 "I was breeding that mold.  Its name was Albert." - Lister
"*That* will really help the centuries fly by." -- Rimmer
"*This* is fun?  Are you mad?" -- Rimmer
"... And fairy stories held me high on clouds of sunlight floating by"
"140,000 rehydratable chickens?" * Rimmer "Check." * Lister
"3 million years in space, nothing!  Then 5 suddenly show up!"
"3 Million years!  I've still got that library book!" * Lister
"6000 IQ isn't that much." -- Holly
"6000 isn't that much." -- Holly
"A bomb!" -- Lister
"A duplicate me!" -- Rimmer
"A soul in tension, thats learning to fly" -Pink Floyd
"A spacesuit with *cufflinks*?!"--Rimmer
"A spacesuit with cuff links?" -- Lister
"AAAAHHHH!  My underpants are alive!  They're shrinking!"
"AAAAHHHH!  My underpants are alive!  They're shrinking!" * Lister
"Ace Rimmer.  Space Corps." -- Ace Rimmer
"Ah.  So you're a waffle man!" -- Talkie Toaster
"Ahead groove factor 5!  Yeah!"  - Holly
"All in all, today's been a bit of a bummer." -- Kryten
"All of this generosity has made me tired!" -- The Cat
"All of this genorosity has made me tired!" * Cat
"All we get is `Mind-that-bus-what-bus-SPLAT!'" -- Rimmer
"All we need to do is make sure we keep talking" -Pink Floyd
"Alright, dudes- what's going down in groove town, then?" -- Holly
"An android would never rip your head off!" -- Kryten
"An excellent suggestion sir, with only two minor flaws...." - Kryten
"And *don't* say `we're going to get through this'!" -- The Cat
"And did they get you to trade your heros for ghosts?" -Floyd
"And I push her to the limit, to see if she will break" -Floyd
"And I'll climb the hill in my own way" -Floyd
"And if I show you my dark side, will you still hold me tonight?" -Floyd
"And in the end it's only round and round.... and round" -Pink Floyd
"And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work."
"And we get the android version of Norman Bates!" * Rimmer
"And what exactly is a dream?   And what exactly is a joke?" -Floyd
"Another Hollywood pretty-boy..." -- Mike Nelson
"Any moment now." -- Rimmer
"April fools!" -- Holly   "But it's not April!" -- Lister
"Are you sure you're sanity chip is fully in?" -- Kryten
"Are you sure your sanity chip is fully in?" -- Kryten
"Arnold Rimmer took the blame." -- Kryten
"As my owner, you have to die with me." -- Kryten
"Assemble for inspection in 20 minutes." -- Rimmer
"At least he gets 24 hours notice." -- Rimmer
"At least we got the matter panel back." -- Kryten
"Begin the day with a friendly voice.": Rush
"Better make myself look *big*!" -- The Cat
"Black card, Lister.  Black card." -- Rimmer
"Blame is better to give than receive." -- Rush
"Breakfast is served, sir." -- Kryten
"Busy restarunt needs dish dirtier." -- Kryten
"Busy restaurant needs dish dirtier." -- Kryten
"But where do all the calculators go?" -- Kryten
"By the cold and religious we were taken in hand" -Floyd
"Call me by the nickname I had in school."   "What, bonehead?"
"Call me by the nickname I had in school." "What, Bonehead?" * Lister
"Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!" -Pink Floyd
"Come on, what are you, a man or a munchkin?"  - Lister
"Computer senility. Such a weird condition."  <Lister>
"Dead?  But i've been only gone for two minutes!" -- Kryten
"Death isn't the handicap it used to be." -- Lister
"Death?  It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans."
"Did someone say they wanted toast?" -- Talkie Toaster
"Do you have a cat?" -- Captain Hollister
"Dog, What's a dog?" * Cat
"Dog?  What's a dog?" -- The Cat
"Don't ask." -- The Cat
"Don't be afraid to care" -Pink Floyd
"Don't forget to write!" -- Rimmer #2
"Don't leave the children on their own, no, no..." -Pink Floyd
"Don't poison my sound waves." * Rimmer
"Don't you remember me?" -- Rimmer
"Eight weeks painting the ship!" -- Rimmer
"Emergency!  Emergency!  There's an emergency going on!" -- Holly
"Even with an IQ of 6000, it's still brown trousers time."
"Everybody's dead... Everybody's dead, Dave." -- Holly
"Everybody, everybody's dead, everybody's dead Dave." * Holly
"Everything's backwards!" -- Rimmer
"Everything's opposite to our universe!" -- Lister
"F-I-S-H.  That's how you spell fish, Rimmer." -- Lister
"Fight that flab!" -- Lister
"Fish!" -- The Cat   "Enjoy your meal." -- Food Dispenser
"Five days to get to and from the cargo decks?" -- Rimmer
"Five fish!  I'll be rich!" * Cat
"Five fish!  I'll be rich!" -- The Cat
"Freeze!  Thank you very much." -- Wax Elvis
"Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun..."
"GASPATCHO SOUP!" -- Rimmer
"Generals don't smash chairs over people's heads!" * Rimmer
"Get Kryten!" -- Lister
"Get the spacesuit." -- Rimmer
"Glory or insanity awaits..." -- Rimmer
"Go on, have a guess." -- Holly
"Going to see `Jaws'?" -- Lister
"Green with apricot?  That just might work!" -- The Cat
"Hands up!" -- Wax Hitler
"Happy DeathDay to Rimmer!" -- Lister, The Cat, and Holly
"Happy DeathDay to Rimmer." * Lister, Cat, & Holly
"Have you seen a man who's lost his luggage?" -- Suitcase
"He is.  That was his first move" -- Holly
"He said you were a fish." * Lister
"He wants you to eat toast all the time!" -- Lister
"He's a Smeeeeeeeeeee..." -- Kryten
"He's a smeg... head!"
