Trolls Amongst the Gnomes
                              Electrik Kool Aid

Once upon a time there was a surrealistic world inhabited by peaceful gnomes
who leisurely went about the process of interacting with one another in an
adult and kindly manner.  It never rained in BBSland and all the gnomes were
happy to help one another in any way possible.  If one gnome "crashed" or
suffered similar misfortune, his fellow gnomes were happy (nay, eager) to 
assist him back on his feet (and share their Coke and Pizza with him during
the process).

The gnomes expended much effort to communicate new ideas and the details of
the latest current events topics with one another.  Before long local groups
of gnomes found that it was possible to communicate with other isolated groups
of gnomes and through this interaction were able to greatly expand the sphere
of knowledge to gnomes they wouldn't otherwise have occasion to communicate
and learn with.

There was much rejoicing in BBSland when these first few tentative steps
blossomed into fruitful interaction where all were equal and all shared freely
with one another to the best of their abilities and took only according to
their needs.  The population of BBSland took great leaps as more and more
outsiders found that visiting with the gnomes wasn't only something another
gnome would enjoy.

But alas, there one day fell a dark shadow across the face of BBSland...
Someone determined that along with written communication, gnomes were also
capable of exchanging the special scrolls that enabled their equipment to work
in new and exciting ways.  This beast was innocently named DOWNLOAD.  The
troll's arrival, at first, was yet another occasion for the inhabitants of
BBSland to erupt from their hovels and make merry.  This new method of
communicating with fellow gnomes allowed them to display their home-brew
efforts at producing scrolls without having to give away the recipe to
competing gnomes.  The first few gnomes to try DOWNLOAD freely exchanged their
scrolls with other gnomes (as was their custom) and used the work of others in
the craft as a basis for their own attempts.  It still had not rained in
BBSland and all pointed to DOWNLOAD as the best thing to ever happen to the
gnomes.

As more and more people began to visit the gnomes, many of the newcomers were
seduced by DOWNLOAD and began to suckle from his breast to the exclusion of
all other activities.  Often they never even bothered to say "Hello" to the
oldtimer gnomes who existed around them.  Many of these pseudo-gnomes never
learned the finer points of interacting with the gnomes and, like all
visitors to a different culture, often left trash and were often highly
disruptive.  

Meanwhile, some gnomes began to find their work on a par with the best efforts
of the scrollmasters.  They found that not only were their scrolls as good as
(if not better) than the scrollmaster's, it was possible to distribute them to
other gnomes for far less than what the scrollmaster required to simply
recover his costs.  Since many of the early gnomes had much time and effort
into producing professional-quality scrolls, they felt that it was only just
that a gnome who found the scroll acceptable should offer payment to the gnome
who authored the scroll as compensation for it's production.  Unlike the
scrollmasters, the SHAREWARE gnomes felt it was in their best interest to
allow potential customers the courtesy of sampling the scroll prior to
purchase.  In this way, the purchaser could gain a superior scroll for low
cost (or discard it was lacking) and the scroll's author would incur nothing
but checks in the mail.

But many gnomes felt that paying for these scrolls was a task best left for
another day.  As a result, the authoring gnomes often found many, many gnomes
asking for free advice yet very few who had paid.  Some of the pioneer
SHAREWARE gnomes became disillusioned with the process and left BBSland to
join the ranks of the commercial scrollmasters.

During this time, it became possible to purchase gnome-compatible equipment
for very little money and the outside world discovered tangible benefits that
could be derived from using it.  The ranks of the scrollmasters swelled beyond
what any of the early gnomes could have foreseen.  The commercial
scrollmasters soon found themselves in mortal combat to create new and
exciting scrolls that non-gnomes could use and enjoy.  Before long the
scrollmasters began to forget that, though their scrolls were superior, there
was no justification for them to price them as if they were written by God
himself and that once a gnome purchased the scroll the gnome was entitled to
something more than an occasional offer to upgrade their new scroll (often for
more than it would cost on the open market)...

The history of BBSland does not record the name of the first gnome to break
ranks, but it is likely one who felt that the scrollmasters had become too
bloated and greedy, or perhaps it was someone who had the genuine desire to
allow other gnomes to try out a new and exciting scroll as a preliminary to
purchasing one of their own...  Either way, the first raindrops fell across
BBSland as this gnome fed DOWNLOAD a scrollmaster's commercial scroll.

