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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ 
------11.26.94-----------------------------------------------------#026------ 
 
                             Kiss my Black Ass             
                        Appreciated by Jason Farnon 
 
 
by 
Consolidated 
                                       
MC PhaT MuTha PhivE is iN da HoUse Y'ALL! DroPpiN JeWwlZ on yo MuLez! 
So Suck My DICK, Like WATSON and CRICK! 
 
I'm so def  
I get respect 
I do not signal  
When I make a left. 
 
I'm a phat rhymster  
Some call me spastic 
When I go to work  
I say "paper or plastic!" 
 
I've got da skills  
To stop oil spills 
I buy liquid form 
Coz I can't swallow pills. 
 
I'm an urban funkster 
Just call me Herman Munster 
I once got busy 
In a big phat dumpster. 
 
I whipped out my gat 
And shot me a cat 
Would you like some funky fresh  
Fries wit dat? 
 
I'm a lyrical clam 
Damn I'm  the man 
I'm kickin' more flava 
Than a phat can o' spam. 
 
Words manifest 
I use Ultra Crest 
My mom knitted me a nice 
V-neck sweater vest. 
 
I'm hittin skinz 
I'm known in da biz 
I'm rippin' dem tags  
Offa mattresses. 
 
Smokin' dat herb at 
Case Western Reserve 
I'm puttin' suckas down 
Like a Bosnian Serb. 
 
I bought me a bag 
Damn it was schwag 
So I rolled it up  
In an oxy-pad. 
 
My rhyme's they be strong 
Like ding-a-ling-a-dong 
I put gin and juice 
In my six-foot bong. 
 
Sucka MCs  
I ain't no fool 
Now get on your knees 
And inspect my stool. 
 
Just call me chachee 
I ain't no nazi 
Brothaz smoke crack 
But I just play yahtzee.  
 
I'm a lyrical jew 
Like Winnie the Pooh 
I gots a disease 
So my balls they be blue. 
 
My rhymes they won't bore ya 
So light da menorah 
I'm kickin' mad flava  
Like Moses in da Torah. 
 
One, two 
In come da Jew 
My people talk in yiddish 
So g'zai g'zin to you! 
 
I'm da chosen MC 
I rhyme for a fee 
There's sure to be a doctor 
In my family tree. 
 
My people be weird  
My mom's got a beard 
When I step to you 
Your memory be cleared! 
 
Sucka MCs 
They be in terror 
When I clock they ass 
With a run-time error. 
 
I ride in a row-boat 
Just like a Haitian 
I'm a put "phat" 
In a constant declaration. 
 
I rhyme like a mime 
I'm always on time 
When I write my verse 
I use top-down design. 
 
I'm a wack MC 
My directory tree 
It ain't called C 
Coz I renamed it G. 
 
Get on your knees ho 
You better turn a trick 
My rhymes are double helix  
Like Watson and Crick 
 
I'm sittin' here rappin' 
Buddha's got it happenin' 
"Bang, bang, nigga" 
That's the sound o' one hand clappin'. 
 
I'm bustin' up mics 
I go on nature hikes 
Like Hester Prynn 
I sewed an A on my Nikes. 
 
I'm droppin's jems to yo mellon 
Self-improvement tapes I'm sellin' 
My mom jacked some fool 
So now she a fellon. 
 
I'm kickin' crazy verse  
I'm about to burst 
So listen up y'all 
And obey your thirst! 
 
I gots mo' flava 
Than a Buick Le Sabre 
Like Rober Frost  
I enjoy manual-labor.  
 
I'm out like a lout 
I stutter and shout 
I'm doin' bitches up 
With my twelve-inch trout.   
 
Sucka MCs 
Will put you in a slumber 
My rhymes are more def 
Than Avagadro's number.  
 
I'm gonna teach you a lesson 
With my Smith and Wesson 
I'm puttin niggaz down 
With a bowl o' fat-free dressing. 
 
There ain't no other 
Rapper who can stutter 
My rhymes are so slick: 
"I can't believe it's not butter." 
 
The derivative of my flava 
Is the integral of my rhyme 
X cubed plus a constant 
Is the slope of my nine.  
 
I gots da bomb 
Like Erich Fromm 
I cleaned da latreens 
Back in Viet-Nam. 
 
I dress like a pimp 
I walk with a limp 
I see the Browns for free in 
My low-rider blimp. 
 
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            IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why. 
 
                                Information: 
                           bleed@unix.amherst.edu 
       ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT  The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146 
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