                     EPISODE GUIDE FOR
                     THE BRITTAS EMPIRE

By Matthew K. Sharp  (917316@edna.cc.swin.edu.au)

Version 1.0       Current as of 15 December 1994.

------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to:
        Peter Tatchell (comedy historian extraordinaire):
                for the loan of Radio Times to get the
                titles for series 2 and 3, and the
                synopsis for 3-3.
        Larry Hancock (Larry_Hancock@tvo.org):
                for the details for series 5, episodes 1
                to 6.
        Murray C Park (mpark@mpark.demon.co.uk):
                for the details for series 5, episodes
                7 & 8 and X94.

NB.  The titles for series 1 and 2-7 in "" are titles which
        I have invented in lieu of the correct ones, which
        were unavailable at the time of publication.  This
        will hopefully be corrected in future editions.  If
        you have any info, please send it to the address
        above.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
BRIEF SYNOPSIS:  Superior British farce series set in the 
Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre, detailing the trials and 
tribulations of its over-zealous manager, Gordon Brittas, 
and his staff.

Series written by Richard Fegen & Andrew Norriss.
     (Who also wrote Chance In A Million -
                        episode guide coming soon!)

MAIN CHARACTERS:

Gordon Wellsley Brittas (Chris Barrie):  The manager of the 
          leisure centre; he has a dream to bring to world 
          together through sports.  He is always terribly 
          eager to see that things are done by the rule 
          book; however, it is an awfully complicated rule-
          book, and this tends to lead him to disaster.  But 
          he means well.  Despite what happens, he never 
          sets out with malice in his heart.

Helen Brittas (Pippa Haywood):  His wife.  Living with 
          Gordon for ten years has turned Helen into a 
          nervous wreck, forever popping pills.  She 
          occasionally visits "Uncle" Simon in London to do 
          for him, and has been known to indulge in 
          kleptomania.  Why she stays married to Brittas is 
          an utter mystery.

Laura Lancing (Julia St. John):  Deputy Manager, Dry.  
          Efficient, practical, understanding; everything 
          Brittas is not.  Was previously married to a rich 
          American, but things didn't work out.  
          Occasionally seems to have some sort of attraction 
          to Brittas; if only he weren't so irritating.

Colin Weatherby (Michael Burns):  Deputy Manager, Wet.  Not 
          so much a walking wounded as a walking wound, 
          Colin is often found injured, hurt, or in some way 
          oozing. A great believer in homeopathy, although           
          it never seems to work.  Is dim enough to follow 
          Brittas and be his willing lackey in schemes which 
          usually end in him being further damaged.

Carole Parkinson (Harriet Thorpe):  Receptionist.  Has had 
          rather a spell of bad luck - her husband left her 
          with a three week old baby and an unpaid mortgage 
          before running off with another woman.  Can 
          usually be found crying at the reception desk, in 
          a drawer of which she keeps her son Ben. 
          Subsequently had twins (Tom and Emily - fathered           
          by Brittas), also kept in drawers. The children 
          have since become acclimatised to small spaces, 
          and Ben went on to use the whole of the 
          ventilation system as a playground.

Linda Perkin (Jill Greenacre):  Eager employee of the 
          leisure centre - too young and innocent to realise 
          she should get out while she can.

Tim Whistler (Russell Porter) and 
Gavin Featherleigh (Tim Marriot):  In all the time Brittas 
          has been at the centre, he has never really 
          tumbled to the fact that this pair are in fact 
          lovers, although he did once ask Gavin to see if 
          he could spot any behaviour which might suggest 
          Tim was a "left footer".  Tim is the more forceful 
          of the pair, although he seems more insecure, as 
          he's always jumping to conclusions whenever 
          Gavin's name is linked with that of a lady's - 
          which, with Brittas around, happens more often 
          than you'd think.

Angie (Andree Bernard):  Brittas' secretary (first series 
          only).  Obviously got sick of Brittas very 
          quickly, since before very long she was replaced 
          by...

Julie (Judy Flynn):  Brittas' secretary (second series           
          onward).  Gets great pleasure from constantly 
          disobeying Brittas or ignoring his requests 
          completely.  And let's face it, who wouldn't?


------------------------------------------------------------

WHITBURY NEWTOWN LEISURE CENTRE

"Semper Omnibus Facultas"

Water Temperature:
Main Pool   72 F
Small Pool  80 F

Has had the boiler room flooded, several doors removed (one 
of which had Gavin nailed to it), caught fire twice, 
attacked by Roman centurions and blown to smithereens.

