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X  ________                   ____  ___   Warriors, Colts and Tree Stumps:  X 
X  \______ \   _   _ _ __ ___ \   \/  /  Sexcerpts from "Bosi and Herraud"  X 
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X   |    `   \| |_| | | |  __/ /     \          Edited by Random Tox        X 
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Xxxxxxxxxxx\/  Blender Corporation  \_/xxxxxxx[DBC016(LTWN)-RT.940408]xxxxxxX 
 
 
     _Bosi and Herraud_ (Bo/sa saga og Herraudhs) was written around 1300, 
surviving in manuscripts from the following century.  This translation is by 
Herman Pa/lsson and Paul Edwards, based on the text of the Gudhni Jo/nsson 
edition. 
     Bosi is the son of a retired viking, Thvari, also known as Bryn-Thvari. 
Herraud is the alienated son of Hring, the king ruling over East Gotaland. 
Friends since childhood, they set off on an adventure spanning many strange 
lands, in an attempt to first fulfill an impossible quest set to them by 
Hring, and then to save their homeland from the ruthless invaders who carried 
off Herraud's new wife. 
     Through the course of their journeys, Bosi befriends several young 
women, and milks them for information after a series of puns, jokes, double 
entendres and some good old-fashioned sex.  Besides being decidedly amusing, 
what sets these scenes apart is that they were originally written in the 
earliest years of the fourteenth century, and the jokes within were quite 
possibly scripted over a century prior to that.  Erotic and humorous 
interludes are nothing new, and have long been a part of the full-throttle 
adventures told by our forbears centuries ago.  Enjoy these excerpts, and 
remember that these same words brought smiles to our ancestors' faces almost 
700 years ago. 
  
                                       - Random Tox 
 
                                   * * * 
 
     One morning Bosi told his men he was going ashore with Herraud to 
explore the forest and see what they could find.... 
     The foster-brothers made their way into the wood.  They had nothing to 
eat except what they could catch by shooting wild animals and birds; 
sometimes their only food was berries and the sap of the trees, and their 
clothes were badly torn by the branches. 
     One day they came upon a cottage.  An old man was standing outside it 
splitting firewood, and he greeted them and asked who they were.  They told 
him and asked him his name, and he said he was called Hotekil.  Then he said 
they were welcome to stay the night if they wanted to, so they accepted his 
offer.  The old man showed them to the living-room, where not many people 
were to be seen.  The woman of the house was getting on in years, but there 
was an attractive young daughter.  The girl pulled off their wet clothes and 
gave them dry things instead, then brought a basin so they could wash their 
hands.  The table was laid, and the young woman served them with excellent 
ale.  Bosi kept eyeing her suggestively and touching her foot with his toe, 
and she did the same to him. 
     In the evening they were shown to a comfortable bed.  The farmer slept 
in a bed-closet, his daughter in the middle of the room and the 
foster-brothers in a bed under the gable beside the door.  When the people 
were asleep, Bosi got up, went over to the young woman's bed and lifted the 
bedclothes off her.  She asked who was there and Bosi told her. 
 
     "What have you come for"?" she asked. 
     "I wasn't comfortable enough in my bed as things were," he said, and 
added that he'd like to get under the bedclothes with her. 
     "What do you want to do here?" she said. 
     "I want to temper my warrior," said Bosi. 
     "What sort of warrior's that?" she asked. 
     "He's still very young and he's never been steeled," he said, "but a 
warrior ought to be hardened early on in life." 
 
     He gave her a gold ring and got into bed beside her.  She asked him 
where the warrior was, and he told her to feel between his legs, but she 
pulled her hand back and said he could keep his warrior and asked why he was 
carrying a monster like that on him, as hard as a tree.  He told her the 
warrior would soften in the dark hole, and then she said he could do anything 
he wanted.  So now he set the warrior between her legs.  The path before him 
was rather narrow, and yet he managed to complete his mission. 
     After that they lay quiet for a while, as long as they pleased, and then 
the girl asked him if the tempering of the warrior had been a complete 
success.  Bosi asked her in turn whether she felt like tempering him again, 
and she said she'd only be too pleased as long as he felt like it. 
     There's no record of how often they played the game that night, but it's 
believed that Bosi asked her, "Have you any idea where I can find a vulture's 
egg inscribed with gold letters? " 
 
     She said the very least she could do in payment for the gold ring and a 
good night's entertainment was to tell him all he wanted to know. 
 
     Bosi thanked her for telling him all this and repaid her handsomely with 
yet another round of good entertainment.  They were both very pleased with 
themselves, and slept till dawn. 
 
