
                   HOW TO REPORT ON DEVELOPMENT STATUS

                                 Cronic

When  visiting  other  countries it is helpful to have a translator.  So,
when  visiting  DC or related government activities, this guide will help
to better understand the presented briefing or topic.  :-)


Write in your report...                What it means:
-------------------------------        --------------

Essentially complete                   It's half done

Schedule exposure                      It slipped three weeks ago

We predict                             We hope to God

Screen design is lagging               Not a single screen exists

Risk is high but acceptable            100 to 1 odds; or, with 10 times
                                       the budget and 10 times the
                                       people, we stand a 50/50 chance

Potential show stopper                 The team has updated their resumes

Serious, but no insurmountable         It'll take a miracle
problems

Basic agreement reached                The &%$#@'s won't even talk to us

Results are being quantified           We're massaging the numbers so
                                       that they will agree with our
                                       conclusions

Task force to review                   7 people who are incompetent at
                                       their regular jobs have been
                                       loaned to the project

Not well defined                       Nobody's thought about it

Not well understood                    Now that we've thought about it,
                                       we don't want to think about it
                                       anymore

Requires further analysis              Totally out of control
and management attention

Results are encouraging                Power-on produced no smoke

Awaiting installation                  Design package has been thrown 
                                       over fence to operations

Awaiting redlines                      Operations threw it back

Hardware installation complete         It's software's fault

Software installation complete         It's hardware's fault

Hardware and software                  It's operation's fault
installation complete

Software is cycling                    Computer must be rebooted
                                       after each pass

System is ready for delivery           We give up

System was shipped                     It's lost in our warehouse

We would like to offer                 Give us more money and we'll try
                                       to enhancements/upgrades make
                                       it work.

A number of different                  We're still guessing.
approaches are being tried.

An extensive report is being           We just hired three kids right out
prepared for a fresh                   of college.
approach to the problem.

Close project coordination             We know who to blame.

A major technological                  It works okay, but looks very high
breakthrough                           tech.

Customer satisfaction is               We are so far behind schedule the
assured on delivery.                   customer will be happy to get it
                                       at all.

Preliminary operational tests          The damn thing blew up when we
were inconclusive.                     turned it on.

Test results were extremely            We're surprised the stupid thing
gratifying.                            works.

The entire concept will have           The only person who understood
to be abandoned.                       the thing quit.

It's still in process.                 It's so wrapped up in red tape
                                       that the situation is hopeless.

We'll look into it.                    Forget it! We have enough 
                                       problems for now.

Please read and initial.               Let's spread responsibility 
                                       around for the screw up.

Give us the benefit of your            We'll listen to what you have to
thinking.                              say as long as it doesn't 
                                       interfere with what we've already
                                       done.

Give us your interpretation.           I can't wait to hear this BS.

See me, let's discuss it.              Come into my office, I'm lonely.

All new                                Parts not interchangeable with
                                       the previous design.

Rugged                                 Too damn heavy to lift!

Lightweight                            Lighter than RUGGED.

Years of development                   One finally worked.

Energy saving                          Savings are achieved when the 
                                       power switch is off.

Low maintenance                        Impossible to fix if broken.


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