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=  F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.  = 
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                           St00pid Thangs Part 1 
                           --------------------- 
 
        These are quotes from the back of PC Magazine. On the last 
page of each issue, they always put humorous quotes, funny pictures, 
great typos, all pertaining to computers. Here are some of the best 
ones...         *Note* These are not MY typos.. this is how they 
                       appeared in whatever source... 
 
"Intel said it will honor all customer request to replace  
pentium chips, free of charge and no questions asked. Intel  
will provide guidance for do-in-yourself pentium installers." 
                                -Contra Costa Times 
 
The latest in portable powerpacks: "Zenith Data Systems  
486/SLC Notebook computer: Includes a handy carrying case, an  
AC adaptor, and removable Nickel Metal High Dried Battery Pack." 
                                -Layman's Guide Catalog 
 
"You can use [Eudora] to tell Hillary just what you think  
about health care in America. Try president@whitehouse.gov." 
                                -Qualcomm Advertisement 
 
"Like your personal desk, your WP Office mail box can be  
divided into two sections: One bin for outgoing items, one for  
incoming items, and one for personal items." 
                                -WP Office Manual 
 
Help Wanted 
"Wisconsin's premier system integrator is looking for  
qualified people... requirements include strong hardware and  
software skills... this is an exciting, challenging, tough,  
and demeaning position."        -The Chicago Tribune 
 
Want Ad 
"Immediate Hire: 40,000 - 50,000 dollars. Division of high  
profile CO. Seeking a programmer analyst with 305 years UNIX  
experience."                    -The Ft Collins Coloradoan 
 
From an Anderson Consulting Survey: 
* Percentage of Canadians who say they approve of the  
  Information Superhighway: 62.7 
 
* Percentage of Canadians who say they know what the  
  Information Superhighway is: 54.4 
                                -Financial Post Magazine 
 
"Cleaning the Lens" 
* Never touch the lens or use anything to touch the lens. 
 
* To remove fingerprints, or dust, etc. from the lens, wipe  
the lens thoroughly with a cotton swab. 
                                -Mitsumi CDRom Drive Manual 
 
Number 4 from "Top Ten Features Included in Word 6.0": 
        "AutoCorrect- Program corrects your most frequently  
         typos as you type." 
                                -Windows Sources 
 
"Right now, 386 chips are two generations behind. The latest  
 chip, which some call the 586, is officially called the  
 _Plentium_... The _Plentium_ chips are new, are in somewhat  
 short supply, and are expensive. If you are dealing with lots  
 of data... go for the speediest chip you can afford." 
                                -Physician's Management 
 
 
"One quick way to get extra workspace in conventional memory,  
is to add these lines to your config.sys file: 
 
        device 
        c:doshimem.sys 
        dos 
                                -John C. Dvorak 
                                -San Francisco Chronicle 
 
"After freeways buckled, buildings collapsed, and phone lines  
were cut off, personal computers linked to online message  
centers were often the only means of obtaining critical  
information."                   -The LA Times 
 
"Dictionary of the Living World:... See animals that have been  
extinct and made the population climb back to safety." 
                                -Tiger Software Catalog 
 
"Notice to User: By breaking the seal of this envelope, you  
accept the terms of the enclosed license agreement enclosed." 
                                -Adobe Font Pack for Windows 
 
"Expense It! Version 2.0 report functions include: 
        * Weekly expense reports. 
        * Custom expense reports. 
        * Income tax perpetration." 
                                -Surplus Software International Catalog 
                                                   
"Slide the exit paper support in until it snaps securely in  
place. 
"NOTE: The paper exit support does not actually attach to the  
printer."                       -Canon BJ230 Quickstart Guide 
 
=-= 
Selling Point of a Product: Articles are written in plain  
english, not high-tech computer language thats hard to  
understand. 
 
Excerpt from manual: According to Okidata, here's how you  
install the second paper tray in the OL400 Laser Printer:  
"With keeping the printer in a single hand, insert a minus  
screw driver to the square hole of blind board, turn the screw  
driver quietly at the arrow direction of 'A' and then remove  
the fluke of the blind board at the arrow direction of 'B'  
with removing the fluke from the base frame." 
=-= 
 
"Run your DOS, Windows, and OS/2 programs faster than ever,  
together, in the same graphical environment. Multitask  
powerful applications with fear - without slowing down!" 
                                -IBM OS/2 for Windows Ad 
 
"Your optional 500-Sheet Paper tray assembly is covered under  
your printer's one year warranty, or 90 days, whichever is  
longer."                        -HP Laserjet 4 Manual 
 
 
Compiled by Demonika 
 
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc...   = 
= Internet : jericho@netcom.com                      (Mail is welcome)    = 
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= Chemical Persuasion  203.324.0894    Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455   =    
= Ionic Destruction    215.722.0570    Hacker's Haven      303.343.4053   =  
= E.L.F.        (NUP)  314.272.3426    Misery              318.625.4532   = 
= Dungeon Sys. Inc.    410.263.2258    Psykodelik Images   407.834.4576   = 
= Paradise Lost        414.476.3181           (Your Board Here!@#$!)      = 
= Digital Fallout      516.378.6640    Bad Trip            615-870-8805   = 
= Plan 9               716.881.3663    Deadly Intoxication 801.553.8644   = 
= Purple Hell          806.791.0747    Logikal Nonsence    XXX.XXX.XXXX   =  
= PuRe EViL  (NUP)     905.XXX.XXXX    The Keg             914.234.9674   =                                    = 
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