STE:How to win your unsaved spouse  by John Macarthur

   I. Introduction

   Tonight, in our study of the Word of God, we come to a very
important subject and a very important text. I want to encourage you to
open your Bible now to 1Peter 3. In 1Peter 3:1-7, we have the subject,
"How to Win Your Unsaved Spouse; How to Lead Your Partner to Christ;
How to Witness or Give Testimony to Your Mate." This is a very
instructive passage, a very important one. One that applies to all of
us, either directly or indirectly, because we are either married to an
unsaved person, or we know someone who is, and have the opportunity to
share these truths, I trust, with them.

   Now as we approach the passage, let me give you just a basic grasp
on the flow of thought in this epistle, because it is necessary for
interpretation. One of the elements of Bible interpretation is context.
You cannot interpret any given passage apart from the context of other
passages in which it is set. Now Peter is writing to some Christians.
Christians who have been scattered and are undergoing certain
persecutions. In fact, those persecutions are, in some cases, quite
severe. So Peter is writing to persecuted Christians with the goal in
mind of encouraging them. Encouraging them on how to live in the midst
of a hostile society. How to conduct yourselves in a world that is set
against you.

   Generally, he tells them to sort of elevate themselves and turn
towards their living hope in Christ. In other words, "Get out of the
world mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and focus on what is eternal
and what is heavenly. Keep your mind on the eternal Christ, keep your
mind on His glorious future for you, on His glorious resources. Don't
get caught up in the fuss down here, get your focus upward."

   Now he directs their attention in three ways. In the first part of
the book he says, "Now I want you to focus on your living hope in
Christ, first of all, by remembering your great salvation." And in 1:1
through 2:11, he focuses on remembering our great salvation, which is
the basis for our future hope. Secondly, he moves from the past to the
present, and from 2:12 on, he basically says, "Remember your example
before men." In the past remember the great salvation which provided
your living hope, in the present you remember your responsibility to be
an example before men, and that subject goes from 2:12 all the way
through verse 4:6. And we are in the middle of that section.

   And he saying, "In the midst of hostility and persecutions,
rejection, in a society that doesn't believe the way you do and makes
it difficult for you, remember the necessity of your example before
men." And then the final section of this great epistle, from 4:7, says,
"Look to the future and remember that Jesus is Coming."

   So you have three perspectives in looking at your living hope;
remember your past salvation; remember your present witness; and
remember in the future that Jesus is coming. That's how we are to live.
Now we find ourselves, as I have said, in this middle section. We are
discussing this whole matter of living in the world, in such a way, as
to reach the world for Jesus Christ. It is important that we maintain
our testimony.

   Now the bottom line is this, that if we are going to have an
exemplary testimony in the world, the hostile world, and if we are
going to be used to win people to Christ, then our lives have to be
characterized by a certain basic characteristic. What is it? Would you
notice verse 13, the first word, "Submit." Verse 18, "Servants be
submissive." Chapter 3, verse 1, "Wives be submissive."

   Now what Peter says is this, you are going to be caught up in a
hostile world, and that hostile world will manifest itself in all
social relationships, of which there are three primary ones, the
government, the workplace, and the family. Those are the three social
environments in which we live, going from the greater to the lesser.

   The biggest social environment in which we live here is the United
States of America, and we are therefore answerable to the government,
and the government of the state as well, and the city, and the local
municipalities, and so forth. The next arena of social relationship in
which we exist is our workplace. We have responsibility within our
employment to submit ourselves to those in authority over us. The
smallest location of our social involvement is in the family. And in
each case he says submit.

   In 2:13 he says, "Submit to the government." In 2:18 he says,
"Submit to your employer." And in 3:1, in regard to marriage, he says,
"Submit to your partner." The bottom line in our testimony in this
society in which we live, is submission. That's the key word.

   You will notice also in verse 7, it says, "You husbands, likewise."
And the "likewise" picks up the same thought of submission. Now this is
a very basic and essential concept. If we are to have an impact in our
culture, then we must submit to the social order, to the social
structure, and the social patterns that God has designed. We cannot be
rebels. We cannot demand our rights. We cannot feel superior to social
order. Now let me review the problem for you just briefly.

   II. The Problem

   A person becomes a Christian, immediately because they are a child
of God; and because they now have a higher authority, namely the Lord
Jesus Christ; and because they now have a higher standard of living,
the Bible; and because they are now citizens of Heaven; and because
there is a sense in which they have been translated out of this world,
they could easily feel, first of all, superior to their society. As a
result of that, they could be indifferent to the dictates of that
society.

