   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\          //////////////////////////////// 
     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\      //////////////////////////////// 
       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'  //////////////// .ao0.////////// 
         \\\\\\ YOOOOO000b.\\\\\ YOOOOO00000@@@@@//// dOO000@//////// 
           \\\\\ YOOO0000@@@b\\\' YOOO00000@@@@@P// dOOO000@D////// 
             \\\\ OO0000@@@@@b'  / OO000P///////// dOOO000@P///// 
               \\ O000P'\Y@@@@D/// O0000q///////// OO000@P///// 
                ' 0000\\\\Y@@@D/// 00000@@@@@////// 000@@@@q/ 
  Editor:         0000Q\'d@@@@D/// 0000@@@@@P//////// @@@@@@@. 
  Access Denied   000@@@@@@@@P'/// 000@@P//////////// .d@@@@@D    X Marks The 
                 d00@@@@@@@P'//// d00@@@a///////// d@@@@@@@@@'       Shit 
                d00@@@@@@P'///// d00@@@@@@//////// @@@@@@@@' 
                   ///////////////////////////////\ Y@@@@' 
                 ///////////////////////////////\\\\ Y@'\\\\ 
               ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 
             ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 
           ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 
         ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 
       /////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 
 
            D  a  m  n  e  d     F  u  c  k  i  n  g     S  h  i  t 
 
                                  - Presents - 
 
                              Issue #52 
                              Date: 7/19/95 
                              Title: An Interesting Conversation 
                              Author: Anonymous 
 
 
   * The following is a conversation that recently occurred between two 
people who would rather remain anonymous, because they pheer narqs.  
Everything marked with *'s has been blacked out in order to protect the 
innocent.  We join the conversation in the middle of it, because the first 
part wasn't very interesting.  Anyways, enjoy. 
 
 
8:14 pm  *** Jul **, 1995 
----------------------------- 
 
eye saw uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. oh.. I told you that, nevermind.. hmm.. 
 
Two nights ago, `Phantasm ][' was on channel 7 at 3:00am.  It roqed even 
more than usual.  Eye love that movie.   
 
was uhh.. that guy in it. the one with the awesome name <that escapes me> 
 
Angus Scrimm!%@^&%#@... Yep.  "The Tall man".  He r00lz. 
 
he doz. bigtymes 
 
Yep.  Hey, on a completely different note, guess who died on July 4th? 
 
ummmmmmmmmmmm... ****? 
 
Yew only wish.. ;).  gno, that Bob Ross guy.  "A little bit of color.." 
 
<whooooooooooooosh>.. sound of reference flying over ****'s head. 
 
I didn't think you'd know.  He's that TV artist guy, with the fro. 
 
eleete. wow. hey.. on a completely different but related subject.. 
****/*****, was hanging out at a Skatepark in Chicago, and met a guy who was 
good friends with ****, who ran ********* ******.. who evidentally hung 
himself over newyears. 
 
w0w, can't say I ever heard of him beyond yer ******* *********.. ;).  W0w.  
Hanging would be a shitty way to kill yerself.  I'd have to go a gun, myself, 
preferably a large caliber shotgun. 
 
or going to sleep with the car on in the garage wouldn't be too bad either. 
not hanging.. umm.. not burning either <eeeeechhck>.. big gun to head.. but 
going to sleep would be best. 
 
Yeah, but I think I'd find it kind of hard to fall asleep.. ;).  Until I 
like.. died.  ehehe.  Hmmmm.. slitting your wrists would also suck.  I don't 
see why people do these things so stupidly.. Hmmmm. 
 
yeah.. definitely. the whole garage thing is cool because the Carbon Monoxide 
knocks you out.. so.. you WILL fall asleep ;) 
 
Ah.  I was unaware, I thought you'd just die.  Hmmmmmm.  Ah well.  Yeah, that 
would probably be best.  Even like.. poisoning yerself has got to involve 
some pain.  Especially if you use like.. Drano.. <grin>..  
 
cleans you out, but leaves you feeling all hollow inside. there are some 
poisons that might be alright.. but you'd really have to PLAN the hell out of 
your suicide to get ahold of them. not something most people do. 
 
Yep... Hmm.. most people a little distraught at that point... ;).  Hmmmmm.  
Maybe that guy hung himself because he had nothing to do once his board went 
down.. ;).  Hmmmm.. I don't think that'd happen to me tho'.  Maybe like.. I 
dunno.. **** ***** or something. 
 
nah.. not even ****. someone like Bob Mahoney would really be in a bad 
position. 
 
