WEIRDNUZ.289 (News of the Weird, August 20, 1993) by Chuck Shepherd Lead Story * South African KwaZulu leader Mangosuthu Buthelezi began his annual state-of-the-state policy address to the KwaZulu legislature on March 12, spoke continuously during weekday business hours, and finished on March 30--reading 427 pages of text and waiting for the translation from English to Zulu. [Deseret News-AP, 3-31-93] Inexplicable * In July in Elkton, Va., Jarrette Arlo Dean, 43, gnawed the head off a rattlesnake that had bitten him on the hand while he was transporting the snake on his motorcycle. Dean apparently became exasperated at the bites and took preemptive action by biting the snake's head. Dean was hospitalized in intensive care with severely swollen lips and tongue. [Edmonton Journal-Earthweek, 7-18-93; Albuquerque Journal-AP, 7-30-93] * The Chicago Tribune reported in June that lawyers for William L. Carlson, 19, who is serving a 90-year sentence in Illinois for killing his parents, were optimistic that Carlson would be awarded the parents' $700,000 estate. In a plea bargain, Carlson confessed to killing only his father, who died first. At the moment of his death, the father's estate passed to the mother, whose beneficiary is William, who technically has not been convicted of killing her. [Chicago Tribune, 6-27-93] * The U. S. Treasury Department's Historical Association announced it is raising money this year by offering for sale Internal Revenue Service gift ornaments, for $11, that commemorate the 80th anniversary of the 16th amendment, which authorized the income tax. The ornaments are "24-carat, gold finished, three-dimensional" models of a 1913 income tax form. [Rock Island Argus-AP, 5-8-93] * In a June profile, The New York Times reported that New York City Sanitation Department's "artist-in-residence," Mierle Laderman Ukeles, has accomplished the following: built an archway made of gloves discarded by city employees and a structure made of piled steel shavings from subway car wheels; choreographed a dance of street-sweeping machines; and conducted a performance art piece in which she shook hands with all 8,500 employees of the Department. On the side, the self-described "maintenance artist" conducted a ballet of garbage barges in Pittsburgh. [New York Times, 6-14-93] * Police in Gonzalez, La., arrested Garrick "Lucky" Lewis, 20, in April on the complaint of a 21-year-old woman. The woman said Lewis broke into her apartment, lectured her about the need to lock her windows and doors, and left. A half-hour later, Lewis broke in again and allegedly tried to rape her. [Baton Rouge Morning Advocate, 4-9-93] * District of Columbia Superior Court judge John Bayly was forced to declare a mistrial in a child-beating case in July when the defendant's lawyer casually informed the judge in the middle of the trial that he was leaving on vacation that evening. Lawyer Clayton J. Powell, Jr., cited a commitment to his family and to his nonrefundable airline tickets. Another lawyer in the case told reporters that Powell was committing "professional suicide." [Washington Post, 7-30-93] * Neighbors in Kittery, Maine, the Hill and Cormier families, have been feuding for years over the noisy Cormier family dogs, with the Hills complaining that the police never take action to stop the constant barking. In April, the police issued the first summons in the feud--to the Hills' son, Henry Paradis, for creating a nuisance by barking back at the Cormiers' dogs. [Boston Globe, Apr93] First Things First * Former Hemet, Calif., high school quarterback A. T. Page, who had sex over a hundred times with the wife of his coach Randy Brown, in Brown's presence, said Brown called the adventures "astronaut training" and said they would make Page a better football player. Said Page, "Just as [sex] would be going on with [Mrs. Brown], [the coach] would plug in a videotape of a scrimmage or a practice and say, 'Now this is what you're doing wrong, A. T.'" [Columbia Tribune-AP, 7-12-93] * Testifying in June, former St. Joseph, Mo., sheriff's deputy Tim Carder said convicted murderer John Ferguson escaped from his custody during a physical therapy session at a hospital in 1992 when Carder took a restroom break. "I just got to the point where I had to go to the restroom," said Carder. "At that point, I didn't have any other choice." [Columbia Tribune-AP, 6-18-93] * In December, at the University of Colorado, three-hour final exams in French classes were canceled halfway through when women's basketball coach Ceal Barry commandeered the gym where the exam was being held for a team practice. All 580 test-takers received an A because of the inconvenience. [Denver Post, Jan93; St. Petersburg Times, 12-16-92] The Weirdo-American Community * Two Milwaukee Psychiatric Hospital doctors, reporting in a recent issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, described the case of a 44-year-old man who attempted suicide through an overdose of nicotine. After consuming a pot of strong coffee, he stuck seven nicotine patches to his chest and began smoking cigarettes, two at a time, hoping to induce a heart attack. After two hours, he panicked and ended the attempt. [Milwaukee Journal-AP, Jul93] I Don't Think So * London housewife Julie Amiri, charged in July with shoplifting, sought leniency in court by having her psychologist testify that she can achieve orgasm only from the rush of a police arrest. Amiri said she had her first orgasm at age 28 in the back of a police car, and the psychologist added that sirens, uniforms, and flashing blue lights heightened her arousal. [San Jose Mercury News, 7-10-93] Copyright 1993, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved. Released for the personal use of readers. No commercial use may be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.