A TAXPAYER'S LETTER Gentlemen: It is impossible for me to send you a check as you request. My present financial condition is due to the effects of federal laws, state laws, county laws, corporation laws, bylaws, brother-in-laws, mother-in-laws and outlaws that have been foisted upon an unsuspecting public. Through the various laws I have been held down, held up, walked on, sat on, flattened and squeezed until I do not know where I am, what I am, why I am or if I am. These laws compel me to pay a merchants' tax, capital stock tax, real estate tax, property tax, auto tax, water tax, gas tax, light tax, cigarette tax, cigar tax, street tax, road tax, school tax, sales tax, occupation tax, processing tax, gasoline tax, personal property tax, state income tax, state franchise tax, electricity tax, federal income tax, cotton tax, payroll tax, old age pension tax and - I almost said carpet tax. I am suspected, inspected, disrespected, examined and reexamined until all I know is that I'm supplicated for money for every known need, desire or hope of the so-called human race. And because I refuse to go out and beg, borrow or steal money to give away, I am cussed, discussed, boycotted, talked to, talked about, lied to, lied about, held up, held down and robbed until I am plum ruined. The only reason I am clinging to life is to see what the hell is coming next. -Written in the 1930's, Published by Ann Landers, 5/29/88