ISSUE 1
8/8/93

The official Phil Free news filter, presenting only the finest in USENET 
articles for your viewing pleasure.  Here at Crack-Rock Computer-Systems 
(CRCS), we realize you have better things to do than read news.  Why not
let us read the news for you, and send you only the good articles?

Song of the week:  Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
Movie of the week:  The Boys Next Doy
Quote of the week:  'Lets the records state that the witness made the 
                     drinky-drinky motion'--lawyer in Simpsons, Marge
                     Goes to Jail

This marks the 5th anniversary of the date 8/8/88... anybody remember that
day? 

In this week's fun-filled issue:
1.  new newsgroup - alt.newsgroup.for.fun.fu.fun!  oohh what a treat
2.  another excerp from above
3.  i had sex with flipper?
4.  pick up lines gone bad
5.  good example of well documented, easily maintainable C programming
6.  sizeing up the molestasaurous
7.  what's up at alt.pave.the.world?
8.  strange operations/stupid human tricks
9.  ftp site for tech report on neural nets
10.  virus alert
11.  sci.cryogenics... or is it alt.conspiracy.secret_service.disney??
12.  studying long term memory preservation
13.  order yours today!
14.  personal ads gone bad


In article <1993Aug2.002241.4147@ucbeh.san.uc.edu> domet@ucbeh.san.uc.edu writes:
>This looks like a FUN place! I think I'll leave a message for others so they
>can have FUN reading it! 
>
>
>
>What type of fun are we talking about here?!
>Pick a topic and lets start:
>
>
>1. SEX ?
>2. DRUGS ?
>3. ROCK 'N ROLL ?
>5. ORIGAMI, the Japenese art of folding paper into decorative shapes?
>
>
>What!?


FUN SUXS!!!1!!! MY AMIGA ROOLUEZ, U R A LOOSAH IF U DON'T HAVE AN AMIGA!!!
B CUZ AMIGAS ROOLEZ.

I'M K00L

L8r,

B1F
In article <scottaCB5wqH.BJH@netcom.com> scotta@netcom.com (Scott Adams) writes:
>  Who thought up *this* group?  Hmmm, I think I'll create a group called
>"alt.newgroup.for.fun.fun.fun"!  Think of all the FUN stuff we could do!
>Wow!  We could post messages!  Fun!  We could read messages! What fun!
>I hope this is a complete and utter joke.  If not, on a lame scale of 1
>being not lame at all and 10 being exceedingly lame, anyone could see
>that this is easily a 473,082,925,162.  At least.  Don't even bother to
>respond to this message.  I going to unsubscribe ASAP.  
>
Well, you're no *FUN* at all.  In fact, I would even go so far as to
say you are anti-*FUN*.  I don't talk to people who are anti-*FUN*.

.-- Corey "pro-*FUN*" Lofdahl

In article <Hu2a8B3w165w@anarky.tch.org> phineas@anarky.tch.org (Phineas Narco) writes:
>> DOLPHIN'S SEXUAL ADVANCE ON SWIMMER INVESTIGATED
>> 
>> Key Largo, Fla.(AP)
>> 
>> Two federal agencies investigating a park's swim-with-the-dolphins 
>> program are looking into a videotape of a dolphin being sexually 
>> aggressive toward a woman swimmer.

Hey I heard somthing along those lines from around here.  Apparently some 
scuba diver almost got raped by a dolphyn...and they say life is dull.

A fellow at work told me this one:

     The guy sits across the room motioning with his finger for a girl to
come over.  When she finally goes over to him he says, "I knew that if I moved 
my finger enough you'd come."

>From mnemosyne.cs.du.edu!mercury.cair.du.edu!copper!csn!decwrl!pa.dec.com!e2big.mko.dec.com!ad.enet.dec.com!donahue Thu Jul  1 18:46:57 MDT 1993


Has anyone seen this C program?  If not, you'll never guess what it prints out.

