Subject: Dead Letter


.Markian M. Gooley
.[address]
.[phone #]

.15 April 1992

.Prof. ______________
.Chairman, Personnel Committee
.Department of Computer Science
.[rest of address]

.Dear Prof. _____________:

I have received your letter of 10 April. If the members of the
Personnel Committee were impressed with my credentials, why did
I they not at least invite me for an interview, even if someone 
of my unusual interests and admittedly limited experience is not
precisely the sort of person they had in mind? The fact is that
you are telling a damned lie. I had much rather you had written
back that the Committee had a good laugh over my application, and 
quoted one member to the effect that "there's no f--king way we'd
hire a turkey like that."  Lies and hypocrisy disgust me and will
put you at risk for eternal damnation.

Furthermore, I resent your attempt to raise false hope in me by
suggesting that additional positions might become available and
that therefore I still have a slight chance of being hired by your
adequate but highly-overrated Department. I am well aware of the
financial difficulties of the state government in ______, and
we both know that you are lucky to be hiring anyone at all. That
even one more position should open up is exceedingly unlikely, and
that you would even contemplate hiring me to fill it is ludicrous.
Rest assured, however, that I will refuse any future offers. I do
not wish to be associated with persons of such low moral character
and vicious behavior.

Wishing you all a slow and painful death followed by an eternity in
Hell, I remain,
....Cordially yours,
....[signature in green ink]
....Markian M. Gooley
....(Ph. D., University of
....Illinois at Urbana, a far better 
....school than any of you scum got a
....degree from)
--
Mark., somebody hire me or I will go into a killing rage
gooley@netcom.com