   They could say, "Look I belong to God, I am a Christian, I am a
citizen of Heaven, I don't belong here, I am a stranger and an alien,
as it says back in verse 11, and I am really not interested in paying
any attention to governmental laws. I am not interested in coming under
the authority of any employer, and I am certainly not interested in
listening to some unsaved spouse, or deferring to them. I live on
another plain."

   You could feel sovereign over the law, sovereign over your employer,
you could feel sovereign over your mate, and that is the very opposite
of what you ought to feel. You see, we have been left here for one
reason, and that is an evangelistic purpose. We are here to make Christ
known to this society. We are here to make Christ known in the
workplace. We are here to make Christ known in the family. Those are
the three environments of our existence. And the principles of conduct
are given here, that can lead to the most effective Christian testimony.

   If we want to be effective in the society in which we live, if we
want to be effective in the state, then we must submit, verse 13 says,
to every human institution. In other words, we must show that we are
not rebels, we are not problematic, we are not superior, we are not
indifferent to society's order, we are submissive. We are model
citizens.

   In verse 18, we are to be model employees, submissive to our
masters, with all respect, whether they are good and gentle, or whether
they are unreasonable.

   III. The Question

   And now we come to this third and smallest area of social
responsibility, the family. And the question is, "What does a wife do
when she is married to an unsaved husband? What does a husband do when
he is married to an unsaved wife? Does he feel superior? Does he lord
it over her? Does he treat her with indifference because she is not a
citizen of the Kingdom? And what does she do? Does she reject his
authority who is a non-Christian husband, because she has another
authority, Christ? Does she demand her rights, both physical and
spiritual, because she has now been elevated? What is the proper
responsibility of each partner when married to an unbeliever?"

   Now please notice, these verses, in chapter 3, are not a discourse
on male and female status. They are not a discourse on Christian
marriage. This is not even a discussion of Christian marriage. This is
a discussion of a mixed marriage, where you have a Christian partner
and a non-Christian partner. That's the whole context here. How does a
Christian live in an Unchristian society? How does a Christian live in
a non-Christian place of employment? How does a Christian live with a
non-Christian partner? That's the whole context of this passage.

   How do we relate in this most significant of human institutions,
marriage, when we have a partner who is not a Christian? This is a
very, very, important matter. Now remember, we are to live a certain
way in our society, why? "So that people will observe our lives, " says
verse 12, "And glorify God in the day of visitation." In other words,
they will be saved. We are also to be submissive to our masters or our
employers, for this will find favor with God. How? By making gospel
truth real, as people can see it through our lives. And the same is
true in the family.

   IV. Wives with Unsaved Husbands

   Now we begin with wives, and Peter, I want you to understand is not
bias, but he gives six verses to wives, and one verse to husbands. Now
somebody might say, "That's a little out of balance." But it isn't, and
there is every important reason why, and that is because when a wife
became a Christian, the potential for difficulty in the marriage was
much greater than when the husband became a Christian. Because a
husband was already in charge anyway. And in that society if a husband
became a Christian, the wife would dutifully accept that since she had
no mind of her own, at least she was not allowed to have one. So the
potential for conflict was greatly lessened.

   A. The Roman View of Women

   But when a woman, who was viewed as a slave or an animal, and not
much more, became a Christian, independently of her husband, the
potential for conflict and embarrassment, and difficulty was much
greater, and that is why Peter gives much more attention to that
particular problem. Becoming a Christian can pose some serious problems
today, it posed some serious problems then. A woman becomes a
Christian, and all of a sudden, she feels superior to her husband. She
feels, now that she knows what the Bible teaches and belongs to God,
she knows so much more than he does, how can he be the leader in the
family?

   Not only that, she keeps meeting these wonderful men at church, who
are fine outstanding Christians, and she becomes envious of them and
she becomes indifferent to her own husband, and much more attracted to
other men who love Christ, because she sees in that the potential for
such a wonderful life. This can lead to great serious problems.