"Heaven sent the promised land, looks all right from where I stand"
"Here Mousie!  I only want to be your friend!" -- The Cat
"Here we are now!  Entertain us!"
"Hey you, dont help them to bury the light" -Floyd
"Hey you... did you ever realize what you'd become?" -Pink Floyd
"Hey!  You're ill!" -- The Cat
"Hey, what's that?  It my shadow!" -- The Cat
"Hi!  I'm the Cat!"   "Hi.  I'm the genetic mutant."
"His idea of fun is folding sheets!" -- Rimmer
"His name is Rimmer.  Or Smeghead.  Or Molecule-mind.  Or..."
"His name is Rimmer.  Or Smeghead.  Or Molecule-mind.  Or..." * Lister
"His opposite is a Dog, not a Cat." -- Lister
"Hmmm.  Interesting." -- Kryten
"Holly!  You're a genius!" -- Lister
"Holly's sensed a non-human life form"   "It's Rimmer!"
"Holly's sensed a non-human lifeform"-Hollister..."It's Rimmer!"-Lister
"Holly, did Rimmer ever work in Garbage Disposal?" -- Lister
"Holly, plot a course for Fiji." -- Lister
"Holly, why do we have you running things?" -- Rimmer
"Holly, you jumped-up fil-o-fax!" -- Rimmer
"Hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow"
"How 'bout a muffin?" -- Talkie Toaster
"How am I looking?  I'm looking better than nice!" -- The Cat
"How am I looking?  Looking *nice*!" -- The Cat
"How are you feeling, Mr. Lister, sir?" -- Kryten
"How are you going to pay for that" * Rimmer "You are." * Lister
"How are you going to pay for that" -- Rimmer
"How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear?"
"How would they sell their latest models?" -- Kryten
"How's it gonna transport me?" -- Rimmer
"I *don't* care.  You're the one who's doing the dying!" -- Cat
"I *have* taken the astronavigation exams... Nine times."
"I am Queeg." -- Holly
"I am your god!" -- Lister
"I believe in aliens!" -- Rimmer
"I can lie." -- Kryten
"I can't believe it!  He's fighting with Adolf Hitler!" -- Rimmer
"I can't lie?" -- Kryten
"I can't say I'm suprised." -- Rimmer
"I can't say I'm surprised." -- Rimmer
"I can't _believe_ that I said that!" - Rimmer
"I cannot believe I just said that" -- Rimmer
"I could hardly believe my nose!" -- Lister
"I do believe I'm drunk." -- Kryten
"I DON'T care.  You're the one who's doing the dying!" * Cat
"I dont need no drugs to calm me!" -Pink Floyd
"I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused" -Floyd
"I have an examination tomorrow which I intend to pass."
"I have an IQ of 6,000:  The same IQ as 6,000 P.E. Teachers."
"I haven't the software to deal with this!" -- Kryten
"I just wanted to say... You're a total smeghead!"  - Rimmer's father
"I knew I was lying." -- Kryten
"I know you're dead Rimmer, don't whinge-on about it!" - Lister
"I know you're dead, but you're still a smeghead." * Lister
"I learned to fly in Starbug 2, not 1!"    "They're the same."
"I lied twice" -- Simulant   "I didn't think of that." -- Lister
"I like my food to move!" * Cat
"I must have sucked up a penny." -- Kryten
"I once knew an android whose middle name was 2Q4B." -- Kryten
"I picked up the dice and threw two sixes." -- Rimmer
"I said touch *nothing*!" -- Rimmer
"I should have worn white... it goes with everything!" -- The Cat
"I suppose I should have updated the system." -- Holly
"I think... I think I'm... rebelling" -- Kryten
"I toast, therefore I am." -- Talkie Toaster
"I took the entire room!" -- Lister
"I want my own memory back." * Rimmer
"I want that cat and I want it *now*!" -- Captain Hollister
"I want to learn a new language." -- Rimmer
"I was breeding that mold.  Its name was Albert." * Lister
"I was breeding this mold.  His name was Albert." -- Lister
"I was in love once - a Sinclair ZX-81..."  - Holly
"I win by default." -- Rimmer
"I wish I was someone else.  Then I could kiss myself." -- Cat
"I wonder how I'm looking now?  Still nice!" -- The Cat
"I'd go back to last tuesday." -- Kryten
"I'd love to, ... but the Potato King won't let me." - Rimmer
"I'll get my own breakfast, thank you." -- Lister
"I'm a genius again!" -- Holly
"I'm alive!" -- Rimmer
"I'm bleeding an unfashionable color!" -- The Cat
"I'm blow-drying my hair!" -- The Cat
"I'm claiming all of this as mine!" -- The Cat
"I'm dead.  Dead as a can of SPAM." * Rimmer
"I'm getting a part in the back of my hair!" -- The Cat
"I'm going to remain calm." -- Rimmer
"I'm gonna eat you little fishy!" * Cat
"I'm gonna eat you, little fishy!" -- The Cat
"I'm guessing it's a white hole." -- Kryten
"I'm human." -- Kryten
"I'm looking better than nice!  I'm looking... dangerous!" -- Cat
"I'm looking for a dream I had on the Dream Recorder" -- The Cat
"I'm looking nice, my shadow's looking nice... What a team!"
"I'm looking nice, my shadow's looking nice...What a team!" * Cat
"I'm not the lowest rank on this ship.  What about the mice?"
