From 100043.2127@compuserve.com Fri May 20 02:15:14 1994
Date: 19 May 94 10:45:24 EDT
Subject: UK Comedy

THE 2point4 children EPISODE GUIDE

Bill (Belinda Lang) and Ben (Gary Olsen) Porter seem at first sight a 
typical couple, married with children Jenny (Claire Woodgate, later
Claire Buckfield) and David (John Pickard) and unmarried man-loving
family friend Rona (Julia Hills). Further developments show however,
that they are prone to situations of an increasingly bizzare nature,
belying the ironic implications of the show's title.

Also involved periodically are Ben's assistant, the aggressive Christine 
(Kim Benson), his sister Tina (Patricia Brake, later 
Sandra Dickenson) a fluffy fussy travesty of femininity, Bill's Mother
Bette (Liz Smith) and her sister Belle (also Liz Smith), Ben's Father Frank
(Don Henderson), Rona's only surviving relative, Auntie Pearl (Barbara Lott) and Ben's Arch Enemy and
Plumber-Trickster Jake the Klingon (Roger Lloyd Pack), and snotty neighbours,
Dora and Leonard Grimes.

All Episodes written by Andrew Marshall and Produced by Richard Boden.
Created by Andrew Marshall.

Programmes originate on UK BBC1.

SERIES A
September 1991

1:LEADER OF THE PACK
Bill visits Jenny's school and discovers she is missing class to go out with
a boy with an interest in motorbikes. Bill's anger is rempered by the fact
that she herself has accidently met a mysterious young biker, who she finds
impossible to dismiss from her mind..

2:SATURDAY NIGHT AND SUNDAY MORNING
Bill and Ben seem continually too exhausted from life to have sex.
Ben insists on having Sunday lunch with his frilly-curtain-loving sister
Tina and her boring husband Brian. After discovering David has sneaked a 
rat into her house a hysterical Tina slaps him, prompting an argument. Bill
storms out of the house and drives David off in Ben's van. David reminds her,
once they are speeding along that in her haste she has forgotten that she does not
not in fact drive. At that moment the bker appears beside her and talks
her to a safe standstill. He disappears but not before Bill finds a note,
apparently from him, giving a telephone number.

3:WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GO SHOPPING
Forced by Ben's whim to unearth the garden barbecue, Bill accidently pulls 
down the entire climbing rose display on Mrs. Grimes's house.
During the hideous barbecue Ben reveals he has been summoned to the Income
Tax Inspectors, and Jenny turns vegetarian. While musing whether to ring
the number she believes is that of the biker,now part of a huge paper
mache dinosaur David has made, Bill is accidently arrested in
the Supermarket for Shoplifting. After returning home in triumph, she 
discovers the number is in fact that of a plumbing customer.  Ben, meanwhile
returns to reveal he has had a tax rebate.

4:LOVE AND MARRIAGE
Ben returns home with the first of his fads; a karaoke tape. His fun is
short lived however, when Bill's Mother Bette arrives to attend the funeral 
of an old girl friend from her youth, disrupting the household.
Ben, out on a plumbing job, runs into an old girlfirend himself, who seems
to be very interested in him.. When Bill discovers school has closed early
she runs home from the bakery worried that Jenny and her boyfriend are alone
in the house together.  She is delayed by another meeting with the biker,
who chats with her about relationships, and then, remembering her worries
rushes home and up to the bedroom to find Bette in bed with the Widower.
Mother and daughter talk about the difficulties of fidelity and Bill seems
happier with her life with Ben.  Ben, however is acting as if he has a
secret to keep.

5:DIRTY BOWLING
Ben is lying to Bill about strange assignations in a shady-looking lockup.
Bill, meanwhile is taking her driving test at last. This is complicated by
a new sexist bottom line concious Manager at the bakery where 
she and Rona work. He forces Bill to take her test immediately after
a dental appointment, when her mouth is still numb from the injection.
Despite this, she passes, thanks in part to a fleeting appearance of the 
biker. In celebration Ben takes her bowling where they make a pact to
force Ben to do all his own washing if Bill wins. Meanwhile, at home, Jenny
reveals to Rona that her boyfirend has left her. Rona tells the story of
her own teenage wedding which ended with her bolting from the church.
Back at the lanes, Bill wins, and Ben takes her to the lockup to reveal
his secret; a pale blue classic Chevy he has bought with his rebate money.
Bill is not pleased.