On a good day, attendance figures average above zero.


WHAT HAPPENED AT (TO?) ALDERSHOT?

Well, that's a good question.  All we know is that Brittas
caused three and a half millions pounds worth of damage,
that he had to dig people out, and that he was promoted and
given a bravery medal for his efforts.  He received a number
of excellent references from Aldershot, and some kind of
gift, the details of which have temporarily slipped my mind.

------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES ONE.

1-1    3 Jan 1991   "The New Manager"

          Gordon:   I think I'll just pop out and tell [the 
                    children] I'm off.
          Helen:    Oh, do you have to?  They seem to be 
                    enjoying themselves.

          Gordon Brittas has been appointed as the new 
          manager of the Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre, 
          and his first day, before the centre is even open, 
          manages to provoke the builders to strike and 
          annoy most of his new staff - one wires himself 
          into the emergency lighting system, while another 
          attacks Brittas ninja-style with sharpened table-
          tennis bats.

          Pam's Son.....................Zander Ward
          Pam...........................Frances Low   
          Mrs Dapping...................Jo Kendall
          Neil..........................Gary Whitaker
          Damien........................Rory Murray
          Mrs Delgaro...................Ruth Silverstre
          Foreman.......................Ian Bleasdale


1-2   10 Jan 1991   "Opening Day"

          Helen:  Has he given his talk to the staff yet?
          Laura:  Yes.
          Helen:  Did anyone walk out?
          Laura:  Three.
          Helen:  Oh.  It was fourteen at Aldershot.

          It's opening day, and the doors keep jamming open, 
          the heating isn't working and the pool's leaking.  
          Brittas intervenes.  Now the doors won't open and 
          the place is like a hothouse thanks the the loony 
          stoker and his flooding boiler room.  Will the 
          entire staff faint before they can escape?  And is 
          there any way to stop Colin from shaking hands 
          with the Duchess of Kent?

          Boilerman Barnes..............Declan Mulholland
          Foreman.......................Ian Bleasdale
          Workman.......................Felix Bowness
          Electrician...................David Webber
          Michael.......................Davidson Knight
          Boy Scout.....................Ross McCall


1-3   17 Jan 1991   "Bye-Bye Baby"

          Laura:  You know what Brittas said - if he found 
                  it in here again, he'd confiscate it.
          
          Brittas finally finds out about Carole keeping her 
          baby in the desk drawers, and in the subsequent 
          removal of Carole and the baby, the baby goes 
          missing. Carole thinks Brittas has taken it and 
          goes berserk with an axe.  Brittas also manages to 
          bank up dozens of customers in the foyer and           
          destroy a relaxation lecturer while he's at it.

          Peter Philips.................David Dexter
          Woman In Queue................Maureen Morris
          Ken Owen......................Tony Millan
          Mrs Walsh.....................Jo Martin
          Derrick.......................Brian Stephens
          Rev Philips...................Tony Kirwood
          Mrs Philips...................Veronica Doran


1-4   24 Jan 1991   "Underwater Wedding"

          Helen:  I don't think God called Gordon at all - I 
                  think he just overheard a message for 
                  someone else.

          An underwater wedding in the main pool with the 
          best man stuck on the bottom; a drunkard in a 
          electric wheelchair speeding through the 
          corridors; Gavin gets shot through the arm with a 
          harpoon; and the centre is filled with poison gas.  
          It's just a normal day, really.

          Beverley......................Karan Bidmead
          Vicar.........................Geoffrey Banks
          Groom.........................Richard Lumsden
          Pam...........................Frances Low
          Mr Appleby....................Roy Alon
          Teacher.......................Charlotte Kasner


1-5    7 Feb 1991   "Stop Thief!"

          Dr Grey:  Tell me, did he really train for the 
                    Samaritans?
          Helen:    Oh yes.
          Dr Grey:  And they let him in?
          Helen:    Just the one evening - Black Friday they 
                    call it.  They lost four people in an 
                    hour and a half.  One of them was just a 
                    wrong number.

          The centre is closed, as Brittas is intent on 
          finding out which of the staff is a petty 
          pilferer.  So it's out with the questionnaires, 
          the UV sensitive powder in Brittas' wallet, and 
          the ultimate solution, hiding Colin in a locker to 
          spy on the staff room.