   In the Greek culture, in which Peter lived, and the people of course
to whom he wrote were scattered in the Greek world, for a woman to
change her religion, without her husband doing it, was unthinkable.
Why? Because in Peter's day, women were treated like sheep and goats.
Their opinion was considered irrelevant, immaterial, and unwanted.
There was a basic principle called "Patriis Protestis" [sp.] and what
it meant was, while single and living in her father's house, a woman
was under her father's power. He could literally kill her if he wanted.
And when she became married, she was under her husband's power and her
could literally kill her if he wanted, and in both cases there was no
legal recourse.

   So the woman was thought of as merely as one who served the needs of
the male population. But all of a sudden a woman, let's say, becomes a
Christian. And she understands the principle of Galatians 3:28 which
says, "In Christ there is neither male or female, we are all one in
Christ." She realizes that, in Christ, she has reached a level of
living, that her unsaved husband knows nothing about. She is free in
Christ; she has a new Lord and a new master, and it would be easy for
her to treat her husband with disdain, with indifference, or even with
rejection.

   If she is not careful, he can become very distasteful to her and
even repulsive. But this is no different than the situation of a
worker, who has an ungodly employer, who feels the surge to put him in
his place, who feels superior because of conversion. The society, in
which Peter lived, would say things like this, this is an old quote,
"Women must remain indoors and obey their husbands." I mean, that is
what they thought of women. Women were often abused, they were often
killed.

   So it was important then to realize what life must have been for a
woman who became a Christian, independently of her husband. The abuse
could escalate. It would be immensely embarrassing to the husband,
because no woman ever did that independently of her husband. So he
would be very embarrassed among his peers. He would be very nonplussed
about this mystical relationship she had with this Jesus Christ. For
her to be bold enough and brave enough to do that could put her in a
position where she would suffer abuse.

   In the early church there were lots of secretive meetings, and some
are prone to think they were secrets not only to hide from the
government but to hide from the husbands, because there were many women
who gave their lives to Christ. So the reason that Peter directs these
six verses at women is precisely because of this potentially difficult
social problem. And again I say that if a man came to Christ, well the
woman tacitly, at least outwardly, if not inwardly, would affirm
Christ. She really didn't have an opinion in that culture anyway, so it
wasn't of great consequence. He would still be in charge, he would
still be the authority, so there wouldn't be quite the difficulty. But
for a woman to come to Christ would be extremely problematic. So that's
the issue.

   B. The Wife's Mission

   How then does a Christian wife relate to her unsaved husband? In
such a way as to fulfill her mission. And what is her mission? What's
our mission? To win people to Christ. How is she to conduct herself to
win that unsaved husband to Jesus Christ? Lets look at the answer here
in our text. Before we see what Peter tells her to do, let's see what
Peter doesn't tell her to do, all right?

   C. What She is Not to Do

   1. Don't Leave Him

   He doesn't tell the Christian wife, please note this, to leave her
husband. He doesn't tell her that. He doesn't say, "Now that you are a
Christian, get out of there and find yourself a Christian man. Find
somebody who thinks like you do, who loves Christ like you do, have a
happy union with that person. Shake that husband and get out!" No, he
doesn't say that. And it is a good thing he doesn't say that because it
would be wrong. 1Corinthians 7:13, do you remember this, "A woman who
has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her
not send her husband away." What does that word mean in the Greek, let
her not what? Divorce him. If you have an unsaved husband, don't
divorce him. Paul says that's forbidden by God. In fact, the next
verse, 1Corinthians 7:14 says, "The unbelieving husband is sanctified
through his wife."

   In other words, the Blessing of God will spill over on that man,
just because God is blessing you, he'll get the benefit. You see, a
non-Christian man married to a Christian, doesn't know how fortunate he
is. Because she is a child of God, and God is pouring out blessing on
her, because she is so blessed and she is so enriched, he benefits. It
doesn't mean he gets salvation through that means, it simply means
outwardly, in this life, he is blessed. This is not inward
sanctification but outward grace, it spills over on him because of her.

   So the unsaved husband may stay, and if he wants to stay, then that
believing wife, should let him stay. That's God's plan. You say, "What
if he wants to leave?" Same text, 1Corinthians 7, it says, "If the
unbelieving one leaves, " verse 15, "let him leave." The brother or
sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to
peace." If he wants out, you got to let him go, you are not in bondage.
That is, the bond is broken. For verse 16, "For how do you know, oh
wife, whether you will save your husband? Or husband, how do you know
whether you will save your wife?" In other words, the point is this, if
he wants to stay, let him stay. But, if he wants out, because he can't
tolerate your Christian testimony, then let him go. And then you say,
"Now wait a minute, I want him to stay so he will get saved." And Paul
says, "Now look, you will have nothing but war in the house, and that
is counterproductive, and you don't really know whether he will get
saved anyway. So don't try to hold that thing together if it creates
confusion and chaos. That's the point.

