 
>       WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
> 
>    Dear Maid,
>    Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
>    bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove
>    the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
>    and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way. Thank
>    you,
>                                             S. Berman
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Room 635,
>    I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
>    from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
>    dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
>    way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should
>    change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my
>    instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.
>    I hope this is satisfactory.
>                                             Kathy, Relief Maid
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.
>    Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
>    little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found
>    you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
>    I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
>    own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on
>    the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
>    Please remove them.
>                                             S. Berman
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mr. Berman,
>    My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which
>    we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were
>    in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your
>    Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your
>    convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are
>    always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and
>    which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please
>    let me know if I can of further assistance.
>                                             Your regular maid,
>                                             Dotty
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
>    Dear Mr. Berman,
>    The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
>    called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
>    service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will
>    accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any
>    future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal
>    attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  Thank you.
>                                             Elaine Carmen
>                                             Housekeeper
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Miss Carmen,
>    It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
>    business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM.  That's the
>    reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.
>    I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
>    bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
>    new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
>    medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
>    bath-room shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little
>    bars of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?
>                                             S. Berman
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mr. Berman,
>    Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
>    room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance,
>    please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  Thank you,
>                                             Elaine Carmen,
>                                             Housekeeper
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>    My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my
>    room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and
>    had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
>                                             S. Berman
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mr. Berman,
>    I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
>    I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our
>    maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a
>    room. The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my
>    apologies for the inconvenience.
>                                     Martin L. Kensedder
>                                             Assistant Manager
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
>    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>    Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last
>    night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars
>    of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize
>    I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial.
>    Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
>                                             S. Berman
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mr. Berman,
>    You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
>    Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing
>    so I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken
>    and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic).  I don't
>    know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid,
>    Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24
>    Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea
>    this hotel issues bath-size Dial.  I was able to locate some
>    bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
>                                             Elaine Carmen
>                                             Housekeeper
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>    Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
>    inventory.
> 
>    As of today I possess:
> 
>    - On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of
>      4 and 1 stack of 2.
>    - On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
>      stack of 3.
>    - On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1
>      stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
>    - Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
>      stack of 2.
>    - In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
>    - On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
>    - On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
> 
>    Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks
>    are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of
>    more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom
>    window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future
>    soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of
>    bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to
>    avoid further misunderstandings.
>                                            S. Berman
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 