"I'm not the lowest rank on this ship.  What about the mice?" * Lister
"I'm prepared to take that risk!" -- The Cat
"I'm Queeg 500, the Red Dwarf backup computer." -- Queeg
"I'm really getting the hang of this 'Lie Mode' now!" -- Kryten
"I'm sick of it!" -- Lister
"I'm too flabby!" -- Rimmer  "Yes, fight that flab!" -- Lister
"I've failed, haven't I." -- Kryten
"I've looked over Jordan, and I have seen things are not what they seem"
"If Lister can do it, so can I." -- Rimmer
"If you want to dance, do it over there." -- Rimmer
"Is Holly playing pool with Planets?" * Lister
"Isn't it strange how little we change" -Floyd
"It appears my intelligence circuits have melted." -- Kryten
"It appears my intelligence circuts have melted." -- Kryten
"It is me, Cloister!" -- Lister
"It says your father died peacefully in his jeep... sleep!"
"It says your father died peacefully in his jeep... sleep!"-Lister
"It was almost interfering with the ceiling fan yesterday"
"It's a cat book.  You sniff the lines!" * Cat
"It's a cat book.  You sniff the lines!" -- The Cat
"It's a garbage pod!" -- Rimmer
"It's a garbage pod, Rimmer!  It's a smeggin' garbage pod!"
"It's a little box that goes zzzzzzt!" -- Kryten
"It's a pod!" -- Rimmer
"It's a video of my death." * Rimmer
"It's backwards for 'London' sir." -- Kryten
"It's Bad Buddy!" -- The Cat
"It's dying time!" -- Kryten's Replacement
"It's got nothing to do with past lives!" -- Lister
"It's just like being there!" -- Rimmer
"It's just like I imagined, only much shorter!" -- Kryten
"It's mine!  The fish is mine!" -- The Cat
"It's not cloister, it's Lister!  Lister the stupid!" * Lister
"It's November.  Nearly time for your Bath." * Rimmer
"It's private!" * Rimmer "It's gone public." * Cat
"It's private!" -- Rimmer   "It's gone public." -- The Cat
"It's really going to be one of those days, isn't it?" -- Rimmer
"It's the King!" * Lister's Confidence
"Its not easy banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall"
"Just give me Kochanski!" -- Lister
"Just imagine the floor is Queeg's Face!" -- Rimmer
"Just need something organic." -- Holly
"Laughing too loud at the rest of the world with the boys in the crowd"
"Leaves us drifting in space!" -- Rimmer
"Let's erase our memories." * Lister
"Lister, do you have a cat?" -- Captain Hollister
"Lister, Don't hum, and don't make any noises." * Rimmer
"Lister, have you been in that marijuana gin again?" -- Rimmer
"Lister, I just saw you die." -- Rimmer
"Lister, stop him!  Queeg's making me fit!" -- Rimmer
"Lister, you're a nothing!" -- Rimmer
"Look out Earth, the slime's coming home!" * Lister
"Lose my leg?  None of my suits will fit!" * Cat
"Lose my leg?  None of my suits will fit!" -- The Cat
"Lots of people have died and gone on to do really really well."
"Make them mad, make them sad, make them add two and two" -Floyd
"Mmmm, something smells good!  It's me." -- The Cat
"Mmmmmm, something smells good!  It's me." * Cat
"Mother's gonna put all of her fears into you." - Floyd
"Mother, did it need to be so high?" -Floyd
"Mr. David, sir!" -- Kryten
"Music seems to help the pain... seems to cultivate the brain" -Floyd
"My optical circuits don't seem to have a zoom function."
"My optical circuits don't seem to have a zoom function."-Kryten
"My optical circuts don't seem to have a zoom function."
"My optical circuts don't seem to have a zoom function."-Kryten
"Name's Commander Rimmer.  Ace Rimmer." -- Ace Rimmer
"Name's Lincoln.  Abe Lincoln." -- Wax Lincoln
"Nice cake." * Rimmer  "It was supposed to be meatloaf." * Lister
"Nice cake." -- Rimmer  "It's supposed to be meat loaf." -- Lister
"Nice jump!" -- The Cat
"No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun" -Pink Floyd
"No way are these mine.  These *bend*!" -- Lister
"No way are these mine.  These BEND!"(holding his underwear) * Lister
"Nobody's flushing out my brain!" * Lister
"Nobody's listening to you, Rimmer!" -- Lister
"Not too little, not too much." -- Lister
"Now you have.  It's stereo." -- Rimmer
"Of course mama's gonna help build the wall" -Floyd
"Of COURSE there's a "H" on my forehead you git, I'm DEAD!" * Rimmer
"Of course there's a "H" on my forehead, you git!  I'm dead!"
"Of course there's a "H" on my forehead, you git!  I'm dead!"-Rimmer
"Of course you're tense, you rectum-faced pygmy!" -- Rimmer
"Oh crap.  Not you!" -- Lister
"Oh crap." (Toilet comes from behind wall) "Not you!" * Lister
"Oh, Lister.  You've forgotten the color code!" -- Rimmer
"Oh, Rimmer.  You *are* a smeghead." -- Todhunter
"Ok is NOT a threat, no matter how many a's you put on it." * Rimmer
"One of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces" -Floyd
"Or I may have to eat you." -- The Cat
"Out of 169 people, I rank 169." * Lister
"Oxygen's for losers!" * Lister's confidence
"Rescue him!" -- Rimmer
"Rimmer even had to organize his own suprise Birthday party!"
"Rimmer even had to organize his own surprise Birthday party!"
"Rimmer even had to organize his own surprise Birthday party!" * Lister
"Rimmer, sir, you are a Smeghead." -- Kryten
"Rimmer, you can touch things!" "Why do you think I was so late!"