   So Peter says basically the same thing by saying nothing. He doesn't
tell the woman to leave. Don't rebel, don't leave. Stay, and do all you
can to win that husband, but if that husband wants out and leaves you,
then you are not under bondage anymore, the marriage is broken. Don't
fight "tooth and nail" to hold it together, thinking you are going to
lead him to Christ, in an uncomfortable, chaotic, confused, warlike
environment. That's not productive.

   2. Don't Preach at Him

   Second thing that he doesn't say. He doesn't tell her to preach at
him. He doesn't tell her to argue with him. He doesn't tell her to
harangue about the gospel. He doesn't tell her to put Bible verses on
the bottom of his beer cans. He doesn't tell her to put evangelistic
tracts under the pillow in his bed. He doesn't tell her to badger him
about the gospel. He doesn't tell her to call her pastor, and have the
pastor come to the house some night when she knows that he is home
alone, loaded with all of his guns. Peter doesn't tell her that. He
doesn't say glue Bible verses on the refrigerator. He doesn't say
anything like that.

   3. Don't Demand Your Rights

   Thirdly, he doesn't tell her, she is now equal to the man, so she
should demand her rights. He doesn't say that either. She is equal, of
course, to any other believer, spiritually, but she still has a marital
role to fulfill. In Christ, there is neither male nor female, they are
one. But in marriage there is headship and there is submission.

   D. What She is to Do

   So you say, "Well, what does he tell her?" Well, let's find out.
Verse 1, "In the same way you wives, be submissive to your own
husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, "
that is they are unsaved, "they may be won without a word, by the
behavior of their wives." That's the basic point. He says if you want
to win that husband to Christ, if you want to do all you can, and only
God knows whether that will happen, but if you want to make the maximum
impact on the life on an unsaved man, then be a "submissive wife."

   That's it! If you want to make a maximum impact on the society in
which you live, then be a model submissive citizen. If you want to make
the maximum impact in your job, then be a model submissive employee.
And if you want to make a maximum impact on your unsaved husband, be a
model submissive wife. It's the same principle.

   1. Be Submissive

   Three specific duties are outlined here, let's look at them very
briefly. Number 1, submission and its intention, and that is verse 1,
"In the same manner, " he says, or it could be translated, "likewise."
"In the same manner, " as who, verse 13, the same manner as citizens
submitting, verse 18, the same manner as employees submitting. Here it
says, "In the same manner," or likewise you wives be submissive.
"Hupotasso" means to be in subjection, to line up under, it is used in
military contexts, realize that you have to take your place as
subordinate to the leadership and the headship of your husband. This is
God's design for marriage. Women are not inferior in character, they
are not inferior in intelligence, they are not inferior in virtue, they
are not inferior in spirituality, they are not inferior in giftedness,
they are not inferior in any way period. They have been simply given a
role that puts them in the place of submission to a headship, which is
residing in their husbands.

   Please note this, "Be submissive to your own husbands." And every
time in the Bible when such an injunction is made, always it says your
own husband. Always the possessive pronoun is there, the intensive
possessive pronoun. "Be submissive to your own husbands, " which speaks
of the intimacy and the bonding of marriage. This is God's design.
That's of course what 1Corinthians 11:5 says, Christ, of course is the
head of man, and God is the head of Christ, the man is the head of the
woman. That's what Paul wrote to Timothy, "I permit not women to teach,
nor to be in authority, not to take authority over men, they are to
learn in all subjection" 1Timothy 2:11-14.

   Now, the reason for this is so that, verse 1, "Even if any of them
are disobedient to the word." By the way, it is a first class
conditional in the Greek, which means that it is a reality. It could be
translated "since they are disobedient to the word." It assumes that,
that is the case, and "the word" here, I think, means "the gospel," the
word of reconciliation, and the word of salvation. They are basically
unregenerate, disobedient to the gospel. The issue is, submit to them
anyway, just as you submit to government, just as you submit on the
job, for the sake of their salvation.