6:YOUNG AT HEART
Bill, having trouble driving a car the size of the Chevy meets the biker one
more time. As she leaves we see the word <Angel> on the back of his jacket.
After a run in with the obsequious Dawn, the Bank Teller, Bill returns
to work for furhter confronatations with Rory, her boss, who implies that
if Rona sleeps with him, he could make their lives easier. Rona wonders what
to do. Meanwhile, Bill visits the home of Sammy, David's best friend, on a
poverty-stricken Council estate and counts her blessings, while Ben has
a heart to heart with his son about the facts of life. Later, when matters
at the bakery come to a head, Bill and Rona resign in an unusual way.
Back at the house, Ben bemoans the loss of Bill's income to the family and
considers selling the car again. Bill realises how much she loves him for
all his faults and persuades him to keep it.  The whole family go to
Battersea Park to take part in the Chelsea Car Cruise.

SERIES B
September 1992

1:I'M GOING SLIGHTLY MAD
Bill wakes up in bed with the biker. But this is only a dream. Coming 
downstairs Bill reminds herself she is still unemployed. Jenny is 
embarrassed in front of her friend by the appearance in the Porter garden
of Mrs. Grimes's elderly dog Farty, an old labrador with flatulence
problems. After the house empties for the day, Bill is left alone with only
interminal phone calls from Bette for company. Eventually, one of these
causes her to be late for signing on.  On the way her car breaks down, and
the fortuitous vicinity of a mechanic is ruined by a sudden appearance of
Annika Rice and filmcrew who whisk him away for a challence before he can 
help Bill.  She is forced to seek help from the public.  Arriving late, she
is humiliated by an interview with a member of the Social security staff.
On the way out, she encounters Jenny in a school party, who ignores her
in front of her friend.  Later, Jenny is guilty when she finds out Bill has
taken a job with Rona making Airline Meals in a factory. Ben meanwhile is
horrified to discover his new plumbers mate is a very aggressive young girl.
Returning home late, Bill falls asleep before a item on the TV announces
the death of a young biker...

2:BEDTIME FOR BONZO
With disruption in the house from Bill's new job it is the worst time possible
for Ben to take to his bed ill.  Things are further complicated by Bill's
having to look after Farty while the Grimeses are on holiday.
Having both to cope with, Bill gives Ben a doggy aspirin when she runs out of
regular ones, resulting in him being ever sicker. 
Worrying about this, spending the night on the sofa, Bill is further frightened
by a massive thunderstorm that nobody subsequently appeared to hear. 
Part of this portent is clarified when Farty falls ill and Bill and Ben
reluctantly decide to have him destroyed. Another aspect is the triggering
in David of an increasingly morbid obsession with death.

3:HORMONES
Jenny is malingering to get off games. Or is she? Bill is worrying about
Ben and David's seeming obsession with violence. And that's not all- she
is concerned she might be pregnant, and has bought a tester. A drive to
David's Parents' Evening brings out the aggressive tendencies in Ben, who
imagines himself as the Terminator, cutting up an unidentified driver in a
white Escort.  At the school, Bill blames David's strange activites on
Ben, who denies it.  Meanwhile Rona confronts Jenny about the real reason for
her sickness. Next day, Bill discovers the other tester is missing and
jumps to the conclusion that Jenny is pregnant. But she isn't, and Rona
persuades her to tell her Mother about her Bulemia and ask her to go with
her for treatment.  Ben, having issued a challenge to the Escort driver
is shamed when he turns out to be disabled. Bill arranges a fair race for
them to settle the score and Ben is obliged to race round a track in an old
wheelchair, losing the race.  He reveals that he tried the tester- and according 
to it- he's pregnant.

4:ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK
Ben is repainting the house. David brings a St Christopher back from one of his
trips playing in the graveyard, Rona wants Bill to go and see some male strippers
and Tina arrives to tell Ben that their Father,Frank, is returning from a brief
visit from Thailand, where he now lives. Ben confides that he has always resented
Frank's distant personality. At the airport, everyone is stunned
and in Tina's case, horrified to discover that Frank now has a young
Thai bride.  After another argument, this time concerning Frank's attitude
to his wife, Bill chats with Rona about her own aborted wedding many years
earlier. When Tina's prejudice drives the new addition to the family to
Bill in distress, Bill and Rona decide to take her with them to the strip show.
Back at home, Ben makes some attempt at building bridges with his long
estranged parent. At the show, Rona recognises one of the unclothed bodies as
her almost-husband all that time ago. They meet again, and turn the tables
on Tina.

5:THE SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD
The St. Christopher causes an argument between Jenny and David, resulting in
it being left behind in the house with Bill.  Shortly afterward she senses a
strange presence in the house, watching her every movement. At work, Rona
confides that she has rekindled her relationship with her ex-husband to be,
Gordon. There's just one problem. He has erroniously got the impression that 
she is a virgin. At home again, Bill rashly suggests that she and Ben change
places with the kids, so that they can see what its like running the house.
They are both banished to the bedroom with no dinner. Out in a bar with Gordon,
Rona is forced into revealing the truth about her past. In the bedroom, Ben gives
Bill a letter he picked up earlier; an interview for a job she applied for.
Next day, arriving at the interview after a string of disasters, Bill
discovers a naked man interviewing her, later learning that he has had a
nervous breakdown and there is no job to apply for. She returns home, 
depressed, when Rona enters and reveals that AirMeals have gone bankrupt
and they are out of a job.She then breaks the news that Gordon has a similar
past and doesn't mind. He has asked her to marry him...again. She gives the catering for the wedding to Bill as her first
job as a caterer. The watchful presence is revealed to be Ben secretly
filming them with his new camcorder.

6:BIRD ON A WIRE
(Series1-2 Conclusion part1)
On the day of Rona's wedding, with Auntie Pearl in command, Bill gets her
head stuck in the catflap, while Rona is simultaneously hooked up in her
wedding dress on the light fitting. Eventually they escape in the nick of time, 
but discover David, who has been complaining of feeling ill earlier has
become seriously ill.  They rush him to hospital, leaving Rona to get to
the church under her own steam...

7:THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS
(Series1-2 Conclusion part2)
David is rushed into hospital, and immediately lost in the system by the
young houseman Phil Brooke (Later to reappear in Health and Efficiency)
While Bill, Ben and Jenny wait for news concerning the tetanus he has
developed, and where he is, Rona gets a bus to church. On the bus she meets
a strange lady who reminisces about an old song called "The Girlfriend of
the Whirling Dervish" concerning a promiscuious woman who cheated on her
faithful boyfriend.  At the Church, the ceremony is transformed, in Rona's
eyes, to a mass rendition of the number, signifying her inner feeling
of unsuitablitiy for this marriage.  She bolts a second time.
At the hospital, with David near to death, the biker appears to him, on
his final mission. He persuades David to return to his parents, who clearly
love him dearly. Rona feels sad but relieved, and they all go out in
a Monster Truck on David's release from Hospital.

CHRISTMAS 1992
MISERY
While Rona spends Christmas alone, the Porters feel obliged to visit Bette
for the holiday. Her guilt-inflicting power games leave them exhausted
and no-one objects when she is finally put into a hypnotic trance by the new flashing 
Christmas tree lights.  The Christmas Musical number: Winter Wonderland.

SERIES C 
September 1993

1:THE SECRET DIARY OF DAVID PORTER
Bill is faced with the problem of luring her cantankerous Aunt Belle from her
locked flat, due to an ongoing feud the old lady has with Bette. At the same time,
Adam, Rona's brother is left alone with Ben, the fact that he has a weakness
for larger man unknown to him. Belle and bette are persuaded to make up, and
Rona decides in the light of this to build bridges with Adam, who stole her
boyfriend many years earlier.

2:WHEN THE CHILDREN ARE ASLEEP
Staying up late with Ben in the house at night, Bill sees what she believes is a burglary next
door at the Grimes's. This triggers a series of events culminating with
the revalation that the unfortunate neighbours have been tied up in the
house all the time.
 
