[This has 'made the rounds', so to speak, but I've not seen it on r.h.f, so 
I present . . .]

'Microsoft 911', or 'Healthcare At Your Fingertips'

Well, after almost an hour on the phone with Microsoft Tech Support, and I 
do believe that I've personally talked to roughly half of their total 
workforce during that hour, the person who I finally got to said he doesn't 
know anything (about my problem, that is) so he'll try to get me a response 
within 24-48 hours.  Now this is typical, even acceptable, but with 
Microsoft's recent expansion into things like home entertainment, cable TV, 
and satellite communications, along with the new health care reform, this 
has some pretty frightening possibilities...

Imagine if you will a Microsoft-run 911 line...

Disembodied voice:  Welcome to Microsoft 911!  If you are calling from a 
touch-tone phone, please press 1 no...

Caller: *1*

Disembodied Voice:  *excruciating pause*  Microsoft 911 provides 90 days of 
free emergency support.  This 90--day period begins when you are conceived. 
 If you have not yet been conceived, press one.  If you have been conceived 
but are still under the ninety-day free support period, press two.  If 
you...

Caller: *frantically*  *3*

Disembodied voice:  Welcome to Microsoft 911!  While you are holding, please 
consider our alternative support options.  If you would like faxed medical 
information on common emergency conditions, you can call out FaxTips line 
at. . .

*ring*

New Voice:  Hello, Microsoft 911.  May I have a daytime phone number?
Caller:  *weakly*  I've been shot...
New Voice:  That's right, sir.  Could I have your daytime telephone number?
Caller:  555-6712.
New Voice:  Thank you...

*pause*

* anaesthetic elevator music*

Yet Another Voice:  And that was Andy Barzell, with "Moon Over LA" from his 
upcoming City Lights disc, on the Trauma Records label.  Now we'll go over 
some of our hold times for the emergency support groups.  There are four 
people waiting in the Vehicular Accidents group; the longest hold time there 
is 10 minutes, twelve seconds.  Nine people are holding in the Gunshot 
Wounds group, with a longest wait time of twenty minutes, four seconds.  The 
Terrorist Bombing group has two callers waiting with a longest wait time of 
ten minutes, and the Hunting Accidents group...

Caller:  *thud*

One More Voice:  Hello, Microsoft Gunshot Wound Emergency Assistance... 
 Hello?

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