                       'Allo 'Allo Episode Guide
...     version 1.1
                                  by
              Mark Thompson (thompson@clipper.robadome.com)
                            with help from:
                  Don Hearth (hearth@netcom.netcom.com)
               Anthony Brown (abrowne@cix.compulink.co.uk)

Changes since version 1.0:
   - complete (though not exhaustive) character listing
   - corrected series numbering for episode 1.8 and series 2
   - minor typographical fixes

'Allo 'Allo
    (BBC, Fall 1984 - 1992?, color, 30 mins. (mostly))
======================================================================
An hilarious British sitcom by Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft - their
best and longest running.  Only the first 5 seasons have been broadcast
here in America, to my knowledge, so listed below are all the episodes
shown in the two times I've seen it here in America.

The episode titles are my own (no real titles are available).  Apparently,
even "fan-invented" episode titles don't currently exist.  This is an
attempt to start some titles so we can talk intelligently about the
series.

A gentleman from the UK by the name of Anthony Brown
(abrowne@cix.compulink.co.uk) was kind enough to supply a
count of the *number* of episodes in each series. His list is
below.

Allo Allo
---------------------------
Series 1.8 episodes
Series 2.6 episodes
Christmas Special (60 mins)
Series 3.7 episodes
Series 4.6 episodes
Series 5.26 episodes
Series 6 *.8 episodes
Series 7 *.10 episodes
Series 8 *.7 episodes
Series 9 *.6 episodes

.         * = not broadcast in America yet, I believe

Recurring Character Listing
----------------------------
Actor                 Character
------------------    -----------------------------------------
Gordon Kaye           Rene Atois (and his twin brother, Rene)
Carmen Silvera        Edith Melba Atois
Rose Hill             Madame Fanny (Edith's mother)
Vicki Michelle        Yvette Carte-Blanche
Francesca Conshaw     Maria (Seasons 1-3)
Sue Hodge             Mimi La Bonc (Season 4-5)
Richard Marner        Colonel von Strom
Sam Kelly             Captain Hans Goering  (Seasons 1-3, show 4.1)
Gavin Richards        Captain Alberto Berterelli  (Seasons 4-5)
Hilary Minster        General Erich von Klinkerhoffen
Kim Hartman           Helga
Richard Gibson        Herr Otto Flick
John Louis Mansi      Herr Von Smallhausen
Guy Siner             Leftenant Hubert Gruber
Kirsten Cooke         Michelle "of the Resistance" Dubois
John D. Collins       RAF Flight Lt. Fairfax
Nicholas Frankau      RAF Flight Lt. Carstairs
Jack Haig             Monsieur Roger LeClaire
Kenneth Connor        Monsieur Alphonse (Swiftly, and with Style)
Arthur Bostrom        Officer (Captain) Crabtree (Seasons 2-5)
Moira Foot            Denise LaRocque (Season 5)


Below are the episode listings.  Each episode is numbered in the form X.Y
where X is the season number and Y is the order within the season.  All
episodes except for those in Season 5 are 30 minutes long.  Those in Season
5 are 25 minutes long.  Exceptions are noted after the episode titles.

Season 1
-------------
1.1 Premiere    (35 mins long)
   Two escaping British airmen are sent by the French Resistance to
   hide in Rene's Cafe, a small French dining establishment.  But
   nobody there speaks English, and they're unused to intrigue.
   Introduces: the Colonel, the Captain, Rene, Edith, Yvette, Maria,
   Lt. Gruber (though he is not yet named), Michelle of the resistance,
   British airmen.
1.2 Herr Flick Arrives
   Herr Flick arrives and begins to investigate the disappearance of a
   valuable painting.  Meanwhile, the Colonel & the Captain lend their
   uniforms to the escaping British officers to help conceal their
   complicity in the painting's theft.  Introduces Herr Flick.
1.3 Burnt Uniforms & Pigeons
   The resistance decides to use a carrier pigeon to let London know
   about the missing uniforms, since the Germans are hiding in the room
   with the secret radio.  Meanwhile, the British airmen, fearful of
   being discovered in the uniforms and shot as spies, strip and burn
   the offending garments, making it back in gunnysacks.  Unfortunately,
   this means London must be told to make new German uniforms for the
   German officers.
1.4 Bols Gin & Onion Sellers
   The Colonel & the Captain are disguised as onion sellers while their
   uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London.  But Herr
   Flick wants to try dressing as an onion-seller to "blend in" and gather
   information.
1.5 The Death of Rene
   Once Hans accidentally blows up the railway, General Von Klinkerhoffen
   arrives and demands that the Colonel and the Captain have the only
   known saboteur shot.  This means - Rene's death by firing squad, with
   Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!
1.6 Rene's Funeral
   M'sieur Alphonse, the Undertaker, comes to measure Rene's body for the
   coffin, and Herr Flick attends the funeral.  But the Resistance leave
   some land mines with the Cafe staff, and they're hidden in a
   not-so-wise place...
1.7 Kidnapped!
   The Colonel and the Captain are kidnapped by the Communist Resistance
   in retaliation for having killed Rene.  Luckily, while escaping, they
   manage to get the real & forged paintings back.
1.8 Hitler Youth
   While the Germans celebrate the anniversary of the burning down of
   the Reichstag (by having girls dress as Hitler Youth and dance Old
   Bavarian Dances), Rene & Edith don disguises and attempt to swap the
   forgery for the real painting in Herr Flick's office.