   Look at the end of verse 1, "in order that, they may be won without
a word, by the behavior of their wives." Now please note this, he is
not saying that they will be saved without "the word, " not at all.
Because, back in 1Peter 1, do you remember what he said in verse 23?
"You have been born again not of seed which is perishable, but
imperishable, that is through the living and abiding Word of God.

   Salvation comes through "The Word." What he is saying here is, "That
they may be won without 'a word, ' not 'The Word.'" They can only be
won with "The Word, " but from the wife's viewpoint, it is more
important, "what you are," than, "what you say." That's the whole point.

   They are lost because they obey not "The Word." But they might be
saved without "a word." What do you mean by that? Without conversation;
without harassment from the wife, simply by the behavior of their
wives. My, what a wonderful, wonderful insight. The lovely, gracious,
gentle, submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband, is the
strongest evangelistic tool she has. It is not what she says, it is
what she is.

   The woman is to submit to her husband's leadership. That is a God
designed principle. "Wives submit to your husbands, " Ephesians 5:22,
"Wives submit to your husbands, " and in each case your own husband,
Colossians 3:18. The same thing comes from Paul in Titus 2:4 and 5,
"Young women are to be subject to their own husbands." Again, that
possessive pronoun is there every time such a statement is made.

   The woman is to submit to the husband's leadership. This is her
greatest tool of evangelism. The virtue of her wifely character. You
might be interested to note too, that this contributes to the happy
marriage. Obviously, the Bible wouldn't advocate it if it didn't. I was
interested in reading a MaGill University, Department of Psychiatry
report, MaGill University is a great Canadian University in the city of
Montreal.

   And in the report from the Psychiatry Department of MaGill it said,
"In the most successful marriages, the husband is emotionally stronger
than the wife. And there is a clear cut division of authority and
responsibility between them. It was noted that in marriages where wives
were emotionally dependent on their husbands, almost always produced
happier, better adjusted children." Obviously, that's true, because
that's consistent with God's design.

   2. Be Faithful

   The first duty of the wife then, is submission. To put it another
way, voluntary selflessness and dependence. There is a second
responsibility in verse 2, let's call this "faithfulness." Number one
is "submission, " number two is "faithfulness." Verse 2 says, "As they
observe your chaste and respectful behavior." Now that's a very basic
spiritual truth for a marriage. He's talking here about a pure life.

   What does "chaste and respectful" behavior mean? Well, basically it
means, irreproachable conduct. Faithful to her God, faithful to her
husband. Don't break trust. Do you want to win your unsaved husband?
One be submissive, two, be faithful, that's what chaste, respectful
behavior means. Chaste means pure, it means that you are not "fooling
around" with anybody else. It means that you are pure. Respectful, it
means that you have respect for him. You demonstrate that respect. You
never "get involved" with anyone else, and you show him proper respect.

   3. Be Modest

   The third principle, comes in verses 3-6, and it is modesty. You
have submission and it's intention, which is to bring him to Christ.
You have faithfulness, in verse 2, and then you have modesty. Please
notice verse 3, 4, 5, and 6. In verse 3 it says, "Let not your
adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold
jewelry or putting on dresses."

   Now, he comes to a very important matter, for the Christian wife,
trying to win her unsaved husband. He says, "Look, the normal," I want
to say this, knowing there is a risk involved, ". . .the normal
preoccupation of women is with the outside." And I think that we would
all agree with that, certainly in our society, the normal preoccupation
of women is with the outside adornment.

   He says, "Let not your adornment be merely external." You say, "Is
he against combing hair?" I don't think so. You say, "Is he against
wearing gold jewelry?" I don't think so. I don't think that he is
against that, after all, the beautiful woman, the bride in Song of
Solomon, was bejeweled, and wonderfully so. Is he against putting on
dresses? No, I don't think so. What he is saying is, "Let that not be
your incessant preoccupation, to the disregard to the character inside."

   Boy, they got really carried away, and I don't have time to give you
all the insight, but in the Greek and Roman world there was an immense
preoccupation with the outside. Cosmetics were big. Have you ever seen
the "punk rockers" with the purple hair, and the green hair and all
that? Nothing new, they had it in Greece. In the Roman time, women dyed
their hair purple, and they dyed their hair red, and green, and yellow,
and all kind of colors. They waved it. They braided it elaborately.
They piled it higher, and higher, and higher, and higher, in one of
those "beehive" things.

