CCCWWWRRRUUU CCCOOOMMMPPPUUUTTTEEERRR CCCLLLUUUBBB SSSOOONNNGGGBBBOOOOOOKKK EEEDDDIIITTTEEEDDD BBBYYY BBBAAARRRAAAKKK PPPEEEAAARRRLLLMMMUUUTTTTTTEEERRR opy ight (C 198 CWRU ompute C ub typed in the songs garnered from _S_o_n_g_s _f_r_o_m _t_h_e _C_P_U, a HOPSFA classic and model to us all. Permission from authors was sought where possible, but the authors could not always be found. Posting on some sort of bulletin board system was taken as implicit permission to distribute. This document is intended for internal use only, and is not to be distributed outside of the University. It is not intended for profit. The material herein is not public domain, but belongs to those that wrote it. CCC Songbook tttmmm VVVMMMUUUNNNIIIXXX BBBllluuueeesss (c) 1982 by Andy Tannenbaum (to the tune of _T_h_e _D_e_e_p _E_l_e_m _B_l_u_e_s) Profits to go to the Smithsonian Hacker Folk Music Archive. When you bring up VMUNIX, Just to have a little fun, You'd better have your Western License, When the Board of Regents come. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Oh, sweet mama, hacker's got the VMUNIX Blues, Oh, sweet mama, hacker's got the VMUNIX Blues. Once I met a pinstripe, Knew his doubly nested do, He logged in to VMUNIX, Now his FORTRAN days are through. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) When you debug a C program, Don't know what the hell to do, Segmentation violation, It's a structure pointer screw. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) It comes time to clean up shit work, You type r m foo space star, By the time you realize it, You won't know where those files are. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) When you run on an eleven, With a quarter meg of core, And some loser cranks an nroff, There ain't no response no more. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) Ar as at, Bc dc adb, Df du dd, It don't mean a thing to me. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) When you argue with a netnews flamer, Be prepared to lose, Because that burnt out flamer's got, The VMUNIX Blues, CCC Songbook (_C_h_o_r_u_s) SSSooommmeeewwwhhheeerrreee ooovvveeerrr ttthhheee NNNeeetttwwwooorrrkkk by decvax!duke!unc!bch (to the tune of _S_o_m_e_w_h_e_r_e _o_v_e_r _t_h_e _R_a_i_n_b_o_w) Somewhere over the network, There waits news. News flies over the network To where? There are no clues. I sit waiting for digests, Can't you see Some small part of my heart leaps when I see uucp. Somewhere across the telephone lines, where Lauren plays and Upstill pines, they're waiting; The crazies who will flame at me on poli-sci and arms-dash-d and ARPA-gating. Somewhere over the network, news flies free, news flies over the network why not, why not to me. EEEllleeeaaannnooorrr RRRiiigggbbbyyy (to the tune of the same name) from a fortune file, author unknown Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard and waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a signal, finding some code that will make the machine do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? CCC Songbook CCCooooookkkiiieee from a fortune file, author unknown Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! CCCooooookkkiiieee from a fortune file, author unknown A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle The system, you see, Ran as slow as did he, And that's not saying much for the turtle. RRReeeccclllaaaiiimmmeeerrr SSSpppaaarrreee ttthhhaaattt TTTrrreeeeee from a fortune file, author unknown Reclaimer, spare that tree! Take not a single bit! It used to point to me, Now I'm protecting it. It was the reader's CONS That made it, paired by dot; Now, GC, for the nonce, Thou shalt reclaim it not. CCCooonnntttrrrooolll---CCC SSSooonnnggg (to the tune of _D_o_n'_t _F_e_n_c_e _M_e _I_n) by PMW, from DEC archives If you log on the -10 'cause you want to run some code... HIT CONTROL-C If the system is slow 'cause its got a great big load... HIT CONTROL-C If your code isn't givin' you the right reaction, You're stuck in a loop, you ain't gettin' no action, One thing you can do to get some satisfaction... CCC Songbook HIT CONTROL-C CCCrrraaassshhheeerrr'''sss SSSooonnnggg (to the tune of _T_e_d_d_y _B_e_a_r_s' _P_i_c_n_i_c) from DEC archives If you log on to the -10 today... you're sure of a big suprise. The monitor runs on the -10 today, with nary a lone demise. There's not a bug, a halt, or a pause, a hang, a crash, or reload because... Today's the day the programmers keep their hands off. TTThhheee DDDaaatttaaa---cccooommmmmm SSSooonnnggg (to the tune of _H_o_m_e _o_n _t_h_e _R_a_n_g_e) from DEC archives Oh give me a line which stays up all the time and a modem which won't drop a bit And nodes, by the peck, which all run up to spec. And a telephone linemans' tool kit Dee, dee, see em pee (DDCMP) Pee dee pee 10, see pee you (PDP-10, CPU) En ess pee, are jay E (NSP, RJE) En see el, see are see (NCL, CRC) E eye aye, are ess too 30 too (EIA, RS-232) We've now got a net, without any sweat With routing and route-through to boot And, quick as a wink, we've avoided Bisync And distributed we can compute See, see, eye tee tea (CCITT) Ess dee el see, bee ess see (SLDC, BSC) Ess why en, dee el E (SYN, DLE) Ess oh H, E tea bee (SOH, ETB) CCC Songbook Ess tee eks, for . too kay H zee (ETX, 4.2kHz) TTThhheee FFFiiieeelllddd SSSeeerrrvvviiiccceee AAAnnnttthhheeemmm (to the tune of _T_a_k_e _M_e _O_u_t _t_o _t_h_e _B_a_l_l _G_a_m_e) by PMW & SG, from DEC archives Take me out to the main-frame, take me out to the disk. Give me my 'scope and my solder gun, I'll find out why this damn thing won't run. For it's test, test, test all those modules; until they burst out in flame. For it's one, two, three shorts you're out, in the old main-frame. FFFOOORRRTTTRRRAAANNN SSSooonnnggg (to the tune of _B_l_u_e _S_k_i_e_s) by PMW & SG, from DEC archives FORTRAN smilin' at me, nothing but FORTRAN do I see. COBOL, take it away, nothin' but FORTRAN for me today. Never saw the bits flowin' so right, gettin' together, makin' a byte. Gettin' my answers, quick as a flash, system is hummin', never a crash... With FORTRAN, always bug free, don't need no listin' or DDT. GGGoooddd RRReeesssttt YYYeee MMMeeerrrrrryyy NNNeeetttwwwooorrrkkk FFFaaannnsss (to the tune of _G_o_d _R_e_s_t _Y_e _M_e_r_r_y _G_e_n_t_l_e_m_e_n) by Bob Bradley, from DEC archives God rest ye merry network fans Let nothing you dismay They just announced DECnet Phase III It takes up 80 K! It Routes, and Hops and Multidrops Your packets on their way. Refrain: Oh, bad tidings! congestion and line cost! Packets can be lost!! Oh, glad tidings, we'll dump it all on HOSS! CCC Songbook It started out with old Phase I But no one gave a hoot! We added stuff; It's called Phase II But yet it could not route. Phase III came out; it does it all It takes two 10's to boot! Refrain: Oh bad tidings! congestion and line cost! Packets can be lost!! Oh, glad tidings, we'll dump it all on HOSS! Their names' the same, you know them all There' NICE, NETACP. There's new ones too, like RMT File Spooler, EVP. They've all grown up, they're twice their size Have fun installing these!! Refrain: Oh, NO! NETGEN can really be a chore! Running out of core! Oh, Oh! Routing, it really gives you more. LLLOOOGGGIIINNN SSSooonnnggg (to the tune of _H_e_l_l_o _D_o_l_l_y) by SG & PMW, from DEC archives Hello, LOGIN; well, hello LOGIN! Here's my user name and here's my password too. Each time that you ask it, I know that you'll mask it, So no spy from IBM can see it too (if so we'll sue). I hear the bell ringing, and the tapes singing, so I know you're reading in ACCOUNT dot SYS. So . . . Answer me, LOGIN, find me a UFD, LOGIN LOGIN, I'll