Season 2
------------
2.1 Riddle of the Six Boobies
   Now owning *three* copies of the painting of the Fallen Madonna With
   the Big Boobies by Van Klomp, Herr Flick enlists the help of Left.
   Gruber in determining which is genuine.  Meanwhile the airmen,
   disguised as nuns, end up at the cafe again (we never apparently saw
   them leave, though... slight inter-season continuity problem.)
2.2 Sausages Under Wraps
   Herr Flick has decided to conceal the paintings inside sausages.
   Meanwhile, the airmen attempt another escape... this time inside a
   cow.
2.3 Cows & Crabtree
   British Ontelligence has sent Officer Crabtree, disgeezed as a
   poloceman, to France.  And he lands in a tree just as the airmen in the
   cow are trying to escape.  Introduces Officer Crabtree.
2.4 Hitler's Sausage
   Having sent the sausage which *doesn't* contain the painting to
   Hitler, it is now up to our fearless troupe to blow up the train
   which is carrying the sausage.  Meanwhile, M'sieur Alphonse shows up
   to court the Widow Atois, and Michelle comes up with the idea of
   using a balloon to help the British airmen to escape...
2.5 The Duel
   Rene and M'sieur Alphonse battle for the right to Edith's hand.  Of
   course, Rene is not overly fond of the idea, for many reasons...
2.6 Gestapo Torture
   As Rene and the gang are tortured in the gestapo prison, the girls try
   to help them break out.  Meanwhile, the Knickers Balloon dreamed up in
   2.4 takes off.

Season 2.5
-----------
X  Christmas Special    (60 mins)
   The balloon takes off and lands, and General Erich von Klinkerhoffen
   arrives to take command of the area.  Since everyone hates him,
   everyone tries to kill him at the annual Kaiser's Birthday Party.
   "Hans, one of the first things you learn in officer's school is never
   to tell a General when he has a chicken on his head."