"Rimmer, you're name was never Ace.  Acehole, maybe." -- Lister
"Samuel Morse invented Morse code.  Plato invented the Plate."
"Samuel Morse invented Morse code.  Plato invented the Plate." * Holly
"Screaming through the starlit sky, travelling by telephone" -Floyd
"Screw down my diodes and call me Frank." -- Kryten
"See this hand?  It is mine.  See these things?  They are mine." * Cat
"See what I mean?  Red with apricot!" -- The Cat
"See what I mean?  Red with aprocot!" -- The Cat
"Set the controls for the heart of the sun" -Floyd
"She was cheap, she was stupid and she wouldn't load..."  - Holly
"Show me some more of this Earth thing called kissing." -- Lister
"Shut up and listen!" -- Lister
"Sir, my intelligence circuits have melted." -- Kryten
"Sir, my intelligence circuts have melted." -- Kryten
"Skutters don't have time off!" * Rimmer
"Sleeping is my 3rd favorite thing!" * Cat
"Sleeping is my third favorite thing!" -- The Cat
"Slobbing in the morning followed by slobbing in the afternoon."
"So it works out then?" -- Lister   "Eventually." -- Kochanski
"So Lister can understand it." * Rimmer "Oh dear..." * Holly
"So what else is new?" -- Talkie Toaster
"Some nice crisp, brown, buttered toast!" -- Talkie Toaster
"Somebody get me a tailor!" -- The Cat
"Something more splendid than heating bread." -- Talkie Toaster
"Spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!"--Kryten
"Stranded in the gas station of love..."
"Such a searing indictment of Hollywood..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Talk about weight off your mind!" -- Lister
"Tear down the wall!" -Floyd
"Thanks for your support." -- Rimmer
"That was first-degree toastercide!" - Talkie Toaster
"That was totally convincing, wasn't it?" -- Kryten
"That will really help the centuries fly-by." * Rimmer
"That's because I'm dead.  Dead as a can of spam."-Rimmer
"That's me in Slo-mo!" -- The Cat
"That's rich, you know, coming from Miss Yo-Yo Knickers."  - Lister
"That's why I had my appendix out... twice." -- Rimmer
"That's your excuse - being dead." * Lister
"The 'H' stands for horrible, right?" * Lister's Confidence
"The bleeding hearts and artists make their stand" -Pink Floyd
"The death ray would be good for Hollywood premiers." -- Crow
"The in-flight magazines will act as a sedative." -- Lister
"The in-flight magazines will act as a seditave." * Lister
"The only notice we get is `Mind that bus-what bus-SPLAT!'"
"The scene they always show on `That's Hollywood'..." -- Nelson
"The `H' stands for horrible, right?" -- Lister's Confidence
"There must be some mistake I didn't mean to let them take away my soul"
"There's nothing small about messing with time!" * Holly
"These shoes look like Frankenstein's hand-me-downs." * Cat
"These shoes look like Frankensteins hand-me-downs." -- The Cat
"These shoes look like Frankstein's hand-me-downs." -- The Cat
"They are wax replica's sir." -- Kryten
"They asked me what I did."   "I said you were a shelf."
"They asked me what I did." * Rimmer "I said you were a shelf." * Lister
"They flutter behind you your possible pasts...." -Pink Floyd
"They must have looked like roast chicken..." -- Rimmer
"They were laughing at me!" -- Rimmer
"They're dead!"   "I was only away for 2 minutes!"
"They're dead." * Rimmer "I was only away for 2 minutes!" * Kryten
"Things are better here!" -- Rimmer
"This banana is an orange." -- Lister
"This bananna is an orange." -- Lister
"This decision could change your life!" -- Rimmer's Mother
"This guy needed a video club card?" -- Rimmer
"This is a 'black card situation, end of conversation'." -- Lister
"This way!" -- The Cat
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day..." -Floyd
"To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow"
"Toy soldiers?" -- Lister
"Training human cogs for the machine ...." -Floyd
"Truth is after all, so poorly lit."  -Neil Peart
"Urine should only be green if you're Mr. Spock." -- Rimmer.
"Us, and them, and after all we're only ordinary men" -Floyd
"Waiting for soemone or something to show you the way" -Floyd
"We could do a mind swap." -- Kryten
"We found a stasis leak on Floor 16." -- Rimmer
"We're getting a signal." -- Holly
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year"
"We've got to do it by the book!" -- Rimmer
"We've short jumped, and we're nowhere near a star." -- Lister
"Welcome my son, welcome to the machine" -Floyd
"Well, it probably *is* deja vu.  It sounds like it." -- Rimmer
"Were a success here, Lister" -- Rimmer
"What a guy!" -- Lister
"What am I going to do?  I am programmed to serve." -- Kryten
"What am I wearing?" -- The Cat
"What are we going to do about Kryten?" -- Rimmer
"What are you talking about, grease stain?" -- The Cat
"What did you see?" -- Lister  "Me!" -- The Cat
"What do you mean you killed him, cha-cha-cha?" * Lister
"What do you see?"   "Ugly black spots!"
"What flavor milk shake?" -- Food Dispenser   "Beer." -- Lister
"What happened to him?" -- Lister
"What is it?" -- Lister   "It's an Orrrrrrrrr." -- Kryten
"What is this?" -- Lister   "It's an apple." -- Kryten
"What it it?" -- The Cat
"What the SMEG!?!" -David Lister
"What time is it?" * Lister  "Saturday." * Rimmer
"What's a Total Immersion Video Game?" -- Rimmer
"What's happening, dudes?" -- Holly
"What's that fragrance?" -- Kryten   "WD40." -- Camille
"When I saw you for the first time," -- The Cat
"Whenever you're around." -- Cat  "Around." -- Lister & Rimmer
"Who cares what its about as long as the kids go?"