never K slash F again! CCC Songbook III'''mmm aaa PPPDDDPPP---111000 WWWiiizzzaaarrrddd (to the tune of _I'_m _a _Y_a_n_k_e_e _D_o_o_d_l_e _D_a_n_d_y) by SG, from DEC archives I'm a PDP-10 wizard, Everybody knows that I'm A real live offspring of the system-10, Born right around MONGEN time. Got a brand-new VT50, Tied in with my own KL. Ain't it great? I salivate Each time I ring the bell! Oh, I am the hack of the system-10. I spend all the week debugging, QA everything and then... Show up on weekends with my sleeping bag, To camp out in that new KL10. How I love to crash the system, Dump it, patch it, and reload! DEC once gave me two months off, So they could freeze the code. Oh, I am the hack of system-10. LLLiiittttttllleee BBBoooxxxeeesss (to the tune by the same name) by Brad Needham Little boxes on the benchside Little boxes made of ticky-tacky Little boxes on the benchside Little boxes, all the same. There's a blue one And a tan one And a grey one And a pebble one. And they're all made out of ticky-tacky And they all look just the same. First the schedules for the boxes Are determined by indeterminants Then they're put in little boxes Tiny boxes, all the same. Well, this slips some CCC Songbook And that slides some Still determined by indeterminants But they're put in little boxes And they all turn out the same. Then the hardware and the software Are pressed tight into the schedules Where they buckle And they rupture And they turn a bit insane. Here's a flip-flop There's a byte swap But you can't find the overall design Cause it's put in little boxes Dusty boxes, all the same. Then we show all of the boxes To the people outside the company And they buy those little boxes Cause they all have a special name. There's a blue one And a tan one And a grey one And a pebble one And they're all made out of ticky-tacky Silly boxes, all the same. CCCooodddeee---aaa---lllooottt 1 (to the tune of _C_a_m_e_l_o_t) by Brad Needham I welcome you to UNIX Version seven The operating system we just bought. It's running on our PDP-11 It's CODE-A-LOT To have small files is certainly no disgrace The users of them have not been forgot For allocators do not waste your disk space In CODE-A-LOT CODE-A-LOT! CODE-A-LOT! Its pure simplicity beguiles. E.g. in CODE-A-LOT (CODE-A-LOT!) Directories are files. _______________ 1 on the occasion of converting from RSTS to UNIX. CCC Songbook The output of a simple 'list directory' Is input for the program down the line You easily have got Exactly what you sought Through one brief line of input Using tools of CODE-A-LOT. CODE-A-LOT! CODE-A-LOT! No program-keys to cut and paste For in CODE-A-LOT (CODE-A-LOT!) You build commands to suit your taste. Your objects never lag behind your source code Upon request, new versions must appear. In short, there's simple not A more convenient spot For happy-every-aftering Than here in CODE-A-LOT! KKKllluuudddgggiiinnnggg MMMyyy SSSoooffftttwwwaaarrreee (to the tune of _K_i_l_l_i_n_g _M_e _S_o_f_t_l_y) by Brad Needham I heard he'd written good code in top-down structured style and so I thought I'd hire him to fill in for a while. And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes... _C_h_o_r_u_s: Fixing Pascal with machine code Patching my bytes with his words Kludging my software with his code Kludging my software with his code Writing my comments in his words Kludging my software with his code. I felt all flushed with fever. How could he be so proud? He found my documents and read each one out loud! I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on... (_C_h_o_r_u_s) He took my finished modules, perfect beyond compare and then he tore right through them as if I wasn't there. And he just kept on writing, patching left and right... CCC Songbook TTThhheee MMMooodddeeerrrnnn SSSoooffftttwwwaaarrreee MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr (to the tune of a similarly titled song from Gilbert and Sullivan's _P_i_r_a_t_e_s _o_f _P_e_n_z_a_n_c_e) by Brad Needham MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: I am the very model of a modern software manager I'm trimming back my budget to a point nobody can endure I purchased a computer that had megabytes of filing space And only six months later heard complaints of its compiling pace About this act I haven't even moments of remorsefulness I have the utmost confidence in engineers' resourcefulness Though scheduling of time has been equated with a lottery Adverse conditions bring about a spirit of comraderie. AAAllllll: Adverse conditions bring about a spirit of comraderie Adverse conditions bring about a spirit of comraderie Adverse conditions bring about a spirit of comraderaderie! MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: I cannot understand why my employees are infirminal I simply ask that ten of them share typing at one terminal I'm trimming back my budget to a point nobody can endure I am the very model of a modern software manager. AAAllllll: He's trimming back his budget to a point nobody can endure He is the very model of a modern software manager. MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: When I discovered heavy use of text processing led to ills Providing my subordinates excuses to slip schedules I fully analyzed the situation and I lost no time Administrating installation of this pretty paradigm: Immediate response must be considered just a luxury All word processing programs will be run each day from dusk to three I cannot buy computers with the money for our creditors So, engineers, prepare yourselves for batch-processing editors. AAAllllll: So, engineers, prepare yourselves for batch-processing editors So, engineers, prepare yourselves for batch-processing editors CCC Songbook So, engineers, prepare yourselves for batch-processing editeditors! MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: The influx of employees has amounted to an avalanche So I am asking everyone to get along with half a bench I'm trimming back my budget to a point nobody can endure I am the very model of a modern software manager. AAAllllll: He's trimming back his budget to a point nobody can endure He is the very model of a modern software manager. MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: In fact, when I have learned that "software tools" are not mechanical "Computer operations" not an exercise tyrannical That "data flow" cannot be used to measure conductivity And "software automation" is the key to productivity When I'm aware my ignorance from Dijkstra back to Babbage shows My software education is no more than any cabbage knows I'll be a software manager that during loud contention hears The knowledge and experience proceeding from my engineers. AAAllllll: The knowledge and experience proceeding from his engineers The knowledge and experience proceeding from his engineers The knowledge and experience proceeding from his enginengineers! MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr: But until then these budget slashes some consider jealousy In actuality belie my unrestricted zealousy I'm trimming back my budget to a point nobody can endure I am the very model of a modern software manager. AAAllllll: He's trimming back his budget to a point nobody can endure He is the very model of a modern software manager. CCC Songbook AAA MMMooorrreee EEEffffffeeeccctttiiivvveee MMMaaannnaaagggeeerrr (to the tune of _A _M_o_r_e _H_u_m_a_n_e _M_i_k_a_d_o from Gilbert & Sullivan's "The Mikado".) by Brad Needham 2 A more effective manager never did LDP produce. For months, I've been hearing top management jeering each schedule we introduce for every schedule ever written has slipped to varied extents. This grave disaster I soon will master by jailing incompetents. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Their punishment, all sublime, embodies this paradigm: to let the schedule fit the time the schedule fit the time and make each estimate consequently necessitate the thing's completion upon the date completion upon the date. The furniture mover erratically shuffling causing confusion and fuss: we'll move his apartment into a compartment aboard an interstate bus. Committees deliberate, morning to evening, implementation details. They're found in loud bunches debating their hunches on what "loosely-coupled" entails. The marketing zealot who preannounces each technological leap shall find that his peers preannounced by three years the hotel where he's scheduled to sleep. The assembly-line hacker whose constant rewriting annihilates his afternoons shall find his job usurped by a mob of hyperactive baboons. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) The jargon speaker is trapped by his fellows who never use english too much. They utter most freely pig-latin, swahili, chinese, esperanto, and dutch. The seeming dyslexic who disregards documents over one _______________ 2 Choose your favorite company CCC Songbook page and a-half is jailed where he grovels interpreting novels transmitted by telegraph. The man-month thinker who adds more bodies the later a project becomes to keep working faster must, each morning, master an extra set of thumbs. The fellow whose schedules never consider that murphy's spirit intrudes is placed where he begs to boil "three-minute" eggs at very high altitudes. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) AAA HHHaaaccckkkeeerrr'''sss LLLooottt (to the tune of _A _P_o_l_i_c_e_m_a_n'_s _L_o_t from Gilbert & Sullivan's _T_h_e _P_i_r_a_t_e_s _o_f _P_e_n_z_a_n_c_e) (italicized words are sung by the chorus) by Brad Needham When a hacker's not engaged in compilation _c_o_m_p_i_l_a_t_i_o_n or single-stepping code in adb _a_d_b his/her concept of enlightened conversation _c_o_n_v_e_r_s_a_t_i_o_n is as far removed from coding as can be. _a_s _c_a_n _b_e One misnomer is as good as any other; _a_n_y _o_t_h_e_r a "hacker" is the soul who makes things run. _m_a_k_e_s _t_h_i_n_g_s _r_u_n Ah, take one consideration with another _w_i_t_h _a_n_o_t_h_e_r a hacker's lot is not a happy one. _O_h, _a _h_a_c_k_e_r _i_s _t_h_e _s_o_u_l _w_h_o _m_a_k_e_s _t_h_i_n_g_s _r_u_n, _m_a_k_e_s _t_h_i_n_g_s _r_u_n; _a _h_a_c_k_e_r_s _l_o_t _i_s _n_o_t _a _h_a_p_p_y _o_n_e, _h_a_p_p_y _o_n_e. Though our lucid comments gush with human feeling _h_u_m_a_n _f_e_e_l_i_n_g and clearly document each program's works _p_r_o_g_r_a_m'_s _w_o_r_k_s the remote mail system shows no signs of healing _s_i_g_n_s _o_f _h_e_a_l_i_n_g and nroff still contains annoying quirks. '_n_o_y_y_i_n_g _q_u_i_r_k_s Our aesthetics we, with difficulty, smother '_c_u_l_t_y _s_m_o_t_h_e_r when an "rm -r *" must be undone. _b_e _u_n_d_o_n_e Taking one consideration with another _w_i_t_h _a_n_o_t_h_e_r a hacker's lot is not a happy one. _O_h, _w_h_e_n _a_n "_r_m -_r *" _m_u_s_t _b_e _u_n_d_o_n_e, _b_e _u_n_d_o_n_e _a _h_a_c_k_e_r'_s _l_o_t _i_s _n_o_t _a _h_a_p_p_y _o_n_e, _h_a_p_p_y _o_n_e. CCC Songbook HHHaaasss AAAnnnyyybbbooodddyyy SSSeeeeeennn MMMyyy CCCooodddeee??? (to the tune of _H_a_s _A_n_y_b_o_d_y _S_e_e_n _m_y _G_a_l?) by Brad Needham No GOTO's, all WHILE-DO's Bringing on the software blues Has anybody seen my code? With bubble charts, structure charts, Steeped in engineering arts Has anybody seen my code? Now when it runs into the breakpoint two from who knows where I try to place the real-time trace. Bet your life it isn't there! But is it fast! Will it last? All milestones are in the past! Has anybody seen my code? TTThhheee BBBeeellllll LLLaaabbbsss UUUNNNIIIXXX SSSyyysssttteeemmm (to the tune of _T_h_e _G_i_r_l _f_r_o_m _I_p_a_n_e_m_a) (inspired by an attempt to write a UNIX-like OS in Pascal) by Brad Needham Clean and swift and small and simple The Bell Lab's UNIX system is published And when they read it Each one who reads it goes "aah". Files it has -- so elementary File names too, that move so gently That when they read it Each one who reads it goes "aah". Oh, but I read it so sadly! So much is lost in translation. How could I code it so badly? And how could they blame it on me? I write in Pascal, not in C. Clean and swift and small and simple The Bell Labs UNIX system is published And when I read mine, I cry Cause it's not in C. it's just not in C. no it's just not in C. CCC Songbook bbbbbbbbb+++bbb (to the tune of _1_0_0 _B_o_t_t_l_e_s _o_f _B_e_e_r) 100 buckets of bits on the bus 100 buckets of bits take one down (short it to ground) FF buckets of bits on the bus FF buckets of bits on the bus FF buckets of bits take one down (short it to ground) FE buckets of bits on the bus etc. OOOllleee MMMcccMMMooowwwllleee 3 (to the tune of _O_l_d _M_c_D_o_n_a_l_d) by Bill Laubenheimer Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab he had some Intels P I A I/O with a 8080 here and an 8080 there here 80 there 80 everywhere an 8080 Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab he had some SWTPCs P I A I/O with a MICBUG here and a MICBUG there here a MIC there a BUG everywhere a MICBUG Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab he had some students P I A I/O with a grad student here and a grad student there here a grad there a grad but everywhere an undergrad _______________ 3 Prof. Mowle ran the micro lab at pur-ee CCC Songbook Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab he had some ADMs P I A I/O with a green screen here and a white screen there here a green there a white students typing day and night Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab he had a printer P I A I/O with a page feed here and a page feed there page here page there paper paper everywhere Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O and in this lab you'll find McMowle P I A I/Oing with a DON'T TOUCH here and a DON'T TOUCH there (note upper case) on a micro here and a terminal there tieing up equipment everywhere Ole McMowle he had a lab P I A I/O BBBlllooowww OOOuuuttt by Bill Laubenheimer Like to tell you the story today about my cpu, It does alot of different things that no one else can do, Assembin' compilin' and all sorts of filin', (But the) one main thing that results is a blow out every time, _C_h_o_r_u_s: Blow out, a blow out, the Vax had another blow out Blow out, a blow out, doin' a change mode. Blow out, a blow out, the Vax had another blow out Blow out, a blow out, was it due to the heavy load. CCC Songbook 4 Late one night in the middle of the term while George soundly slept. A cpu dropped a bit and promptly crashed the net. A-machine wheezed,b belched, and fu's let out a shout, And just as you would expect, the Vax had another blow out! (_C_h_o_r_u_s) The freshman panicked, the sophomores screemed, the juniors quietly wept. "What are we to do after the super users have left?" The seniors said "Have no fear and get the phone book out, We'll call George because, the Vax had another blow out." (_C_h_o_r_u_s) They called George and woke him up and got him out of bed. And when he heard their voices, he knew the Vax was dead. "What is running that made the Vax bomb? Did those stupid users finally run out of ROM?" (They said) "The line has formed down the hall cause many programs are due There is 263, 362, 363, 466, 467, 468, 695b, just to name a few. We tried to fix it on our own, so we got the intructions out. And heres what it says to do when the Vax has had a blow out." (_C_h_o_r_u_s) The manual from DEC was to the point and very clear, (it said) "No winding no batterys just kick it right here". Well George, we tried it but it still refuses to run, What are we supposed to do to get our assignments done? (He said), "Dump the core and boot it once more, and tell the users not to pout The only thing that happened is, the Vax had another blow out" (_C_h_o_r_u_s) (So they) dumped the core and booted it once more and the disks began to spin, Everyone was cheering because they knew it'd run again. They thanked George politely because they had no doubts, _______________ 4 guy that ran the computer at pur-ee. CCC Songbook The Vax had just recovered from one of many blow outs. