PINKELTJE 2
~ARKA.FIL~

PINKELTJE 2

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Warning this article contains offensive language, read or leave (ED.)
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Chapter 326, Paragraph 1.

Pinkeltje jumped on his unicycle and started to cycle like a madman. After 
having cycled for about 5 minutes, he noticed that the unicycle didn't 
feature a steering wheel. Just logic, I'd say, but Pinkeltje is stupid, so... 
The bad thing, however, was that Pinkeltje saw a nice canyon coming up. And 
because he was too stupid to jump off the unicycle, he fell into the canyon. 
Luckily, he landed head-down, and died instantly.

Chapter 326, Paragraph 2.

If you like Pinkeltje crap, I have good news for you. If you, on the other 
hand, hate his guts, you might be slightly disappointed. A few minutes ago, I 
have been informed through "Pinkeltje Information Software System" (PISS), 
that the well-known cult hero has been found in Colorado, with a totally 
crushed skull. At first, it was believed that he died instantly after 
crashing into the ground (what supposedly caused his skull to crush). The 
good/bad/cool news is that Pinky is alive and kickin'! He will probably 
arrive at Amsterdam Airport sometime during the night, flying his private 
businessjet.

Chapter 326, Paragraph 3.

Pinkeltje crashed at Amsterdam Airport, and did not die! Everybody who was 
near the airport at the time of his arrival (even Bruce Willis (who was there 
because of Die Hard II)), was surprised to see that Pinkeltje wore his large 
red tie-up hat, for the first time in a lot of years. The first act of His 
Royal Dwarfness on his homeground, was going to the butcher's. The butcher 
tried to sell him some half-rotten Somalian Cuntlips, which he did not buy 
because of his religion. He opted for the South Paraguayan ducknuts instead. 

Chapter 326, Paragraph 4.

Is there anybody, apart from me and Mantra, in this Universe who really wants 
to read this crap? I guess not, but the magazine has got to be filled, so 
I'll just continue the way I did.

Chapter 326, Paragraph 5.

"Consuming Paraguayan ducknuts causes severe damage to the brain, if anyone 
stupid enough to eat them has any brain at all." This was what Pinkeltje read 
at page 1876 of 'The Home Dwarf Surgeon', that ever so useful medical guide 
for stupid dwarves, after consuming the ducknuts and getting a headache as 
large as Siberia. After having enjoyed a nice cup of tea and a joint, he 
decided to become a famous legend in history. Being as stupid as he was (and 
is, for that matter), he forgot his fantastic ideas after puking into the 
ashtray, and then decided to become an O.G.(d) (Original Gangster (dwarf)). 
It was just last night that he had seen some L.A. mobs fighting eachother 
from cars, with heavy machineguns and more of those toys. Because he wanted 
to be just like them, he threw his Gatlinger in the back of his Lada 1200, 
and set out to find the other mobs in Madurodam, where he lived nowadays. 
After driving around senselessly for a few hours, he decided to go to Neck. 
Having shot one sucker (who, by the way, showed surpisingly large resemblance 
to a gigolo) in the head, he left Neck to find some more target practice. He 
drove to Amsterdam, where a police car made him stop. When the cops saw his 
Gatlinger gun, they shot him in the head without a moment of doubt. Blood 
spilled on his carefully cleaned Lada seats (with leather stripings!), his 
organs flew all over the city, and his nose was eaten by a guinea pig. That 
was the worst error the animal had ever made. It died after many a year of 
torture by Pinkeltje (torture in the sense that it includes the consumption 
of South Paraguayan ducknuts (tm)), who wasn't as dead as was believed by 
some. But only the ignorant believe in Pinkeltje's death, and they are always 
proven to be wrong.

HAVOC IN 1995

WRITE TO:
HAVOC/GIANTS
RAVENSTRAAT 4
6909 DV BABBERICH
THE NETHERLANDS
~PURPER.PAL~