               Things That Go 'BOOM' and Other Stuff That Rulez 
                                 Issue Seven 
                               
                                  Written by 
                                  ---------- 
                                   Cerberus 
                                  Count Zero  
                                  ---------- 
                              Shroud of Deception 
                              Gut Shoveler (Gutz) 
                                 616.775.2945 
                                  ---------- 
                                    5-05-94 
 
WARNING: Don't try this at home.  If you're stupid enough to try any of this 
shit, we're not responsible.  We aren't gonna pay your hospital bills because 
you blew off your thumb.  We'll just laugh at you.  WE AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR 
ANY DAMAGES CAUSED BY USE OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL PRESENTED IN THIS FILE. 
 
You may have noticed that it took us longer than normal to put this issue 
together.  This is because we have discovered many really cool (or hot as 
the case may be) fire things.  You will also notice that this issue has a 
quote at the end.  The quote for this issue is provided by a can of sterno. 
If you have any good quotes for us, please tell us.  Thanks to the 
overwhelming response to Watson's column in issue 5, we've decided to make 
him a regular feature now.  We haven't decided if he will be in every issue 
or just every other one.  Again, if you have an opinion on this, please tell 
us.  Well, let the fire-making begin. 
 
BB Shotgun: 
  These instructions originally appeared in a file (or phile as he spells it) 
  written by The Sentinal, a member of Hamr.  However, the original file was 
  in all caps, in Macintosh format, and so incredible old (he advertised a 
  300 bps BBS) that we decided it was time for a reprint.  Warning, this is 
  a very kick ass firearm.  It should not be attempted by anyone who is not 
  exceedingly ruley. 
 Ingredients: 
  a pipe roughly 3 feet long, and VERY heavy.  You don't want this to blow 
    up in your hand do you? 
  a cap for the pipe, or something to weld on one end of the pipe 
  a big firecracker (The Sentinal recommends an M-100) 
  alot of toilet paper 
  a whole shitload of BB's 
 Directions: 
  Start by drilling a hole in the cap (or whatever you are gonna weld onto 
  the end of the pipe).  The hole should be big enough to allow the fuse 
  from your explosive to get through.  Then, weld the cap (or whatever) onto 
  one end of the pipe.  You might be able to get away with just tightening 
  it real good, but then again, you might not.  Put the firecracker in the 
  pipe, with the fuse sticking out the hole.  Now you just need to load the 
  gun.  Shove some toilet paper down the pipe.  A wooden dowel or an unfolded 
  metal clotheshanger is recommended for this job.  Then pour some BB's down 
  the pipe.  Do not pack the BB's or you will get your hand blown off.  Put 
  some more toilet paper down the pipe, and then more BB's.  Finally add 
  one more layer of toilet paper.  You are now ready to shoot it. 
  It would help if you now find something to put on the pipe to hold onto it 
  with.  Or, you could mount it on something.  Aim it at whatever you want 
  to destroy, light the fuse, and if you are a pussy, cover your ears.  When 
  we (The Sentinal and his friends) made it, we used a lead pipe and an 
  M-100.  This blew the shit out of a car door.  Imagine what it would do to 
  flesh! 
 Notes: 
  If you are not sure about how strong your pipe is, and how well it will 
  hold up under the explosion, lay it down on the ground and fire it.  If 
  it holds up, then it's safe to hold in your hand.  If not, then give it 
  to your best friend... someone like the not-so-well-known blonde headed 
  geek named Daredevil (that was The Sentinal's suggestion, we would 
  recommend Watson).  If the possibility of this thing going off in your 
  hand and destroying you physically for life scares you, then don't attempt 
  it.  It's not like you're holding a quarter stick of dynamite or anything. 
  Also, you might consider using gun powder to fire the bb's.  It's a little 
  bit easier to get than an M-100. 
 
Gun Powder: 
  Have you ever wanted to make gun powder in the convienence of your own 
  home?  Well now, thanks to BOOM, you can do just that.  And even better, 
  you don't have to rob your school chemistry lab to do it (although, it 
  couldn't hurt). 
 Ingredients: 
  potassium nitrate (common saltpeter!) 
  sulphur 
  ground charcoal 
 Directions: 
  Just mix the ingedients together in the prescibed ratios (see below for 
  possible ratios).  Then, treat it just like gun powder. 
 Notes: 
  Yes, potassium nitrate is just common saltpeter.  You ask "so, what's 
  saltpeter and where do I get it?"  First of all, for you chemists out 
  there, saltpeter is KNO3.  Saltpeter is prepared artifically by decomposing 
  native sodium nitrate with potassium chloride.  It's chief use is, you 
  guessed it, the manufacture of gun powder, matches, and fireworks.  But, 
  it is also a preservation of food.  No,  I'm not kidding. 
  Sulphur can also be found at a drug store.  It's commonly used as a 
  laxative. 
 Ratios: 
  For some reason, different various of gun powder are named for countries. 
  There are a whole hell of alot of different ratios possible (well, duh) 
  but here are the ratios we figured you'd want (numbers are percentages): 
     Name                          Saltpeter  Charcoal   Sulfur 
   England........................    79         18         3 
   Forte..........................    72         15        13 
   Lente..........................    40         30        30 
   Ordinaire......................    62         18        20 
 
