
Online Entertainment Tonight
by Muffy Mandel

Vaporware Corporation continues to demonstrate its commitment to the
entertainment field.  On the eve of the first anniversary of the
debut of Random Access Humor, Vaporware Corporation announced the
leveraged buyout of entertainment conglomerate Bean Counters & Bean
Sprouts, Ltd.  

One of BCBS's major holdings is a controlling interest in Two Time
Productions (TTP), the motion picture production company headed by
Hollywood icon Chintzy Gardner.  Chintzy is famous for his low budget
remakes of famous films.  His biggest hits include: _Two Coins in the
Fountain_, _Two Days of the Condor_, and _The Second Man_.  Chintzy's
features have an average running time of 55 minutes, which saves a
lot on production costs and makes them ideal for later televising.
TTP recently entered the world of television production with the
popular series, "Prison Terms of the Rich and Famous."  The series,
narrated by Stacey Keach, features Mike Tyson and Leonna Helmsley in
early episodes.

The most important BCBS holding, from the point of view of Vaporware
Chairman Luther Lecks, is the vast library of Bean Counter Films, one 
of the first major production companies to feature the online world
in its productions.  The library includes such triumphs as: 

My Board
    MacCauley Culkin is typecast again as a nauseating pre-pubescent
    sysop who pesters everyone while learning to deal with loss after
    his hard-drive crashes.

Lord of the Files
    The tale of a tyrannical file co-sysop and the efforts of bands
    of "user partisans" to liberate the files for the people.

History of the Online World - Part 0
    Segments include:
    "The Pre-Breakup Empire" - trying to get online with no choices.
    "The Inquisition" - filling out those nosy new user surveys.
    "The Modem Price Revolution" - 9600+ for less than $1 billion. 

Quest for Files
    Modemless natives of a low-tech land seek new programs the hard
    way.

The Modem of Dorian Gray
    Poor Dorian seems trapped in time waiting for his 1200 baud modem
    to finish a large download.

The Hacker Josey Wales
    The fastest keyboarder in the Old West (San Jose in the 1970s).

Planet of the Tapes
    Fantasy adventure tale of backups gone wild.

The Neverending Download
    The story of a young UART gone bad.

The Witches of Sunnyvale
    Based on the life story of certain scientists on the Industrial
    Smoke and Mirrors research staff.  The most amazing things come
    out of their bubbling cauldron of silicon. 

The other major component of the BCBS conglomerate is the "Le Petite
Legume" chain of bean sprout and chili paste emporiums in malls
around the country.  Dr. Kung Hoo, Vice President of Research & 
Development for Vaporware Corporation, believes these restaurants may
provide an excellent means of disposing of waste silicon and other
detritus of high-tech production processes.  According to Dr. Hoo,
melted silicon wafers look and taste surprisingly like tofu.  "They
even have the same nutritional value," the good doctor claimed in an
interview given after the acquisition.  "Any differences in taste
will covered up by the chili paste.  Trust us."                 {RAH}
