Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch?!

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I know what you're up to, you white-feathered fiend!
Go release your bowels on some lesser personage!
(upon seeing a bird overhead)

If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Women are like elephants to me: I like to
look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

"My Little Chickadee":

Once...in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew,
and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