Ground Planted Charge: 
  Did you ever wonder how people can make the ground shoot up with the 
  greatest of ease (e.g. those movie guys that know more than you or I will 
  ever know)?  Well, after many days of experimenting with different things 
  we think we have the closest anyone will ever get without having to break 
  into the Universal Studios special effects warehouse. 
 Ingedients: 
  Shovel  
  How ever many rocket engines you think your gonna need 
  Fuse 
  A good pair of running shoes 
 Directions:  
  Once you have everything take the shovel and dig out a piece of the ground 
  as big or as small as you want it.  Then take a stick or something and poke 
  a hole all the way through the sod.  Afterwards, feed the fuse through that 
  hole (make sure the hole is big enough to let the fuse have some room to 
  move) and into the hole the rocket engine.  If you want more ground to 
  explode tip the engine up-side down so the larger thrust is going up. 
  Then all you have to do is put the ground back, pack it down tight, light 
  the fuse, run the hell away, and watch from a safe distance. 
 
Cutting Torch/Blow Torch (low heat): 
 Ingedients: 
  3' long pipe 
  block of magnesium (can be found at any camping store/catalog). 
  rusty piece of metal 
  circular piece of metal 
 Directions:  
  Take the pipe and cut off about three to six inches from the top.  Weld 
  the circular piece of metal to the long piece of pipe (if you don't have 
  access to a welder, check out the instructions for the Home Maid Welder 
  in this issue).  After you have done this weld the pipe back together. 
  Shave off some particals from the magnesium block and dump them in.  Now 
  do the same with the rusty piece of metal and dump those shavings in.  To 
  light just drop a match down into the pipe. 
 Pretty Diagram: 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX - pipe 
  X                  magnesium X         X 
  X                      &     X         X 
  X                    rust    X         X 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 
                               | 
                    circular piece of metal 
   
Home Made Welder: 
  This one is dedicated to the folks who used to make the MacGyver 
  television series.  We saw MacGyver doing this on the show, tried it, 
  and to our suprise it actually worked. 
 Ingedients: 
  car battery charger 
  quarter 
 Directions: 
  Take the car baterry charger and put a quarter into the aligator clip. 
  Slowly turn the voltage and ampage up as high as it will go.  But be 
  careful, this is very dangerous. You could have many unspeakably painful 
  and possibly fatal things to your body if you did something wrong. 
 
Pipe Bomb: 
  How could we have been such complete morons!  We forgot to publish 
  instructions for the simple pipe bomb.  Well, we are now correcting that 
  oversight.  Without further ado, the common pipe bomb. 
 Ingedients: 
   1 small to medium size thin wall copper pipe (get at any plumbing store). 
   gun powder (you can use the stuff we told you how to make in this issue, 
     but the real shit will have a better success rate). 
   1 real fuse  
  Directions: 
   Seal off one end of the pipe and fill the pipe with gun powder.  Now, seal 
   off the other end.  Take somthing like an ice pick and jam it in the pipe 
   and thread the fuse through the hole.  Light and throw. 
  Pretty Diagram: 
    /--------------------------\ 
   |                       ---------- fuse 
   |     gun powder            | 
    \--------------------------/ pipe 
 
Watson's Thoughts (if any): 
  I've had alot of people say, "Watson how can I be like you," okay maybe not 
  alot of people, fine so nobody actually said they want to be like me, but 
  I know there's some of you out there that would want to, and just haven't 
  said something about it because they were afraid there friends would tie 
  them up to a big maple tree and set loose there neighbors dog, to pee on 
  you while you're screaming "NO NOOO stop it stop it STOP IT!"  Not that 
  that's ever happend to me before, or anything, um what was I sayin' oh 
  yeah, well this is how to be like Watson first things first, most people 
  don't have my intelect, so here's some things you can do to bring your 
  intelligence to my level <Editor's Note: you mean DOWN to your level right?> 
 Step One - Getting High: 
  There are several ways to go about this, many of them illgal.  But there  
  are some very simple ways: rubber glue, markers, apple leaves, and 
  propane.  <Editor's Note: Watson, I've got a nice long list of substances  
  for you to try in issue #6.  They're under the heading of "Common  
  Poisonous Plants."> 
  A simple one that usually doesn't kill people is apple leaves.  Yes, the 
  traditional dried out apple leaf joint is a good way to have a Watson 
  IQ.  <Editor's Note: so is being born in Chernobyl.>  Simply dry some 
  apple leaves (nice an' brown) roll 'em up smoke 'em. This produces a 
  mildly lame buzz.  
  Once you're high you're free to light big fires, and if you're caught  
  you're usually not in as much trouble becuase you where under the 
  influence of whatever it was you were high on.  Of course you know WATSON 
  TAKES NO RESPONSIBILTY FOR ANY ACTIONS RESULTING FROM THIS ARTICLE. 
  Watson may be stupid but even Watson hates lawsuits. <Editor's Note: 
  step two of being as cool as Watson: write paragraph long run-ons with 
  an average of two spelling errors every three words so that editing your 
  work is a living hell.> 
   
      Watson just passed out from thinking but he'll be back 
                  Watch for Watson only in Boom 
 
Quote of the issue: 
  "Do not use near an open flame" - a warning from a can of Sterno. 