          Danny.........................Jake Abraham
          Mandy.........................Joanne Heywood
          Dr Grey.......................Steve Edwin
          

1-6   14 Feb 1991   "The Assassin"
          
          Helen:  It's quite an achievement, really - 
                  filling an entire hospital intensive care 
                  unit single handed.  It's a good score 
                  even for Gordon.

          Brittas has designed some overly-complicated 
          special offers to help lift attendance (from 43 in 
          the previous weekend).  But he may not be in 
          attendance himself much longer, as someone is out 
          there trying to kill him. Now who would want to do 
          a thing like that?

          Larry Whitaker................Mike Carnell
          Gerry.........................Andrew Bradley
          Steve.........................David Delve
          




Series One Technical Crew

Title Music              Frank Renton             [1-6]
Costume Design           Carol Lawrence           [1-6]
Make-Up Designer         Sally Bounden-Warren     [1-6]
                         Janice Sewell            [6]
Visual Effects Designer  Steve Lucas              [1-6
                         Andy Lazell              [4] 
Graphic Designer         Richard Maclay           [1-6]
Camera Supervisor        Ken Major                [1,3-6]
                         Chris Glass              [2]
Technical Co-Ordinator   Steve Lowry              [1-6]
Vision Mixer             Anne Stanley             [1-2,4-6]
                         Hilary Briegel           [3]
Properties Buyer         Emma Mitchell            [1-6]
Production Assistants    Tracey Gillham           [1-6]
                         Loretta Cocchi           [1-6]
Assistant Floor Manager  Cripsin Avon             [1-6]
Finance Assistant        Godfrey Marshall         [1-6]
Sound                    Graham Wilkinson         [1-6]
                         Dave Lee                 [1-6]
Videotape Editor         Roger Martin             [1-6]
Production Manager       Peter R. Lovell          [1-6] 
Lighting                 Harry Bradley            [1-6]
Designer                 John Bristow             [1-6]
Produced & Directed by   Mike Stephens            [1-6]

                         (C) BBC  MCMXC



------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES TWO.

2-1    2 Jan 1992   Back From The Dead

          Helen:  He's not coming back.  He's dead.
          Julie:  I thought he was in Bulgaria.
          Helen:  Yes.  He's dead in Bulgaria.

          The leisure centre is deserted, until rumours 
          begin to circulate that Brittas is dead.  Bookings 
          pick up dramatically.  However, certain rumours 
          have exaggerated - Brittas is back!  Colin thinks 
          it's a ghost trying to take over someone's body so 
          as to return to the physical plane, and Carole 
          goes berserk thinking that the target is her baby.

          Baby Ben......................Phoebe Gilpin
          John..........................David Thorpe
          Woman.........................Brenda Cavendish
          Man...........................Karl Moffatt
          Lad...........................Martino Lazzeri

          
2-2    9 Jan 1992   Temple Of The Body

          Julie: Of course, there is the chance that I'm                    
                  only joking.  It's just possible that when 
                  you come in, I won't have taken my clothes 
                  off, and I'll be standing behind the door 
                  waiting to drop a filing cabinet on your 
                  head.

          The centre is closed - again - to try and stop the 
          staff using it for sexual purposes after hours.  
          Brittas finds a den of iniquity in a cupboard, and 
          drills a hole on his office floor to try and catch 
          the offenders. Brittas thinks Gavin may be the 
          Casanova, which causes a rift between Gavin and 
          Tim.

          Reporter......................Geoffrey Drew
          Photographer..................Graeme Smith
          Changing Room Girls...........Samantha Perkins
                             ...........Amanda Edwards
                             ...........Heidi Gjertsen


2-3   16 Jan 1992   An Inspector Calls

          Colin:  I tried creeping up on it, but they're got 
                  eyes like hawks, pigeons.  Well, more like 
                  pigeons really, I suppose...

          The centre is due for an inspection by the most 
          feared inspector in the Southern area.  Despite 
          Brittas' meticulous preparations, there's an 
          incontinent pigeon in the gym, and Brittas has 
          been berated about the head with a dead Eagle.  
          It's also Helen's birthday, and she's rather upset 
          as Gordon has given her a moped.  She's thinking 
          of leaving him, and it looks like he'll lose his 
          job as well.