"Who woke him up?" -- Holly
"Why am I doing this?" -- Lister
"Why are you painting the walls the same color?" -- Lister
"Why can't we play today?" -Floyd
"Why did you have to bring Rimmer back?" -- Lister
"Why do you have an IQ of 12,000?" -- Talkie Toaster
"Why don't you hand your body in and let them mark that?"
"Why don't you hand your body in and let them mark that?"-Lister
"Why don't you?" -- Lister  "I don't know how." -- Holly
"Why is it raining fish?" * Rimmer
"Will you just try to get me some black coffee?" -- Lister
"Would you like some toast?" -- Talkie Toaster
"Yeooow!  I'm looking good today!" * Cat
"Yeow!  I'm looking good today!" -- The Cat
"Yes, I expect they cured death the instant we left Earth."
"Yes, Mister Lister Sir!  Practice, Rimmer, makes perfect."
"Yes, Mister Lister Sir!  Practice, Rimmer, makes perfect."-Lister
"Yo, Todhunter!  Get down!" -- Lister
"You are going to invent the Tension Sheet." -- Rimmer
"You are uneasy.  You have never sailed with *me* before, I see."
"You better not miss!" -- Rimmer
"You borrowed money from me to buy me a birthday present!"
"You borrowed money from me to buy me a birthday present!" * Lister
"You call this happiness?" -- Rimmer
"You can access a third reality with this procedure!"
"You can do anything!" -- Lister's Confidence
"You can hardly tell you have space mumps at all!" -- Kryten
"You can hide, hide, hide, behind paranoid eyes" -Floyd
"You can tell all that from a photograph?" -- The Cat
"You can't go there!"   "Why Not?"   "Orange?  With this suit?"
"You can't have my shiny thing!" * Cat
"You can't sing you know." -- Talkie Toaster
"You didn't have the right parents?  Whose did you have?"
"You didn't have the right parents?  Whose did you have?" * Lister
"You followed me!" -- Rimmer
"You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking" -Floyd
"You had hallucinations.  They were solid." -- Rimmer
"You Livies hate us Deadies." -- Rimmer
"You must obey the company's regulations, and out here, I am."
"You really can clone yourself from your dandruff?" * Cat
"You really can clone yourself from your dandruff?" -- The Cat
"You should have finished on a song!" * Cat
"You should have finished on a song!" -- The Cat
"You should read your shirt.  It's probably a novel!" * Rimmer
"You sound like a TV series!" * Rimmer
"You spoke to 5 people and they all comitted suicide!" * Lister
"You spoke to 5 people and they all committed suicide!" -- Lister
"You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom...."
"You're copying the whole textbook onto your body" * Lister
"You're going to fry an egg with a Hair Dryer?" * Lister
"You're just going to say no, right Rimmer?" -- Lister
"Your buckets being kicked, baby!"
"Your Kryten android is nearing the end of it's life."
"Your name was never Ace.  Maybe Ace-Hole." * Lister
"Your stomach's growling."   "My stomach's rotting."
*I'm* space crazy! --Lister.
*That* will really help the centuries fly by. --Rimmer.
*This* is fun? Are you mad? --Rimmer.
140,000 rehydratable chickens? --Rimmer. Check. --Lister.
3 Million years! I've still got that library book! --Lister.
6000 isn't that much. --Holly.
<KISS!> "That was for saving my cat."  -- Catwoman, BTAS
A bomb! --Lister.
A computer's got to do what a computer's got to do. --Holly.
A duplicate me! --Rimmer.
A Gay's First Aid Kit, Vaseline and listerine.
A spacesuit with cufflinks? --Lister.
AAAAHHHH! My underpants are alive! They're shrinking! --Lister.
Ace Rimmer. Space Corps. --Ace Rimmer.
All we get is `Mind-that-bus-what-bus-SPLAT!' --Rimmer.
Alright, dudes- what's going down in groove town, then? --Holly.
An android would never rip your head off! --Kryten.
An excellent suggestion sir, with only two minor flaws.... --Kryten.
And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work. --Rimmer.
And we get the android version of Norman Bates! --Rimmer.
Another Red Dwarf Fan? It MUST be spreading as a disease!
Any moment now. --Rimmer.
April fools! Holly But it's not April! --Lister.
Are you sure you're sanity chip is fully in? --Kryten.
Are you sure your sanity chip is fully in? --Kryten.
ARIA: Italian for "song that will not end in your lifetime."
Arnold J. Rimmer, BSC, SSC. Bronze Swimming Certificate.
Arnold Rimmer took the blame. --Kryten.
As my owner, you have to die with me. --Kryten.
At least he gets 24 hours notice. --Rimmer.
At least in prison you look forward to getting out. --Lister.
At least we got the matter panel back. --Kryten.
Attack of the Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers!
BANG! That's it. Look out, a meteor is about to hit the ship. --Holly.
Boiled chicken ovulations, delicious. --Kryten.
Breakfast is served, sir. --Kryten.
Breathe Deep, The Gathering Gloom...
Brutal tattoo, man.  What's it stand for?  Heavy metal?--young Lister
Busy restaurant needs dish dirtier. --Kryten.
But @TOFIRST@, you ARE a smeghead. --Lister.
But where do all the calculators go? --Kryten.
BYRNE, BABY, *BYRNE*!!!
Call me by the nickname I had in school. What, bonehead? --Lister.
