Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 21:13:51 -0500 (EST) From: Thomas Parker Subject: Mangled MAGIC: The Canonical List (Humor) Hi there. Just thought you people at Wizards of the Coast would enjoy the funny names that people have come up with for your cards. Pardon the typos, this is only a first draft. Enjoy! (And if a few of you have nicknamed the cards as well, I'd love to hear what you call them. Thanks) And if you forward this around, to those that are coming in March, see you at SIMCON! :) -- Thomas Parker thpr_ss@uhura.cc.rochester.edu Vice-Chairman of Role-Playing, SIMCON XVI simcon@cc.rochester.edu ***Begin included files*** :::::::::::::: MAGIC: The Gathering :::::::::::::: ?? ==> Gay Ogre Aspect of Wolf ==> "Aspect of Worf" Basalt Monolith ==> "Basalt Battery" Basalt Monolith ==> "Basalt Battery" Basalt Monolith ==> "Energizer Battery" (It keeps going and going...) Basalt Monolith ==> "Gas Tank" (put 3 in, take 3 out) Benalish Hero ==> "Bajoran Hero" Benalish Hero ==> "Banal Hero" Benalish Hero ==> "Bangladesh Hero" Benalish Hero ==> "Benalish Martyr" Benalish Hero ==> "Disposable Hero" Birds of Paradise ==> "Mana Birds" Black Vise ==> "Head Squeeze" Bog Wraith ==> "Wade Boggs" Brain Geyser ==> "Blue Nuke" Chaos Orb ==> "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" Clockwork Beast ==> "Crocostimpy" Clockwork Beast ==> "Tick-Tock" Craw Wurm ==> "Spike" Deathgrip ==> "Polygrip" Demonic Attorney ==> "Congress" Demonic Hordes ==> "Cursed LandJade Statue ==> "Big Bad Bhuddha" Jayemdae Tome ==> "Da Book" Keldon Warlord (alone) ==> "Kevlar Warmidget" Keldon Warlord ==> "Kevlar Warlord" Living Artifact ==> "Cargo Lift Plant" Llanowar Elves ==> "Elves of More Elves, Mana" Llanowar Elves ==> "Lattimore Elves" (It's a U of R thing) Llanowar Elves ==> "Lawnmower Elves" Lord of Atlantis ==> "Papa Smurf" Lord of the Pit ==> "Lord on a Spit, Wampum" Merfolk of Pearl Trid. ==> "Smurfs" (small, blue, and easy to kill) Mon's Goblin Raiders ==> "Mom's Goblin Raiders" Mons's Goblin Raiders ==> "Football" Nettling Imp ==> "Nettling Pain-in-the-Ass" Nettling Imp ==> "Nettling Wimp" Nevinyrral's Disk ==> "The History Eraser Button" Nevinyrral's Disk ==> "The Reset Button" Obsianus Golem ==> "Obscene Golem" Obsianus Golem ==> "Obsequious Golem" Orcish ArSinbad ==> "Spinbad" Wyluli Wolf ==> "Wile E. Coyote" Wyluli Wolf ==> "Wooly woof-woof" :::::::::::::: Combinations :::::::::::::: Karma, Cyclopean Tomb ==> "Dream Team" Kormus Bell / Living Lands & Consecrate Land ==> "1/infinity Creature" Scryb Sprite w/ regeneration, ==> "Fairie with attitude" Scryb Sprites w/ 2 unholy strengths ==> "Fairie with attitude" Thicket Basilisk with Lure and Regeneration ==> "Creature Sweeper" Thicket Basilisk with Lure and Regeneration ==> "Thicket Basilisk H-bound" :::::::::::::: General :::::::::::::: Any 1/1 Creature ==> "Speed Bump" Any Flying Green cr. ==> "Hanging Plant" Any creature that has "O: +*/+*" ==> "Reebok creature" (because it's "pumpable") Unholy X ==> "Steroid X" Web on xxx ==> "Sticky xxx" (ex: a Sticky Fungosaur) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: budic@macc.wisc.edu (Darrell Budic) Had to tack our local favorites onto the end of this one :) Almost any creature, spell, or effect (especially those with two words in the name): Append "annoyance" (sometimes works well in other places in name) Good examples: Royal Assassin -> Royal Annoyance CoP anything -> Circle of Annoyance, Red Pestalince -> Annoying Pestilance Of course, substituting "Pain in the Ass" for "annoyance" usually works as well, as does your favorite combination of 4 letter words... Specifics: Scryb Sprites -> Screaming Death Faries Veteran Bodyguard -> Veteran Bootyguard (cause it guards your ass...) Keldon Warlord -> Keldon Whorelord Any 1/1 creatures: Spuds or Squeegees (or Tim fodder)