          Old Man.......................John Baker
          Woman In Car Park.............Judith Pearson
          Mr Wilmot.....................Patrick Monckton
          Mr Kitson.....................John D. Collins
          

2-4   23 Jan 1992   Set In Concrete

          Brittas:  Colin, give him a hankerchief.
          Colin:   Don't worry about giving it back, Mr                     
                    Hanson, it's done its three weeks.
          
          Brittas is stuck in his office, as his feet have 
          been set in concrete by some irate masons.  This 
          and other similar occurances have convined Brittas 
          that the centre is suffering from Sick Building 
          Syndrome. Brittas calls in a specialist, but 
          strangely enough he can't find anything wrong with 
          the building...

          Graham Hanson.................Philip Shelley
          Squash Player.................Michael Crossman
          Stunt Woman...................Tracey Eddon
          Stone Mason...................Peter Schofield


2-5   30 Jan 1992   Mums And Dads

          Brittas:  Salt of the earth, that man.  Everything 
                    I am I owe to that man.
          Laura:    I must remember to thank him.

          Brittas' father has come to drop off an old 
          upright piano for Gordon; this is but the first of 
          two pianos, the other being a concert grand for 
          use by Vladimir Petrov (from Leningrad) in a 
          recital that evening. Can Vlad keep his fingers 
          intact until the evening? And can anyone stop 
          Brittas from playing the piano?

          Jim Brittas...................Robin Parkinson
          Petrov........................Damien Thomas
          Pianist.......................Vanessa Latarche
          

2-6   13 Feb 1992   Safety First
          
          Brittas:  Colin, you are dead!

          The centre is having a fire drill, Brittas style.  
          And since they suffered 82% casualities, they're 
          doing it again.  Helen is trying to give up her 
          pills, hoping to replace them with a loving 
          relationship (with Brittas?).  So she's prepared a 
          picnic lunch to have in the office, but she starts 
          to boil over as Brittas gets delayed dealing with 
          other things, not the least of which is trying to 
          pursuade Councillor Dapping to install a better 
          fire escape. She refuses, but when a fire breaks 
          out, she thinks otherwise.

          Police Constable..............Jonathan Stratt
          Victim........................Lee Fyles
          Mrs Dapping...................Jo Kendall
          Reporter......................Annabel Lambe


2-7   20 Feb 1992   "Labour Day"

          Brittas:  You're eight and a half months pregnant, 
                    and you haven't seen a doctor?
          Carole:   I suppose I hoped it would go away.
     
          A farmer has stopped in the leisure centre car 
          park to change a tire, and his heavily pregnant 
          prize-winning cow manages to snack on some labour-
          inducing figwort, actually meant for the heavily 
          pregnant Carole. The cows begins to give birth in 
          a squash court (and how did it get up the spiral 
          staircase?), aided by a gynaecologist. Carole 
          follows suit in the sauna helped by a vet.

          Mr Franklin...................Derek Benfield
          Buttercup The Cow.............Dawn
          Mr Garrick....................Ian Lindsay
          Vet's Dog.....................Roger
          Newcombe......................Brian Gwaspari
          Squash Player.................Tim Poole

          Oh yes, and Helen is pregnant with twins.
          



Series Two Technical Crew

Title Music by           Frank Renton             [1-7]
Casting Advisor          Judy Loe                 [1-7]
Costume Design           Carol Lawrence           [1-7]
Make-Up Designer         Denise Baron             [1-7]
Visual Effects Designer  Steve Lucas              [1-7]
                         David Viallis            [5]
Camera Supervisor        Ken Major                [1-4,6-7]
                         Chris Glass              [5]
Resource Co-Ordinator    Steve Lowry              [1-7]
Vision Mixer             Anne Stanley             [1-5]
                         Sue Collins              [6-7]
Properties Buyer         Emma Mitchell            [1-7]
Production Assistants    Margaret Hulse           [1-7]
                         Frances Mable            [1-7]
Assistant Floor Manager  Simone Dawson            [1-7]
Sound                    Graham Wilkinson         [1-7]
Videotape Editor         Roger Martin             [1-4,6-7]
                         Chris Wadsworth          [5-6]
                         Dave Rixon               [5]
                         John Sillitto            [7]
Production Manager       Peter R. Lovell          [1-7]
                         Charles Garland          [5]
Lighting                 Harry Bradley            [1-7]
Designer                 John Bristow             [1-7]
Produced & Directed by   Mike Stephens            [1-7]

                         (C) BBC  MCMXCI





------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES THREE

3-1    7 Jan 1993   The Trial
          
          Prosecutor: Would you describe your husband as a 
                   wealthy man?
          Helen:  Well, not really.  He gets a bonus on his 
                   salary for every hundred people through 
                   the doors.
          Prosectuor:  And the bonus last year?
          Helen:   Um, I don't think there was a bonus last 
                    year.