Clear? --Holly. No. --Lister. Tough. --Holly.
Dave Lister: Homo Sapien - Barely Human.
Dead? But I've been only gone for 2 minutes! --Kryten.
Dead? But I've been only gone for two minutes! --Kryten.
Death isn't the handicap it used to be in the olden days. --Lister.
Death isn't the handicap it used to be. --Lister.
Do you have a cat? --Captain Hollister.
Don't forget to write! --Rimmer #2.
Don't poison my sound waves. --Rimmer.
Don't you remember me? --Rimmer.
Eight weeks painting the ship! --Rimmer.
Engage panic Circuits. Panic circuits engaged. AAARRRGh! --Kryten.
Even with an IQ of 6000 it's still brown trousers time. --Holly.
Everybody's dead... Everybody's dead, Dave. --Holly.
Everybody, everybody's dead, everybody's dead Dave. --Holly.
Everyone who is alive, please raise your hand. See, told ya, --Rimmer.
Everything's backwards! --Rimmer.
Everything's opposite to our universe! --Lister.
F-I-S-H. That's how you spell fish, Rimmer. --Lister.
F-I-S-H. That's how you spell fish. --Lister.
F-I-S-H. That's how you spell fish. --Rimmer.
FidoNet Just *is* -- it's a Zen thing. --Holly Sullivan.
Fight that flab! --Lister.
Five days to get to and from the cargo decks? --Rimmer.
GASPATCHO SOUP! --Rimmer.
Generals don't smash chairs over people's heads! --Rimmer.
Get Kryten! --Lister.
Go for your guns you scum sucking mollusks! --Kryten.
Go on, have a guess. --Holly.
Go,Go Johnny, go go go.. g..damn, broke another string!
Going to see `Jaws'? --Lister.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer...
Happy Death Day to Rimmer! --Lister, The Cat, and Holly.
Happy DeathDay to Rimmer. --Lister, Cat, and Holly.
He is. That was his first move --Holly.
He said you were a fish. --Lister.
He thought a glacier was a bloke who fixed windows! --Rimmer
He wants you to eat toast all the time! --Lister.
He's a Smeeeeeeeeeee... --Kryten.
He's right. You are a smeghead. --Lister.
Higher than a hippy the 3rd day of an open air festival. --Kryten.
His idea of fun is folding sheets! --Rimmer.
His name is Rimmer. Or Smeghead. Or Molecule-mind. Or... --Lister.
His opposite is a Dog, not a Cat. --Lister.
Hmmm. Interesting. --Kryten.
Holly! You're a genius! --Lister.
Holly's sensed a non-human life form It's Rimmer!
Holly, did Rimmer ever work in Garbage Disposal? --Lister.
Holly, plot a course for Fiji. --Lister.
Holly, why do we have you running things? --Rimmer.
Holly, you jumped-up Fil-o-fax! --Rimmer.
How are you feeling, Mr. Lister, sir? --Kryten.
How are you going to pay for that --Rimmer.
How would they sell their latest models? --Kryten.
How's it gonna transport me? --Rimmer.
I *have* taken the astronavigation exams... NINE times. --Rimmer.
I am Kryten of Borg: It's against my programming to assimilate a human.
I am Lister of Borg: I wish I'd assimilated Christine Kachansky.
I am Queeg. --Holly.
I am Rimmer of Borg: You would be assimilated if you weren't a git!
I am Toaster of Borg: Care for some toast before you're assimilated.
I am Toaster of Borg: It is useless to resist my offerings of toast.
I am Toaster of Borg: Resistance is useless. You will eat toast.
I am your god! --Lister.
I believe in aliens! --Rimmer.
I can lie. --Kryten.
I can't believe it! He's fighting with Adolf Hitler! --Rimmer.
I can't lie? --Kryten.
I can't say I'm surprised. --Rimmer.
I can't _believe_ that I said that! --Rimmer.
I could hardly believe my nose! --Lister.
I do believe I'm drunk. --Kryten.
I gave you AMPLE bracing time. --Rimmer.
I got everything up to the part about `Now listen closely' --The Cat.
I have an IQ of 6,000: The same IQ as 6,000 P.E. Teachers. --Holly.
I haven't the software to deal with this! --Kryten.
I knew I was lying. --Kryten.
I know you're dead Rimmer, don't whinge-on about it! --Lister.
I know you're dead, but you're still a smeghead. --Lister.
I know you're omnipotent, but you're still a smeghead. --Lister to Q.
I lied twice --Stimulant. I didn't think of that. --Lister.
I lied twice. --Simulant. I didn't think of that. --Lister.
I must have sucked up a penny. --Kryten.
I once knew an android whose middle name was 2Q4B. --Kryten.
I picked up the dice and threw two sixes. --Rimmer.
I said touch *nothing*! --Rimmer.
I suppose I should have updated the system. --Holly.
I suppose in many ways I should have updated the system, really--Holly
I think... I think I'm... rebelling. --Kryten.
I took the entire room! --Lister.
I want my own memory back. --Rimmer.
I want that cat and I want it *now*! --Captain Hollister.
I want that cat and I want it NOW! --Capt. Hollister.
I want to learn a new language. --Rimmer.
I was breeding that mold. Its name was Albert. --Lister.
I was breeding this mold. His name was Albert. --Lister.
I win by default. --Rimmer.
I'd go back to last Tuesday. --Kryten.
I'll get my own breakfast, thank you. --Lister.
I'm a genius again! --Holly.
I'm alive! --Rimmer.
I'm dead. Dead as a can of spam. --Rimmer.
I'm going out like I came in, kicking and screaming. --Lister.
I'm going to remain calm. --Rimmer.