   They wore wigs, and they were especially fond of wigs made of blond
hair, taken from people outside of their particular part of the world.
They wore hairbands, they wore pins, they wore combs, they wore ivory
Tortoise shell jewelry in their hair. They wore gold and pearls, silk,
and emeralds, and diamonds, and all that kind of stuff. They really
"laid it on." It wasn't any different than the "fashion plate"
mentality of today. People literally tied fortunes up in their
clothing. And since they were pretty well decked from neck to feet in a
garment, most of it showed up on their face and their head, where it
could be seen, and where their wealth and their pride could manifest
itself most visibly.

   This isn't anything new, listen to the Lord's indictment of Israel,
in Isaiah 3, listen to this, "In that day," verse 18, "the Lord will
snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent
necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and
ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet
rings and nose rings, the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the
purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls.
Instead of fragrance there will be a stench; instead of a sash, a rope;
instead of well-dressed hair, baldness; instead of fine clothing,
sackcloth; instead of beauty, branding" (NIV). Pretty straight forward
stuff, right?

   Women have always tended, fallen women, to be preoccupied with the
outside. But that's not the true beauty. And I will promise you ladies,
that external beauty does not capture the heart of the husband, if
there is nothing on the inside. Peter doesn't condemn all outward
adornment, but what does he say? Verse 4, "Let your adornment be the
hidden person of the heart." That's where the true beauty is. Hey, when
you got married, it wasn't long before you really weren't too conscious
of what she looked liked. But you became very conscious of what she was
like inside. That's the true beauty.

   Christianity has always existed in a world of luxury and a world of
decadence, and Peter says, "Don't you spend your time and money
adorning your body." And you know that is a temptation. Here is a
woman, she's got an unsaved husband, she doesn't have much of a happy
relationship with him, and so she simply turns the other direction and
spends her life indulging herself to make her external beauty all that
it could possibly be and more.

   Peter says, "Don't do that. That's not how you win him to Christ."
If you are going to be preoccupied, let it be with the hidden person of
the heart. What do you mean? I mean the inner person, the inner person,
character, virtue. "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency
and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive
clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to
worship God" (NIV), 1Timothy 2:9- 10. Work on the virtue of your life,
work on your character, that will make you far more beautiful. By the
way, the most beautiful women on the inside tend to be very beautiful
on the outside, have you noticed?

   Have you ever noticed how makeup can't change an ugly disposition?
And have you noticed how makeup can't enhance a beautiful disposition?
What is it that we are to do in adorning the inner person? Look again
at verse 4, "You are to adorn the inner person with the imperishable
quality of a gentle and quiet spirit." Gentle means meek, quiet means
just that, peaceful, calm, in control. The word spirit means
disposition.

   The most beautiful kind of woman is the woman with a meek, gentle,
peaceful, calm, quiet disposition. That is the inner virtue that a
woman is to pursue, and that is what wins the heart of a man. Not only
that, would you please notice, "It is precious in the sight of," whom?
"Of God." It is highly valued by God (1Peter 3:4). Now again, he is not
forbidding all outward adornment. He is saying that you must work on
the inside. Don't confuse spirituality with tackiness or sloppiness.
That calls attention to the outside and betrays a heart that is
unconcerned to reflect the beauty that God has given to a woman.

   But the fact is, you are to be modest and to work on the inside.
Look at verse 5, he gives an illustration, "For this is the way the
holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make
themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands"
(NIV). Who are the "holy women?" Old Testament saints, they hoped in
God." What does that mean? That they were true believers. He says, "I
am not telling you anything new, but in Old Testament times, those
women set apart unto God, who put their hope in God, used to adorn
themselves. In what way? In submissiveness to their husbands. That's
the proper adornment. They are the models to follow.

   I think about that when I think about all of the magazines. Patricia
and I were walking through a market the other night and I walked by the
magazine rack and saw all those magazines and she commented on them.
All those magazines with women on the front of them, I can't even tell
you the names of them. I remember "Self" was one of them,
"Mademoiselle" was another one, and "Something Woman, " and "Something
Woman, " and "This Woman," and whatever. I didn't see the picture of a
man on any magazine. Everyone of them had a picture of a woman.