Yeah, true.  Hmmmmm.. Maybe *******.  He'd have no more dorqs to talk to 
24/7.. ;) 
 
yeah.. probably. hrmm. not most other people tho. they'd be more like 'wow.. 
I have lots of time now.. I think I'll go do something worthwhile'. 
 
Maybe I'll take down my board.. and then like.. go kill ***.  That'd be a 
worthwhile cause.. ;) 
 
I suppose. you could disguise yourself as a black guy.. jump through his 
window, yell 'Yous dead yall' at the top of your lungs, stab him 12 times, 
and then jump out the window. 
 
Hey.. that's perfect.. ;).  ehehe.  I like the quote.. bah... Yeah.. It's all 
falling into place.  Hmmmm.  But I wish we had a copy of "**********" so I 
could like.. play it outside his window for a bit first.. ehehe. 
 
You would go down in history as 'The ********** Murderer'.. and your case 
would remain open for years to come. 
 
Yeah.  Then there's be all sorts of Investigative Reports shows doing 
editions about me.  ;).  Wow, I bet that would start a lot of message 
discussions on local boards too.  All the kewlie people on one side, vs. all 
the dorqs.. ;) 
 
I would become a Professional Thesbian and play you on 'A Current Affair'. 
 
Yeah.. <grin>.. & I could like, watch it and say.. "These lesbians don't even 
look like those guys".. <grin>.  Ah, Imagination is so fun. 
 
"Ha-Ha, Bill, we'd better stab him to death and jump out the window, after 
starting *** *** *** on his computer, so it will play our themesong Ha-Ha'. 
 
yeah.  blah.  I miss that song too.  And ********.  Do you know if *** has a 
copy? 
_________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
   * (At this point, the talk became too horrid for the likes of you.  We 
will resume at a later point in the conversation...) 
 
__________________________________________________________________ 
 
Yep.  Well.  blah.  I dunno.  I like double spaces after a period.  That's 
all I can think of to say. 
 
that's great man. yawn. hmm. *** is kewlie. but would be more interesting if 
it worked right all the time. I need a release copy. perhaps I should call a 
zero-day warez board... instead I think I'll just sit here and pick my nose, 
as it requires less labor. 
 
Good idea.  In the meantime, I'll invest overseas.  ;) 
 
sounds like a plan. hmm. Perhaps I'll volunteer in some helpful worldwide 
organization, and go to Menjahamut Betlassieat and teach the diseased 
children there the beauties of the BBS scene. 
 
Good idea.  I'll go to Burkina Fasso & set up a big warez board.  I'm sure 
I'll get lots of calls from starving children in the local AC.  Then we can 
discuss how gay *** is. 
 
good plan. or maybe we could each build a fortress on either side of the 
village... and propel meat and vegetables over the heads of the starving 
people to each other. 
 
Now THERE'S an idea.  Wow, that's pretty good.  Hmmmmm.  And we can just 
like.. shout across the village about how we couldn't eat another bite, and 
we have all this excess food.. But We'll just give it to the dogs.  <grin> 
 
we'd need to be careful not to walk the dogs. or walk ourselves. I think both 
might be eaten by a passer-by. 
 
yeah.  Maybe build an underground tunnel system or something.  Keep them damn 
starving people away.  "NO!#@*  I don't have 70 cents a day, get off my 
ass!*#@" 
 
exactly. how the Master Plan begins to form. then we could setup big speakers 
on each fortress, and big receiving dishes, and send warez back and forth by 
playing the connect and handshake tones really loudly to each other, as well 
as discussing how Gay *** is.. except discussing it in Mahamutian, so he 
would never know. 
 
Yeah, Hmmm.. but what if some starving dorq staggers into the transfer area?  
We'd have to use Zmodem to make sure it was resumeable.  And another idea 
would be to invite *** himself to come out, then feed him a lot.. then talk 
about how he's taking food home that's secretly shoved up his ass or 
something over the speakers, and then throw him over the wall. 
 
wow, that sounds awesome. really far up his ass. he wouldn't want to lose it 
during the trip. 
 
Good call.. ehehe.  ah.  Well, this sure has been an interesting 
conversation, but my fingers are numbing.  bah.   
 
 
bummer. that's air-conditioning for ya. unhealthy stuff. mine are nice and 
waaaaaarm, because me house is at natural room temperature.. which is not too 
hot to sit in a leather chair in long pants. hohoho. how cool and 
comfortable I am. 
 
Wow.  How I envy you.  The other day I could have been wearing a winter coat 
in my house & still have been kinda cool.  That's central air for you.  
Hmmmmm.. Maybe we should just throw away the A/C. 
 
