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=  F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.  = 
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                        The Anatomy of Love                         
                        ------------------- 
 
        "As I gaze upon your face, 
        My strong-willed heart begins to race. 
        Emotions in captivity, 
        Break their bonds and long for thee. 
         
        And as I gaze into your eyes, 
        Behind my back time lights and flies, 
        But I care not for time gone by, 
        And for your love long now, long I." 
 
                                  -illusionary (c) 1995 
 
        A  simple poem.  Written  in a moment  of passion and longing   
for a beautiful and captivating woman.  I was in love to describe the 
moment in its base  case.  But as I look  back on  this I  ask myself  
what  love really  is?  Is it a brief  physical experience, or a deep 
emotional involvement? 
 
        Many people in society have different views of this so-called  
"love".  One such view is love as a physical and lustful emotion.  To 
be involved  physically with a  woman is love.   Others believe  that 
love is that of kinship, totally disassociated from lust and longing. 
Still  others believe that  love is a deep  and dark emotion that has 
ruled the hearts of  mankind for ages.  Yet others  believe that love 
has no place in society today. 
 
        With  so  many different  classifications  of love  one  must  
determine  for himself what  love is.  I have  based my definition of 
love  off of my  experiences in  life.  I  have been in relationships 
of  kinship  or friendship.  I  have seen  the dark  side of love.  I 
have been exposed to the physical side of love.  But I find that love  
is much, much more than anything that can be contemplated by mankind. 
 
        As  I continue,  I will  focus my discussion  on love  to the 
romantic  aspect of love.  The interchange of love between two people 
of the opposite sex.  If you  find my definition of romantic  love to 
be lacking or  incorrect then maybe  you should  not be  reading this 
file,  as  you can gain  nothing  from it.  For everyone  else, let's 
continue... 
 
        In  my poem I describe  emotions that come forth as I look at 
the face of my lover.  My heart, which has been weathered to love and 
involvements is released  from its  confinement and intertwines  with 
that of another.  For the first  time I love with  no reservation.  I 
have lost all preception  of time and  order and all I  care about it 
whether or not that love is returned. 
 
        The question I want to raise is whether or not  this love can 
ever be returned fully.  As my relationship with this woman developed 
I found myself constantly thinking about her.  Hardly an hour went by 
when I did not question what she was thinking about, or  what she was 
doing.  My  mind  continually  rolled back to the past and time spent 
with her.  I was  lost.  There  was no understanding of this love.  I 
was, and to a degree still am, captured by this woman. 
 
        As time progressed I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of 
emotional attachment.  The bottom was not in sight and I kept falling 
fast.  Unfortunately she was distancing  herself from me.  One of the 
most important  things in my  life was slowly  moving  outside of  my 
grasp.  I had  no  control over what she was doing.  No matter what I 
did  to show her  my love, nor how much I sacrificed for her, I never  
felt an equal reciprocation of my emotions. 
 
        And now she's gone...  and all I  can do is ponder what I can 
learn  from  the  destruction  of my  heart.   I look  to the future,  
thinking about what lies  ahead of me.  Can I go on?   Maybe.  I will 
work hard to  rid myself of this ball and chain that forever drags me 
down, but will I ever rid myself of her memory?  Probably not. 
 
        What  can I  learn?  I can realize that love will never allow 
itself  to be conquered by the feeble attempts of mankind.  It always 
has its  own twisted  initiative to  accomplish.  Eventually, mankind 
will  be  destroyed by  his desire to caputure that which no cage can 
contain.  No one  can  ever  be satisfied  by the creature  that love  
personifies.  Therefore, do  not  expect anything  in the future.  Do  
not hope for the  acceptance and unconditional love that you offer to  
others.  It will  never  be returned  until you  are in the cradle of  
heaven... 
 
illusionary 
 
 
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