  After death you're not nauseous.

Man who walks into revolving door is going to Bangkok

COBOL:  Computer Operators' Band Of Losers (or Lamers)
        Completely Overblown, Bloated, Obsolete Language ?

Q.  Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
A.  Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play 
    with them.

Q.  Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A.  Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

Q.  How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
A.  They both have ornamental balls.

The other night I was playing poker with Tarot cards  I got a full house and 
        three people died."

Q.  How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?
A.  It's fucking close to water!

Q.  What goes klippedy clop,  klippedy clop, klippedy clop... BANG!!?
A.  An Amish drive by shooting!!

Q.  How is a passionate kiss like a spider's web?
A.  Both lead to fly's undoing!

Q.  I hear Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding are purchasing a race horse...
A.  Michael's' going to ride the three year old, and Tonyas' going to handicap 
    it!

Fifty Yards to the Out House by Willie Makeit
Brown Spots on the Wall by the famous Chinese author Lo Flung Poo
The Yellow River by I.P.Daley

They have a jury for OJ.  They found 12 guys who had never heard or seen OJ  
12 professors at USC.

                                     - List compiled by sUMsDos [BTW President]