---------------------snip-snip--------------------
#include <stdio.h>
#define O (b=b?b-1:(p++,5),*p&1<<b)
#define o O?O
char*p,j=2,b,c;e(n){for(p="|'8I0>+@{=#_P0-]PV.]F>TM!YK'?? |T\"Z8}aE<&D-!:-T'\"\
O<~cG5$,<2'#;/UI.0{d^HV6817-2F95-T7X|c^/1XB]*)3WHG0/0}dN>G RMZB.12.P] ~hM^J\\[\
<R^ (7;)R9A78{gU!:N)E5OPUR><29A6|e&9V;E[Q:,S1.P] }eES.$Z):B.*O+$G_ ~fWU8)75?I#\
75?WHN0{jE=]<V*1]JI#5VK)R9A6~J5X9X#69/+VX4 =S%!X-[)OE #1XRZ\"?~%^-#Dz&M\\RST|%\
G66*~&^HV0> {%^-8_P}%N>FO(}'M^JQ=z&U!:O(J{%&9G4|%ERO(~(WU8)G4{'E=]^G4",b=n;*p++
<122||--b;);c= *p;while(--c>31&&c!=79)putchar(44+(o?o?o?-34:68:O?60:74:O?64:o?o?
2:54:O?23:63:77:O?55:o?76:15:35:-12:o?61:O?56:65:O?66:53:o?o?O?75:58:0:70:57:o?
71:o?73:1:67:O?72:59));c>32?e(n-1):0;}main(){while(++j<15)e(1),e(13+j),e(15),e(
j-(j<4));}
---------------------snip-snip--------------------

ObHack: I wrote a DCL script in VMS that allowed me to run batch jobs on people's workstations without disrupting their work.  The script ran the batch job at night and on the weekend.  The script ran every half hour during non-working hours to see if someone was logged in (by checking process I/O counts) and continued running the job or suspended the job accordingly (or unsuspended the job when the I/O was no longer increasing).

-Paul
pmd1@cornell.edu

-----------------------------------
These opinions are my own and not necessarily anyone else's. etc. etc.



Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die
Path: netcom.com!csus.edu!wupost!newsfeed.rice.edu!newsfeed.sx.mont.nec.com!cidsv01.cid.aes.doe.ca!sifon!VM1.MCGILL.CA
From: INGR <INGR@MUSICB.MCGILL.CA>
Subject: Barney, child molester
Message-ID: <23JUL93.23791568.0235@VM1.MCGILL.CA>
Lines: 15
Sender: usenet@MUSICB.MCGILL.CA
Organization: McGill University
Date: Sat, 24 Jul 1993 03:01:45 GMT

It seems evident that everytime I turn the T.V. on, Barney is on
some channel.  In fact, it is widely known that someone in the world
at this very second is watching this freak while giving birth to aborted
baby gums.  Barney, whose name is deriven from the ancient word
Bartolinipus, means: lover of youngsters genitals.
This fact allows me to assume that in a matter of time, those freaks who
get all dressed up in their Barney duds, will begin getting off on lil'
bushes and cocks.  Sick, eh?!?
The other day, Barney made a guest appearence on Sesame Street.
Everything in Sesame Land was wonderful, till Barney began bopping
every young one in sight.  Nothing could stop the almighty Purple Pecker
except, maybe, snuffalupagises 20 foot mammoth-machine (which was,
unfortunately, too far up Big Bird's butt,for him to even think clearly)
Barney is a sick, demented fuck, BEWARE!!!!!


eros@uclink.berkeley.edu (Jonathon D Brown) writes:

   Gentlemen:

   I thought I would expand your collective awarenesses by sharing with 
   you the following piece of wonder:

   Today, 29 July, is the anniversary of that memorable day in 1870 when 
   our world rejoiced in the first asphalt road being laid. Such a date 
   should not pass unrecognized. Shall we party down?

(God, I love the sound of trivia calling)

Wasn't it invented by a Scott by the name of McAdam/MacAdam?
In article <1993Jul26.180333.9091@i88.isc.com> jeq@lachman.com (Jonathan E. Quist) writes:
>In article <22skmi$bhs@panix.com> gnat@panix.com (Robert Martin) writes:
>>Ask any woman that you've treated properly to guess the dimensions of your
>>penis. I guarantee you, they will define hyperbole for ya.
>
>I'll have to ask my wife.  I have a hard time imagining how one would
>describe a hyperbolic penis.  (I've always thought of mine as more linear.)