Season 3
-----------
3.1 The Ransom of the Sausage
   The Communist Resistance kidnaps Herr Flick's gestapo sausage and
   demands a ransom.  It falls to Rene to deliver the ransom: 800,000
   francs borrowed from M'sieur Alphonse.  The Germans agree to lie in
   wait during the transfer and capture the Resistance to recover the
   money, but things go awry.  Meanwhile, Michelle hatches the "antique
   airplane" plan for getting the British airmen home.
3.2 Counterfeiting & Lawnmowers
   Gruber's dog has ended up with the sausage with the painting, and when
   Rene talks him into making yet another copy, he ends up getting cut in
   on the deal.  Meanwhile, the lawnmower motor gets hidden in Edith's
   mother's wheelchair, and Monsieur Alphonse is repaid - with counterfeit
   bills.
3.3 Secret Passages
   Maria, having been detained by Von Klinkerhoffen with the Fallen
   Madonna Sausage strapped to her bosom, is imprisoned in the chateau.
   As Von Klinkerhoffen lets it be known that the return of his
   lawnmower's motor will result in the release of the girl, lots of
   people attempt to replace the "real" sausage with a forgery... luckily,
   the chateau is riddled with secret passages.  "Hans, you have been to
   Staff College... how do you get a sausage out of a wardrobe in a
   General's dressing room?"
3.4 The Antique Parade  (40 mins long)
   The attempt to get the airmen out by antique airplane (with the
   assistance of suspenders and Von Klinkerhoffen's lawnmower motor) is
   made.  Meanwhile, Gruber is given the painting of the Fallen Madonna to
   copy, even though Rene's mother-in-law has gotten hungry and bitten off
   the corner with the signature.
3.5 The Sting   (35 mins)
   The Fallen Madonna is hidden on the back of that worthless painting by
   a no-name painter called Van Gogh or something.  Meanwhile, the latest
   plan for the British airmen is to smuggle them into the
   prisoners-of-war camp by dressing them as prostitutes and shooting
   them, publically.
3.6 The Graveyard Shift
   The tunnel is dug from the mortuary into the prisoner-of-war camp, but
   while smuggling the airmen in, our gang gets trapped on the wrong side
   of the fence.  Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen intercept a resistance
   broadcast and figure on the graveyard, so Flick, Smallhausen, and Helga
   go undercover as priests and a nun.
3.7 Stalag Luft 4 
   Lots of people try to help the gang escape, dreaming up plans ranging
   from little tanks to droon-poops.  After repeated attempts, Hans
   manages to escape via catapult.  The rest of the crew joins a variety
   show for the purposes of covering a rather chancy plan of escape.  But
   do they all make it out?  The season cliffhanger leaves us
   mid-dance...

Season 4
----------
4.1 A Farewell to Hans
   The gang regroups after their escape from the prisoner-of-war camp
   succeeds too well.  Amid the usual antics, including the smashing of
   the radio, we discover the fates of Maria and Hans.
4.2 Freshmen
   Rene and Edith interview applicants for the waitress position vacated
   by the missing Maria (and end up with the vicious Resistance girl
   Mimi), while Colonel von Strom breaks in his new assistant, Capt.
   Berterelli.
4.3 Getting it Up
   The Gestapo suspects the Colonel is in on a plot to assassinate Hitler,
   so Herr Flick goes undercover and plants a microphone in the Colonel's
   office.  Meanwhile, Rene & Co. must get the aerial for their new radio
   above the jamming signal of Herr Flick, so they build and fly a box
   kite.
4.4 The Sausage Surplus    (I'm MISSING this ep! - summary is from memory)
   Lt. Gruber completes the forgeries of both the Van Klomp and Van Gogh,
   and conceals the originals and forgeries inside sausages.
   Unfortunately, the resistance liked the sausage-hiding technique
   displayed last season and have delivered sausages containing dynamite,
   and sausages containing submarine batteries.  And, of course, it's
   sausage delivery day. Meanwhile, Herr Flick has been arrested while
   disguised as a woman, and sent to the dungeons.
4.5 Vineyard of the Germans
   Luckily, nobody has been permanently hurt by the sausages down the
   trousers.  Meanwhile, the spy camera sent from London has fallen into a
   German-occupied vineyard, which the peasants are currently refusing to
   work for fear of being shot by the Communist Resistance.  When the
   Germans force them into labor at the fields, the resistance attempts to
   kill Von Klinkerhoffen again.
4.6 The Rescue of Frau Kinkengrotten
   Various groups come up with various plans to attempt to rescue Herr
   Flick from the dungeon of Von Klinkerhoffen, although the General's
   plan involves Herr Flick being shot shortly after being rescued...