I think so. think of the savings on your power bills. think of how many 
starving children would fit into the place where your A/C used to be. ahh. it 
is so comfortable here. and when it gets too hot. I go to work at a place 
which is naturally, and biodegradably conditioned. 
 
Good for you.  Doing something for the environment *AND* for the starving.  
Hmmmm.. how many children are shoved down the laundry chute, anyways? 
 
evidentally a large number. my dirty clothes never seems to make it's way to 
the laundry hamper. 
 
Well, could be like.. a big.. mongoose or something that lives in the middle 
of the chute, and eats some of the laundry each time.  I'd call the 
exterminators. 
 
I'll call the Orkin Man.. so eye can watch him zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppp the shit 
out of that dirty mongoose. 
 
Good idea.  I luv how he's a big machine/weaponry clad guy at first, then 
turns into some dorq in a white hat.  Quite a guy.  Hmmmmm.  But if you start 
getting snakes all over your house, be sure to get the mongoose replaced. 
 
I suppose. you know those King Cobras can just come out of anywhere, as 
common as those things that aren't centipedes. hmmm. well, I suppose it would 
just be an addition to the Snipe living in my bathroom.. hiding from all 
those people hunting them. 
 
Yeah, I saw it.  Nice little guy.  I keep a weasel & a wolverine in my 
underwear drawer. 
 
I did for awhile, but the feces got annoying.. as well as the fact that the 
wolverine would rip my arm off each time I'd need some clean underwear.. 
which of course would mean the underwear would be all nasty and bloody.. 
plus I don't have an underwear drawer, which might have also hampered 
things. 
 
Yeah, well.. I could see the wolverine-in-the-closet scenario, seeing as how 
you keep all those knives all over the place... Hmmmm.. Maybe you could get a 
meshed metal glove to wear for getting new clothes. 
 
perhaps. is that what you do? not a bad idea. I dunno.. I just got rid of 
them completely a few months ago. now I have a Kodiak bear in there. 
 
Ah.  well, they're good protectors, I'll say that for them.  Although they d 
do get a little hungry when there's nothing to eat in there.  I like to throw 
in some berries + a bloodied carcass for the grizzly that I have.  Sure, 
there not AS threatening, but they do work. 
 
yeah, they do well at the whole stare-tactic thing.. you know.. robber breaks 
into house, goes for underwear closet.. sees 6-foot angry beast. works well. 
I heard that bears eat lots of honey.. so I just beat the hell out of mine 
with a big bees nest I keep on a stick.. just seems to piss him off tho. 
lately he's taken to eating all the coat hangers. uncool. no place to hang my 
coats. not that I have any. 
 
Yeah.  That can be nasty on their digestive system too.  Hmmmm.  Feces all 
twisted & sharp.. bah.  I don't envy him that.  For real security, I have a 
pack of wolves that roams my room when I'm asleep.  They make a lot of noise, 
but I figure, What the hell, I'm not being robbed, right?. 
 
good point. I'd read about the whole pack-of-wolves thing,.. nice idea, but 
mighty expensive. I mean... I hope you don't have carpet, all that roaming 
really does a job on it. there are some industry magazines that recently 
rates the plusses and minusses of the system. I think I'm going to go for the 
electronic motion-detecting sounds-like-a-pack-of-wolves-roaming device for 
only $49.99. hey.. it might keep my awake, but it's a serious deterrent, what 
with all the people who own real wolfpacks. 
 
Well, I can see your point.  I dunno, I was going to get rid of them after 
about a month, because they were really bringing down the resale value of our 
house.  But they grow on you, ya know?  Hmmmm.  Mating season rolled around & 
there were more.  Maybe I'll start giving wolves to people as Christmas 
presents.  They're getting a little expensive to feed, I've got to have two 
or three deer set loose in the house now instead of just one a day.  And 
forget having anything fragile survive once the chase starts.  But, I dunno.  
They're really friendly to me now.  And I don't want to give them up for some 
electric Almost-a-wolfpack-but-really-not thing.   
 
understandable. if I had already bought the wolfpack.. I think I'd stick with 
it. I mean.. there are ways to make money off of it as well.. I have friends 
who get called regularly by those Time-Life people who want to do specials on 
the ferocity of wolves, etc. but.. hey.. since I'm making the initial 
investment, I think I'll go for the low-end, I just don't have the cash now, 
you know? As for the christmas present idea.. sounds great. you could put 
them in little jars and tie bows around the lids, and send them off to 
distant friends. really sweet. 
 