Parabolic, I'd say, depending on the curvature.  The only hyperbolic penis 
I've ever seen was a guy who had an operation to split his in two 
lengthwise.  Now both halves get erections.  

Speaking of dimensions of the penis, there is an operation that will
_greatly_ lengthen your penis, it involves cutting the ligament that
causes the penis to curve upward and become 'parabolic' during erection.
It's extremely dangerous as there are all kinds of nerves and blood
vessels and stuff that run alongside the ligament, but once it's been
cut the penis is free to continue to fill and fill and fill with blood
until it's well over a foot long or more.  

Of course, it isn't technically _erect_ anymore, it just kinda dangles
there all engorged n' stuff.  John Holmes reportedly had this operation.
I've seen a video of a couple of other guys who did this, and their cocks
hung down *to* *their* *knees*.  It was the most amazing thing I've ever
seen.  I don't know what you'd be able to *do* with a cock that large,
especially since it lost a lot of its strength/rigidity when the ligament
was cut.   It's about as rigid as a Water Wiggle.

Note that this operation has no appreciable effect on the 
*taste* of the penis.

The mad doctor who used to perform this operation out of Tijuana managed
to lose his license to practice there (!!) and got arrested by the Feds
during a subsequent trip to San Francisco.  I guess he's out of prison
by now, but from what I heard his success rate is, well, rather spotty. :)

I think he does castrations as well, temporary or permanent, if you're 
into that sort of thing.
-- 
Brent Capps                          | love comes slowly
bcapps@agora.rain.com (gay stuff)    | and begins with an unselfish
bcapps@atlas.com (telecom stuff)     | interest in another person
As notes for a short course given at the 1993 European Control Conference this
summer, I prepared an expository introduction to two related topics:

1. Some mathematical results on "neural networks".

2. "Neurocontrol" and "learning control".

The choice of topics was heavily influenced by my interests, but some readers
may still find the material useful.  The two parts are essentially independent.
In particular, the part on mathematical results does not require any
knowledge of (nor interest in) control theory.

An *extended* version of the paper which appeared in the conference proceedings
is now available as a tech report.  This report, in postscript form, can be
obtained by anonymous FTP.  Retrieval instructions are as follows:

yourhost> ftp siemens.com
Connected to siemens.com.
220 siemens FTP server (SunOS 4.1) ready.
Name (siemens.com:sontag): anonymous
331 Guest login ok, send ident as password.
Password:
230 Guest login ok, access restrictions apply.
ftp> cd pub/learning/TechReports
250 CWD command successful.
ftp> bin
200 Type set to I.
ftp> get Sontag9302.ps.Z
200 PORT command successful.
150 Binary data connection for Sontag9302.ps.Z (128.6.62.9,1600) (114253 bytes)
226 Binary Transfer complete.
local: Sontag9302.ps.Z remote: Sontag9302.ps.Z
114253 bytes received in 24 seconds (4.6 Kbytes/s)
ftp> quit
221 Goodbye.
yourhost> uncompress Sontag9302.ps.Z
yourhost> lpr Sontag9302.ps (or however you print PostScript)

     ****** Please note: I am not able to send hardcopy. ******
-- 
Eduardo D. Sontag
Department of Mathematics
Rutgers Center for Systems and Control (SYCON)
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, NJ 08903, USA

(Phone: (908)932-3072; FAX: (908)932-5530)
sontag@hilbert.rutgers.edu
amn@ubik.demon.co.uk (Anthony Naggs) writes: 

   Harvey J. Stein, <hjstein@math.huji.ac.il>, reports:
   >
   >                    ***  W A R N I N G !!!  ***
   >
   > The Co-op Supermarket of Israel has been distributing a virus infected
   > computer game called ZOOM.  DO NOT USE THIS DISK!!!  It is infected
   > with both the STONED virus and the DIR-2 virus.  ...

   Presumably the distributor of the game supplied the disks to the shop,
   perhaps you could advise them of the problem too?

I informed the supermarket chain, and they informed the distributer
and the manufacturer.

   > ... The STONED virus
   > causes infected computers to periodically display the message "This
   > computer is stoned", and then to crash, thus causing the loss of
   > unsaved data.  ...