I'm guessing it's a white hole. --Kryten.
I'm human. --Kryten.
I'm not the lowest rank on this ship. What about the mice? --Lister.
I'm sick of it! -- Lister.
I'm so excited all six of my nipples are tingling. --The Cat
I'm too flabby! --Rimmer. Yes, fight that flab! --Lister.
I've failed, haven't I. --Kryten.
If I had a hammer, I'd kill all the folk singers.
If Lister can do it, so can I. --Rimmer.
If you want to dance, do it over there. --Rimmer.
Is Holly playing pool with planets? --Lister.
Is that a cigarette you're smoking? No, it's a chicken. --Rimmer.
It appears my intelligence circuits have melted. --Kryten.
It is me, Cloister! --Lister.
It turned me into Dwayne Dibbley, The Duke of Dork! --The Cat.
It was one of the first songs I ever wrote. I called it OM.--Lister
It's a garbage pod, Rimmer! It's a smeggin' garbage pod!
It's a little box that goes zzzzzzt! --Kryten.
It's a pod! --Rimmer.
It's a video of my death. --Rimmer.
It's backwards for 'London' sir. --Kryten.
It's dying time! --Kryten's Replacement.
It's got nothing to do with past lives! --Lister.
It's Holly Goweirdly!
It's just like being there! --Rimmer.
It's just like I imagined, only much shorter! --Kryten.
It's like trying to find a fart in a jaccuzi. -Lister
It's like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi. --Lister.
It's not Cloister, it's Lister! Lister the stupid! --Lister.
It's November. Nearly time for your bath. --Rimmer.
It's private! --Rimmer It's gone public. --The Cat.
It's private! --Rimmer. It's gone public. --Cat.
It's the King! --Lister's Confidence.
Just give me Kochanski! --Lister.
Just imagine the floor is Queeg's Face! --Rimmer.
Just need something organic. --Holly.
KRYTEN! Unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit! --Rimmer.
Kryten, I'm an enlightened twenty-third century guy. --Lister.
Leaves us drifting in space! --Rimmer.
Let's erase our memories. --Lister.
Lister and Mum. It's a dream come true. --Rimmer.
Lister, do you have a cat? --Captain Hollister.
Lister, don't hum, and don't make any noises. --Rimmer.
Lister, have you been in that marijuana gin again? --Rimmer.
Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?
Lister, I just saw you die. --Rimmer.
Lister, stop him! Queeg's making me fit! --Rimmer.
Lister, you're a nothing! --Rimmer.
ListerDOS 6.0: (E)at curry, (D)rink lager, (N)eglect to wash underpants.
ListerDOS: (G)rab bazookoid, (O)ptimism mode-grin, (A)sk Holly
Look out Earth, the slime's coming home! --Lister.
Mr. David, sir! --Kryten.
My heavens...I'm Human... --Kryten.
Name's Commander Rimmer. Ace Rimmer. --Ace Rimmer.
Names, Places, Times. Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning!
Nice cake. ---Rimmer. It's supposed to be meatloaf. --Lister.
Nice cake. --Rimmer. It was supposed to be meatloaf. --Lister.
Nice cake. Rimmer. It's supposed to be meatloaf. --Lister.
No way are these mine. These *bend*! --Lister.
No way are these mine. These BEND! (holding his underwear).  --Lister.
No way are these my shorts. These bend! --Lister.
No, you gimboid! * Rimmer
Nobody's flushing out my brain! --Lister.
Nobody's listening to you, Rimmer! --Lister.
Not too little, not too much. --Lister.
Now you have. It's stereo. --Rimmer.
Of COURSE there's a H on my forehead you git, I'm DEAD! --Rimmer.
Of course you're tense, you rectum-faced pygmy! --Rimmer.
Oh Rimmer. You _are_ a smeghead. --Todhunter.
Oh, go on then. Shake your head and walk out! --Lister.
Oh, Lister. You've forgotten the color code! --Rimmer.
Oh, Rimmer. You *are* a smeghead. --Todhunter.
Ok is NOT a threat, no matter how many a's you put on it. --Rimmer.
Ok, so you're dead. You don't have to whinge on about it. --Lister.
Origin: The mining ship Red Dwarf
Out of 169 people, I rank 169. --Lister.
Oxygen's for losers! --Lister's Confidence.
Oxymoron: Rap music!
Pearls-o-wisdom from Mr. Fried-Egg-Chili-Chutney Sandwich Face.
Rameses Niblick III, Ker-plunk, Ker-plunk, Whoops Where's My Thribble?
Rescue him! --Rimmer.
Rimmer even had to organize his own surprise Birthday party! --Lister.
Rimmer's dad died. --Lister. Well, I prefer chicken. --The Cat.
Rimmer, I suppose)
Rimmer, sir, you are a Smeghead. --Kryten.
Rimmer, you can touch things! Why do you think I was so late!
Rimmer, you're name was never Ace. Acehole, maybe. --Lister.
RimmerDOS 6.0: (G)oit, (G)it, (G)imboid, (G)imp, (A)ll of the above.
Samuel Morse invented Morse code. Plato invented the Plate. --Holly.
Sandman: Exit light, enter night
Sen-smeggin-sational... <Rimmer>
She always called me Rimmer. To rhyme with scum. --Rimmer.
Should have thought a bit harder about that speech, really...--Rimmer
Show me some more of this Earth thing called kissing. --Lister.
Shut up and listen! --Lister.
Sir, my intelligence circuits have melted. --Kryten.
Sir,with the utmost respect,that is complete and utter shash. --Kryten.
Skutters don't have time off! --Rimmer.