                                   * * * 
      
     Herraud and Bosi went ashore and came to a small well-kept cottage.  An 
old man was living there with his wife, and they had an attractive and 
well-informed daughter.  The peasant gave them an invitation to stay the 
night, which they accepted.  The cottage was quite comfortable, and the 
hospitality good.  The table was laid, and the guests were served with 
excellent beer.  The master of the house was silent and reserved, but his 
daughter, the most sociable member of the household, was the one who served 
the guests.  Bosi was in a good humor and flirted with her a little, and she 
did the same with him. 
     In the evening they were shown to their beds, but as soon as the light 
had been put out, Bosi went over to the girl and and lifted the bedclothes 
off her.  She asked who was there, and Bosi told her. 
 
     "What do you want?" she asked. 
     "I'd like to water my colt at your wine-spring," he said. 
     "Do you think you can manage it, lad?" she asked.  "He's hardly used to 
a well like mine." 
     "I'll lead him right to the edge, then push him in if there's no other 
way to make him drink," said Bosi. 
     "Where is your colt, sweetheart?" she asked. 
     "Between my legs, love," he said.  "You can touch him, but do it gently, 
he's terribly shy." 
     She took hold of his prick and stroked it and said, "It's a lively colt, 
though his neck is far too straight." 
     "His head isn't all that well set," agreed Bosi, "but his neck curves 
much better once he's had a drink." 
     "Well, it's all up to you now," she said. 
     "Lie as open as you can," said Bosi, "and keep calm." 
     Then he watered his colt generously, completely immersing him.  This 
pleased the girl so much she was hardly able to speak.  "Are you sure you're 
not drowning the colt?" she asked. 
     "He has to be given all he can possibly take," said Bosi, "he often 
gives me a lot of trouble when he isn't allowed to drink his fill." 
     Bosi kept at it for as long as he wanted, then took a rest.  The girl 
was wondering where all the fluid between her legs had come from, for the 
whole bed was lathering under her. 
     "Could it be that your colt's drunk more than was good for him," she 
asked, "and then vomited up more than he's drunk?" 
     "Something's the matter with him," said Bosi, "he's as soft as a lung." 
     "He's probably ale-sick," she said, "like any drunkard." 
     "Could be," he said. 
     So they entertained themselves to their satisfaction, the girl now under 
him and now on top.  She said she'd never ridden a more even-paced colt than 
this. 
     After many an entertaining turn, she asked him who he was. He told her 
and in turn asked her what was the latest news in the land.... 
 
     After that they dropped the subject and slept for the rest of the night. 
 
                                   * * * 
      
     They walked for a while until they came to a house belonging to an old 
man and his wife, who had a good-looking daughter.  The foster-brothers were 
given a friendly welcome and served with excellent wine in the evening. 
     Bosi gave the girl a cheerful smile, and she eyed him in return.  A 
little time later they all went to sleep.  Bosi went over to her bed and she 
asked what he wanted.  He said he wanted to put a ring on his stump.  She 
said he wondered what ring he could be talking about, and he asked her didn't 
she have one?  She answered that she hadn't any ring that would fit him. 
 
     "I can widen it if it's too narrow," he said. 
     "Where's that stump of yours?  I've got a fair idea of what I can expect 
from my narrow little ring." 
     He told her to feel between his legs, but she pulled her hand back and 
said he could keep his stump. 
     "What does it remind you of?" he asked. 
     "My father's steel-yard with the ring broken off." 
     "You're very critical," said Bosi.  He took a ring off his finger and 
gave it to her.  She asked what he wanted in return. 
     "I want to put a stopper in your bung-hole," he said. 
     "I can't think what you mean," she said. 
     "Lie as open as you can," he said. 
     She did as he asked, and he went between her legs and made a thrust deep 
into her body, almost up under her ribs. 
     She gave a jump, and said, "You've pushed the stopper right through the 
hole, man." 
     "I'll get it out again," he said.  "How did you like that?" 
     "Nice as a drink of fresh mead," she said.  "Keep the mop stirring in 
the flue." 
     He kept nothing back, and she got so warmed up she began to feel a bit 
sick, so she asked him to leave off, and they took a rest.  Then she asked 
him who he was, and he told her.... 
    
                                   * * * 
 
     Bosi had a son by the girl who tempered his warrior for him.  He was 
called Svidi, the Bold, and his son was Vilmund the Absentminded. 
 
                                   * * * 
 
     For the complete saga of Bosi and Herraud, as well as six other highly 
entertaining and exciting stories, read the book _Seven Viking Romances_, by 
Penguin Classics. 
 
     Partial Bibliography: (Courtesy of Herman Pa/lsson) 
 
     Gudhni Jonsson, _Fornaldarsogur Nordhurlanda_, I-IV (Reykjavik. 1950). 
     O.L. Jiriczek (ed.), _Die Bosa saga_ (Strassburg, 1893). 
     Alex. H. Krappe, "La source de la Saha af Herraudhi ok Bosa", 
          _Neuphilog, Mitteil_ 29 (1928), 250-56. 
     Claibourne W. Thompson, "The Runes in _Bosa saga ok Herraudhs_", 
          _Scandinavian Studies_ 50 (1978), 60-56. 
 
      
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