Rant of the Week



Number 17:



They created Hitler! They killed JFK! They hack up cattle and sell child

pornography! Can anything prepare you for the terror of...

pornography! Can anything prepare you for the terror of...

                                                                   [Image]

Satan Worshiping

Anti-Semitic, Gay Aliens



"Mr. Rants" (right) created by Nick Cassway

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Editor's apologia:From the first issue of something called the Journal for

the Exploitation of Alien Technology comes this manifesto putting all you

spongey-brained, New Agey types in your place!



50 GCAT Online Guarantee: All rants produced by actual humans. Not

concocted by us!



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     Mankind is sick and weak. Darwinian theory has been shot to Hell

     because we are breeding weak bodies and weak minds. SHAPE UP!

     Take a look at all the spineless people around you. Abel deserved

     to die because he was weak. If it wasn't for "divine"

     intervention, we would have a strong society and be on our way to

     conquer space. Instead, we send weasels to Washington who fritter

     away money that should be going into military and space programs.



     Why are we wasting away our lives? I tell you, there is a force

     out there that has been affecting our judgement ever since

     mankind evolved. We have been manipulated by higher forces that

     have clouded our minds. These forces have held us back from

     conquering the universe. If we don't resist these forces and

     change our ways, we deserve to die!



     What has been holding us back? Did you ever think about that?

     Were you even aware that our growth as a technologically advanced

     society has been stunted? Perhaps you are one of those gullible

     "New Agers" whose brain sponges up whatever drivel you come in

     contact with? Perhaps you are a Christian or Jew who has been

     wasting their time appeasing the forces that have held us back?

     Perhaps you are an Eco-nut who thinks we should sacrifice

     technological advancement for the sake of saving our tiny blue

     marble? It's people like you who make me wish an asteriod would

     drop by and plow the whole pipe-dream to smithereens. Get real!

     If we don't get off this turquoise ball, we can kiss our pitiful

     lives good-bye.



     Who or what is this higher force? I'm glad you asked.



     Our Sun was born from the residue of two generations of stars.

     With each death of a sun, the variety and availability of metals

     increase. The first generation stars didn't have enough heavy

     metals for the growth of life with cognitive intelligence. But

     the second generation stars did. Although there are many star

     systems similar to our own, there are very few which had the

     conditions necessary for creating life. The star systems that

     formed prior to ours were not very hospitable either. They were

     subjected to a great deal of interstellar radiation. If life

     managed to evolve on a planet, it was often snuffed-out by

     asteroids, comets or self-annihilation. Life did managed to

     survive and flourish on a planet in a system far, far away. The

     exact location is unknown at this time. They were a short,

     grey-skinned creatures with a large cranium and superior

     cognitive abilities. The beings on this planet were VERY

     fortunate. They were able to avoid all the major disasters we

     risk facing today. They soon discovered the secrets of

     interstellar travel, utilizing inter-dimension travel, wormholes

     and space warping. Their elbow room was diminishing, so they

     searched the stars for a planet similar to their own. They found

     only one, Earth.



     At the time they discovered us, we were in the beginning of the

     Homo Sapien stage. The High Council of the interstellar

     travellers met to discuss the future of Earth. It was decided

     that conquering the Earth was not necessary since they were on

     the verge of building Dysan-like spheres to help increase their

     living space. They expected us to evolve into a species with a

     great deal of potential and they felt threatened by it. The High

     Council decided to use all means necessary to hinder, but not

     stop, our intellectual and technological growth. They did this to

     stop us from trashing our virgin world. At the same time, they

     would manipulate our minds, so we would be prepared for eventual

     assimilation.



     The Dysan spheres were eventually placed in orbit around

     Barnard's star. The spheres were spaced at specific intervals to

     reduce perturbations in the star's movement. Colonization of the

     spheres was difficult - no one wanted to leave their shiny

     blue-green globe. Most of the spheres were eventually colonized.

     In time, it was discovered that the DNA of people living on these

     spheres had become adversely mutated after many thousands of

     years and the damage appeared irreversible. It became necessary

     to move people between the planet and the Dysan spheres to slow

     the degenerative evolution of their people. All forms of DNA

     manipulation and transplantation were ineffective. Some of the

     High Council members decided it was time to speed up the

     assimilation of Earth. The Earth year was 1947.



