Subject: 100 Bastard jokes from Youngie (By popular request)
Date: Fri, 21 May 1993 22:21:18 GMT

1. What is pink stiff and hard and sends women wild?
Crib death!

2. What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Hypothermia!

3. Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
Because he doesn't know he's black!

4. Why do black people smell?
So the blind can hate them as well!

5. Did you hear about the Jewish Kamikaze pilot!
He crashed his plane in to his brothers scrap yard!

6. What about the Polish Kamikaze pilot?
He's on his 15th mission!

7. Did you hear about Klu-Klux-Kanevil?
He tried to jump 10 niggers in a steam roller!

8. Why do niggers wear large brimmed hats?
To stop the pigeons shitting on their bottom lips!

9. Why do niggers wear platformed shoes?
To stop their knuckles dragging on the ground!

10. What do you throw a drowning nigger?
His wife and kids!

11. What does it say on the inside of a niggers lips?
Inflate to 30 psi!

12. How do you stop a nigger jumping up and down on your bed?
Velcro on the ceiling! 

13. How do you starve a Mexican?
Hide his food stamps under his working boots!

14. What do you get if you cross a nigger with a Mexican?
A car thief that is too lazy to steal!

15. Did you hear about the guy who crossed a nigger with an octapus
It doesn't look much but it can sure pick cotton!

16. How do you know if your dad has been having incest with your sister?
Because his dick tastes funny!

17. Why did god give niggers rhythm?
Coz he fucked up their hair and nostrils!

18. What do you call a leper in the bath?
Stew!

19. How do you get him out of the bath?
With a sieve!

20. Why did the leper fail his driving test!
He left his foot on the gas!

21. Two lepers playing cards!
One threw in his hand, the other laughed his head off!

22. How can you tell a leper ice hockey match?
There's a face off in every corner!

23. What did the leper say to the hooker?
Keep the tip!

24. What do do call a Toyota pickup going over a cliff with two niggers in it?
A waste, you can get three niggers in one of those!

25. What's the difference between love and like?
A spit and a swallow!

26. Why have tampons got strings?
So you can floss after you've eaten!

27. How can you tell the barmaid doesn't like you?
There's a string hanging from your bloody mary!

28. What's the definition of everlasting love?
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!

29. What's black and walks in to pianos?
Stevie wonder!

30. Have you seen Stevies new car?
No? Neither has he!

31. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other!

32. Why has Helen Keller got yellow rotten legs?
Coz her dog is blind too!

33. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They rearrage the furniture!