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) Now you've heard the story today about our cpu, It did alot of different things that no one else could do. We're really gonna miss it when the when the memory finally dies, but we'll know it'll have a grand blow out in the sky. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) DDDeeessstttrrruuuccctttiiiooonnn (to the tune of _A_s _T_h_e _C_a_i_s_s_o_n_s _G_o _R_o_l_l_i_n_g _A_l_o_n_g) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller Scratch the disks, dump the core, Roll the tapes across the floor, And the system is going to crash. Teletypes, smashed to bits, Give the scopes some nasty hits, And the system is going to crash. And we've also found When you turn the power down, You turn all the disk drives into trash! Oh, its so much fun, Now the CPU won't run, And the system is going to crash. Shut it down, pull the plug, Give the core an extra tug, And the system is going to crash. Mem'ry cards, one and all, Toss them halfway down the hall, And the system is going to crash. We'll just flip one switch, And the lights will cease to twitch, And the tapedrives will crumble in a flash. When the C-P-U Can print nothing out but '...foo...', Then the system is going to crash. CCC Songbook FFFOOORRRTTTRRRAAANNN PPPrrrooogggrrraaammmsss (to the tune of _O_n, _W_i_s_c_o_n_s_i_n) by Bill Laubenheimer ?? ** SFC ** FORTRAN programs, FORTRAN programs Run through the machine! Count your errors, watch them mounting 'Til you're turning green (rah! rah! rah!) FORTRAN programs, FORTRAN programs Never work okay Till you find out they were Due yes-ter-daaaay! CCCOOOBBBOOOLLL PPPrrrooogggrrraaammmmmmeeerrr'''sss SSSwwwiiinnnggg (to the tune of _W_a_s_h_i_n_g_t_o_n & _L_e_e _S_w_i_n_g) by Bill Laubenheimer ?? ** SFC ** A COBOL program never turns out right Though you may labor far into the night And though you work until your dying day It never will be quite okay-ay-ay-ay-ay And when you think that all the bugs are gone The fact is you are likely very wrong And when you finally have it going straight (going straight) It's .... too .... late!!! 111666 BBBiiitttsss (to the tune of _1_6 _T_o_n_s) by Tony Williams and Bill Mulert Some people say computers are made outta chips, Digital logic and binary bits. Takes a technical jerk to wanna make it run, So I went to computer-mart and bought myself one. Ya load 16 bits, and whattya get ? 64K and a floppy diskette. At $1200 it's surely inane, You get a Biorhythym chart and a video game. I was born one morning in a software mine, I picked up my keyboard and I entered a line. I loaded some BASIC, I loaded FORTRAN, CCC Songbook But nothing I loaded into COBOL ran. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Ya load 16 bits, and whattya get ? 64K and a floppy diskette. IBM don't ya call me 'cause I gotta regroup, I'm stuck right now in an infinite loop. Well, I sat at the keyboard with the Programmer's Itch, But everything I entered ran into a glitch. I messed up ma memory, ma register gates, Made me wanta fold, spindle, and mutilate. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) I got a serial modem with dual disk packs, The house I once owned is now Radio Shack's. 30 I/O ports to do as ya will, If the price don't get ya then the light bill will. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) AAAnnnooottthhheeerrr GGGllliiitttccchhh iiinnn ttthhheee CCCaaallllll (to the tune of _A_n_o_t_h_e_r _B_r_i_c_k _i_n _t_h_e _W_a_l_l) by decvax!utzoo!utcsrgv!roderick We don't need no indirection We don't need no flow control No data typing or declarations Hey! Did you leave the lists alone? _C_h_o_r_u_s: All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call. We don't need no side effect-ing We don't need no scope control No global variables for execution Hey! Did you leave those args alone? (_C_h_o_r_u_s) We don't need no allocation We don't need no special nodes No dark bit-flipping in the functions Hey! Did you leave the bits alone? (_C_h_o_r_u_s) We don't need no compilation We don't need no load control No link edit for external bindings Hey! Did you leave that source alone? CCC Songbook (_C_h_o_r_u_s) and repeat GGGoooddd RRReeesssttt YYYeee CCCSSS SSStttuuudddeeennntttsss (to the tune of _G_o_d _R_e_s_t _Y_e _M_e_r_r_y _G_e_n_t_l_e_m_e_n) *** author from SFC *** from WPI in Mass,??? modified by Charles LaBrec and friends, God rest ye CS students now Let nothing you dismay, The VAX is down and won't be up Until the first of May The program that was due this morn Won't be postponed they say. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, Oh, tidings of comfort and joy! The bearings on the disk are gone, And bits are dropping too, We've found a bug in C, And Pascal can't tell false from true, And now we find that we can't get at Berkeley's 4.2. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) And all you fans of matrix math Who would use APL, You'd find out if the VAX were up, It wouldn't work too well, And if you try, then it'll say That you can go to . . . well . . . (_C_h_o_r_u_s) We've just received a call from DEC, They'll send without delay A system they call RSuX It takes nine hundred k, The staff committed suicide We'll bury them today. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) And now more cheery news for you, The network's also dead, You'll have to run your programs on The IBM instead, The turnaround time's nineteen weeks And only cards are read. CCC Songbook (_C_h_o_r_u_s) And now we'd like to say to you Before we go away, We hope the news we've brought to you Won't ruin your whole day, You've got another program due Tomorrow, by the way. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) TTThhheee CCCrrraaassshhh ooofff ttthhheee TTTeeennn aaannnddd EEEllleeevvveeennn (to _T_h_e _W_r_e_c_k _o_f _t_h_e _E_d_m_u_n_d _F_i_t_z_g_e_r_a_l_d) by Abe Friedman & Sarah Elizabeth Miller The memories live on from the Tower on down Of the time Jonny Day did endeavor To save the accounts that were scrambled or lost In the Crash of the Ten and Eleven. Does anyone know where the users can go When the systems are hopelessly tangled, When the tapes and the disks are in snarls and twists And the files are shredded and mangled? The DEC men one day came down Baltimore way On a routine maintenance mission. And when they were through everybody would rue The computer's down-hearted condition. Pity ECAS when the entire class Found only one block in the core. When anyone logged in the whole system fell in 'Cause the Ten couldn't take any more. Strange the commands of the SF crazed fans When they came down to print out their songbook. The Eleven got worse with each new obscene verse Which brought many foul curses and long looks. With terrible smiles they created new files 'Til the Eleven, it just couldn't take it. Though Vandelinde swore, it would process no more And not even Erol could make it. So now JHU had possession of two Computers that sat there and quivered. And so Garland