See that's what I was thinking.  I don't get to see many people any more, 
since the pack is pretty protective of me.  Geez, when the cable guy came out 
they ripped him apart.  No fixed cable, but I didn't have to feed them that 
day.  Hmmmm.  The only problem is that they hate the wolverine.  But, on the 
other hand, what DOESN'T hate wolverines?  There pretty much the assholes of 
the animal world.  So, I'll probably have to get rid of the wolverine.  Maybe 
I could just feed it to the pack.  Then, I'd probably have  1 or 2 less 
wolves in the bargain.  Seems like the best route to me. 
 
I suppose. the whole thing has to put a real stop to dating life tho, so that 
must suck. if you're convinced about the whole wolverine thing, I'll take him 
off your hands for a cheap price.. I think I had some thieves coming up my 
toilet the other day, and I'd like to have that avenue covered.. But to tell 
you the truth, I'd say keep him. I mean.. look at it this way, nobody fucks 
with your underwear. 
 
True.  Hmmmm.  And the only time they ever see each other is when I open the 
drawer.  So, I suppose that would be doable.  Hmmmmm.  Interesting point.  
But, I think I WILL get rid of the grizzly.  It's getting on in years, and 
I'd sleep better knowing that it was roaming free than if it was still shut 
in my closet. 
 
Yeah, I can see that. I'd also sleep better knowing my Kodiak isn't going to 
come out of my closet, rip my head off, and consume me.. but hey, it's a 
trade-off, you know? Then again.. I'd have to say, for the grizzly, that it's 
easier to make a new one than to fix the old one. not much can be done. maybe 
give him to the humane society or something. someone out there is probably 
WAITING to adopt a 6' grizzly bear. 
 
Hmmm.. yeah, some little girl probably.  Cries herself to sleep every night 
that she's without a grizzly.  Hmmm.  good idea.  Hmmmm.  I had that whole 
"fear" problem with the pack for the 1st couple months too.  I can't tell you 
how many times I woke up with a.. Wolf's teeth gripping either side of my 
neck. And I'm missing a few toes.  But now we seem to understand each other.  
I think in the end it was worth it. 
 
Yeah, but look at it from my standpoint.. I mean, you feed your wolves them 
deer nightly, right? I beat the shit out of my bear with that bee's nest, but 
he still won't fucking eat. It's really gotten to bothering me. The bees can 
piss one off too.. but hey, if it's what he eats, I'll have only the 
freshest. I'm wondering if maybe he's depressed about something, and I should 
get him some Prozak or something. perhaps, later on down the line, if thing 
deteriorate. 
 
Hmmmmmm.  Yeah, I forgot about that whole thing.  Well, maybe he has an 
eating disorder.. & thinks he's just too fat or something.  I dunno.  You'd 
think he'd just eat the damn honey.  <sigh>.  well, Hmmmmm.  You might want 
to call the humane society yourself, or maybe a pet store, and ask why he's 
not eating.. 
 
Naah, I think you hit it on the head.. it's got to be that dietary thing. 
Besides, what does the Humane Society know about animals anyways, am I right? 
So.. tomorrow, I'll go to the store, buy a couple hundred gallons of 
SLIM-FAST and a fire house, and see if that works out any better. 
 
Now there's an idea.  Well, I'm glad we could work out this little problem 
without professional help.  I do so hate to involve other people in my 
problems.  Hmm.  Well, c'est la vie. 
 
Yeah.. them professionals just don't know shit. I mean.. they actually tried 
to tell ME that it was bad to hold the snipe under water for more than a 
minute.. I mean, you can SEE the little guy loves it by the way he squirms, 
and then vomits afterwards. What do those 'professionals' need, a slap in the 
face? Anyways.. thanks a lot for the input, I think you've saved me a lot of 
time/money. 
 
no problem.  blah.  Well, I'm gonna get going then.  Laterz. 
 
Later man, nice talking with you. 
 
Ditto.  bye. 
 
             Find DFS On These Fine Systems (When they're up...) 
========================================================================== 
| Paradise Lost                +1.414.476.3181        DFS World HQ       | 
| Temporary Insanity           +1.414.666.WHEE        DFS Affiliate HQ   | 
| Arcane Asylum                +1.414.PSY.CHOS        DFS Thingy HQ      | 
| Arrested Development         +31.77.547477          DFS European HQ    | 
|                                                                        | 
| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS                         | 
|                                                                        | 
| I've dropped all the other distros cuz I don't know if they're up      | 
| anymore.  If you are a distro and you're not listed, or you want to be | 
| a distro, mail  adenied@earth.execpc.com  and tell me.  Also if you    | 
| have any comments, questions, or concerns mail them there!             | 
|                                                                        | 
| ASCII Art by Incarnate                                                 | 
|                                                                        | 
| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS.  The password is:     | 
|                           JINGLE JINGLE                                | 
========================================================================== 
 
