/* * Pundit.rc * Source for Pundit resources * * Author: Jeff Bienstadt * * Environment: * * Run-Time: Microsoft Windows 3.0 * * Compilers/Tools: * Microsoft C 6.0 * Microsoft Windows SDK 3.0 * */ #include #include "pundit.h" jkbPundit ICON pundit.ico jkbPundit MENU BEGIN POPUP "&Menu" BEGIN MENUITEM "&Settings...", IDM_SETTINGS MENUITEM "&About Pundit...", IDM_ABOUT MENUITEM SEPARATOR MENUITEM "E&xit", IDM_EXIT END END STRINGTABLE BEGIN 1, " Kleptomaniac: A rich thief." 2, " Labor: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B." 3, " The shortest distance between two points is under construction." 4, " Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission." 5, " Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence..." 6, " Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses." 7, " Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game." 8, " The most powerful force in the world is that of a frisbee straining to land under a car, just out of reach." 9, " Never precede any demo by a comment more predictive than \042Watch this!\042." 10, " It is bad luck to be superstitious." 11, " If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law." 12, " For every action there is an equal and opposite government program." 13, " When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut." 14, " Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check." 15, " A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat." 16, " Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object." 17, " Pro is to con as progress is to Congress." 18, " The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action." 19, " Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots." 20, " Bank error in your favor. Collect 200!" 21, " Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof." 22, " Help! I'm trapped behind a Window!!!!" 23, " If anything can go wrong, it will." 24, " This fortune intentionally left blank." 25, " Look out! Behind you!" 26, " A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." 27, " It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious." 28, " In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake." 29, " Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse." 30, " Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight." 31, " Any given program, when running, is obsolete." 32, " Any given program costs more and takes longer." 33, " If a program is useful, it will have to be changed." 34, " Any given program will expand to fill all available memory." 35, " The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output." 36, " Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it." 37, " There's always one more bug." 38, " Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it." 39, " It works better if you plug it in." 40, " Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out." 41, " Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some." 42, " The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent." 43, " Progress is made on alternate Fridays." 44, " If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization." 45, " Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.\012 Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats." 46, " You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom." 47, " If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.\012 -- Mark Twain" 48, " Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved\012 -- Mark Twain" 49, " We have met the enemy, and he is us.\012 -- Walt Kelly" 50, " Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing." 51, " There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write." 52, " 1.) If the document should exist, it doesn't.\012 2.) If the document does exist, it's out of date.\012 3.) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws." 53, " Probable-Possible, my black hen,\012 She lays eggs in the Relative When.\012 She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now\012 Because she's unable to postulate how.\012 -- Frederick Winsor" 54, " Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.\012 -- H. L. Mencken" 55, " Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.\012 -- Mark Twain" 56, " If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?" 57, " The shortest distance between two points is off the wall." 58, " Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels." 59, " You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself." 60, " Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left." 61, " Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head." 62, " Dawn: The time when people of reason go to bed." 63, " While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his." 64, " Did you know that clones never use mirrors?" 65, " There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...\012 -- Ambrose Bierce" 66, " The goal of mechanical engineering is to build better mousetraps.\012 The goal of genetic engineering is to build better mice." 67, " Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should." 68, " Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." 69, " Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat." 70, " If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?" 71, " An elephant is a mouse with an operating system." 72, " A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard" 73, " It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem." 74, " Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are." 75, " Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday." 76, " Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate." 77, " Those who can't write, write manuals." 78, " Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him." 79, " A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." 80, " It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag." 81, " SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!\012 POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!" 82, " Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.\012 -- W.C. Fields" 83, " There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.\012 --Mark Twain" 84, " Beware of low-flying butterflies." 85, " Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you." 86, " You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance." 87, " Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it." 88, " You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry." 89, " A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep." 90, " The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work." 91, " Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.\012 -- D. J. Hicks" 92, " What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?\012 -- Peter S. Beagle" 93, " Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued." 94, " Wasting time is an important part of living." 95, " Nihilism should commence with oneself." 96, " Nudists are people who wear one-button suits." 97, " In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily cancelled." 98, " Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone." 99, " UNIX is like sex - if you've tried it, you can't get along without it, if you haven't you really have no idea what the fuss is about." 100, " Give your child mental blocks for Christmas." 101, " Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings." 102, " Xerox never comes up with anything original." 103, " George Orwell was an optimist." 104, " Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks." 105, " Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." 106, " Hail to the sun god\012 He sure is a fun god\012 Ra! Ra! Ra!" 107, " Tangent tangent cosine sine\012 three point one four one five nine\012 Caltech! Caltech! Rah!" 108, " Brain fried -- Core dumped" 109, " Remember now, no more jokes about eununchs." 110, " Q: What's an IBM man-year?\012 A: 730 people trying to get a project done before noon." 111, " Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process..." 112, " \042There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.\042" 113, " Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs." 114, " Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs." 115, " Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves." 116, " Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work." 117, " As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.\012 --Einstein" 118, " \042We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.\042\012 --Ernestine" 119, " Flappity, floppity, flip\012 The mouse on the mobius strip;\012 The strip revolved,\012 The mouse dissolved\012 In a chronodimensional skip." 120, " Oh, dear, where can the matter be\012 When it's converted to energy?\012 There is a slight loss of parity.\012 Johnny's so long at the fair." 121, " 100 blocks of crud on the disk,\012 100 blocks of crud!\012 You patch a bug, and dump it again:\012 101 blocks of crud on the disk!..." 122, " If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will." 123, " Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example." 124, " Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." 125, " Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of." 126, " A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.\012 -- Mark Twain" 127, " Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell." 128, " Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking\012 -- H. L. Mencken" 129, " Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener." 130, " The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.\012 -- John McNulty" 131, " Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management." 132, " Diplomacy is the art of saying \042nice doggy\042 until you can find a rock." 133, " A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat." 134, " Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again." 135, " Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers." 136, " Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move." 137, " Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.\012 -- Oscar Wilde" 138, " You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof." 139, " If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing." 140, " In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on.\012 This person must be fired." 141, " Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them." 142, " Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them." 143, " If you hit two keys on the keyboard, the one you don't want will get to the screen first." 144, " Science is true. Don't be misled by facts." 145, " 1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.\012 2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points." 146, " Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal." 147, " Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle." 148, " When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy." 149, " Among economists, the real world is often a special case." 150, " How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on." 151, " Superiority is recessive." 152, " When it is possible for programmers to program in English we will find the programmers cannot write in English." 