called over to Barton Hall "From this fate we must all be delivered." And there Jonny Day could find nothing to say As his eyes gazed upward to Heaven. He silently prayed to be whisked far away From the Crash of the Ten and Eleven. CCC Songbook But brave Jonny Day knew there was much work to do And he knew that he'd better get to it, For the faculty had said they would have Jonny's head If by lunchtime he hadn't got through it. So taking a look in his maintenance book And turning to page forty-seven In the hope it would tell of the magical spell That would cure the Ten and Eleven, He read of the way he could rescue the Day And calm the neurotic computers. The way to the core was a game of seawar With the ships all manned by superusers. Oh, the game that they had in the Undergrad Lab Is a take that's worthy of singing, For the echoing sound of each ship going down Was the bells in their Tower a-ringing. And so the DEC Ten, it was working again And, too by the graces of Heaven, Were the tapes and the disks that had been sorely missed On the E.E. Department's Eleven. The legend lived on from the Tower on down Of Jon Day and the way he endeavored To save the accounts that were scrambled or lost In the Crash of the Ten and Eleven. HHHeeellllllooo,,, SSSooollllllyyy (to _H_e_l_l_o, _D_o_l_l_y) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller Hello, Solly. Well, hello, Solly. The DEC-10 just threw the monitor away. The tty's, Solly, Went bye-bye, Solly, And the core's been on the floor Most of the last few days. What's even worse, Solly, We've been cursed, Solly, With a memory that is down to just one k. Oh, boohoohoo, Solly, What are we s'posed to do, Solly? Solly, please bring the DEC-10 up to stay!!! The users are, Solly, Quite bizarre, Solly. They all claim the ten is dormant all the time. They should know, Solly, Things get slow, Solly, CCC Songbook 'Cause the drives cannot survive Two users on the line. We have no hopes, Solly, For the scopes, Solly, And because of this they all refuse to pay. Oh, gollygee, Solly, What is it gonna be, Solly? Solly, please bring the DEC-10 up to stay!!! BBByyyeee,,, BBByyyeee,,, SSSyyysssttteeemmm (to _B_y_e, _B_y_e, _B_a_b_y) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder Pack up all your I and O. Here we go. Core is low. Bye, bye, system. Watch the swapper swap you out. Moan and cry, Scream and shout. Bye, bye, system. No interpreter can understand me. SOS has given up and banned me. Rib block errors did me in. JD swapped, Just can't win. System, bye, bye. DDDaaasssiii,,, DDDaaasssiii (to _A _B_i_c_y_c_l_e _B_u_i_l_t _F_o_r _T_w_o) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller & Abe Friedman Dasi, Dasi, give me my output, do. I'm half crazy waiting for you to get through. I don't understand why it's taking So long for the process I'm making. I don't ask much, But it is such A bore sitting waiting for you. CCC Songbook CCCrrraaassshhh!!! (to _P_u_f_f, _t_h_e _M_a_g_i_c _D_r_a_g_o_n) by Robert Herndon Poof! The UNIX system.... SSStttooopppcccooodddeee BBBeeellllllsss (to _J_i_n_g_l_e _B_e_l_l_s) Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder _C_h_o_r_u_s: Stopcode bells, stopcode bells, Stopcode all the way. Oh, what fun it is to crash For the fourteenth time today. (Repeat) Poking through the core With a bug in DDT, Change your PPN To seven comma three. Halt somebody's job. Make him scream and shout. Oh, what fun it is to log The operator out. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) TTThhheee TTTwwweeelllvvveee DDDaaayyysss ooofff UUUppptttiiimmmeee (to _T_h_e _T_w_e_l_v_e _D_a_y_s _o_f _C_h_r_i_s_t_m_a_s) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder On the twelfth day of uptime The system gave to me: 12 stopcodes ringing, 11 LISPers losing, 10 daemons running, 9 modems dying, 8 rib blocks missing, 7 DECtapes stretching, 6 jobs a-hacking, 5 k of core 4 detached jobs 3 strtrk's, 2 cpu's And a job stuck in run queue three. CCC Songbook AAAwwwaaayyy iiinnn QQQMMMAAANNNGGGRRR (to _A_w_a_y _i_n _a _M_a_n_g_e_r) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder Away in QMANGR, No room for a file, My program and output Are stuck for a while. The stop button's down And the opr's away. The little line printer's Asleep for the day. 666000222 iiisss CCCooommmiiinnnggg tttooo CCCooorrreee (to _S_a_n_t_a _i_s _C_o_m_i_n_g _t_o _T_o_w_n) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder Oh, you'd better not peek. You'd better not spy. You'd better not poke. I'm telling you why. 602 is comming to core! The devlin bombs. You can't do a call. Gettabs just Don't work at all. 602 is comming to core! It wakes you when you're sleeping. It swaps you when you're small. It puts you into 'MQ wait', And you can't get out at all. So... You'd better not peek. You'd better not spy. You'd better not poke. I'm telling you why. 602 is coming to core! CCC Songbook TTThhheee FFFiiirrrsssttt TTTOOOPPPSSS---111000 (to _T_h_e _F_i_r_s_t _N_o_e_l) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder The first TOPS-10 From Maynard, they say, Lasted twenty-three seconds And then went away. It went away so fast That it zeroed its core. And the series one monitor Was no more. TOPS-10, TOPS-10, TOPS-10, TOPS-10, Born is the rival of IBM. WWWhhhaaattt SSSeeegggmmmeeennnttt iiisss TTThhhiiisss??? (to _G_r_e_e_n_s_l_e_e_v_e_s) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder What segment's this That, laid to rest On FHA0:, is sleeping? What system file Lay here a while While hackers around it were fweeping? This, this is "acct.run," Accounting file for everyone. Dump, dump it and type it out, The file, the highseg of login. Why lies it here On public disk And why is it now unprotected? A bug in incant Made it thus. The problem has not been corrected. Mount, mount all your DECtapes now And copy the file somehow, somehow. Dump, dump it and type it out, The file, the highseg of login. CCC Songbook MMMaaagggtttaaapppeeesss RRRoooaaassstttiiinnnggg (to _C_h_e_s_t_n_u_t_s _R_o_a_s_t_i_n_g) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder Magtapes roasting on an open fire. DECtapes lying on the floor. All nasty files being thrown on a pyre. And ops.sav's around no more. Everybody knew a tape search would be drawing near, Tried to get their tapes from W.A.C.C.C. But big EGP, with a smile ear to ear, Refused to give the DECtapes back. They knew that doom was on its way. They're losing "test" and other goodies on this day. And every UFD that isn't nice Will be deleted once...or maybe even twice. So we're offering this simple song To all kids who like to hack. Only do what's right...don't get caught doing wrong. Merry Christmas from W.A.C.C.C. 999999 BBBuuugggsss iiinnn ttthhheee MMMooonnniiitttooorrr NNNooowww (to 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder 99 bugs in the monitor now. 99 bugs in the core. Run DDT. Find two or three. 96 bugs in the monitor now. 96 bugs in the monitor now.... CCC Songbook PPPrrrooogggrrraaammmsss (to _S_u_n_s_h_i_n_e _o_n _M_y _S_h_o_u_l_d_e_r_s) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller _C_h_o_r_u_s: Programs on 360 make me happy. Programs on DEC-10 can make me cry. Programs on 11 are so easy. Programs in computers make me high. If I had a core that was empty, I'd let you make large file after file. If I had a disk that I could spin for you, I'd give you space to last for quite a while. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) If I had a tape with won'drous programs, I'd let you run seawar by the mile. If I had the system that was big enough, I'd let you save each and every file. MMMyyy PPPrrrooogggrrraaammm LLLiiieeesss iiinnn ttthhheee DDDEEECCC---222000 (to _M_y _B_o_n_n_i_e _L_i_e_s _O_v_e_r _t_h_e _O_c_e_a_n) by Sherna Burley My program lies in the DEC-20. It's screwed up as screwed up can be. It's bugs, they have bugs which are buggered. Oh, give back my program to me. Give back... My program was pure, sweet, and simple. An op'rator using a line Played pimp for a rogue name of Hasp and With him she was sharing her time. Give back... He showed her the lights of DEC-20. He showed her a bit of the core. Now my program will run on the nine months And the output crawls over the floor. Give back... CCC Songbook CCCooommmppp SSSccciii SSSeeerrreeennnaaadddeee (to _M_y _B_o_n_n_i_e _L_i_e_s _O_v_e_r _t_h_e _O_c_e_a_n) by Terry Bollinger & The Watt Five My program lies under the backlog, My card deck's all over the floor, The plotter is using a crayon, And I just can't take any more. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Bring out, bring out, Oh, bring out my printout today, today! Bring out, bring out, The one you ripped off yesterday. The card reader chewed up my job card, And someone erased all my files, The system has been down for hours, While people collapse in the aisles. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Flunk out, flunk out, I worked like a dog each and every day! Flunk out, flunk out, Twelve projects were due yesterday! Security holes I've discovered, The records of grades are now mine. What once was a one point five average, Is now a three point nine nine! _C_h_o_r_u_s: Send out, send out, Oh, send out those grades to big companies! Send out, send out, They'll all want a scholar like me! BBBeeeaaauuutttiiifffuuulll PPPrrrooogggrrraaammm (to _B_e_a_u_t_i_f_u_l _D_r_e_a_m_e_r) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller & Abe Friedman Beautiful program Please run for me. I've tried you in BASIC, FORTRAN and C. Beautiful program, You've errors galore. And each time I run you, CCC Songbook 5 You're swapped out of core. III'''mmm aaa PPPrrrooogggrrraaammmmmmeeerrr (to _T_h_e _L_u_m_b_e_r_j_a_c_k _S_o_n_g By Monty Python) by Thaddeus Beier, Robert Frye, Robert Herndon, William Lindemann, Sarah Elizabeth Miller, and Michael John 6 _C_h_o_r_u_s: I'm a programmer and I'm insane. I work all night and I hack all day. I patch up bugs. I write in C On the EE's PDP. On Wednesdays I do COBOL And structured RPG. (Arrgh!) (_C_h_o_r_u_s) I edit files. I rewind tapes. I dismount RK packs. I exercise the disk drives And kick off all the hacks. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) I punch mag tape. I bug Jon Day And insult VDV, And if I keep this all up, I'll leave the PDP. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) I play seawar. I crash the disks And anger Dr. Gore. And sometimes I do programs For Elizier Naddor. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) I copy disks. I dump to tape. I execute Sys calls. And when the system crashes, _______________ 5 Alternate: There's thirty-five more. 6 I m an op rato an 'm a pa n. CCC Songbook I run screaming down the halls. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) On Friday night when it is late, It loves me best, you know. I stay with the Eleven, And don't go to the shows. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) When terminals stop working, I stalk out of the door. On Mondays we do PM And process nevermore. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) OOOnnn ttthhheee NNNeeettt (to _O_v_e_r _T_h_e_r_e) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller On the net, On the net, Hacking on All night long On the net. All the network systems, We're gonna list 'em And snarf anything that we can get. On the net, On the net, Hacking here, Hacking there On the net. We'll find a modem And then uncode'em. Then we'll log into every system on the net. TTThhheee WWWooonnndddeeerrrfffuuulll HHHaaaccckkkeeerrr (to _T_h_e _W_o_n_d_e_r_f_u_l _T_o_y) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder When I was a wee undergrad, My roommate gave to me A user name and a password, too: 8-M-J-4-X-3. I first bombed disk, And then dumped core, And then slaved the cty. CCC Songbook And then I stole "acct.sys" And watched the system die. Oh, it went -- crunch -- When it moved, and -- boots -- When it stopped, and -- -- When it stood still. They never knew just who it was And I guess they never will. TTThhheee HHHaaaccckkkeeerrr'''sss BBBaaattttttllleee HHHyyymmmnnn (to _T_h_e _B_a_t_t_l_e _H_y_m_n _o_f _t_h_e _R_e_p_u_b_l_i_c) by Bill Lindemann and David Lilienfeld He logged on the eleven, And his name was "JAB." The monitor went crazy On this blighted PDP. Oh, it never knew what hit it, Just a hack from DDT. The Hacker's just logged in. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Woe be it to the system, Woe be it to the system, Woe be it to the system, The Hacker's just logged in. The Hacker went a-working All the way into SYSTAT. He made so many options, That it made DEC flip its hat. The op'rator was dazzled For his Hazeltine went ZAP!! The Hacker's just logged in. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) He started in the summer Of 1970. "For me, I'll find a free account," Thus sayeth JAB; Fin'lly moving up to Gunning everybody's tree, CCC Songbook The Hacker's just logged in. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) TTThhheee DDDeeevvviiilll WWWeeennnttt DDDooowwwnnn tttooo CCCrrraaawwwfffooorrrddd (to the tune of _T_h_e _D_e_v_i_l _W_e_n_t _D_o_w_n _t_o _G_e_o_r_g_i_a) by J. Benson, J. Doll, S. Fraim (with a little help from T. Recko) The Devil went down to Crawford 'cause he was lookin' for an IMP to steal. So he searched the hall for a protocol, and he was willin' to make a deal. When he came across a chairman writin' an exam and writin' it rough Then the Devil jumped up on an ADDS 200 and said, "Boy, you think you know your stuff." "I'll bet you didn't know it, but I'm a full professor too, And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You've designed some pretty good networks, boy, but give the devil his due: I'll bet a window of gold against your soul I can transmit better than you!" The man said, "My name is Chuckie, and it might be a sin But I'll draw your net, you're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best there's ever been." Chuckie sharpen up your pencil and define your routing scheme 'Cause hell's broke loose in Crawford and the devil's feelin' mean. Now if you win you'll get this sender's window made of gold, But if you lose the devil gets your soul. The Devil drew a topology with style and perfect poise, And frames flew into buffers as he calculated noise. As his datagrams arrived with ease, he cooly stopped and stared -- Well, his Petri net was mighty fine, but Chuckie wasn't scared. (insert messy petri net here for instrumental) When the Devil finished, Chuckie said, "Well, your subnet's fast, I agree. But just sit right there and let me show you N.mPc!" CCC Songbook _C_h_o_r_u_s: Packets on the network, run bits run Acks on the line until transmission's done Try to make your channel error-free; Check your message out with a CRC. The Devil saw that baud rate and he knew that he'd been beat, And he laid that golden window on the ground at Chuckie's feet. Chuckie said, "That's worth a C, so you might want to try again, 'Cause I told you before, you undergrad, don't design with a ball-point pen!" (_C_h_o_r_u_s) MMMyyy FFFaaavvvooorrriiittteee TTThhhiiinnngggsss (to the tune of _M_y _F_a_v_o_r_i_t_e _T_h_i_n_g_s) by J. Benson & J. Doll Card reader managers, output addresses, Drum operations and other such messes, Job names consisting of character strings -- These are a few of my favorite things -- Input drum managers, functions external, Signals and waits in a quite busy kernel; All of the heartbreaks that debugging brings, These are a few of my favorite things -- _C_h_o_r_u_s: Run-time errors, Missing modules, Sleep I haven't had. I simply remember my favorite things And then I still feel real bad! Five job descriptors and processes blocking, Go see Ray Hookway with both my knees knocking; Red eyes encircled by darkening rings, These are a few of my favorite things-- (_C_h_o_r_u_s) CCC Songbook HHHaaarrrkkk!!! ttthhheee SSScccrrreeeaaammmiiinnnggg SSStttuuudddeeennntttsss CCCrrryyy (to the tune of _H_a_r_k! _T_h_e _H_e_r_a_l_d _A_n_g_e_l_s _S_i_n_g) by J. Benson, J. Doll & S. Fraim Hark! the screaming students cry, "I am failing, why, oh, why?" Boy, this class makes me feel dumb! Where DO they get graders from? How I study, how I strive, Just to get a five point five! Now my program won't compile, I used REPEAT instead of WHILE." Hark! the screaming students cry, "I am failing, why, oh why!" Hark! the screaming students say, "Lord, just get me through this day! Watch me gnash my teeth and frown When I learn the DEC is down. Tests and quizzes make me ill; Of Pascal I've had my fill! One point off for elegance, Why won't they give me a chance!" Hark! the screaming students say, "Lord, just get me through this day!" III'''vvveee BBBeeeeeennn WWWooorrrkkkiiinnnggg ooonnn aaa KKKeeerrrnnneeelll (to the tune of _I'_v_e _B_e_e_n _W_o_r_k_i_n_g _o_n _t_h_e _R_a_i_l_r_o_a_d) by J. Benson & J. Doll I've been working on a kernel All the livelong night. I've been working on a kernel And it still won't work quite right. All the queues are always empty All the pointers nil, All I get are run-time errors Buffers that won't fill. Buffers that won't fill, Buffers that won't fill, Buffers that won't fill at all, at all! Buffers that won't fill, Buffers that won't fill, Buffers that won't fill at all! CCC Songbook TTThhhaaattt'''sss LLLiiifffeee AAAttt CCCaaassseee (to the tune of _T_h_o_s_e _W_e_r_e _T_h_e _D_a_y_s) by J. Benson & J. Doll Once upon a time there was a chairman Running a department every day; When you'd go to see him with a problem He'd cry, "How neat!" then smile and simply say -- "That's life at Case, my friend, Your problems never end, You work too hard forever and a day. You'd almost be amused If you weren't so abused And you can bet things never go your way." La, la, la, la, la la, La, la, la, la, la la, That's life at Case, oh yes, that's life at Case. Funny how the years keep rushing by us; Deadline for your Ph.D.'s today, With UNIX down since 1967! And when you talk to Chuck Rose he'll still say -- "That's life at Case, my friend, Your problems never end, You're underpaid forever and a day. Your budget's cut in half, All you can do is laugh, For you still know things never go your way!" La, la, la, la, la la, La, la, la, la, la la, That's life at Case, oh yes, that's life at Case! SSSeeennntttiiimmmeeennntttaaalll BBBeeerrrwwwaaalllddd (to the tune of _S_e_n_t_i_m_e_n_t_a_l _J_o_u_r_n_e_y) by J. Benson & J. Doll Gonna plug some wires into my plugboard Gonna get my Berwald checked out. Gonna plug some wires into my plugboard, Get it done without a doubt. Seven, That's the time we meet, at seven. We'll be here till past eleven CCC Songbook Counting every transfer on the bus, No frills, no fuss. Gonna write a micro-coded program, Gonna play with zeroes and ones. Gonna write a micro-coded program, Gonna have a whole lot of fun. Glitches, We don't want to see those glitches, Would it help to flip the switches? Thirty times my board has been rewired, I feel so tired. Gonna get my interrupts all serviced With a nifty little routine. Gonna get my interrupts all serviced, Be the best thing we've ever seen! AAAnnn IIIrrriiissshhh CCCPPPUUU (to An Irish Ballad by Tom Lehrer) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller About a CPU I sing, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. About a CPU I sing Who sat around compi-a-ling And wouldn't do another thing For anyone else logged in, logged in, For anyone else logged in. Old programs it would just ignore, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. Old programs it would just ignore And leave them rotting in the core, Not caring what they all were for Except those in "user/bin", "user/bin", Except those in "user/bin". This CPU was lots of fun, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. This CPU was lots of fun Until one wanted programs run And if one tried to get them done It typed back "You're not logged in, logged in." It typed back "You're not logged in." Long processes it would not do, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. Long processes it would not do And, rather than to run them through, Would ask to have some Irish stew And a couple of cases of gin, of gin, And a couple of cases of gin. CCC Songbook And then it would raise hellish toasts, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. And then it would raise hellish toasts And make a few obnoxious boasts, Not only could it drink the most, It knew many more ways to sin, to sin. It knew many more ways to sin. To prove its point to all the world, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. To prove its point to all the world It let the magtape fall in curls And wrap around some foxy girl And slowly rewind her in, her in, And slowly rewind her in. This sordid tale I won't prolong, Sing rickity, tickity, tin. This sordid tale I won't prolong And, if you do not enjoy my song, You've got Abe to blame if it's too long. He should never have let me begin, begin. He should never have let me begin. OOOvvveeerrr HHHiiillllll,,, OOOvvveeerrr CCCaaaiiillleee (to As the Cassions go Rolling Along) by Albert Corda, Richard Holmes & David Kinder Over hill, over caile, We will hit the macro trail As our program goes crunching along! Read stuff in. Take the sum. Do your output to the drum As our program goes crunching along! For it's push, move, pop, Execute a FORTRAN stop, Shout out your opcodes loud and strong: CAIN!! JRST!! We will bomb as we Overwrite our UFD And our program goes crunching along!! CCC Songbook CCCPPPUUU DDDeeellliiiggghhhttt (to Afternoon Delight) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller Started out one morning with a hopeful heart. Sitting down at a terminal all ready to start. My fingers stretching out to hit the terminal keys, Just waiting for the sign that says "login please." _C_h_o_r_u_s: Words, nybbles, and bytes, CPU delights, CPU delights, CPU delights. Came back later on to run "space-point-bas" Hoping that the system wouldn't want to crash. Found dinner time had passed before I was through, My program taking minutes in the CPU. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) Be running UNIX when I'm logging on. We'll be running "RIVER" 'til the night is gone. Sunrise's time to run the program called "account," Finding out I've overspent it by a huge amount. But to get the program running is my one delight. So, I'm sitting here typing 'til the morning light. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) MMMooonnnooopppooolllyyy (to Yesterday) by Michael John Muuss Monopoly -- I thought my errors had all gone away. Now it looks as if they'll always stay. I recompiled Monopoly! Suddenly, it's not half the game it used to be. There's a core dump sitting next to me. Oh, Monopoly died suddenly! Why it had to blow, I don't know. What could it be? I did something wrong, now I long for Monopoly. Monopoly -- it was such an easy game to play. Now the logic has all gone away. Oh, why get me, Monopoly? CCC Songbook Why it had to blow, I don't know. What could it be? I did something wrong, now I long for Monopoly. Monopoly -- It was such an easy game to play. Now I need some space to work away. Oh, why besiege my Monopoly? III'''ddd LLLiiikkkeee tttooo BBBuuuyyy MMMaaagggnnneeetttiiiccc TTTaaapppeee (to I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing) Author Unknown I'd like to buy magnetic tape To store my data on. I'd like to know how much to store Before the room's all gone. I know that tapes have density To measure bits per inch And forty million characters Can be stored in a pinch. But what else do I need to know About this half-inch tape? Like speeds and lengths and code and such And how much is the freight? That's the way it is. I just need to know more. So just tell me the score. That's the way it is. WWWhhheeennn III'''mmm SSSiiixxxtttyyy FFFooouuurrr (to the same tune) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller When I get older, losing my hair, Many years from now, I will still be sittin' at a terminal, Number crunching giving me hell, Rewriting programs, running them through, Logged in evermore. I'll always be here. I'll never leave here 'Til I'm sixty-four. It would be dandy getting this done, If it were correct. But here I sit from Friday night 'til Saturday, CCC Songbook Sunday morning typing away. One hundred hours all through the week, Printouts on the floor. I'll always be here. I'll never leave here 'Til I'm sixty-four. Send me a post card, drop me a line From your graduate school. Mail it "care of Barton Hall two-twenty-five." Let me know if I'm still alive! There you will find me buried beneath Printouts by the score. I'll always be here. I'll never leave here 'Til I'm sixty-four. TTThhhooossseee wwweeerrreee ttthhheee DDDaaayyysss (to the same tune) by Sarah Elizabeth Miller, Abe Friedman, and Bill Lindemann Once upon a time there was a DEC tape Where we used to store a file or two, Where we used to while away the hours Playing games with Barton's CPU. _C_h_o_r_u_s: Those were the days, my friend, With Doctor Vandelinde Who tried his best to make us go away. We'd use up file space Which he could not erase Those were the days. Oh, yes, those were the days. Through the door I heard familiar laughter. I saw you were logged in on "user.name". Though programs have a way of disappearing, In the core the games are still the same. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) Monopoly and seawar are amusing As well as maze and wumpus and the rest. Though far away from Barton we may wander, In our hearts its CPU's the best. (_C_h_o_r_u_s) CCC Songbook III///OOO (designed by a committee including the editor, Clayton Elwell, J. Benson & J. Doll with verses stolen from _S_o_n_g_s _f_r_o_m _t_h_e _C_P_U) I/O, I/O, We watch the data flow, We never know Where it will go, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To IBM we go. Command reject and then recheck, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, This teletype's too slow. If you need more speed Get a CRT. I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, It's fun to hack, you know. It's nice to be Under DDT. I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, It's off the bus we go. No better place than an interface, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We'll first dump core, And then run more, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We use EMACS, Since we're true hacks, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We run cc, Then adb, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, CCC Songbook To hack the VAX we go. We eat our lunch, As programs munch, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. Programs we try, then run vi, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. Lets adb uucp, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We'll patch the stack, And then jump back, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We'll have a Coke, And trap alloc(), I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. We'll user-load New microcode, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. This code's a kludge, Its much too huge, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go. Kill peon's procs They're eating ops I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O, To hack the VAX we go, I/O, I/O! CCC Songbook AAAnnn IIIBBBMMM UUUssseeerrr (A true story of Raw Courage & Human Endeavour) as chronicled by the Falkirk Bard An IBM user, Deciding to temp fate, Tried to use the Big Computer, To read his wee mag tape. He got the job assembled, Then sent it down the line. "I hope this thing is fast", he said, "I want it back in time." The IBM Computer Said with a shout of glee, "Ah-ha a brand new user, What fun we'll have I see." The 3081 returned the job, And the story it did tell, Was that it couldn't run the job, 'Cause of failure in J. C. L. After many weeks of trial, The user jumped for joy. "It likes my J. C. L. now. It loves me boy-oh-boy." But IBM's are playful things They like to have their fun, As the user searched his output, He saw what it had done. Its latest bit of humour Was plain for all to see, It went and killed his job off, With Abend code 413. The user got the book down, Turned to the proper place, And after careful searching found Of 413 -- no trace. Said the user, "I am patient, I never lose the place, But if this doesn't work soon, I'll kick it in the face." He sent the job back in then, Without another sound, But the 3081 replied with, "System file not found." CCC Songbook "What the hell does this mean?" Asked the user with a dirty look, "It's a standard flipping routine, It says so in the book." At the place of Foreign Language, He went to ask of them, But they replied, "We're sorry, We don't speak IBM." But this story has an ending, When many months later, The user got his tape read, By a baby Interdata! OOOdddeee TTTooo MMMeeennnuuu SSSyyysssttteeemmmsss by Richard Fowell (probably) I think that nothing I shall see's As ugly as a menu tree. For when from leaf to leaf I'd leap, Along the branches I must creep. CCC Songbook TTTaaabbbllleee ooofff CCCooonnnttteeennntttsss tm VMUNIX Blues 1 Somewhere over the Network 2 Eleanor Rigby 2 Cookie 3 Cookie 3 Reclaimer Spare that Tree 3 Control-C Song 3 Crasher's Song 4 The Data-comm Song 4 The Field Service Anthem 5 FORTRAN Song 5 God Rest Ye Merry Network Fans 5 LOGIN Song 6 I'm a PDP-10 Wizard 7 Little Boxes 7 Code-a-lot 8 Kludging My Software 9 The Modern Software Manager 10 CCC Songbook A More Effective Manager 12 A Hacker's Lot 13 Has Anybody Seen My Code? 14 The Bell Labs UNIX System 14 bbb+b 15 Ole McMowle 15 Blow Out 16 Destruction 18 FORTRAN Programs 19 COBOL Programmer's Swing 19 16 Bits 19 Another Glitch in the Call 20 God Rest Ye CS Students 21 The Crash of the Ten and Eleven 22 Hello, Solly 23 Bye, Bye, System 24 Dasi, Dasi 24 Crash! 25 Stopcode Bells 25 The Twelve Days of Uptime 25 CCC Songbook Away in QMANGR 26 602 is Coming to Core 26 The First TOPS-10 27 What Segment is This? 27 Magtapes Roasting 28 99 Bugs in the Monitor Now 28 Programs 29 My Program Lies in the DEC-20 29 Comp Sci Serenade 30 Beautiful Program 30 I'm a Programmer 31 On the Net 32 The Wonderful Hacker 32 The Hacker's Battle Hymn 33 The Devil Went Down to Crawford 34 My Favorite Things 35 Hark! the Screaming Students Cry 36 I've Been Working on a Kernel 36 That's Life At Case 37 Sentimental Berwald 37 CCC Songbook An Irish CPU 38 Over Hill, Over Caile 39 CPU Delight 40 Monopoly 40 I'd Like to Buy Magnetic Tape 41 When I'm Sixty Four 41 Those were the Days 42 I/O 43 An IBM User 45 Ode To Menu Systems 46