   And we call those women "models" don't we? Models of what? For mercy
sakes! Models of virtue? No. Models of character? No. Models of purity?
No. Models of inner beauty? No. Models of modesty? No. Models of
submissiveness? No. Models of what? They are mannequins. Whatever there
is, is hanging on the outside and there is nothing on the inside, that
you would want to follow, in most cases. So if you want a model, don't
buy "Mademoiselle." Get your Bible and look for the holy women who are
submissive to their own husbands. They are the models that you are to
pattern your life after.

   And he names one in verse 6, "Sarah." Sarah is a model. She is a
model that you ought to look like. She is a model that you ought to
pattern your life after. Why? Because she obeyed Abraham. She is a
model of obedience. She called him "lord." That wouldn't be real
popular today. "Yes lord, what do you want?" Do you see how far you
women have drifted? It's Biblical. "Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him
lord." By the way, "calling him" is in the present participle, the
present tense, constantly calling him lord, constantly in submission to
him. Why does he chose Sarah here? Because of the next statement, "You
have become her children if you do what is right without being
frightened by any fear" 1Peter 3:6.

   He knows that if you are a believer, you are a child of Abraham by
faith, right? You remember that don't you? Very clearly outlined in
Romans 4:11-12 and Galatians 3. We are the children of Abraham by
faith, and so he's just kind of tagging on to that, and saying you will
not only be the children of Abraham, by faith, but you will be the
children of Sarah, Abraham's wife, by following her.

   So he is saying, "Christian women who follow the pattern of Sarah,
can be called Sarah's children as well as Abraham's children." You are
not only children of faith, but you are children of submission. You not
only follow the faith of Abraham, but the submission of Sarah, if you
do what is right. That's what it says in verse 6, if you do what is
right. "Without being frightened by any fear, " what do you think that
means? Intimidated.

   I believe every single society since the "fall" has tried to
intimidate a woman who wanted to be submissive to her husband. I don't
think that is new. There are fears in being submissive, potential
fears. If you are a Christian wife and you had an unsaved husband, you
might be afraid to totally submit, for fear where it might lead you.
Into what sin it might result. We have to stop short of that.

   But Peter says, "Don't be intimidated. Don't be frightened. Don't be
fearful. Just do what's right, and what is right, is to submit to your
husband. That's the principle. Its the principle of submission. Its the
principle of purity. Its the principle of modesty. That's how you win
your husband without a word.

   You want to win that unsaved spouse; be submissive; follow the
beautiful pattern of Sarah, calling him lord, doing what is right; be
pure and faithful to him, in the physical and the emotional area; be
modest, decorate the inner beauty that may manifest itself on the
outside, and don't get preoccupied with trying to fix the outside, when
the inside isn't what it ought to be. That's how you live as an alien
and a stranger in a marriage, with the hope of influencing your husband
for Christ.

   V. Husbands with Unsaved Wives

   A. What He is to Do

   1. Be Submissive

   Finally, verse 7, "turn the tables." How does a husband win an
unsaved wife? That's less frequent but does happen. "You husbands
likewise..." What do you mean "likewise" Peter? "You submit too!" There
is a submission on our part. Go back and read Ephesians 5:21, "Be
subject to one another, " wives to the husbands, husbands to the wives.
We don't submit to the authority of the wife. We don't submit to the
leadership of the wife, to the headship of the wife, but we do submit,
listen to this, to the needs of the wife.

   We subordinate our own little world and our own little agenda to
meet the needs of the woman who is our wife. Even if she is not a
Christian. Verse 7 says, "You husbands likewise," you have to submit
just like the wife, just like the employee, just like the citizen. He
is talking to Christian husbands, "You husbands," which means he is
writing to the scattered believers. "You are the Christians, and you
have got to take care of your wife. By the way, in that culture, a man
could just kill his wife, as I pointed out.

   According to Roman law [at that time], "If you were to catch your
wife in an act of infidelity, you could kill her without a trial. But
if she were to catch you, she wouldn't venture to touch you with her
finger, she has no such right." So you could just kill your wife if you
wanted to get rid of her.

   But what is the responsibility of a Christian husband when he has an
unsaved wife? Should he bolt the situation saying, "I'm going to find
me a Christian girl, you're outta here?" What should be his attitude?

   2. Be Considerate

   Three things, number one, very briefly, consideration. "Live with
your wives in an understanding way" (v. 7). Present tense, constantly
be continuing to live with your wife in an understanding way, that's
"gnosis" again, that's knowledge. Deep, experiential knowledge. What do
you mean? Sensitive to her needs, sensitive to her feelings. And I
believe it includes the sexual aspect as well. It includes intimacy,
because knowing someone means having an intimate relationship, remember
that? "Cain knew his wife and she bore a child."