Smoke me a kipper !..... "what a guy" - Ace Rimmer visits Red Dwarf
So it works out then? --Lister. Eventually. --Kochanski.
So Lister can understand it. --Rimmer. Oh dear. --Holly.
Someday the rains will come; my blistered hands tell me.
Sorry...I must have bypassed my good taste chip. -- Kryten
Spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska! --Kryten.
Talk about weight off your mind! --Lister.
Thank heaven you've still got all your marbles. --Rimmer.
Thanks for your support. --Rimmer.
That was totally convincing, wasn't it? --Kryten.
That will really help the centuries fly-by. --Rimmer.
That's Adolph Hitler--leader of the runner up in WWII.-- Rimmer
That's because I'm dead. Dead as a can of spam.-Rimmer
That's mine and that's mine and that's mine... --The Cat.
That's why I had my appendix out... twice. --Rimmer.
That's your excuse... being dead. --Lister.
The 'H' stands for horrible, right? --Lister's Confidence.
The Bulls are gonna get blistered by the Suns!
The in-flight magazines will act as a sedative. --Lister.
The military mouthwash: Enlistermint.
The `H' stands for horrible, right? --Lister's Confidence.
There's nothing small about messing with time! --Holly.
There's someone in my head, but it's not me... - Pink Floyd
They asked me what I did. --Rimmer. I said you were a shelf. --Lister.
They must have looked like roast chicken. --Rimmer.
They were laughing at me! --Rimmer.
They're dead. --Rimmer. I was only away for 2 minutes! --Kryten.
Things are better here! --Rimmer.
This banana is an orange. --Lister.
This decision could change your life! --Rimmer's Mother.
This guy needed a video club card? --Rimmer.
This is a 'black card situation, end of conversation'. --Lister.
This is a recording. I'm afraid Holly is busy at the moment. --Holly.
This is all your fault, you little glob of tuberculoid sputum. --Kryten.
This is an SOS Call from the mining ship Red Dwarf
THIS is fun? Are you mad? --Rimmer.
This old baby's crashed more times than a ZX-81! --Kryten.
Tomorrow I'm gonna see if I can have sex with something. --The Cat.
Toy soldiers? --Lister.
Urine should only be green if you're Mr. Spock. --A. Rimmer.
Urine should only be green if you're Mr. Spock. --Rimmer.
We could do a mind swap. --Kryten.
We found a stasis leak on Floor 16. --Rimmer.
We're a success here, Lister --Rimmer.
We're getting a signal. --Holly.
We've got to do it by the book! -- Rimmer
We've short jumped, and we're nowhere near a star. --Lister.
Well to coin a phrase, Whoops!- Kryten
Well, gentlemen--just enough time for me to say toodlie pipsky--Rimmer
Well, gentlemen. Just enough time to say toodlie pipsky. --Lister.
Well, it probably *is* deja vu. It sounds like it. --Rimmer.
Were a success here, Lister. --Rimmer.
What a guy! --Lister.
What am I going to do? I am programmed to serve. --Kryten.
What are we going to do about Kryten? --Rimmer.
What did you see? --Lister. Me! --The Cat.
What do you mean you `Killed him, cha-cha-cha'? --Lister.
What do you want on your corn flakes dear? More mail please. --Lister?
What flavor milkshake? --Food dispenser. Beer. --Lister.
What happened to him? --Lister.
What is this? --Lister. It's an apple. --Kryten.
What time is it? --Lister. Saturday. --Rimmer.
What's a Total Immersion Video Game? --Rimmer.
What's happening, dudes? --Holly.
What's that fragrance? --Kryten. WD40. --Camille.
Whenever you're around. --Cat. Around. --Lister and Rimmer.
Whenever you're around. --The Cat. Around. --Lister and Rimmer.
Why are you painting the walls the same color? --Lister.
Why did you have to bring Rimmer back? --Lister.
Why don't you? Lister I don't know how. --Holly.
Why is it raining fish? --Rimmer.
Will you just try to get me some black coffee? --Lister.
Yes, I expect they cured death the instant we left Earth. --Rimmer.
Yes, Mister Lister Sir! Practice, Rimmer, makes perfect.
Yo, Todhunter! Get down! --Lister.
You are going to invent the Tension Sheet. --Rimmer.
You better not miss! --Rimmer.
You borrowed money from me to buy me a birthday present! --Lister.
You call this happiness? --Rimmer.
You can do anything! --Lister's Confidence.
You can hardly tell you have space mumps at all! --Kryten.
You can't whack death over the head! --Rimmer.
You didn't have the right parents? Whose did you have? --Lister.
You followed me! --Rimmer.
You gimboid, that's a Blue Wave headed for the Red Dwarf!
You guys have got to be yanking my chain! - Lister
You had hallucinations. They were solid. --Rimmer.
You KNOW what happens when you call me 'tetchy'. --Kryten.
You Livies hate us Deadies. --Rimmer.
You must think me as stupid as a photocopier. --Kryten.
You should read your shirt. It's probably a novel! --Rimmer.
You sound like a TV series! --Rimmer.
You spoke to 5 people and they all committed suicide! --Lister.
You taught Kryten that? You two should audition for What's my fruit!
You're born and you die. The bit in between is called life. --Lister.
You're copying the whole textbook onto your body --Lister.
You're going to fry an egg with a Hair Dryer? --Lister.
You're just going to say no, right Rimmer? --Lister.
You're space crazy. --Rimmer.
Your bucket's been kicked, baby. --Rimmer.
Your name was never Ace. Maybe Ace-Hole. --Lister.
^ as we dance to the masochism tango ^ - T. Lehrer
`we have in our midst a complete smegpot!'- Dave Lister
