The Rules of REAL Programmers BASIC is a high-level languish. REAL programmers write artificial intelligence in assembly! `Software Engineers' are wimpy turds who write application programs with WIMP interfaces for the general user. REAL programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they can get. REAL programmers don't comment their code. If another programmer needs comments to understand the code, he shouldn't be programming in the first place. And if it was hard to write it should be hard to understand. REAL programmers don't write application programs; they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. REAL programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real programmers don't know how to SPELL quiche. They eat Twinkies, and Szechwan food. REAL programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimply application programmers. REAL programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into working in a few 30-hour debugging sessions. REAL programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. REAL programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 AM, it's because they were up all night. REAL programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after the age of 12. REAL programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the Data Processing room. REAL programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. REAL programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.