Top 10 Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of a Department Store - December
22, 1992

10. Macing a perfume tester.
9. You and a friend each stand in one leg of the extra-large slacks.
8. Announce over K-Mart loudspeaker that for next 15 minutes, all male
shoppers can take a shot at Jaclyn Smith.
7. Try on red-and-white striped sweater, walk around store screaming,
"I'm Waldo!"
6. Repeatedly ask salesman in men's department to measure your inseam.
5. Squeeze into outfit from kids' department, tell clerk you "can't
find Mommy."
4. Your idea of testing a mattress involves a Thermos-full of Rob Roys
and a couple of hookers.
3. Block the down escalator for an hour doing Stairmaster-style workout.
2. Keep shouting from dressing room: "Boy - do I look weird naked!"
1. Licking the mannequins.