34. What do you do if you are eating a chicken sandwich and it tastes like fish!Change hands!

35. Do you know why women have legs!
Look at the mess that snails make!

36. What has an elephant got up it's trunk!
Six foot of snot!

37. What do you give an elephant with diarohea?
Plenty of room!

38. Why have the Japanese got slant eyes?
Wouldn't you if you'd seen an atom bomb flash!

38. Mayor of Hiroshima's last words?
What the fuck was that!  

39. John Lennon's last words?
That's not a real gun!

40. What's yellow and sleeps alone?
Yoko Ono

41. What did John Lennon used to have in common with a roll of camera film?
They both come in yellow boxes!

42. What's the difference between light and hard!
You can sleep with the light on!

43. Why have Jews got big noses?
Coz fresh air is free!

44. What about the Jewish Santa Claus!
He comes around and x-mas and see's if anybody want to buy any presents!

45. Why didn't China win the world soccer cup.
Everytime they got a corner they built a shop on it!

46. Why didn't Mexico have an olympic team?
Because any of them who could run, jump or swim were already in San Diego!

47. How many Spics does it take to grease a car?
Two if you hit them right!

48. How do you get a nigger pregnant?
Come on some shit and let the flies do the rest!

49. Why do niggers carry shit in their wallets?
For ID.

50. What's white, 15 foot long and sits and shit?
A turban!

51. What's brown and looks good around a niggers neck!
A doberman!

52. What's the fastest thing on two legs?
Somalian with a luncheon voucher!

53. Why are womens cunts near their arses?
So you can pick them up like a six pack!

54. Why do women have pussies?
So men will speak to them!

55. Why were men invented?
Coz vibrators can't buy a round of drinks!

56. Why are turds tapered?
So your ass doesn't close with a bang!

57. What does a blonde say after sex?
"Are all you guys on the same team?"

58. Why do blondes wear panties?
To keep their ankles warm!

59. How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
Closes the car door!

60. Why don't blondes eat pickes?
Because their heads get trapped in the jar!

61. Why is your knob like a Rubiks cube?
The longer you play with it the harder it gets!

62. Why is cum white and piss yellow?
So you know whether you're coming or going!

63. Did you hear the one about the girl who got canned from the sperm bank?
They caught her drinking on the job!

64. How about the hooker that geve free blowjobs?
She just wanted to get something warm in her stomach!

65. What's got four legs with a cunt half way up it's back?
A police horse!

66. How can you tell a Japanese motorcyclist?
He's the one with the flies in his teeth!

67. What's got six legs, six arms, six eyes and likes to eat pussy!
Me, my buddy and Billy Jean King!

68. How can you tell an Italian airplane?
That's the one with the hairs under it's wings!

69. Why is a 69 like the mafia?
One slip of your tongue and you're in the shit!

70. What is the difference between a wank (jerk off for you yanks) and an egg?
You can beat an egg!

71. Why do Mexicans have small stearing wheels on their cars?
So they can drive with handcuffs on!
 
72. What's the difference between a microwave and a fag?
A microwave won't brown your meat!

73. What's the difference between a fridge and a fag?
A frigde don't fart when you pull your meat out!

74. What did one rubber say to the other outside the fag bar?
Let's go in and get shit faced!

75. What did one fag say to the other at the bar?
Do you mind if I push your stool in!

76. Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can!

77. What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?
A nun with a Javelin through her head!

78. What goes red, black, red, black, red, black, red, black white?
A nigger jerking off!

79. What's the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of
babies?
You can't unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork!

80. What's yellow and doesn't like liver?
Ben Hardwick. (First liver transplant patient who died)

81. What's the difference between Ben Hardwick and Leona Ketin?
Ben Hardwick died a virgin. (Leona Ketin was a 6 month girl who was raped to
death)

82. What's the difference between a bicycle and a nigger?
A bicycle doesn't sing, "old man river", when you chain it up.

83. What do you say to a Spic with a job?
"Big Mac and fries please!".

84. What do you call a guy surrounded by five nigger?
Coach!

85. What do you call a guy surrounded by 200 niggers?
Warden!

86. What do you call a nigger with a bicycle?
A thieving bastard!

87. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Potato!

88. How many male chauvenists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

89. How do you burn an Irish man's ear?
Call him when he's ironing!

90. Hear about the Irish woodworm?
It was found dead in a brick!

91. Why is sex like a bank account?
After a withdrawal you lose all interest!

92. Why is virginity like a balloon?
One prick and it's gone!

93. Why is a Cesna better than a 747?
Because one screw is better than four blow jobs!

94. Two Nuns is the shower together one says, "where's the soap?", the other
one says, "yes it doe, doesn't it!".

95. Why did the arabs get the oil and the Irish get potatoes?
Irish had first choice!

96. Why do they call the camel the ship of the desert?
Because it's full of arab sea men!

97. How do you get five Jews in a phone booth?
Tell them that calls are only 10c.

98. How do you get them out?
Shout, "gas!!!!"

99. Why do Jewish women like their men circumsized?
Because they want 10% off eveything!

100. What's green and smells of fish?
Kermit's middle finger.

And with that note I'll sign off, if you wanna hear more mail me coz I
aint typing this stuff in for the good of my health!

P.S. If women are made of sugar and spice and all things nice why do their
pussies taste like battery acid?

Cheers Youngie.
