New software for your PC!

        PC-TOILET v1.0

        This new product for IBM and compatible computers replaces
        those silly trashcans. Yes, instead of dumping your old
        files into a trashcan, you can flush them down the toilet!
        Comes with PCTOILETPAPER to clean up those messy files that
        are hard to flush.

        PC-PAINTER v1.0

        Not a graphics drawing program, PCPAINTER will actually
        paint your house for you! No more having to lose valuable
        computer time because your wife wants to repaint the
        kitchen! Once installed onto a 1 gig drive, PCPAINTER will
        be capable of painting your house in a VGA 256-color
        palette.

        PC-PEPSI v1.0

        Instead of buying a can of Pepsi and risking infectious
        diseases through the needles randomly inserted in cans, you
        can use PCPEPSI to simulate the look, taste, and smell of
        real Pepsi! It bubbles, it fizzes, it's better than the real
        thing because you can't catch any diseases from it! Just be
        careful not to spill it on your keyboard!

        PC-NICOTINE v1.0

        Why spend thousands of dollars a year on cigarettes when
        PC-NICOTINE will provide all the carcinogens you need for the
        low, low price of $39.95??? (SmellBlaster (tm) card required)

        PC-SYSOP v1.0

        The ultimate program for BBS Sysops! Why waste time replying
        to messages that say "Yuor bord sukz and I nede more filz
        rite now or I'l hak you, sukker!" when PC-SYSOP can send 50
        million volts of electricity through the modem and straight
        up their patooties? Avoid aggravation with PC-SYSOP!

        PC-RUDEMAIL v1.0

        Why be insulted via echomail by rude people that are
        thousands of miles away when PC-RUDEMAIL will provide the
        same features without a time lag? No more waiting 3-4 days
        to have someone in Australia tell you that you're an idiot -
        your computer can cut out the middleman and tell you that
        you're an idiot right away!

        PC-GHOST v1.0

        Have you ever wondered if your computer was haunted? Now it
        can be, with PC-GHOST! Guaranteed to send at least one angry
        spirit screaming after your hardware. Takes the guesswork
        out of figuring out what those strange sounds mean that
        drive a:\ is making... they're the hollerings of the undead!

        PC-TABLOID v1.0

        Why wait for next week's issue of the Weekly World News when
        PC-TABLOID can give you the headlines in advance? Elvis Is
        Secretly Engaged To The Face On Mars! Elvis Is Hillary's
        Secret Lover! Plus Lots More! PC-TABLOID is guaranteed to
        check its facts just as closely as the Weekly World News.

        PC-LAMER v1.0

        Don't be insulted by elite warez d00dz - let PC-LAMER do it
        for you! Every time you boot your system, it will remind you
        that you're a pathetic lamer and will make rude sounds using
        your LamerBlaster (tm) card to ensure you don't ignore it.

        PC-PIR8 v1.0

        Don't let the elite warez d00dz be one up on you - let
        PC-PIR8 translate all your echomail messages! If you write
        "Where can I get an illegal copy of Wordperfect 6.0,"
        PC-PIR8 will translate it to "Hey man, eye nede a cracked
        copy of WP6 for my warez colection." Spelling options
        include Bad, Very Bad, and Moronic.