     Remember Roswell? We managed to capture one of their crafts along

     with one live alien. John F. Kennedy was killed after he

     threatened to reveal this information to the public. After many

     years of study, it appears we have reverse engineered the craft

     and can now build a working prototype. We must divert all our

     resources to building a fleet of combat space vehicles and to the

     building of defense systems which can repel an attack from alien

     spacecrafts. The code name for the combat spacecraft project is

     Aquarius, while the code name for the defense system project is

     Meteor. Most of the work is being performed at Area 51. UFO

     researchers have figured out what is going on, and that has made

     top secret officials very edgy. Once in a while, they allow

     stooges like Robert Lazar into the projects and subsequently

     plant the seeds necessary to discredit them.



     So where's the proof that aliens are manipulating us? If you

     didn't realize that our advancements in science have been slowed

     throughout history, then the aliens have been successful. WAKE

     UP! They are out to get us! They planted various religions on our

     soil, by fogging the brains of gullible individuals. Alchemists

     were decapitated during witch-hunts. Galileo was almost lynched

     for claiming the Earth was not the center of the universe.

     Inquisitions were held to root out anyone who would dare to

     suggest the bible was NOT the source of all 'science'. And still,

     you sorry fools stumble into churches to worship the all-mighty

     God. Let's face it, you are actually worshipping a group of sly

     aliens who are keeping you corralled like unsuspecting little

     lambs.



     As part of the assimilation process, the aliens are performing

     on-going experiments to manipulate our evolution. They take sperm

     samples and ova samples. They examine our genitals and implant

     fetuses. They insert mind-controlling implants into your head so

     they can manipulate your mind and track your movements. These

     experiments are the reason why the sperm count in the average

     male has dropped by 50 percent over the past half-century.



     Some people have suggested that we are being visited by a variety

     of aliens. This is not true. Some of these short, grey-skinned

     creatures are able to cause their abductees to hallucinate. They

     prefer to appear as a humanoid race called "Nordics", since

     humans are more cooperative with humanoids.



     One ploy the aliens use to test our foolishness is through the

     introduction of conflicting and often damaging socio-political

     ideologies. The aliens appear to favor the philosophy of fascism.

     Adolf Hilter was an abductee and was the favorite 'son' of the

     aliens. World War II was one of the aliens greatest successes.

     Hitler's legacy was passed on to future generations. The HH sign

     of the UMMO aliens was an abbreviation for Heil Hitler. Billy

     Meier's aliens were not only fascists and anti-Semites, but they

     promoted homosexuality by exiling deviants to single-sex planets.

     Dr. Fred Bell, another fool, claimed to have sex with Meier's

     female alien named Semjase. Of course, the whole ludicrous story

     wouldn't be complete without photographs. Mr. Meier was forced to

     take pictures of saucers dangling from helium-filled balloons

     with the help of his mind-controlling implant. The aliens must

     have gotten a good laugh from the whole incident. I'll bet they

     didn't expect the foolish "New Agers" to worship Meier long after

     he was discredited. The neo-Nazi propaganda hasn't stopped;

     George Green is channeling his trash from an alien whose stage

     name is Pleiadian Commander Gyerogos Ceres Hatoon.



     The aliens are also behind the cattle mutilation mystery. But

     they aren't the ones doing the dirty work. They have control over

     a group of humans who have a propensity towards sick and

     disgusting acts of violence. The aliens supervise the Four Pi

     Movement - a group of "controlled'" individuals who have been

     subjected to brainwashing. They are renowned for human and animal

     sacrifice, child pornography and international narcotics trading.



     The aliens are responsible for many of the most heinous acts in

     human history. We have wasted a great deal of time fighting each

     other, because we are a bunch of weak-minded fools. You fumble

     through life thinking that you are in control of your mind.

     WRONG! Frankly, I shouldn't be telling you this because you

     deserve to be punished for being duped. Any moment now, you will

     point a gun to your head and pull the trigger. DON'T DO IT! You

     now have the opportunity to redeem yourself! Repel the urge to

     kill your neighbor! Vow to shoot all Greys on sight! Direct all

     your energy into support for the space program and military

     research! Support the Society for Reverse Engineering! Hug a

     nuclear physicist today! Together we can fight the alien invasion

     and win!



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