-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=- - - - Anarchy Inc. Presents... (although knowing nothing about) - - - - "THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE MODEM GEEK" - - - - by: - - A Modem User - - - -=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=- Welcome to the not long-awaited, not talked-about, not seen-on-TV Anarchy text file. You must note at this time (if you haven't already, then you are RETARDED) that this file is processed for 80 columns (Lord only knows how I managed it, since I'm a lowly 40-column'er.) But enough drivel. On with the text-file... (taken from Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary) com-put-er \kum-'pyut-ur\ n, -often attrib- (1646) : one that computes; -specif-: a programmable electronic device that can store, retrieve, and process data -- COM-PUT-ER-LIKE \-lik\ adj geek \'ge\ n [prob. fr. E dial. -geek, geck- fool, fr. LG -geck-, fr. MLG] (ca. 1942): a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usu. includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake From these dictionary entries, one would assume that a "computer geek" is an electronic circus performer that does terrible things with animal heads. However, today's society has rapidly changed the meaning of these words for their convenience. Many of you have probably heard/been called/called some- one a "COMPUTER GEEK," so I will not go into details about this subject, as I have no idea where the name came from. It will be taken for granted that we all recognize and pretty much know whhat the definition of a "computer geek" is. Also note that the term "computer geek" (It's getting a bit repi- titious, so let's just call them "geeks") has nothing to do with a computer wimp. The computer wimp is somebody anxious to get his first computer, etc. yet doesn't know what he's doing. A geek is one that has already gotten his first computer, and knows EVERYTHING there is to know about programming and what have you. Also note that the not-so-often-heard term "computer bum" is something entirely different (i.e. a computer bum is one that uses his com- puter for term papers, games, and to let out frustration physically on...). The geek (as you recall, we now call our little friends simply geeks, for easy reference and less strain on the boredom factor) always has a few nas- ty habits. Here is a short, compiled list of the geek's habits: WHAT THE COMPUTER GEEK TENDS TO DO ---------------------------------- 1) Races another of his kind to the computer room just as lunch hits. 2) Carries all printouts, disks, and programming books in his backpack. 3) Carries almost everything else he owns in his backpack. Geeks do not use their lockers at school, or their desks at work, for storage. 4) Uses his computer until as late as he can get (i.e. until "mommie" tells her precious darling it's nighty-night time, or if he has to study for next month's calculus test). 5) When called a "computer geek," informs the insulter that at least he has a future ahead of him, while the offender will get in trouble and spend the rest of his life rotting in a jail cell. Who cares if he's Class President? This is just a short list (excluding, of course, all the stereotypes of the average geek) of what our friends do so far. Anybody offended? Well, I hope so. It's about time you were! ROMANCE AND THE COMPUTER GEEK This will be short, as geeks see girls as "cootie-spreaders" and that all they will want is S-E-X. However, as the geek reaches the point in his life where he needs somebody of the opposite sex, he will do with about any girl that can't beat him up. (This excludes many females, where only the bottom of the barrel remains.) Told you this would be short! MODEM GEEKS I won't go into detail about the modem geeks, since there are quite a bit of text-files around that cover them. Let me just go over a few of the fav- orite expressions of this special division of computer geeks (note: this is no evidence that all computer geeks are modem geeks, or vice-versa. Hardly any computer geeks own modems, as they have trouble communicating with any- body, anywhere.) FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS OF THE MODEM GEEK 1) "Hi. My name is [GEEK'S PSEUDONAME, IF ANY] and I would appreciate it if all of you would send me E-mail and be my friend." 2) "Hey pleeeeease send me some E-mail! I'm real lonely, but I'm real cool, too! Leave me mail and we'll be best pals!!!1" 3) "Okay you meanies you got me real mad! I'll kick any of your a**es anytime!" 4) "Well, I live three states away, so I can't beat you up. Too bad, but leave me alone you MEEEEANIE!!!!!1" ...So much for the modem geek. Our next section has to do with the "fun" things of the geek. Note: I am =NOT= referring to the good points of being a computer geek, as there are no good points. No, I'm talking about the fun things that geeks do (Or, in short-vice-versa-whatever, what computer geeks like to do for fun)...Here we go: THINGS COMPUTER GEEKS DO TO GET THEIR JOLLIES 1) Play "Traveller" -- by the book, and no other way. 2) Read OMNI magazines... And nothing =BUT= OMNI magazines (other than 2 or 3 dozen computer magazines) 3) Help their teachers clean blackboards (While in an occasional "nasty" mood, they may jeer at their "Absolutely ignorant" computer V teachers with PhD's in electronics, if and when they make a "costly mistake" in class). 4) Go to the arcade and splurge their hard-earned quarters that they manage to hide away from the neighborhood bully, who always steals their shoes and unzips their backpacks when they aren't looking. 5) Occasionally (but only occasionally) they just might go to the mall down the street At the rate we're going, I could go on forever with all of these fun lit- tle tidbits of slander, but I won't, for the primary reason of not hurting any of our little friends' feelings (If they cry over their keyboards, they might get a short-circuit in the ZX388059 chip, found just behind the CC013 primary CCU in the motherboard)... Or whatever. THE END (Betcha never saw one of those in a text-file before! HA!)