   Most versions of Stoned are relatively benign.  While the most common
   variants may display "Your PC is now Stoned" (about 1 in 8 times) when
   booting from an infected floppy disk, it does not 'crash' or harm your data.

Well, I never actually contracted the virus, so I could be wrong as to
it's action.  But what I said is what I remember hearing.

   > and two of the executable files (bug.exe and scottex.exe) are infected
   > with the DIR 2 virus.

   Curious, DIR-II on a floppy disk usually infects all executables, (because
   they are placed there by an infected computer).  I don't remember any other
   reports of it in Israel, so it may be a false alarm.

These were the only two executables on the disk, so we're not
contradicting each other.  I knew from SCAN that the viruses were in
thse two files, but I hadn't checked a directory listing, so I didn't
know if there were other executables.
- --
Harvey Stein
Department of Mathematics
Hebrew University
hjstein@math.huji.ac.il
Does anyone know if they froze Walt Disney?  I have heard that they did, but 
I'm just curious and have no idea of the answer. 

              Thanks in advance!   Shannon  e-mail
                                           shspenc@newserver.nswc.navy.mil

                       _\\|//_
                      (' O-O ')
---------------------ooO-(_)-Ooo--------------------------------

One of the requirements for a successful cryonic suspension is that
it preserve (most of) our memory.  We are not yet able to measure
how well it preserves our memory, though, because we do not yet know
how our memory works or how it is stored in our brains.  Fortunately,
progress toward that understanding is advancing rapidly.

The July 1, 1993 issue of Periastron reports on recent articles
concerning how Long Term Potentiation (LTP) relates to long term
memory.  As Thomas Donaldson describes it:

  "LTP takes place at the synapses of nerve cells after repeated
   stimulation; the synapses will pass new impulses much more easily
   than before."

This certainly suggests that LTP may have something to do with memory,
but it wasn't until recently that experimenters have been able to
analyze the biochemistry of the events surrounding LTP sufficiently
well to show the connection.  While it is not yet conclusively proven,
the latest results strongly suggest that LTP is indeed the first
stage of long term memory.  Of course, this is but a step in a long
sequence of advances needed to understand memory, but it is encouraging
to see the progress.

    Periastron
    Editor: Thomas Donaldson
    P.O. Box 2365
    Sunnyvale, CA 94087
    Email: thomasd@netcom.com, 73647.1215@CompuServe.com
    $2.50/issue both in USA and outside USA

                              Kevin Q. Brown
                              INTERNET    kqb@whscad1.att.com
                                 or       kevin_q_brown@att.com
Path: mnemosyne.cs.du.edu!uunet!dziuxsolim.rutgers.edu!gandalf.rutgers.edu!sunjie
From: sunjie@gandalf.rutgers.edu (sunjie)
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.pictures.tasteless
Subject: ****** Fat Ladies Video ******
Message-ID: <Aug.6.11.13.15.1993.22569@gandalf.rutgers.edu>
Date: 6 Aug 93 15:13:16 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.
Lines: 8


  "My frien wants to selll the video "Smo Sue and Fat Ladies Wrestling",
an adult video featuring fat ladies. It's new, in original box, over 60 min
long. He only has one copy of it and ask $21.00. Anyone interested in it
please mail to: 2057069@rutmvs1.rutgers.edu. This video will belong to
the first one contacting above address... you must be over 21.

  
From lamont!news.columbia.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!newsserver.jvnc.net!rutgers!noao!amethyst!organpipe.uug.arizona.edu!econlab.arizona.edu!xibo Wed Apr 14 01:19:13 EDT 1993

 
SWM, 24, 5'11", hazel eyes, securely employed, earning good money, seeks
an intelligent, mature, SWF.  No, I'm not gay.  Yes, I am in fact single.
Country & Western music are Not Allowed; really old people are Not Allowed;
and children are most definitely NOT ALLOWED.  Now that I've eliminated 99%
of the women reading personal ads, let me go on to say that I'd like a woman
who is a successful professional, that is, has a secure job.  Oh, and I'd
like her to have similar interests with me, but since my interests are all
in male-dominated fields, I guess this is just impossible.  FINE, fuck it
then, fuck you all.  Leave me alone.  No, forget it, just skip on to the
next personal ad and leave me in peace!!

Xibo



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