With the prospect of major elections both sides of the pond this year
it is high time that the public should be informed of the accurate and
precise methods of determining when a politician is lying. 

A politician can be detected as lying whenever one or more of the
following statements passes their lips ...

  1) "It is well known that ..."

  2) "I have long believed that ..."

  3) "I am a 'born again' christian."

  4) "Statistics show that ..."

  5) "The people demand that ..."

  6) "The people have given me a mandate to ..."

  7) "God is on my side."

  8) "I fully support X and his policies."

  9) "X can depend on my support and aid in his time of trouble."

 10) "I totally agree with my party's policy on ..."

 11) "I have the full backing of my party in this."

 12) "The opposition parties are against this idea ..."

 13) "I have never been unfaithful to my wife."

 14) "It was a decision made by my staff which I was unaware of."

 15) "I never said that ..."

 16) "I was joking; can't the media recognise a joke?"

 17) "The media misrepresent my/my party's views on ..."

 18) "The media is conducting a witchhunt against me and my family."

 19) "There is no public demand for ..."

 20) "My office has received no complaints about ..."

 21) "I will not resign over ..." 

 22) "I am not a crook!"

 23) "The current administration is delibrately ..."

 24) "Your policies are economically illiterate."

 25) "I became a politician so that I could improve the
     lives of my fellow citizens."

 26) "I do not seek power."

 27) "I dislike the medias' emphasis on me rather than my
      policies."

 28) "Elections are about policies NOT personalities."

 29) "I shall not be the first to sling dirt in this election."

 30) "That is a special case ..."

 31) "Im glad you asked me that."

 32) "I am resigning due to health problems."

 33) "I am resigning in order to spend more time with my family."

Finally...

You can tell when a politician is lying -- his mouth will be moving.
[Trad. Anon.]
