What To Do After A Nuclear Meltdown.
	BY: Jack Morgan III													SPRING			1993	

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1. Use your cat for a nightlight.
2. You can spend all day trying to figure out what color your third eye is.
3. You can throw out your flashlight because you will glow in the dark.
4. You'll be able to count to 21 on your fingers.
5. You can scrape up your best friend and put him on toast.
6. Roll over and die!
7. Mutate with the closest nearest object.
8. Watch the nuclear shockwave rip the flesh of people.
9. Energize your rechargable batteries by touching the endswith your fingers.
10. Try to peel yourselk off the brick wall you're fused with.
11. Grow some very interesting plants...
12. Keep a collection of your body parts as they fall of.
13. Melt.
14. You finally get to see what you look like without skin.
15. Meltdown.
16. Go to sleep with your eyes open since you won't have any eyelids.
17. Sweep the radioactive material out of your backyard.
18. Crime will go down because the criminals will glow.
19. Black people won't be.
20. Niether will whites.
21. Come to think of it, everyone will be dead so peoples color will be the last thing on their minds.
22. Mothers won't be able to complain that they only have 2 hands.
23. Prayer will be re-instated incase of another meltdown.
24. You can weigh your pet tumor.
25. unless: "It's not a tumor..."
26. By another ice skate for your third foot.
27. Run for politics. Even with half your brain melted behind your back you could do a better job.
28. Invite Saddam Hussein over to inspect some of the glowing uranium fuel robs that are laying in your yard.
29. Buy a pet Squinny and Frider.
30. Have the Congressmen visit the meltdown site.
31. Watch puddles of blood run down the street.
32. Cancel your subscription to National Geographic.
33. Write a nasty message on your overdue term paper.
34. Burn your school textbooks to keep warm.
35. Use old nuclear protest signs to close off broken windows...
36. Stuff a pillow with the hair thats falling out of your head.
37. Climb out of the lead shield you were in when the meltdown occured.
38. Mail a letter to  your friendly neighborhood Nuclear Power Plant Manager expressing your concerns about the meltdowns environmental impact...
39. or maybe not...
40. Blame it on Dan Quale.
41. Throw away your winter stuff.
42. Learn to breath though a new orafice.
43. Make a movie about it.
44. Fix yourself a radioactive peanut butter and jelly sandwich (?).
45. Eat at Joes (??).
46. Become an experiment for the U.S. government.
47. Enjoy your last meal before radiation sickness kicks in...
48. Quit your job at the nuclear power plant you work at.
49. You could call 911. (except that the phone lines are fused together.)
50. Write a book about it.
51. Watch the media say it was a minor accident with little environmental impact.
52. Go on a weight loss program.
53. Get a really, really BIG can of of RAID for that group of 6 foot ants headed your way.

	
		The End (until next time.......)

I hope everyone liked this presentation. Look for more lists under funny topics coming out soon to a BBS near you!
					
		   Jack McKinley Morgan III

-this list is property of McKinley Inc.

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