You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .

 . . . your twin sister forgets your birthday.
 . . . you wake up face down on the pavement.
 . . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
 . . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
 . . . you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
 . . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
 . . . your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her
       own business.
 . . . you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party,
       and there aren't any.
 . . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency
       routes out of your city.
 . . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like
       your wife.
 . . . you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then
       you realize that you don't have a water bed.
 . . . your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you
       follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