          Brittas is on trial for mass murder, possession of 
          drugs and GBH.  Could he really be guilty?  A tale 
          unfolds of a phantom super gluer, Carole's visions 
          of blood, toilet inspections, mafia men parading 
          as Bolivian squash players and an out of control 
          chain saw.

          Clerk Of The Court............Michael Fleming
          Judge.........................Harold Innocent
          Prosecutor....................Terrence Hardiman
          Eddie.........................Perry Fenwick
          Ramirez.......................Tony Allef
          Watts.........................Tim Kirby

          Stunts........................Frank Enson
                                        Bernard Barnsley
                                        Sadie Eden
                                        Dorothy Ford
                                        Jazzer Jeyes


3-2   14 Jan 1993   That Creeping Feeling

          Brittas:  Have you any idea how long it took me to 
               prepare those files?  My wife didn't see me 
               for three months.  Fortunately she was very 
               brave and cheerful about it actually.

          Brittas has received a parcel from a Lord Milbanks 
          in South America - a person from whom he parted on 
          less than ideal terms - but it appears to contain 
          only leaves, as the venomous spider it contained 
          has escaped and is roaming the centre.  But will 
          Brittas even find out? The staff are giving him 
          the silent treatment after he gave them less than 
          flattering physical fitness programmes.

          Debbie........................Lucy Hancock
          Dr Matthews...................Andrew Hilton


3-3   21 Jan 1993   Laura's Leaving

          [Some details currently unavailable - this episode
               has not been screened in Australia]

          "Gordon Brittas is about to host a conference for 
          leisure centre managers, and hopes to use the 
          occasion to spread his dream of universal 
          brotherhood. Laura has applied for a job 
          elsewhere, and Helen Brittas is convinced disaster 
          will befall the centre. She's not far wrong." 
          - from Radio Times.

          Mr Jackson....................Paul Humpoletz
          Youth.........................Jamie De'Ath
          Minister......................Colin Pinney


3-4   28 Jan 1993   Two Little Boys

          Brittas:  We have the odd trouble maker, Horation, 
               just like anyone else.  But you can't judge a 
               place by a couple of headlines in the 
               national press.

          Celebrations for the leisure centre's second 
          birthday are under way, although the pool is a bit 
          cold, due to a leak in the oil tank supplying the 
          heater. The oil is drained off into buckets and 
          bottles and old margarine containers and stored in 
          the old weights room; the perfect place, no-one 
          ever uses it for anything.  Except for somewhere 
          for the fire-eater to practice, or to put the 
          birthday cake with candles ablaze, or to store the 
          fireworks.
          Meanwhile, Gordon's twin brother Horatio is 
          having a lack of faith in himself and his ability 
          to spread the dream, and has turned to his brother 
          for help in keeping the dream alive.

          Mike..........................Andrew Barclay
          Steve.........................Peter Cockett
          Horatio Brittas...............Richard Braine
          Wendy.........................Lucy Briers
          Oil Tanker Driver.............Freddie Stuart
          Welder........................Ray Burnside


3-5    4 Feb 1993   Sex, Lies And Red Tape

          Michael:  Anyway, you knew what I was like before 
                    we got married.
          Laura:   I foolishly thought that you'd change.                    
                    The fact that you promised in a 
                    cathedral in front of two thousand 
                    people had something to do with it.

          It's Laura's birthday, and her estranged American 
          husband Michael T. Farrell III has come to visit 
          and take her back so he can get a son and heir and           
          inherit millions.  She's not so keen on him, 
          unlike the other staff members.  After all, he 
          wants to get Carole's novel published, and he's 
          donated 2500 pounds to the fundraising effort, 
          which is more than Brittas will raise with his 
          sponsored silence (no matter how much it relieves 
          the staff).

          Michael T. Farrell III........David Crean
          Stunt Arranger................Steve Whyment


3-6   11 Feb 1993   The Stuff Of Dreams

          Mr Johnston: I've never done anything like that
                         in my life.  I don't know what made
                         me hit him.
          Laura:  It's not as difficult as you'd think.

