      
           Issue Number 11, Volume 1, Chapter 1, Epic 1         
         Released on the date: Feb. 23, 1993.                 
            PUD serving the modem public since Febuary 22, 1993! 
         For help and actual info, look elsewhere.            

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۰    "Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg..."          
۰                                               -Led Zepplin          
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  Mail                                                               
                                                                      
      Fuck it. I am sick of including this section, besides there is  
   no mail yet. Woopidty.                                             
                                                                      
  The Anatomy of a Krystal.                                          
                                                                      
      The krystal is by far the strangest life form on this planet.   
   Known to most people, the krystal, called sliders in the wild, are 
   the most ferocious and vile mammals to roam the sewers of Beverly  
   Hills (90210). They are also quite common in the heights section   
   of melrose place and by 1996 they are expected to graduate into    
   the most dominant species in all of lower Florida.                 
                                                                      
   Cut-Away of a Krystal            Cut-Away of a Slider              
                                                                      
    bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN               bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN          
   bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb                  bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb              
   ooooooooooooooooo -ONION           mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL 
   mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL     MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS      
   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS          oooooooooooooooooo -ONION       
   bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb                  bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb              
    bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN               bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN          
                                                                      
      Note the extreme genetic differences in the two species. The    
   more docile Krystal has the chewy chocalety candy shell on top of  
   it's brains. Where as the much more aggresive Slider has the chewy 
   chocalety shell on top of it's brains. Notice, by the extreme      
   detail of the cut-away's the differences in the sex organs in the  
   two species. See how much more enlarged the ovaries of the Slider  
   are than that of the Krystal. Legend has it that on the third      
   saturday of every month Sliders for some unknown reason take to    
   commiting mass genocide by rudely casting themselves at country    
   tour buses full of fat women. Note that this is strangly like that 
   H0T nEw WaReZ in huntsvegas, Pc Lemmings.                          
                                                                      
  How to steal a toaster.                                            
                                                                      
      By: The BRaVE LItTlE TOaStER                                    
                                                                      
      Theft of toasters can be a very worth while and profitable      
   occupation. But be forewarned toaster theft is extremely           
   dangerous, what with large of rash of mysterious taster thief      
   slayings. These slayings are rumored to be by a one fReD tHe       
   tOaStEr iS mInE SmItH. He is currently on the SPA top ten hit      
   list and is wanted for questioning in 62 states. Anyway I digress  
   let me get back to the TFiLE. To begin with you must make sure     
   have a valid and great plan. The planning stage is by far the most 
   important part of the whole process.                               
      Part 1, the plan. Making you plan is the key to your toaster    
   thievary success. Make sure you have a place to steal a toaster    
   from. Next make sure you have a get-away vehicle, a 747 would be   
   suitable. Last make sure you have plent of weapons, machine guns   
   are not suitable for toaster thievary, but various anti-aircraft   
   weapons will be.                                                   
      Part 2, the Execution. Now here is where you kill all your      
   accomplises.                                                       
      Part 3, Stealing the Toaster. To steal the toaster simply walk  
   in, carefully concealing your anti-aircraft weaponry under your    
   arm. If anyone notices, kill them instantly, but quitely. The key  
   to stealing a good toaster is avoiding ones with flowerdy prints,  
   as they are usually cheap and just don't cook your toast right.    
   Hide the toaster in the crotch of your pants and walk out the      
   store.                                                             
      Part 4, The get away. The second you leave the store you must   
   quickly turn and destroy it, cover your tracks! Next take any      
   suitable vehicle in the parking lot and head for your plane. Be    
   sure to destroy all oncoming traffic as you near the airport, no   
   use in leaving any witnesses alive. When at the airport pick 3 or  
   4 attractive stewardesses and maim them seriously. Why? Just for   
   fun of it. Now board your plane and fly away. The end.             
      Look for more articles on toaster professions from me, soon.    
                                                                      
  Closing.                                                           
                                                                      
      Did I mention, you still fucking suck.                          
                                                                      
  Mail!                                                              
                                                                      
      Keep your sorry-attempts at mail coming!                        
      Baphomet the Limbo King    WWIVNET 2506@14                      
      NO COURiER                 WWIVNET 2506@36                      
                                                                      
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 End of PUD 1:11, "...and shake it all about..."                      