Season 5
------------
5.1 Eyes of the Potato
   The spy camera is now concealed within a potato; it is up to Rene
   to somehow get it into the chateau to photograph the safe so Monsieur
   LeClaire can make notes on how to break into it.
5.2 Criminal Developments 
   The photo of the safe is developed at M'sieur Alphonse's mortuary, and
   LeClaire prepares to blow the safe.  Michelle's plan is put into
   motion: she has Rene break into Lt. Gruber's room during a smoke bomb
   diversion.  Unfortunately, Edith and Yvette have gotten confused and
   put the smoke bomb down Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen's chimney.
5.3 Return of the Paintings 
   After blowing the safe, Rene and LeClaire discover the true originals
   of the paintings instead of the plans for the invasion.  While
   escaping, they are then captured by the Communist Resistance, since
   they are assumed to be the German officers they're disguised as.  Edith
   and Yvette steal the tank to look for Rene, but run over Crabtree
   instead.
5.4 Enter Denise 
   Rene is released by the Communist Resistance after he agrees to marry
   Denise LaRocque, his childhood sweetheart who has now become the leader
   of the Communist Resistance.  Meanwhile, the airmen get tired of trying
   to escape and decide they'd be better off by surrendering.
   Unfortunately, their attempts aren't working very well...
5.5 Wedding Plans 
   Yvette shows Mimi the "ropes" of working the street, and Edith
   re-enacts her wedding night with Rene one last time before he is
   doomed to marry Denise.  But the two independent plans to get him
   out of it backfire in two unexpected ways.
5.6 Post-Matrimonial Depression 
   Rene is in disguise, hiding from the vengeful Denise.  Helga, Gruber,
   and Von Smallhausen are all assigned to watch or protect him, since he
   is the only one who knows where the paintings are.
5.7 The Long-Distance Duck 
   The plans for the German General's Conference proceed apace, and Rene
   is enlisted to photograph the Invasion map.  Meanwhile, the
   Long-Distance Duck arrives from London, and Edith hides from the
   vengeful Denise.
5.8 The Generals' Conference 
   The Long-Distance Duck gets away, and one of the German generals is
   paralyzed by Mimi.  As Crabtree takes the general's place, Rene and the
   cafe staff serve the meal at the chateau for the Conference, and
   attempt to photograph the Invasion map.
5.9 Michelle's Secret Love 
   Rene has reached the end of his rope and decides to quit the
   resistance.  To keep him in, Michelle reveals her hidden love for
   him and he relents.  Rene ends up disguised as the paralyzed French
   general, but unknowingly uses plastic explosive for his fake nose.
5.10 The British Invasion 
   Herr Flick is in traction after having been blown up by Rene's nose.
   General von Klinkerhoffen reveals the sneaky details behind the British
   Invasion, while Cafe Rene is inundated with another wave of British
   airmen disguised as French peasants.  Unfortunately, the German
   generals are also rendezvousing at Cafe Rene disguised as peasants...
5.11 Parade of Prams 
   Everyone attempts to recover the original paintings of Van Klomp and
   Van Gogh.  Amazingly, a few teams decide on pram-and-baby ruses, while
   the Italian Army gets captured by the Communist Resistance.
5.12 The Bank Job 
   The Communist Resistance lets Rene go, but Mimi has the original
   paintings and is still disguised as the baby, and Denise still has
   her.  Unfortunately, the Communists decide on a ransom of 1,000,000
   Francs for the captured Germans and Italians and von Klinkerhoffen will
   not pay.  Michelle therefore decides it would be best if Rene robbed a
   bank to get the ransom.
5.13 Communists in the Cupboard 
   The two leaders of the Communist Resistance are on the run, and both
   decide independently to take cover in Cafe Rene.  Rene agrees to hide
   Denise, and Edith takes on Louise.  Meanwhile, Mimi and the German
   officers manage to escape on their own, so now Rene has a million
   francs and nothing to do with it.  And in the antics that follow, it
   ends up down Gruber's trousers.
5.14 Forged Francs & Fishsellers 
   Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen go undercover as fishmongers to try
   to catch the bank robbers, since they know that what was stolen was
   forged bank notes. But when M'sieur Alphonse tries to buy some fish,
   he gets caught and taken away - and his new hairstyle doesn't help.
   The long-distance duck is launched, and it ambles on its way.
5.15 L'Hospital 
   Monsieur Alphonse, under interrogation, has a heart attack when Helga
   shows him where she's hidden her share of the loot.  Herr Flick
   therefore transfers him into the hospital.  Then, Rene & Co attempt a
   rescue, while the Colonel and Gruber attempt to assassinate him to keep
   him from telling about their various plots.
5.16 Feathers 
   The Colonel and Gruber attempt to frame Capt. Berterelli by stuffing
   his trousers full of the forged francs, and calling a tip in to the