          Brittas has been having a dream - a sleeping type 
          dream - that he has a heavy burden (the running of 
          the centre) to pass on before he himself passes 
          on.  Helen is close to giving birth, and wants 
          Laura to drive her to the hospital.  She thinks 
          relying on Gordon is far too dangerous - she 
          doesn't want to give birth in the high street.  
          She wants to have her babies in a hospital bed 
          with doctors and nurses present; and she gets her 
          wish, in a sense.

          Mr Johnston...................Arthur Whybrow
          Medical Student...............Sean Gascoine
          Little Boys...................Alexander Mallen
                                        Jack Thorpe-Baker



Series Three Technical Crew
     (Details unavailable for episode 3)
                                      
Title Music by           Frank Renton             [1-6]
Casting Advisor          Judy Loe                 [1-6]
Costume Design           Annie Hardinge           [1-2,4-6]
Make-Up Designer         Lisa Westcott            [1-2,4-6]
Visual Effects Designer  Steve Lucas              [1-2,4-6]
Location Cameras         Ken Major                [1-2,4-6]
                         Ian Head                 [1-2,4-6]
Camera Supervisor        Alan Bayley              [1-2,4-6]
Resource Co-Ordinator    Steve Lowry              [1-2,4-6]
Vision Engineer          Chris Cotton             [6]
Vision Mixer             Sue Collins              [1-2,4-6]
Properties Buyer         Jean Mitchell            [1-2,4-6]
Assistant Floor Manager  Simon Foster             [1-2,4-6]
Production Assistant     Christine Gernon         [1-2,4-6]
Sound                    Graham Wilkinson         [1-2,4-6]
Videotape Editor         Roger Martin             [1-2,4-6]
Production Manager       Garrie Mallen            [1-2,4-6]
Lighting                 Harry Bradley            [1-2,4-6]
Designer                 John Bristow             [1-2,4-6]
Produced & Directed by   Mike Stephens            [1-6]

                         (C) BBC  MCMXCII



------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES FOUR

4-1   10 Jan 1994   Not A Good Day...

          Brittas:  If you want to do something useful, you 
                    can help me find my leaflet on 
                    bereavement.  It's called "Losing a 
                    Loved One - Ten Ways To Look On The 
                    Bright Side".

          Sebastian Coe (OBE MP) is at the leisure centre to 
          help promote Life Cycle Week ("I piddled for a 
          medal"), and ends up chained to a railing 
          accidentally.  The real object of the chaining up 
          is a small boy wandering the centre, the son of 
          one of the Classical War Society members, who are 
          staging a recreation of a battle in the playing 
          fields. When the member discovers Brittas has 
          placed his son under citizen's arrest, the Society 
          attacks the centre.  But despite all the chaos, at 
          least two people had a nice day.

          Sebastian Coe, OBE, MP........Himself
          Director......................Chris Underhill
          Wendy.........................Rosie Timpson
          Centurion.....................Colin Spaull
          Stunts........................Roy Alon


4-2   17 Jan 1994   The Christening

          Helen:  Oh, I feel so awful.  And today's just the 
                  day we need them.

          Brittas is arranging the christening of his twins 
          - with his staff doubling for about four people 
          each in rehearsals.  Horatio Brittas, who is 
          conducting the ceremony, has brought along the 
          girl he wishes to marry: Phillipa, a woman more 
          irritating than both Brittases put together.  She 
          even goes so far as to accuse Helen Brittas of 
          being a bad mother, which is perhaps only slightly 
          true; after all, she did lose the twins on the way 
          to the centre.  

          Horatio Brittas...............Richard Braine
          Philippa Belmot...............Jemma Churchill
          Pete..........................Roger Sloman


4-3   24 Jan 1994   Biggles Tells A Lie

          Julie: I suppose he wants us to treat him the                   
                  same way we would Mr Brittas.
          Laura: Or completely different in your case,                    
                  Julie, yes.

          Colin is looking surprisingly nice - and clean.  
          He's posing as manager to impress his long-lost 
          daughter Stephanie, who is visiting from 
          Australia, and he has to live up to the image he's 
          created in his letters.  Of course, this charade 
          can only be maintained as long as Brittas is still 
          away on his sailing holiday.  But that's not the 
          only reason to panic when he returns, for Carole 
          has been keeping a kitten without permission, and 
          Helen discovers to her horror that a naughty photo 
          of her has been printed in Plaything magazine, and 
          it must be destroyed before Brittas sees it.  Can 
          Gavin get it to the boiler and burn it before it's 
          too late?