153, " The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord." 154, " One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone." 155, " If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in." 156, " At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer." 157, " If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it." 158, " Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address." 159, " The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group." 160, " Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion." 161, " Justice: A decision in your favor." 162, " Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date." 163, " Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen." 164, " Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.\012 -- Mark Twain" 165, " Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of." 166, " The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune." 167, " The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal.\012 -- Anatole France" 168, " God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh." 169, " To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units." 170, " Predestination was doomed from the start." 171, " Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." 172, " Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.\012 -- Mae West." 173, " When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them." 174, " What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are." 175, " Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate." 176, " If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you." 177, " Software makes hardware happen." 178, " Hugh Hefner is a virgin." 179, " Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills." 180, " History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion -- i.e. none to speak of.\012 -- Lazarus Long" 181, " ...the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.\012 -- Letter in NEW LIBERTARIAN NOTES #19" 182, " If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.\012 -- Jerry Dreshfield" 183, " Hackers do it with all sorts of characters." 184, " Hackers know all the right MOVs." 185, " Hackers do it with fewer instructions." 186, " Hackers do it with bugs." 187, " Mathematicians do it in theory." 188, " Statisticians probably do it." 189, " Statisticians do it with 95% confidence." 190, " Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning." 191, " Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal)." 192, " Politicians do it to everyone." 193, " Test makers do it sometimes/always/never." 194, " Procrastinators do it tomorrow." 195, " Evangelists do it with Him watching." 196, " God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can choose our friends." 197, " Hofstadter's Law:\012 It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account." 198, " There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects." 199, " The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.\012 This means that only left handed people are in their right mind." 200, " To be is to do\012 -- Hegel\012 To do is to be\012 -- Marx\012 Do be do be do\012 -- Sinatra" 201, " Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.\012 She scissored short. Sorely shorn,\012 Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed\012 Silently scheming,\012 Sightlessly seeking\012 Some savage, spectacular suicide.\012 -- Stanislaw Lem" 202, " \042If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.\042\012 -- Yiddish saying" 203, " I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.\012 -- Linus van Pelt" 204, " Courage is the fear of being thought a coward.\012 -- Horace Smith" 205, " When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.\012 -- Jonathan Swift" 206, " Lady Astor: If you were my husband, Winston, I'd put poison in your tea.\012 Winston Churchill: If I were your husband, Nancy, I'd drink it." 207, " Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.\012 -- David Frost" 208, " Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.\012 -- Oscar Wilde" END SETTINGS DIALOG LOADONCALL MOVEABLE DISCARDABLE 20, 21, 153, 112 CAPTION "Pundit Settings" STYLE WS_BORDER | WS_CAPTION | WS_DLGFRAME | WS_POPUP BEGIN CONTROL "OK", IDOK, "button", BS_DEFPUSHBUTTON | WS_TABSTOP | WS_CHILD, 11, 83, 30, 14 CONTROL "Cancel", IDCANCEL, "button", BS_PUSHBUTTON | WS_TABSTOP | WS_CHILD, 51, 83, 30, 14 CONTROL "Save Settings", IDC_SAVE, "button", BS_PUSHBUTTON | WS_TABSTOP | WS_CHILD, 88, 83, 52, 14 CONTROL "", IDC_INSCROLL, "scrollbar", SBS_HORZ | WS_CHILD | WS_TABSTOP, 6, 25, 110, 9 CONTROL "", IDC_OUTSCROLL, "scrollbar", SBS_HORZ | WS_CHILD | WS_TABSTOP, 6, 46, 110, 9 CONTROL "Seconds In", -1, "static", SS_CENTER | WS_CHILD, 15, 17, 95, 8 CONTROL "Seconds Out", -1, "static", SS_CENTER | WS_CHILD, 15, 38, 95, 8 CONTROL "Time", -1, "button", BS_GROUPBOX | WS_TABSTOP | WS_CHILD, 2, 9, 149, 55 CONTROL "", 200, "static", SS_BLACKFRAME | WS_CHILD, 120, 23, 25, 12 CONTROL "", 201, "static", SS_BLACKFRAME | WS_CHILD, 120, 44, 25, 12 CONTROL "", IDC_INSECS "static", SS_RIGHT | WS_CHILD, 121, 25, 23, 8 CONTROL "", IDC_OUTSECS, "static", SS_RIGHT | WS_CHILD, 121, 46, 23, 8 END ABOUTBOX DIALOG LOADONCALL MOVEABLE DISCARDABLE 22, 17, 144, 80 CAPTION "About Pundit" STYLE WS_BORDER | WS_CAPTION | WS_DLGFRAME | WS_SYSMENU | DS_MODALFRAME BEGIN CONTROL "Pundit v1.0", -1, "static", SS_CENTER | WS_GROUP | WS_CHILD, 0, 5, 144, 8 ICON "jkbPundit", -1, 61, 20, 0, 0 CONTROL "by Jeffrey K. Bienstadt", -1, "static", SS_CENTER | WS_GROUP | WS_CHILD, 0, 44, 144, 8 CONTROL "(c) 1990, Gen2 Systems", -1, "static", SS_CENTER | WS_GROUP | WS_CHILD, 0, 54, 144, 8 CONTROL "OK", IDOK, "button", BS_DEFPUSHBUTTON | WS_GROUP | WS_TABSTOP | WS_CHILD, 53, 64, 32, 14 END