You know you're a redneck if...

The primary colour of your car is bondo
You have a toothpick in your mouth in your wedding picture. 
Your mama doesn't remove the marlboro from her mouth before telling state 
troopers to kiss her ass. 
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels 
off. 
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre. 
Directions to your house include, turn off the paved road. 
You honestly think that women are turned on by tounge gestures. 
Your family tree doesn't fork. 
You've ever b-b-qed spam on the grill. 
Your brother in law is also your uncle. 
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. 
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding. 
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening at 
the "lube rack." 
You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups. 
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. 
You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time. 
You've ever been too drunk to fish. 
You have a rag for a gas cap. 
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
...your favorite place to meet new dates is a family reunion.
...the Skoal people send you Christmas cards.
...you know the wealthiest family on the block -- they've got _two_ junk
   cars in the front yard.
...any female relative has ever gotten her beehive hairdo caught in a
   ceiling fan.
...your motorcycle has a rifle rack.
...your father walks you to school -- he's in the same grade.
...you think an art gallery is where you go to get tattooed.