Once upon a time...
In a galaxy far, far away...........
Vrrrrrrrrzaaaaaaap ! The VC finally decides that the fact that only half
the connectors on his CGA card are actually making contact with the
motherboard nust have something to do with the machine refusing to boot.
The VC appologises for the fact that this entry appears to have very
little to do with the galaxy far far away, but wishes to remind people
that it is totally unnecessary to travel huge distances to  far away
galaxies when ours is just as interesting. Anyway the spell of Modemicus
Workicus is now perfected (someone having just rung the VC's doorbell,
thrust a Dowty Quattro into his hand and said 'What is it, does it work
?')he will try the smoke spell, which is a little bit rusty now so
produced a rather dusty brown smog instead of the usual scented haze ...
    Conan the Slayer, as usual, enters the room... choking on the horrible 
 smog that was left behind my the VC. Lifting his arms he said ' Oh God,
please make this story more interesting. No more of this crap! '
Zarivov Klendrax was floating merrily through space, when a strange cloud
of extra-weronian origin appeared in front of him:
    "What's this?" he cried "Intelligent life this far out in the
galactical spiral?"
    'No' we all cry 'Its just Foundation's Sysop after 20 pints of beer
and 3 cans of Heinz Baked Beans!!'
    "I must investigate this strange blue and white planet - it may be
ripe for conquest!"
     So off he flew towards earth - and by some mischance he landed in
Stu's backgarden...
'Ah, but', interjected the Mighty Hobbit, 'how can Stu look even slightly
intelligent after 20 pints of beer ?' And then, for a moment, he suddenly
begins to sound like Son of.Skull several months ago. He whines 'Why don't 
none of you buggers ever call me board ?' His attack over, the mighty
Hobbit decides that it's probably best if he goes and lies down somewhere
quiet and safe.
    'Coz it's not as good as some other boards, Conan repled.  And anywya
You leave to far away!!
     Conan also added that that wasn't really Conan but somebody
inpersonating him. Even though, Hobbit board is too far away. And it
itsn't as good as any others !
Canon than said that the Hobbit dindt do much to make his bord better, so
whose going to use it?
     For a long time silence roamed.... all was still..... it seemed there 
 was nothing living in Stu's backgarden.
You mean silence rained and we all got wet!!
The Mighty Hobbit interjected at this point with the comment that he kept
on adding to his board to make it different. He also pointed out that with 
some suggestions from the users, he could add those little things that
they wanted. He said in a sort of whinny voice "How the bloody hell am I
supposed to make it better if you don't tell me what you want ?"
 
He then buggers off again for another six months.
      For the Hobbits pleasure, Conan added ' I know what would make your
board better.. why don't you move to Ipswich. It'd make it 100% better for 
 me. ' And with that (As so many other people say) Conan (For the first
time ever) cast a smoke spell. Poof, the smoke cleard and Conan still
stood there. 'Damn I forgot to dissapear' and then Conan walked out of the 
 room complaining about the cost of spells these days.
It seems to the mighty sage of bollexia (he's back!) that someone has cast 
 a 'spelling' spell on Conan of quite a worthy power.  Only three spelling 
 mistakes in 7 lines is a remarkable feat!!  The sage also agrees with
Conan's idea for the Hobbit's Burrow, moving to Ipswich would be best for
everyone...