3:BADGER'S BEND
Ben is addicted to the video game <Ninja Badger> and resolves to go cold
turkey. Meanwhile, Rona visits her old school to drum up catering business.
A prissy schoolmate forces her to lie to get a job, but this seems to set
off a strange sequence of circumstances. Bill meets a sinister figure in a
subway who whispers <Don't Go, Mia>. Back at the house Ben has discovered 
that watching a goldfish recently brought home by David calms his nerves and
enables him to cope with his addiction. Unfortunately, he has placed it in the
liquidiser..

4:WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
Rona has decided to have a baby and is looking for the ideal Father. Jenny
has argued with her latest boyfriend, and Christine is just her usual self
when Bill attemps to cater for a wedding.  A further shock is the appearance
of Tina, who has suspicions that Brian is cheating on her. During the course
of the chaotic events in the kitchen, Rona spots a likely candidate, Tony the
DJ, Jenny makes up with Jason and Tina's suspicions are proved to be founded.
Ben, meantime has difficulty breaking into the house having forgotten his key.

5:BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
Jake the Klingon, Ben's arch enemy in plumbing, dies after their latest argument
and has made Ben the executor of his estate. Ben is forced to orgainise a
Star Trek funeral. Bill and Rona suffer a visit from the Health inspector
who tells them the kitchen will have to be expensively refitted. After another
disappointing meeting with Dawn at the Bank, they return home downcast.
Meanwhile, after the humiliations of the funeral, Jake is revealed to be
alive, having planned the whole scam to get even with Ben.
Ben muses upon this and decides to put up the Chevy as collateral. They all 
set off for a holiday in Florida. The destination code for Miaimi Airport is
revealed to be MIA.

6:WHOOPEE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
The Porters find themselves alone in the U.S., and in the path of Hurricane
Bill. Rona is forced to trickery to persuade Tony to help her become
pregnant.

CHRISTMAS 1993
BABES IN THE WOOD
Lost in the fog on the way to meet Bette and Pearl in a hotel for Christmas,
the Porters stumble into a Military Minefield. Meanwhile, Bette and Pearl,
having smoked some straNge green tobacco they found in the room seem oblivious
to their problem. The Christmas Musical Number:Home for the Holidays.

SERIES D
September 1994

1:THE PARENT TRAP
Bill promises Jenny that she won't do anything embarrassing when meeting
her latest boyfriend's parents. But some frozen cockroaches and an inflatable
Pope intervene..

2:FAMILY PLOT
In order to enjoy an evening without the TV, the radio and the Stereo, Bill
disposes of the fusewire. Then the troubles really start.

3:FORTUOSITY
Bill receives a chain letter threatening dire bad luck if not continued.
Against Ben's wishes she tears it up, and unlikely events begin occurring.
When another four copies of the letter arrive, suspicion falls upon Rona
causing an argument. Meanwhile, Ben is about to jump out of an aeroplane
on his very first parachute jump..

4:CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT
Bill is sick in bed, and worried sick about what's going on outside her
bedroom. Ben is looking after the Grimes's cat during their latest holiday-
and its imperative nothing happens to it. Then it wanders out of the house.
And just what is Rona up to, as viewed through Bill's telescope?

5:FRENZY
(Series 3-4 Conclusion part1)
Bill's new kitchen is finished at last. But she is too busy working in it to
deal with Jenny's problems with a well-developed rival at the school show.
Rona's baby making attempts have now become so strange that Tony is planning
to leave. The discovery by Bill and Rona of two escaped cobras trapping them
in the living room gives them time to consider their lives. The Bill spots 
something out of the window that will alter everything..

6:YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
(Series 3-4 Conclusion part2)
The house is on fire. After the Fire Brigade leave, Bill realises that she
has a second chance to sort out her life. Meanwhile, Rona has suggested to
Tony that he stays whether or not they have a baby.  But starting afresh
is not as easy at it sounds..

CHRISTMAS 1994
RELAX-AY-VOO
Bill is determind to spend Christmas at home this year where nothing can happen.
Unfortunately, David has hooked up his computor to the internet, and a
sinister program seems to have invaded their cyberspace. It even knows Bill's
name.. The Christmas Musical Number: Relax-ay-voo.