DOWNLOAD began to transform from an easy host to an evil taskmaster after this
occurred.  He found that within his grasp he had the power to seduce
multitudes of otherwise honest visitors to BBSland into the reach of his slimy
tentacles by making them "an offer they couldn't refuse."  The
non-communicating pseudo-gnomes saw this and fell down and worshiped him and
suckled ever more earnestly.  

Soon some gnomes found that the it was possible to become popular with fellow
gnomes by abandoning the staid and conservative scroll exchange in favor of a
scroll exchange that catered to only the vile commercial offerings of
DOWNLOAD.  They slithered into the darkness and returned riding the troll's
back loudly proclaiming "Free Scrolls!  Free Scrolls!  The yoke of the
scrollmasters has been broken!  Free Scrolls!"...

As in all things dubious, the vulgarness of DOWNLOAD's new activity soon
attracted new and ever more vile trolls:  PHREAK and ANARCHY.  These beasts
also found life in the miscretance of gnomes.  PHREAK suckled those who felt
it best to avoid communication charges while ANARCHY found haven amongst the
pseudo-gnomes who liked to steal credit card numbers and perform other
felonious acts.  Together DOWNLOAD, PHREAK and ANARCHY formed a trident that
gave rise to the pirate BBS. 

The trolls banded together and began to create an elaborate culture rank with
jargon and special methods of interaction among the gnomes who became
enchanted with their smoke-and-mirror show and crossed over.

At first, the legitimate elder gnomes looked upon (and often suckled from)
this new triad with less than alarm.  It was to them, as to the pseudo-gnomes,
a new and exciting experience that was tempting enough to sample.  But as more
and more gnomes sampled from this new BBS, many of them found the experience
far more fulfilling than the boring ways of old.  Eventually many of the
elders found it necessary to open their scroll exchanges to the dark side of
DOWNLOAD's realm simply to have other gnomes even visit.

These new ways were openly practiced out in view of all and much ado was made
of the atmosphere.  Unfortunately for the gnomes who made TOO much noise, the
outside world became aware of this game and smitted many.  At first some of
the followers of PHREAK were laid low and cleaved by the wrath of Vengeance. 
As time went by and the outsiders entered further into the society, ANARCHY
and DOWNLOAD were also both smitten and attempts were made to decapitate them
in a steely blow. 

The outside world did not succeed in this attempt and to this day all three of
the trolls inhabit many a BBS (with DOWNLOAD being dominate in almost all
cases).  For while they now slither quietly in the shadows, they stand ready
to rise again.  

The legitimate elder gnomes now see this triad for what it is:  A smear upon
BBSland and a reasonably proper reason for the outside world to monitor the
happenings in the land of the gnomes.  The problem with this anger is that
many  of these elders point to their pirate brethren while they themselves
have "Evaluation" scrolls tucked away in the corner.

(It has been estimated, and been my experience, that there are VERY, VERY,
VERY few BBSs that do not have a pirate section hidden somewhere, even if they
present an open and clean mask to the general public.)

The serenity of BBSland is forever broken, and while many still hold faithful
to the old ways, the lightening wrath of the scrollmasters and the elders of
the outside world stands poised to strike the entire landscape of BBSland into
barren nothingness should the triad ever become known again to the outside
world...

But my heart fills with gloom for I know that many will hear but few will
listen.  The scrollmasters even now assemble the armies that will lay waste to
the followers of the triad of trolls.  If they unleash the avenging angels
named "Punative Damages" and "Rackettering Influnced and Corrupt
Organizations" many gnomes shall tremble and fall before their might.  All
gnomes, clean or otherwise, shall suffer in this frenzy and the open, carefree
pastimes of the gnomes shall suffer an abrupt end.

The scrollmasters have begun this war with the formation of the SPA (software
protection agency) and have worked closely with the outside world's FBI
(Fraternal Brotherhood of Imbroglio) and the FCC (Friendly Communications
Communists) to pay silver to those gnomes who would reveal the troll lairs. 
The outside world has legislated that the parents of a gnome who has not
reached the age of majority are responsible for their young gnomelette's
trespasses.  Many a hovel will be siezed as troll dens, many a parent will
become insolvent, many will cry out in grief...

Yet still there will be the renegades who ignore the signs of impending doom. 
They will scoff and say "It can't happen to me."  But then, no one else ever
thinks it will either.

I have forfeit my position as an elder and become but a visitor among the
gnomes.  Though many will look upon these words with scorn as the rumblings of
a demented old less-than-gnome, I pray that those who continue to suckle from
the trolls look further than their own selfish sphere, banish to triad to
nothingness, and allow BBSland to continue to exist so that I may again visit.

Have an excellent summer and may the gnomes be with you.