Subject: How to be a successful manager
Date: 6 Oct 1993 16:55:51 GMT

I've not seen this one posted before - it goes around offices on paper
xeroxed a hundred times.  Enjoy.

   HOW TO SUCCEED AS A MANAGER - EVEN IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
1. Dress to look tremendously important.       
2. Contrive to mingle with important people.  When claiming to know
   famous people, choose celebrities in far away places.
3. Walk swiftly from place to place as if engrossed in affairs of
   great moment.  Keep your office door closed.  Interview by
   appointment only.  Give orders by memorandum.  Remember - you are
   a BIG SHOT.
4. Speak with great assurance, sticking to generally accepted facts.
5. Acquire a capable stooge, but keep him in the background.
6. In offering to perform a service, imply your complete familiarity
   with the task, then give it to the stooge.
7. Arrange to be the clearing house for all complaints.  It 
   encourages the thought that you are in control and keeps the
   stooge in his place.
8. When asked a question by a suborinate, give him that "have you
   lost your mind" stare until he glances down, then paraphrase 
   the question back to him.
9. Never give thanks for any assistance - this will implant a
   subconscious obligation in the mind of your victim.
10.Listen while others are arguing.  Determine who is winning and
   then stoutly agree with them.  State your position by plucking
   a platitude out of thin air and defend it righteously.
11.Avoid arguments, but if challenged, fire back a totally 
   irrelevant question at your atagonist and intently polish your
   glasses while he tries to answer.  As an alternative, hum under
   your breath while examining your fingers.
12.Before speaking to a supervisor you wish to impress, ferret out
   his position on a particular problem, then advocate it staunchly.
     Remember - You ARE important.