          Stephanie.....................Beth Buchanan


4-4   31 Jan 1994   Mr Brittas Changes Trains

          Brittas:  It's all right, my darling, he's not 
                    going to hurt you.... All he's going to 
                    do is send you to sleep and put secret 
                    messages in your brain.

          Brittas is applying for a new job - the British 
          Representative on the European Leisure Industry 
          Standards Committee.  It's all down to being 
          impressive at dinner, but can Helen be cool, calm 
          and relaxed?  Well, no, not with her jaw locked 
          shut from stress, with the rest of her body 
          following.  Brittas needs to find a replacement, 
          and the lucky winner is Laura.
          Some of the staff members are suffering from the 
          effects of being used in a stage hypotist's act, 
          and whilst he's there to deprogramme them, he 
          tries to relax Helen.  He fails at this, but does 
          manage to put Brittas under, and alters his           
          personality until after the dinner.  But once it 
          wears off...
          
          Philip Silverman..............Guy Siner
          Policeman.....................Robin Yarnton


4-5    7 Feb 1994   Playing With Fire

          Jenny:  I mean, five years is a long time.
          Brittas: And you're worried he might have found 
                    someone else, are you?
          Jenny:  Well, I'd hardly blame him.
          Brittas: I think we can reassure you on that                     
                    score, Jennifer.  In all his years here, 
                    Gavin has not so much as looked at a 
                    woman.  Am I right, Julie?
          Julie:  Spot on, Mr Brittas...

          Gavin's fiancee Jenny has turned up after an 
          absence of five years; she's been in a mental 
          hospital and has supposedly been cured of her 
          habit of setting fire to things.  Gavin isn't 
          particularly pleased to see her, and Tim even less 
          so, despite Brittas' "helpful" councilling.  But 
          it appears that Jenny is not as cured as might 
          have been hoped; and Colin's methane generator 
          built for Energy Conservation Week is just the 
          kind of flammable target she's looking for.

          Jennifer Pelham Young.........Helen Patrick
          Taxi Driver...................Donald T. Allen


4-6   14 Feb 1994   Shall We Dance?

          Laura: I wonder if anyone's got any time to mop               
                  up a floor?
          Colin:  What's the problem?
          Laura: Oh, just some blood on the second floor 
                  landing, Colin.  Mr Brittas has been 
                  giving his marriage guidance classes 
                  again.
          
          The Southern Area Leisure Centre Gala Dance is 
          rapidly approaching, and it seems as though no-one 
          can get a suitable partner.  Colin has asked his 
          (transvestite) milklady, Linda is inviting an old 
          "school friend", and Tim and Gavin want to know 
          why they can't just go together. Carole has put 
          her name in the paper to advertise her 
          availability, and her ad is answered by her first 
          boyfriend, who has become rich over the years.  As 
          opposed to Michael T Farrell III, who has become 
          poor and wants to return to Laura.  But Laura is 
          supposedly going to the dance with Brittas, 
          fueling rumours that there is some form of 
          dalliance going on whilst Helen is in Cornwall.  
          Is it all as innocent as it seems?

          Michael T. Farrell............David Crean
          Chauffeur.....................Henry Cole
          Ron Sudbury...................Paul Mari
          Pauline.......................Lloyd Harvey
          Edward........................Hugh Dickson


4-7   21 Feb 1994   The Chop

          Brittas:  I'm not going to resign.  I've got years 
                    of work left in me.
          Drugget:  That's what frightens us.

          Councillor Drugget has been looking at the income 
          and expenditure figues, and as the latter is three 
          hundred times greater than the former, decides to 
          sack Brittas.  All he need do is find a reason, 
          and going through the accounts, finds one.  Three 
          hundred pounds is missing from petty cash; Helen 
          has borrowed it to buy an ex-cabaret dog.  But 
          Drugget threatens to charge Helen with theft, and 
          with her record she could well go to jail.  It's 
          Brittas' choice: either resign or see his wife 
          imprisoned.

          Jack Drugget..................Stephen Churchett
          Wayne The Dog.................Punch
          

4-8    7 Mar 1994   High Noon
          
          Tanker Driver:  What is going on here?
          Laura: Well, as far as I can tell, that elderly 
                  gentleman in the grey suit has just had 
                  his ignition keys confiscated until such 
                  time as he's cleaned his windscreen 
                  properly.

