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=  F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.  = 
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                              Mindfuck 
                              -------- 
 
        It only took me 21 years to figure out life, and the reason 
        behind it. It is 'gods' way of fucking with us. Now, I don't 
        belive in god, but I am agnostic. Something up there has a 
        hell of a lot more power than I do, and possibly controls part 
        of my life or whatnot. I don't know, but I am open to ideas. 
 
        Anyway, whether it is god, fate, a set of gods, or whatever 
        else you believe in, I have found the answer to it all. 
 
        Tonight I was reading back through old letters and cards from 
        friend's and families thinking about the past. I keep all 
        incoming letters like that in a file folder, and tonight I 
        went back through it. I found that reading them brought up 
        good memories as well as bad, but mostly good. It hit me that 
        whoever created us humans, was quite clever. I can see 
        him/her/it saying 'This will be the ultimate mind fuck...the 
        human race'. 
 
        We go through life meeting thousands of people. Out of those 
        thousands, you actually know maybe a hundred or so pretty 
        well, even less become good friends, and only a select few 
        become your best friends. If you are prone to moving, desiring 
        change, or whatever, sit back and think back to all your old 
        friends, from high school, college, old neighborhoods, or 
        wherever else. 
 
        The ultimate mindfuck is this: Of all those people you knew so 
        well, you don't really remember them. All of the good times in 
        the past are just that...over. Even by reading something that 
        reminds you of it, looking at pictures, or talking to the 
        person, you can only retrive a fragment of the good time you 
        had with them. The human brain can't remember events with 
        enough clarity to be a feasible way to escape to the past. All it can 
        do is make you feel like total shit for not keeping in touch 
        with those people or wishing to be back in that time. 
 
        Think back to past friends you spent a lot of time with. Why 
        were they such a good friend? In the first five minutes you 
        think about this, you will probably come to the same 
        conclusion I did. "They were just cool". Now sit there longer 
        and think back to what events led up to meeting the person, 
        things you did early on, later on, and so forth. Probably 
        twenty minutes later you are thinking "I really miss that 
        person being around. Why didn't I stay in touch?" 
 
        So you are doomed to continue through life, making new 
        friends, having more good times, only to sit down years from 
        now and see that it is all over, and that you remember it to 
        be a good time, but still not able to recall exactly what made 
        it that way. You can only remember the basic events, some 
        minor details etc. 
 
        Conclusion? I have none. Neither you nor I will go through 
        life thinking 'I better remember this event more closely so 
        that I may enjoy it later down the road'. Keep meeting people, 
        and enjoy the time you spend with them. Later down the road, 
        don't spend a lot of time thinking about them, and don't 
        become depressed about it. That defeats the purpose of those 
        'good' memories. 
 
 
                                DisordeR 
 
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