
        TOP TEN VIRUSES THAT AFFECT COMPUTERS ON DR. WHO
 
 10.    The   "Adric"  Virus:   Only  present  if  computer  has  a  math
co-processor.  Appears when computer is used to do advanced calculations.
Whines  a lot.  Similar to both the "Wesley" and the "Perpugilliam Brown"
viruses  (which see).  Can be removed from the system should the computer
ever "crash".

9.   The "Perpugilliam Brown (Peri)" Virus:  Makes computer whine through
speaker  or  sound  card  about  how it doesn't want to do anything, that
application  is  too dangerous, and so on.  Can be stopped temporarily by
running Windows '95 and waiting for system to "choke up," but a permanent
cure  can only be accomplished by removing the CPU and "transplanting" it
to another "alien" computer.

8.   The  "Melanie  Bush"  virus:   produces  continuous shrieking sounds
through  speaker,  and  urges user to exercise.  Can be cured by spilling
carrot juice over keyboard, or by giving the virus to someone else on the
pretext of having the virus keep the victim "honest."

7.  The "Ace" virus:  If angered, your computer blows up!  However, since
it  also  protects  the  computer form any other viruses, many users have
decided  to keep it around.  Cure:  shatter the virus' faith in the user,
and it will go away, but see recommendation.

6.   The  "Dalek" Virus:  Exterminates your hard drive.  Cure:  Introduce
the  "Thal" virus:  the two will cancel each other out leaving the system
free of both Daleks and Thals.

5.   The  "Cyberman"  virus:   Similar to the Borg virus, it is extremely
logical  and  converts  al  your data into copies of itself.  Cure:  blow
gold dust into computer through air vents.

4.   The "Doctor" virus:  comes in 7 or 8 variations, all different, some
more  irritating  than  others.  See notes on the Ace virus.  Cure:  call
the  BBC  for  their  special  "anti-Doctor" virus cleaner called Michael
Grade.

3.   The  "TARDIS" virus:  appears deceptively small at first glance, but
rapidly  expands to become larger than your entire hard drive, *no matter
how  many "gigaquads" you may have.* Has been known to revive a destroyed
copy of the "Doctor" virus.  Cure:  Run "Time Ram" virus cleaner.

2.   The "Sontaran" virus:  clones itself all over the place.  Cure:  get
a  copy of the Rutan virus (see Daleks and Thals above, or run either the
"Demat Gun" or "Probic-Vent" virus cleaners.

AND THE NUMBER ONE VIRUS AFFECTING COMPUTERS ON DOCTOR WHO IS...

1.   The  dreaded  "BBC"  virus:  removes all data from your system, then
claims  your  data  is  merely  on  "hiatus."  It is unknown at this time
whether  the BBC will ever willingly restore your data to you.  Rumor has
it  that  if  this  ever  occurs, your data will be in a new and possibly
strange,  unrecognizable format.  No known cure exists for the BBC virus,
with  the  possible  exception  of the "Amblin" cleaner program, although
this may have a similar effect on your programs.


Awaiting response...  
                        Tammy Potash 
                                EchoTimeLordLyricist

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