          Brittas finds another job pumping petrol, until he 
          applies his methods to the job.  He visits the 
          centre to give a cuckoo clock to the staff as a 
          going-away present, and manages to cause a gas 
          leak while he's there. The new manager is down at 
          the pub as the staff try to evacuate the building, 
          and comes out just in time to see the centre go up 
          in a fireball. Then it's discovered that Brittas 
          was in the basement.  Is this the end for the man 
          who survived Aldershot?

          Tanker Driver.................Al Hunter-Ashton
          Alan Digby....................Bruce Alexander
          Fireman.......................Mark Chapman
          Reporter......................Adjoa Ahdoh
          Ben...........................Jonathion Norriss



Series Four Technical Crew
                                      
Title Music by           Frank Renton             [1-8]
Incidental Music         Roy Moore                [8]
Casting Advisor          Judy Loe                 [1-8]
Costume Design           Annie Hardinge           [1-8]
Make-Up Designer         Lisa Westcott            [1-8]
Visual Effects Designer  Steve Lucas              [1-8]
Camera Supervisor        Alan Bayley              [1-3,6-8]
Grips                    Alan Boother             [2,8]
Vision Engineer          Chris Cotton             [2]
Location Cameras         Alan Bayley              [4-5]
                         Ian Head                 [4-5]
Senior Electrician       Bob Dawkins              [7]
Resources Co-Ordinator   Steve Lowry              [1-8]
Vision Mixer             Sue Collins              [1-8]
Properties Buyer         Alison MacMillan         [1-8]
Production Assistant     Gail Evans               [1-8]
Assitant Floor Manager   Beccy Fawcett            [1-8]
Sound                    Graham Wilkinson         [1-8] 
                         Dave Lee                 [8]
Videotape Editor         Roger Martin             [1-8]
Production Manager       Garrie Mallen            [1-8]
Lighting                 Harry Bradley            [1-8]
Designer                 John Bristow             [1-8]
Produced & Directed by   Mike Stephens            [1-8]

                         (C) BBC  MCMXCIV


------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES FIVE

     Further details on this series when they air in 
     Australia and/or I get my hands on the latest Radio 
     Times.

5-1   31 Oct 1994   ?

          Gordon, now a national celebrity, prepares to 
          welcome the Songs of Praise film crew to the newly 
          refurbished Whitbury Leisure Centre.

5-2    7 Nov 1994   ?

          Colin's run of bad fortune takes a further turn 
          for the worse as Gordon the Leisure Centre's over-
          zealous manager decides on a staff shakeup.

5-3   14 Nov 1994   ?

          Gordon visits Brussels for a job interview - but 
          his absence from the leisure centre causes 
          unexpected trouble.

5-4   21 Nov 1994   ?

          Laura's wealthy husband mystifies everyone by 
          applying for a job as junior pool attendant, and 
          Helen is spotted in a restaurant with her lawyer.

5-5   28 Nov 1994   ?

          Gordon decides to test his staff's capabilities by 
          letting Gavin take over as temporary manager for 
          the day.

5-6    5 Dec 1994   ?

          Gordon insists all his staff take a compulsory 
          drug test - but the results are soon called into 
          question.

5-7   12 Dec 1994   UXB

          As Brittas packs in preparation for his move to 
          Brussels, Helen decides she would prefer to stay 
          at home and look after the dog.  Meanwhile, Colin 
          discovers a bomb at work - something he feels 
          should concern Mr Brittas.

5-8   19 Dec 1994   The Last Day

          As Brittas prepares for his departure to Brussels
          as European commissioner for sport, he decides
          that an emergency water tank should be installed
          as an extra fire precaution.

X94   27 Dec 1994   In The Beginning

          This special episode of the comedy series is set
          in 2019, and the former staff of Whitbury Newtown
          Leisure Centre are paying tribute to the man who
          gave them everything - Sir Gordon Brittas.
                (Shades of Derek Didcot? - MKS)


----------------------------------------------------------------------
This document is copyright (C) 1994 by Matthew K. Sharp, and may
not be reproduced publicly in any manner without the permission of
the copyright owner.  It may be distributed for private usage on
the condition that it is done so complete and unaltered.  So there.


------------------ And we've just missed Christmas again... ------------------
Matthew K. Sharp.               "I suppose you think it's terribly amusing
917316@edna.cc.swin.edu.au       to say things that are funny." - Alfresco
------------------- I thought men like that shot themselves ------------------






