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TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE CHURCH OF THE ANTI-SOCIAL UNHOLY BIBLE BANGERS

10. Killing is NOT allowed on every wednesday of every third month beginning
with an "E" on every other summer equinox during a eclipse!

9. All masses are required to send all valuables and personal belongings of a
value not less than ten dollars at your local pawn shop to the Church as a
weekly tithe!

8. All children will be sold to the black market...hell sell yourself while
your at it and send the money as your weekly tithe!

7. Any spare change you find must be immediately donated to the church since it
will eventually be ours anyway!

6. The 7th day of the week shall be observed...so shall the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th,
5th and 6th!

5. Donating blood is illegal...and is punishable by death whereupon we will
sell your body's organs for a much bigger profit!

4. All members of the church will be REQUIRED to speak pig latin in actual
latin!

3. Sex must be had at least 12 times a day with any man, woman, child, object,
animal or anything else you can think of. Originality shall be rewarded!

2. Correction of the matriarch of the church is punishable by death whereupon
we will sell your organs for a much bigger profit!

1. Upon admittance into the church, you are required to commit hari kari
whereupon your death, we will sell your organs for a much bigger profit!

Upon realization that you are cattle, you will be allowed to join. Bring your
own prod! Praise "BoB"...or kill me!



The choir sings...

* Now, I was sitting in my room on one fine day, when I heard
*  these strange voices coming from the inside of my head
* It was a strong, hard voice of a man who said he was Jesus,
*  and he had a master plan that would change my life and
*  maybe some others, too.
* He told me that I should go down to Ace hardware and buy this
*  big cattleprod with my Dad's Mastercard, so I obeyed him
*  blindly.
* So I bought the cattleprod and took it back home, when I head
*  the voice again.  This time it said I should go out in the
*  public and just shove it up people's butts.

* You gotta understand, it's just what I heard
* It might be my hand, but it's not my word
* You think I'm odd, and a little crass
* But I'll still shove the cattleprod up your ass.

* I'm cattleprodding you for jesus
* You won't mind if it hurts just a bit
* I'm cattleprodding you for jesus
* You might be in pain but I don't give a shit

* So, I'm in a courtroom, 'cause I got arrested sticking the
*  cattleprod up some policeman's butt, and I tell the judge
*  what exactly is my story.
* He says I'm a psycho and I should be locked up because I'm
*  sick and, hey, you know, it might be true, but at least my
*  objective is clear.
* I think it's important to remember that you get what you want
*  out of life, and follow your instincts and desires
*  whichever way they tell you to go.
* And even though I'm sitting here in prison not doing anything
*  with my religious beliefs being subjugated, my conscience
*  is clear, and I know God loves me.

* I'm cattleprodding you for jesus
* I'm only doing it, you know, because I love you
* I'm cattleprodding you for jesus
* My job is so big, there are just too many of you


Thank you fellow slacker for inspiring us with that wonderful rendition of
Candle Proddin' for Jesus!