   You are to live with your wife in the most intimate way possible,
sexually, emotionally. That doesn't change. "Live" is the word
"sunoikountes", it means to be together with someone in the house. Stay
intimate, stay close. By the way that same word, "sunoikountes" is used
in the Septuagint for intercourse. So he is definitely talking with
sexual overtones. You are to live with your wife in a deeply intimate
way. Don't cut yourself off from her deepest, physical, emotional
needs, just because she is not a Christian.

   You fulfill that dimension, far from abusing her or ignoring her or
being indifferent to her. You are to be sacrificially sensitive to that
unsaved woman. You are to be thoughtful. You are to be respectful. That
would frankly be kind of a revolutionary thing in that culture. For a
man to become a Christian, and all of a sudden become totally
respectful, and sensitive, and feeling towards his wife who didn't want
anything to do with Christ, would really be cross-grained.

   But that's exactly what it says. "You are to nourish her, " in the
words of Ephesians 5, cherish her, protect her, insulate her, maintain
that deep, deep, sensitive intimacy.

   3. Chivalry

   Secondly, not only is there to be consideration, but there is to be
chivalry. That's a good old word, isn't it? What does he say in verse
7? You have to live with her, "as with a weaker vessel, since she is a
woman." She is a weaker vessel. What do you mean by that? Well, first
of all "weaker" is a comparative. What's it compared too? Weak, so just
keep that in mind. She's weaker, but you're, what? Weak! So don't get
over confident about your great ability. You're weak, she's weaker.

   What does it refer to? Physical, emotional, natural weakness. A
woman is physically weaker. She must be protected, she must be provided
for, she must be nourished, she must be cherished. So husbands, if you
have an unsaved wife? Maintain deep intimacy with her. Sensitivity to
all of her needs, and understand that she needs your protection, she
needs your provision.

   4. Be a Companion

   Third word, companionship. Consideration, Chivalry, Companionship. I
love this, "Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life."
What's the "grace of life?" It's not eternal life, it's not saving
grace. Grace simply means a gift. What's the best gift that life has to
offer? Marriage. That's God's grace gift to everybody. You are heirs
together.

   That's a very important statement, he is not speaking spiritually
here, he's speaking maritally. We know that he is talking about an
unsaved wife because he says, "You husbands likewise," and he ties it
into 3:1, where you have a Christian in an unsaved environment, 2:18,
where you have a Christian in an unsaved environment, 2:12 and 13,
where you have a Christian in an unsaved environment.

   So he is saying, "Look, you must live with her as a fellow heir of
the grace of life. Cultivate companionship, friendship. Respect her as
heirs together of the grace of life, the best that life has to offer,
the topping on life." This calls for fellowship, partnership,
friendship, companionship, communion. That too was foreign in Peter's
day when women were not allowed at all to associate as friends, even of
their own husbands. They were at best to clean the house and to bear
children.

   So he says husbands, "Do that". And if you are not considerate, and
if you are not chivalrous, and if you are not a companion, look at the
end of verse 7. "your prayers will be hindered." What do you think he's
praying for? He's praying for what? The salvation of his wife, but that
prayer is going to be hindered, if he is not treating her in this way.
However, with deep intimacy. With great protection, provision, and with
friendship, companionship. Then his prayers won't be hindered.

   VI. Conclusion

   So how do you win an unsaved partner? By living an exemplary
Christian life. Just that simple, just that simple. Whether you are in
the government, seeing yourself as a citizen. On the job as an
employee. In the home as a marriage partner. The role is always the
same, you submit to God's ordained pattern for that social
relationship, and you live it out to the maximum to please God. And God
will honor you as a testimony wherever you are.

   Let's bow together in prayer. "Lord, thank you for such straight
forward and encouraging advice and truth. Lord, we understand that
there are some even gathered with us in this wonderful service tonight,
who are in the situation outlined right here. So Father we pray, not so
much for the salvation of the partner, as we pray for the virtue of the
Christian in that marriage. Bless those wives who have unsaved
husbands, make them all that you want them to be. Bless those husbands
who have unsaved wives, make them all that a husband should be, in
order that they might win that partner. In order that their prayers for
the salvation of their mate might not be hindered. For Jesus' sake.
Amen."