   gestapo that they are in the pants of a man with a feather in his hat.
   At the cafe, the Communist Resistance finally moves out, and M'sieur
   LeClaire arrives delivering parachutes, but disguised as a pillow
   stuffer.  With feathers in his hat.
5.17 LeClaire Against the Wall 
   The Resistance plan to parachute the airmen down to England in two
   dummy land mines (the Mark Sixes) proceeds apace, as the Germans
   discover the land mines are missing.  Meanwhile, M'sieur LeClaire is to
   be executed by firing squad unless the million francs is returned.
   Unfortunately, Rene's mother-in-law has burnt the francs, and the
   replacement forgeries from London are overdue!
5.18 Christmas Puddings 
   The factory where the explosive which the Resistance removed from
   the mines is being stored is to be commandeered, so the Resistance
   decide to ship it to Rene's Cafe in the form of 500 Christmas
   puddings.  The puddings begin arriving via various routes, while
   Herr Flick decides Rene's Cafe is a hotbed of Resistance activity
   and decides to stake out the larder, observing it from a nearby
   church bell tower.
5.19 Mines Away!  
   The smuggle-airmen-in-land-mines plan goes slightly awry when the
   Germans move the mines back to the Land Mine Store at the air base.
   Also, the fact that Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are inside waiting
   to capture Frenchmen doesn't help much...
5.20 All Aboard 
   The General is up to sneaky pool and manages to arrange to sell the
   paintings now instead of waiting for the end of the war.  He does so,
   but the paintings, the gold bars given in payment, the Colonel, Gruber,
   Helga, Rene, Edith, and the waitresses all end up on the same train.
5.21 The Geneva Express 
   Attempting to elope with Yvette, Rene is on the same train as the
   original paintings and the Swedish art expert.  But the Resistance has
   decided to blow up the train with a couple of Christmas puddings.  Once
   the train is blown up, and everyone is back in Neuvieux, Rene is still
   holding a case of gold bars, which really belongs to von Klinkerhoffen.
5.22 Enigma 
   Rene has melted the gold into cuckoo clock weights, but Michelle has
   now roped him into another harebrained scheme.  He and the rest of the
   Cafe gang are to pretend to be a band for the purposes of being hired
   to play at the hotel, so they can capture the new German coding machine
   called "Enigma".  Meanwhile, the Colonel and Gruber want Rene to use
   the ruse to grab the paintings which are also in the hotel.  In this
   episode: Crabtree sings!
5.23 Renewing the Vows 
   Edith forces Rene to marry her again by saying she will marry Monsieur
   Alphonse.  Rene wants to make sure he owns the bar, so he agrees to
   marry her, but is not surprised to discover the deputy mayor who will
   officiate is... Monsieur Alphonse.  And nobody is really surprised when
   he just can't seem to bring himself to say "man and wife".  Luckily,
   Berterelli pops in just then with his own surprise: Christmas puddings
   flambe.
5.24 The Big Flush 
   The Enigma machine will be smuggled to Britain using a two-man sub.
   But to get the machine to the sub, they will put it in a barrel, stick
   it down the sewer, and have everyone in Neuvieux flush their toilets at
   the same time.  Meanwhile, Rene has resolved to elope once and for all
   with Yvette and is packing already, making sure to remember the hanging
   gold.
5.25  ???        (may not exist in America) 
   Clearly an episode belongs here, for two reasons.  First, the "season
   guide" claims there are 26 episodes to season 5, yet the obvious season
   ender "Enigma's End" is only episode 25 in the tapes I have.  Second,
   during episode 5.26 Rene claims they "do not have" the Enigma machine,
   when clearly at the end of 5.24 they do have it.  Since they never
   actually say how the Resistance ended up with the Enigma machine
   between the end of 5.24 and the start of 5.26, I take it to mean that
   the transfer was a plot point from an intervening episode.  But, since
   I taped the entire run on PBS twice, that means the station showing it
   skipped this episode both times.  The implication is that this episode
   is missing from the American syndication package which was available at
   that time.  It is possible this parallels the Blackadder III episode
   "Amy & Amiability", which was cut from the PBS syndication package due
   to content deemed too objectionable for American audiences.  One
   wonders if the same is true for episode 5.25 of Allo Allo.
5.26 Enigma's End 
   This season-ending episode has a true "finale" feel to it.  British
   Intelligence sends a few experts out to look at the Enigma machine in
   situ (since the Resistance can't seem to get it to England) and they
   come disguised as policemen.  Meanwhile, General von Klinkerhoffen has
   ordered Rene shot in a half-hour if the box is not returned.
   Everything gets tied up neatly (except for the ongoing jokes of the
   airmen and the paintings) in a nice, almost too-sentimental season
   closer.




